Any Witches Here?- Part 18

[speakout]

Or Wiccans. or Pagans? Or anyone who is interested in a magical path or feels some magical stirrings.
A place for support, learning, swapping ideas and magical inspiration..
This is the 17th thread- anyone looking for a deep dive into juicy magical topics may like to browse previous threads.....
It is a long list!!
Part 1 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3241689-Any-witches-here?pg=1
Part 2
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3338025-Any-Witches-Here-Part-2?pg=1
Part 3
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3366411-Any-Witches-Here-Part-3?pg=1
Part 4
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3404406-Any-Witches-Here-Part-4-Edited-by-MNHQ?pg=1
Part5
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3437092-Any-Witches-Here-Part-5?pg=1
Part 6 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3482023-Any-Witches-Here-Part-6?pg=1
Part 7 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3520269-Any-Witches-Here-Part-7?pg=1
Part 8 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/a3568622-Any-Witches-Here-Part-8?pg=1
Part 9 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3637696-Any-Witches-Here-Part-9?pg=1
Part 10
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3726266-Any-Witches-Here-Part-10
Part 11
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3850635-Any-Witches-Here-Part-11
Part 12
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3997761-Any-Witches-Here-Part-12
Part 13 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4116107-Any-Witches-here-Part-13
Part 14www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4213962-Any-Witches-Here-Part-14
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4328830-Any-Witches-Here-Part-15?msgid=113505801
www.mumsnet.com/talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4435233-Any-Witches-Here-Part-16?page=40&reply=118807589

www.mumsnet.com/talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4598225-any-witches-here-part-17?page=40&reply=122990208

Glad to hear Mr C is starting to feel a little better Craftycorvid, I am glad you are listening to your body and doing what you need right now.
Sorry to hear you have a cold, the attendance issues at school sound challenging.
Schools vary in their understanding and support of student I think.
Hard for you too, it's a fine balance between trying to force your DC to school while also taking his feelings into account.
It isn't anything to to with being a good or bad mother- I am sure you are doing a great job. X
Maintaining a good relationship with your DS during this is paramount though, he is struggling and needs your advocacy.
Children will have a reason for refusing school, and ideally the school should be working with you to support you and him. Unfortunately some shools are very hung up on attendance and will use punitive measures instead of working with the student and family.

It has been a cool wet day here, a lovely yoga class and for some reason the subject of witchcraft and the burning times came up as we finished class.
Several of us continued the conversation, talked about local witch executions, the heinous crimes of the church, and various sites women who are remembered.

It was very heartening to hear the views of the other women- all disgusted and saddened by local events.
It's good to know there is a pro- witch community around me!

Good evening all 😊

@Hedjwitch I love the thought of making salves and oils from herbs. Do you use a particular resource for that or are they your own recipes?

@ISaySteadyOn sorry to hear what you're going thorugh at the minute. Suffice to say, you are enough and more power to you momma xx

@speakout the witch burnings are just so unfathomably abhorrent. Our ancestors of creative women, alpha females, neurodiverse women, disabled women, strong women anyone who didn't fit the mould... whilst i try to resist buying excessive stuff off the internet (sometimes unsuccessfully) the t-shirt I keep seeing "we are the daughters of the witches you tried to burn" really speaks to me.

I've had various layers of work stress these past few weeks. Really feeling the need to get into my body and move more. I must get into the habit of doing yoga again. I want to try kundalini yoga so may find a video on YouTube (any recommendations?)

@ISaySteadyOn you are being an amazing mother, supporting your child while they navigate anxiety. I know everyone keeps throwing out the pandemic as a 'reason' but it has genuinely disrupted their childhood and development and my teaching friends all say they are really seeing a difference in the children over the last two academic years.
I have to say that even as an adult I find the constant disruption of routine in the school week so hard. With trips, sports events, wear your own clothes, and all manner of other things thrown in at a week or sometimes just days notice I am floundering.
I just want to send my child off in his uniform every day!! This week - yesterday was changed to PE kit for a 'fun park day', then I have had to clean and dry (non tumble dry and I cannot just turn my heating on for an hour) the kit for today which is actually PE day. But they are having a water fight this afternoon, so need a full set of spare clothes - including shoes they can get wet. We don't have 'spare' shoes, because my son's disability means we have to buy two pairs for sizing for each pair! And because it was such short notice I couldn't even go out and buy a cheap pair of plimsolls (nor do I want to waste the money)

Oh that turned into a rant!
I found our chest freezer completely defrosted yesterday, lost everything. Then asbo neighbour was being a pain so I had to call and then have a visit from the police. I am absolutely desperate for life to just be calm and quiet and trouble free for a few days.

