Any Witches Here?- Part 18

[speakout]

Or Wiccans. or Pagans? Or anyone who is interested in a magical path or feels some magical stirrings.
A place for support, learning, swapping ideas and magical inspiration..
This is the 17th thread- anyone looking for a deep dive into juicy magical topics may like to browse previous threads.....
It is a long list!!
Part 1 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3241689-Any-witches-here?pg=1
Part 2
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3338025-Any-Witches-Here-Part-2?pg=1
Part 3
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3366411-Any-Witches-Here-Part-3?pg=1
Part 4
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3404406-Any-Witches-Here-Part-4-Edited-by-MNHQ?pg=1
Part5
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3437092-Any-Witches-Here-Part-5?pg=1
Part 6 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3482023-Any-Witches-Here-Part-6?pg=1
Part 7 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3520269-Any-Witches-Here-Part-7?pg=1
Part 8 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/a3568622-Any-Witches-Here-Part-8?pg=1
Part 9 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3637696-Any-Witches-Here-Part-9?pg=1
Part 10
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3726266-Any-Witches-Here-Part-10
Part 11
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3850635-Any-Witches-Here-Part-11
Part 12
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3997761-Any-Witches-Here-Part-12
Part 13 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4116107-Any-Witches-here-Part-13
Part 14www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4213962-Any-Witches-Here-Part-14
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4328830-Any-Witches-Here-Part-15?msgid=113505801
www.mumsnet.com/talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4435233-Any-Witches-Here-Part-16?page=40&reply=118807589

www.mumsnet.com/talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4598225-any-witches-here-part-17?page=40&reply=122990208

Yay for lovely daughter and glad OH got his finger out. Sleep well

Speakout** it sounds like you reached the end of your tether today which is no surprise. You've got the weight of your shoulders, caring for others is a huge responsibility. I think you're right, if you're capable and just get on with doing the things that have to be done, others assume you're coping ok.

I'm glad your OH has finally realised he needs to step up (even if did mean drastic measures!) Your DD sounds lovely and clearly takes after you. I hope you enjoy a deep and restorative sleep tonight and enjoy your yoga class tomorrow xx

Thanks.
I had an early night and have slept like a log.
My head feels much clearer.
I will have a long hot shower, and I have a yoga class at 10.30. It's a 35 minute class which suits me fine.
I am meeting my lovely daughter for a short visit to the hospital together, then go for lunch with her. My OH is off work today- him and my son can sort themselves out.

It feels amazing to be understood, and makes me feel a little more "normal". Even when I was trashing the kitchen I broke nothing, hurt no one, but did find out that satsumas and plums feel amazing to crush underfoot onto the kitchen floor!
XXXX

I believe the occasional well -placed grown up tantrum is very useful; it releases pent-up frustration and clears energy. I’m imagining squishing the plums and satsumas underfoot and it feels very satisfying.

Hope the rest of your day is restorative, @speakout

And hope everyone has a peaceful bank hol’ weekend and gets space for themselves. I’m meeting a friend for a stroll and catch-up today. Still dealing with my springtime exhaustion, aches and pains so getting out of the house seems a good idea.

Glad you are feeling better for releasing some emotions, i hope you enjoy your time at yoga and with your daughter today, Speakout. Good to hear that there is a good prognosis for your mum too.

I have given notice to people that i am on strike and they are not my priority this next week. The news was greeted with different responses. Ds simply said that there is a few recipes he wanted to make that would make too much and could i help him get it appropriately stored in the freezer for meals later. The kid is apparently learning how to run a pantry and meal plan. For teenager i am quite impressed he is taking the initiative. As for self care for me I have a pot of homemade gelatinous chicken stock which it packed full of nutrition, a pot that is currently on the stove that is making lamb stock. The house smells amazing.

Gonna get my herb order in too so that i can get that sorted. I don't have enough garden space to grow the amount of some herbs that i use. I might see about sorting through my tea cupboard today. I am a rest day due to burnout so gently gently is the focus, ironically knowing i have nothing i HAVE to do i woke up with more energy than i have had for a long while. Sun is up and i feel the need to be outside.