Good to see you BlurpBlorp.
I have had my eye on that message/print too. There are some lovely framed posters and images on wish/etsy etc, I was looking only yesterday at one for my kitchen.
You are so right about women who didn't fit the mould.
Women who dared to speak up, had courage, were labelled as having a sharp tongue. Strength and courage were undesirable in women.
I know a few local women who were executed, and many of them were self-sufficient, living alone and independent.
That alone made them a target for the church.
Assets of an executed witch became church property, too tainted to be passed to family, (not too tainted for the church to fill their cellars with fine port wine though.)
I have finished listening to Witch on Radio 4, it was very informative and considered, found a good balance, I enjoyed it.

I know using the word witch is a difficult one.
Most of the women killed during the burning times would not have called themselves such, I know the Witches of Scotland project have mixed views about the term. Many there feel that it was simply women who were killed, none of them "witches".
I also know that many people nowadays use the word witch as a slur or insult.
Some people think that using the term is appropriation.
The word witch still arouses emotion, fear, sadness.
I would be interested to hear what others think.
I use the term witch to describe myself, but I know the word is very loaded.
Perhaps that is part of why I use the word. Because it does arouse emotion, part of me feels that I am reclaiming the term, bringing it out from a place of fear and trying to normalise it.
I am still exploring in my own mind, and would be very interested in other views.

I feel a bit of Devon Cole coming on............

O

@BlurpBlorp . I started off following instructions in some of the books Iisted earlier in the thread. Then as I got more k iwledgeable and confident,started creating my own combinations based on what had worked and what didnt. I make sample sizes and alter maybe one ingredient then give two different ones for ftiends to try and get feedback. My eczema cream so far has had calendula,yarrow and chickwed as the base oil so I keep tweaking as I go.
Just be careful of quantities. Keep to a fixed ratio of amounts. Adding extra drops of something...even something "good" ...can tip the balance of whether the product works or not.

Erkkk was feeling better today and then my little cat threw up dramatically six times in fifteen minutes - nine times in total in under an hour today. Vets were brilliant and she has settled this eve but my nerves are shredded! Currently eating dinner i have attempted to stir some calm and soothing feelings into, and trying not to check on her every 30 seconds. She is a true familiar and we're usually very good at communicating with each other but how I wish cats spoke English!

I think I had other things I wanted to come and tell you all but my brain is frazzled so dinner, early night and hopefully tomorrow will be better. Am learning you really don't know what's going to happen when you wake up each morning, do you?!

Good morning, all, I love reading all your reflections on what it means to own the name of Witch/witch. And I must check out that video link @speakout

On the theme of not knowing what the coming day will bring, @hilariousnamehere I hope your little familiar is on the mend now. My day sort of unravelled on Monday as Mr C has what is medically defined as a ‘funny do’ that didn’t resolve itself. He became increasingly confused and couldn’t stand or walk. When the paramedics assessed him, they couldn’t see any sign of a stroke and now that he’s back in hospital, CT scans and all the rest didn’t show anything of that nature either. So far, no one knows what’s going on with the old chap. We had just about 20 hours in A&E shuffling slowly towards a bed on the acute admissions unit. Mr C was not very comfortable, but dozed a lot of the time. He does know he’s in hospital and he is a lot less ‘out of it’ now but only several hours after the event he didn’t recall having a sandwich for lunch and complaining about lack of pickle! There have, in the midst of a rather grim day, been a few moments of laughter. Mr C at one point remarked to me that hospitals ‘smell like carnivals’ which is certainly something to ponder, and we have had a few tussles trying to get him upright that had both me and the nurse giggling at the absurdity of it all. So to today: I’m off to the hospital later this morning to see what unfolds. Your best spiritual vibes would be appreciated.

I am sending love and support Craftycorvid, I am sorry to hear you had such a challenging day yesterday. I hope today yields some insight and resolution. Supporting someone we love can be hard.