Speakout I will confess to having done similar when I was under immense pressure. I slammed a door open so hard the handle went right through the plasterboard wall behind it. Then I sat on the floor in the mess i had created and cried myself hoarse.
We are human, we can only take so much and then the pressure needs to release.

The only way you could have changed your role as carer would be to refuse to do it, and by the very fact you haven't it shows what a caring nature you have. Boundaries are hard, especially when it is a family member you care for. And even more so when they are under your roof and so your energy/space is impacted by their very prescence. You are a remarkable woman, your heart is huge. Give a little more of that love and understanding to yourself.

I am just reading a book.about Kabbalah as a belief system. It is really resonating. Have to keep putting it down and THINKING! MY brain hurts so tried 15 mins of yoga out in the garden. God knows what the neighbours think

HillsBesideTheSea, VioletCharlotte, queenrollo, and craftycorvid- your words are balm to my soul.
I do think a strike is not a bad idea.
When I came back from hospital visit my OH had dumped all his dirty work clothes- shirts, uderwear, socks, trousers on the kitchen floor beside the washing machine.
I am stripping my mother's bed at home, catching up with her laundry, and had a bag of her dirty laundry from the hospital.
So I have picked up my OH's stuff and put it unwashed upstairs in the laundry basket.
He is too busy playing solitaire on his ipad, but wiill notice when Monday morning comes around.
The clot busting medication that my mother has been given has worked really well, she has regained movement and strength in her affected leg overnight stil not standing, but seems very bright and optimistic.
It seems she may need some surgery to an artery in her neck which is clogged with cholesterol- the doctor phoned me this afternoon wanting to know if I wish a "do not recusitate" order on her notes. I was a little blindsided by this-my mum may not need surgery, or it may be done with an arterial catheter, but I was caught on the hop.

I am sorry for derailing this thread so badly,and I know others have hard stuff to deal with too- huge apologies.

Much love sisters.

More power to the strike action @speakout - you are shouldering an existential burden in terms of your mum’s care, and making wise and ethical decisions about someone with whom our very being is entangled is mind-blowing. Washing your own socks, however…..I think your chap can work out which program he needs on the machine.

Wishing you all peaceful long weekends. I watched out of the window this morning as the neighbour’s kids hid Easter eggs in the garden - the kids are older now but it’s cute how into the task they were. I’ve been communing with the Tarot deck - I work with Thoth, who can be a highly acerbic counsellor - and my reading essentially told me that what I fear in myself is essentially the same as how I appear to others ie capable, caring, nurturing. That gives me food for thought! The other big message seemed to be that, for now, the big disruptive stuff is done with but I really can’t intellectualise away my feelings about it all and need to sit with the loss change brings.

@speakout please don't apologise, you've given advice and support to so many women on this thread, it's now your turn to be supported. Your OH needs to step up. Men (and yes, I know I'm generalising here, but it's my experience) seem to lack the capacity to think about what needs doing around the house and just get on with it. It sounds like a strike is very much required... leave his washing, he'll soon discover how the washing machine works when he runs out of clothes!

@Craftycorvid interesting tarot insights there. I don't tend to read for myself as I always worry that im interpreting the cards based on what brain is telling me, rather than my intuition. I actually prefer to read for people who I've never met before. I would like to have an in-depth reading, I've not had one for many years, but I feel the pull as I've had so much going on recently. The prices of readings seems to have shot up though - anywhere between £75- £130 - which I feel is excessive.

Another beautiful day here. I've just been for a walk with my dog. Everything seems to have come to life all of a sudden, all the trees in the park are in blossom, there are tulips and daffodils in the gardens and the birds singing.

@speakout never be sorry, you bring so much strength and support to this thread and to your family and you are human - you're absolutely allowed to strike and it sounds like your kitchen moment made the point it was supposed to.

Sending you strength and love from here!

@VioletCharlotte that is an awful lot for a reading! I do know what you mean about reading for oneself though. I have a good friend who is an ex professional reader and who has read for me before. Otherwise, second opinions are always to be found within Tarot-reading friends.