I am struggling too a little, my DD is putting increasing pressure on me to hold a birthday party at my home for my mother, who has a "big" birthday soon.
I fear I am at the limit of my caring and giving capacity, especially with all the drama of the past 3 months. My son isn't doing great at the moment either.

I work hard to find balance, but in truth I am usually just this side of holding it all together while finding a semblence of joy, time and self compassion. I try to prioritise my own MH, while seeing to the needs of everyone else.
I also work full time.

My mother's carers have now stopped, and I have to deal with all that is needing doing on a daily basis for my DM and DS.
So all the food shopping and prep, laundry, sorting out financials ( for both of them, my DS is in a mess with the banK).
Keeing on top of medications, giving lifts, talking to physios, arranging meetings, phoning GPs. My DM has had 2 falls in the past 4 weeks, having ambulances, follow ups with doctors.

Add into the mix that my DM and I have a pretty bad relationship, my OH is often embarrassed at the way she speaks to me.

The thought of throwing a party fills me with dread. I don't feel I have much more to give.
A party would mean a lot of prep, cleaning the house, buying and orgaining people and food, giving lifts for guests each way, clearing up.

My DD is pushing me hard - she said yesterday that she would bring a balloon arch for the garden, and we could erect gazebos.
I have suggested a meal out at a local restaurant, I can get a cake made, have a fancy lunch.
She thinks I am being mean, her dear old gran, recently been ill, deserves a fun day. We ended a phone conversation tersley yesterday, which is sad, DD and I have such a good relationship.

I tend not to tell my DD about how overwhelmed I feel at times. I had zero support from my own mother from a young age, and want to give my own children the support I never had.
I probably seem like a swan gliding through life, she doesn't realise the frantic paddling that is going on under the water to keep myself afloat.
I am sorry for the rant, but I feel so pushed into a corner right now. I have zero appetite to throw a party, and if I don't I will feel that I have failed others.

Why is life so difficult and complicated!

I don’t post much on this thread but read regularly. I really feel for you @speakout . You give and give constantly, but everyone has their limits and you have reached yours. It sounds to me like you’ve tried to protect your daughter from knowing the full extent of your own childhood trauma and how poorly you get on with your mother . She’s an adult and maybe it is time to sit her down and explain how hard things are for you and how little you have left in the tank. She needs to know. You have done a wonderful thing in having your mother home after her stroke. Your efforts have been heroic.
If your daughter wants to celebrate her grandmothers birthday, why didn’t she take her gran out alone and have a nice meal ? It doesn’t need to include anyone else or require any effort from you. You’ve done enough. Stand firm, you don’t need to do this and your relationship with your daughter shouldn’t require that you martyr yourself constantly for others . Sit her down and tell her firmly that if she wants to celebrate your mothers birthday she should take her out herself. Don’t feel guilty and don’t feel you need to justify your stance. However maybe it really is time to make your daughter aware of how you are really feeling generally instead of just soldiering on.

Agreed with @BeautifulDayintheneighbourhood - we all have completely different relationships, lived histories and attitudes towards the same family members and experiences. Your daughter has a cherished grandma, and that’s fine, but she can’t recruit you into her experience. Your mum may, of course, have put her own ‘spin’ on matters that your daughter has absorbed. If your daughter wants to mark the birthday, great, she is free to do that. It sounds as if this big celebration is also a way of your daughter sidestepping some problems of her own, and that’s understandable. But you have needs and feelings of your own that matter, too.

Thank you both for your kind words.
Really helped a lot.
Craftycorvid the problems that my DD may have- are you talking about the relationship she has with my mother?

I'm so sorry things have been so rough for some of you. @speakout - your efforts are heroic. Caring is hard.

It's been strange, humid weather and has the strange, paradoxical effect of making me listless, but sort of restless at the same time. On Monday I visited my standing stone and sacred well - this time I took DH with me as well and he was captivated by the magic of the place. We then went to enjoy the healing tonic of some north sea breeze at the headland.

Hit 'Enter' too soon.

We are coping with and adjusting to our situation, and at present are so very thankful DH's cancer was caught in time. My cousin has the same type of cancer, and his had spread and was showing symptoms before anything was done. I'm very fearful for him.

I hope everyone else is keeping okay.

I agree with the other two posts and in fact was going to say similar myself but had to go out on the school run.

Have you shielded your daughter from the reality of your relationship with your mother? I completely understand if you have - I do similar. My mother is an outstanding Grandparent, my children have not needed to know about the conflicts of my own relationship with her.
But actually I had to tell my older son, because things were starting to impact me. He understands.
Only you can judge whether an open and honest conversation with your DD is appropriate, but my own opinion is that you should tell her just enough to hopefully help her understand why she needs to accept the times you say no.

The other side to this is that my own mother was so keen not to influence my view of my paternal Grandmother (who was estranged from me until my early 20s) that there was a very real risk of me being damaged by her. She was a vile, abusive narcissist who externally was very charming. As it happens I saw through it very quickly, but had I not been so astute it could have been a very different story.

As always I know you will take our words on board and do what is best for your own family and particularly yourself.

There is the tricky balance between "protecting" and "babying". The point at which it shifts from one to the other is almost impossible to see other than with hindsight. With many things as our children grow up and become adults we have to do our best to let go our need to protect them from reality, and let them find their own way to process this.
Unfortunately part of this process is also our own ability to give up our control of knowledge and responsibility; and in some circumstances forces us to face our own weakness and mortality. Which is super hard for anyone to do.

Speakout I am sure that you will find a way to resolve the situation with your daughter.

I have been under a massive flare that has stolen my energy and ability to do the last 2 weeks. So i don't have much to spare, but sharing what strength and determination i have with those that need it today.

I'm sorry to hear that so many of you are struggling at the moment. Sending love and healing to your family members (including furry ones of course), and also some gentle energy going out to each of you with a wish for some peace and calm.

@speakout I didn't realise the carers were only a short term solution. I don't really know how you can be expected to manage all the care for your mother, alongside caring for your DS and working full time. You must be exhausted. I can totally understand why you don't have energy for a party and I think you need to stick to your guns and not let DD talk you into it. I'm sure her intentions are coming from a good place, the relationship between grandparent and grandchild is very different to that of parent and child, so your DD won't have seen the side of your DM that you've experienced. But she isn't a child and needs to understand that you don't have the energy to organise a party right now.

I've had a frustrating week, nothing as difficult as what some of you are dealing with, but lots of things going wrong in the house - my front door key broke in the lock, my dishwasher has stopped working, electrics tripped yesterday, hot water is playing up. My spidey senses are telling me that this isn't just a coincidence and someone is trying to get my attention, but I can't seem to calm my mind enough to listen 😫

This is such an amazing place full of wisdom and support. I am humbled how my friends here are still able to give support despite having troubles themselves.
Such a place of validation and valuable reminders to care for ourselves and use boundaries for protection.
I think many of us have been brought up with a mindset that women should give until they are empty and then give some more.
I need to step back for my own mental and physical health- even if that means leaving the needs of others ( who are all adults in my case) unattended to.

VioletCharlotte I had been told that carers for my mother was for "as long as necessary", which I took to be permanent.
Her condition has improved significantly and is quite mobile, so the care has been withdrawn.
The fact that she can put a ready meal in the microwave and eat it apparently ticks the boxes for "able to cook".
I know the situation with my DD will be resolved, and everyone is right I have protected my kids from the childhood trauma I experienced and tried to facilitate a good relationship with their grandma.
I don't wish to detail the hurt I endured as a child, but I do need to explain a little in general terms to my daughter.
I have lit a candle to send love, thanks, healing and support to my amazing sisters on this thread.
I imagine if we all lived close to each other- what a formidable force we would be.
But we have the internet- and although these are just words on a screen each one of us is a breathing living real woman, with all the trials of life.
There is great power in our solidarity.

"I imagine if we all lived close to each other- what a formidable force we would be."

oh heck, if we all lived close you'd all be wonder how i either hadn't managed to actually kill myself or set fire to the house. The constant setting off of the fire alarms would at least drive you crazy. Can i get a responsible grown up to go please? let's be honest, i only have my shit together online. RL me is a mess who needs to take my own god damn advice.

I have noticed this thread is almost full, so to continue our chat we have a shiny new thread-https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4847683-any-witches-here-part-19

Fly on over, I will put the kettle on.