Good morning sisters.
I feel a bit better for my wobbly few days!
My mother is making good progress, and although isn't mobile some power is returning to her leg. She starts physio today, but still having tests annd may need some surgery to clear a blockage in her carotid artery. Apparently that is done via a fine tube, so less invasive than usual surgery.
I have stopped work for the moment, but still have a backlog to clear.
I will then have to turn to fixing the house, laundry is piling up,the fridge is empty- I haven't cooked for days. I don't mind housework if I can take my time.
Take care sisters.

Speakout glad you're feeling a bit better and really pleased your DM is showing signs of improvement. Have they given you any indication of how long she'll be in hospital?

I've got this week off work. It's been pouring with rain all day so I've used the time to do bits and pieces around the house that I never normally have time to do; sorting out my wardrobe, clearing out cupboards, etc. It's quite therapeutic! I've also done some baking, so the house smells delicious.

VioletCharlotte that sounds so lovely.
I had am amazing session with my therapist yesterday, we were banging on the floor, I was barefoot, howling at the sky, but feel much lighter and feeling a lot of compassion towards myself.
I'm hoping to finish my backlog of work this morning leaving me free to get the house in order and take things at a slower pace. I will be giving yoga a miss too, at least for a week, because it adding to my "to do" list.
Although I love yoga I need to clear time and actvity right now.
My house needs cleaning and my fridge is empty, piles of laundry are everywhere.
I will visit the hospital again this afternoon. am expecting my mum to be in for another few weeks, she still can't stand or walk, and there may be arterial surgery to come.
Off to start work, and hope I can get that cleared quickly.

Bright blessings dear friends.

Your therapist sounds a keeper, @speakout Glad to know you are looking after yourself, and I know what you mean about self-care having the potential to be a ‘to-do’ list in itself.

Craftycorvid thanks, yes my therapist is amazing, she is a young woman, maybe 24/24, but so emathic and wise.
Gestalt therapy is like no other I have done in the past, is is so powerful.
Nest week she would like to talk about our relationship as therapist and client she usually leaves the session up to me, but she wants to cover trust, boundaries and explore our relationship.
I know gestsalt is different and a little too unconvential for many types of therapist, she includes her feeling and reactions withing the session- within what is reasonable of course. Some therapists find gestalt too confrontational, but I have the courage to deep dive ( with support of course)
She is also an enthusiastic yoga practitioner and uses somatic body work with clients if they wish to. most of the therapy session was on the floor, and I found myself sobbing with relief.
We ended the session on with a 10 minute session outside barefooting- the therapist too, and hed my inner childin my as we soaked up earth energy and warm spring sunshine. It was very powerful.
Today I feel all the knots within me have loosened a little, and have spent most of the day in a calm flow- including the hospital visit to my mother.
My mother was distressed and anxious at the start of my visit, but much happier when I left.
My mother has a kindle, and I suggested she listened to some short anxiety ease meditation, on youtube, and perhaps a sleep meditation to help her settle into a calm state of mind.
A student nurse came into my mother's ward while I was looking for suitable - he offered to help as he has done this for a number of patients in the past.
So he made a playlist for my mother- morning meditations, tracks that deal with pain and anxiety, low mood, calming and some to help her drift off into a healing sleep- around 20 tracks.
I coulds have hugged the nurse -he spent 20 minutes - (despite a hectice schedule) compiling a play list to give her calm and healing energy to my mother.
Such a kind compassionate youg man.
There are truly some beautiful, caring and empathic people in this work.
I drove home in a mist of tears, because this student nurse could see though the problems and even when nurses are too busy- my mother now has a tool at her fingertips to ease her distress.
My mother felt incredible that her feelings were acknowledged, and her fears calmed.
I am sure that young nurse will go far in this world- bringing hope, calm and comfort.
There are so many loving people and light workers in this world,
And I have met two of the in two days.
I am so greaful.

Such a lovely post @speakout . I’m glad you and your mum have encountered some powerfully relational people. The ‘blank screen’ never works in my view, we need to be human with each other.

Speakout** I'm really glad that your mum is making progress. The nurse sounds lovely, those little gestures of compassion go such a long way. You sound lighter too. I know what you mean about yoga becoming part of the 'to do' list, I've been there too. It'll be there for you when you're ready. For now, I would try and just focus on basic self care - nourishment, sleep and hydration.

Your therapy session sounds interesting too. Im not familiar with gestalt and had to Google it. I had my first therapy session yesterday. I decided to see someone as i realised how much things had been building up and the affect it was starting to have on me. Just being able to talk about how I'm feeling and for someone to listen and acknowledge my feelings was a big relief and I came away feeling calmer.

I'm reading a great book at the moment called 'Lighter' that explores self understanding and self love. I recommend it to anyone who is wanting to understand themselves better.

Thanks everyone, and sorry for the mass of typos in my post!
I am doing better, and taking everything at a slower pace, but back to the hospital again later today. My mother's progress is slow, but in the right direction.
My sister emigrated 45 years ago to a very distant place, I haven't spoken to her in 5 years or so, she sends no christmas or birthday cards to our mother ( even though I know elderly people still like cards and letters though the post).
My sister phoned yesterday-highly unusual because she wanted to talk me about an idea she has. And this is before she even asked how our mother was and what was happening in hospital.
She then asked if we could maybe take all our mother's savings out of her bank account, and split it between us- as an "early inheritance," she called it- as our mother doesn't need it, we don't have to tell her - she possibly not even notice it is gone. I was dumfounded- our mother is alive, and chances are will make some improvement to her health in the next few weeks and months.

I was proud of myself at remaining composed, and said " Look, I have a better idea- why don't you just fuck off" and slammed down the phone.

I am sorry there is not much magical content to that post, but had to get it off my chest. I am holding the fire of rage for my sister, but it is contained in a healthy place inside me, doing me no damage.
If my sister has any sense she will not be phoning me back because I will unleash the furies.

Speakout you should be proud of how well you doubt with that situation. It would have been very easy to get into a slanging match or get very upset and emotional. Your response was strong and powerful - you allowed your inner warrior to rise up!

As for your sister, all I can say is she's done you and your DM a favour by moving away as I'm sure she would have been a draining thorn in your side if she had remained close by.

@speakout well done you! A succinct and effective response! Is your sister's idea even legal?

VioletCharlotte thanks for your supportive words.
HazelTheGreenWitch I 'm not sure about the legality, but I imagine it could be seen as theft.. It certainly feels morally bankrupt to me, and I will play no part- even reporting to the authorities if I get wind of it.
My sister has asked our mother for large sums of money over the years, to extend her house, add an annex, second garage etc.
Ten years my sister came to visit- arrived in the evening and the very next morning took our to a solicitor to have my mother sign over her house to her in its entirety. It was a small house, but the mortgage had been paid off years ago.
I knew nothing of the meeting.
The ( amazing) solicitor refused to draw up any documents, because he knew there was another daughter ( me), and felt my sister was tryng to coerce our mother, So my sister left empty handed.
My sister had planned to stay for a few weeks, but caught an early flight home a few days later.
A short while my mother asked if she could sign her house over to me - I was reluctant, but she knows how pressurising my sister can be, and was afraid that if her cognitive capabiities declined she may find it hard to say no not my sister. We had several meetings with her solicitor and he was very patient, explaining everything tomy mother,
My mother also changed all her accounts to joint accounts - savings, ISA, current account so only her and I have complete access.
My mother is happy with the arrangement, and I never touch a penny of her assets- but she hasn't told my sister, and doesn't want her to know while she is still alive.
So even if my sister pushes for cash she has to go through me as a gatekeeper.
Those assets are my mothers- yes she is ill at the moment, but she will hopefully improve and I would love to see her spend that one a mini break, some respite care, manicures, fancy lunches, shows- whatever enhances her life.
It is her money and I will protect her right with my fangs and claws if I need too.

Sorry for such a ramble again it has been a stressful week

That sounds like coercion to me. Your sister has a wonky moral compass by the sounds of it.

You’re very selfless @speakout . Considering how appallingly mother treats you.