Brought up atheist but feel a pull to something bigger

[saltnvinegarpringles]

Just that really. I was brought up an extremely staunch atheist but always felt there was something bigger. I feel very drawn to churches and I often say a quiet prayer to God, but I don't know who or what God is. I don't feel a connection to organised religion. I would like to explore faith but I don't really know where to start. Anyone else out there like me?

You say that you are drawn to churches, and when there, you say prayer to god. But you are not drawn to organised religion yet that organised religion built those churches and created that god - a Christian god, in this instance.

Alternatively, you could look at Buddhism or Taoism or Hinduism, for example. Or have a look at Humanism - that puts people, that puts humanity above any kind of god. There are so many more things out there than just the Abrahamic faiths.

Maybe you could do an Alpha course? They are a good place to explore these sorts of questions in a relaxed setting

It is possible to explore a spiritual path without the dogma of religion.
I consider myself a spiritual person, but religion leaves me cold.

This. I've flirted with all sorts of religions and belief systems at different points in my life. Ultimately I just have a sense of something greater than myself and all of us. I'm quite happy to talk to it at times when moved to do so. Sometimes in church buildings, sometimes in nature, sometimes at home. The where matters less than the impulse to reach out.

I don't love the idea of having something greater or better than ourselves.
The idea of deity or power within us all makes far more sense, and far more benevolent than having a boss god sitting on hight. demanding, judging, creating, steering, smiting on a a whim gives me a fur ball.
Feeling part of a greater whole that exists outwith and within feels right to me.

@saltnvinegarpringles What sort of prayers do you say? What draws you to churches in particular?

There is the RCIA course if you are interested in Catholicism. All you would need to do is contact your nearest Church asking for information on it.

Vincitveritas I can't really describe them. I just sort of chat to God. Sometimes I ask for others to be kept safe and happy.

I feel a very deep sense of peace when in a church.

If you feel a deep sense of peace in a specific denomination's church (e.g. C of E or Catholic), you could approach the vicar or priest and just tell them what you have said here. They can then guide you.

I would also recommend going to an alpha course , it's released and open and you can ask any questions you have

That's lovely @saltnvinegarpringles
I would echo Dacadactyl and say have a chat to the vicar or priest of the churches you feel most comfortable in. Different denominations vary a lot in styles of worship and types of service, so I would say go along to different ones and see what fits for you. You don't have to talk to anyone if you don't want to, just go along and see how it feels. More importantly though, develop the relationship with God, there's lots of guided prayer online, or just follow your heart. Also, start reading the Bible - I'd recommend a modern version, like NIV, over the King James and get one with a built in guide to help you understand it, maybe start with the New Testament. Best wishes.

Yes that in no way describes my concept of God.

I quite like the Hindu thing about Brahman and a spark of the divine in everything. Just a sense that life is a good thing and a gift we get for a moment and enjoy it as much as we can.

Boss god sitting on high. demanding, judging, creating, steering, smiting on a whim.

This is the christian god according to the bible.

This is the christian god according to the bible.

This was my understanding too which is why I haven't done an Alpha course or anything like that.

God as I feel them is a benevolent presence rather than one who judges or demands..

I have read the bible- the christian god is a genocidal psychopath.

Even by his own admission he is jealous and wrathful.

Why don’t you try some of the different spiritual practices? I’ve gone to quite a few groups like this within the Christian tradition. I’m not a Christian.

’He shall feed his flock like a Shepherd
And he will gather the lambs in his arms, and carry them in His bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.

O come to me you that labour ; come to me that are heavy laden, and you will find rest unto your souls.’

I suppose we all see a mirror of our expectations

Google trypraying, the website has a guide and an app to explore talking to God if you would like some guidance or thoughts about it. Some posters have had bad experiences of religion. That is not everyone's experience, look for your own. Religion is different from a personal relationship with God, who gathers us in like a mother hen with her chicks. He puts the boundaries in good places. He promises never to leave us or forsake us, even when we go through the valley of the shadow of death. He is a light to our feet and a lamp for our path.

Anglican cathedrals tend to be pretty good places for this kind of thing. Some people go to the services out of a deep sense of faith, others for the aesthetics and they tend to be very unpushy and often pretty liberal. You can go to the service, have tea afterwards and if you say what you:be said here, people will generally respect your questions and doubts and just answer questions rather than putting you on a sort of conversion pathway. And you can just go in, light a candle and have a chat with God and listen to God rather than other people's ideas if God.

Alternatively, you could take a scattergun approach and try and experience as many different experiences of divinity as you can find. Go to different Christian services, try a Quaker meeting house and Unitarian chapel, see what other religions have meeting places locally and get in touch and find out more and see if there is anywhere that helps you feel more connected to God than you do when going it alone.

It is called cherry picking.
I don't deny all the fluffy bits of the bible, but your gods actions -as described in your holy book- are at times horrific. How do you reconcile god's mass killings, his anger, his jealousy?
I wouldn't have a coffee with this god guy, he seems like a typical abuser.
Comparing christians to sheep does sum it up though- that point you made does seem accurate.

Atheists like Richard Dawkins shout "God doesn't exist, but I hate Him!"
@saltnvinegarpringles if you want to explore some of the common accusations thrown at God, try reading around the subject. Is God a Moral Monster? by Paul Copan would be a good start. It calls for very complex, lengthy and complicated answers, which I can't begin to address here. For me, these Bible verses more accurately reflect the character of God:

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:6-8

The men turned away and went toward Sodom, but Abraham remained standing before the Lord. Then Abraham approached him and said: “Will you sweep away the righteous with the wicked? What if there are fifty righteous people in the city? Will you really sweep it away and not spare the place for the sake of the fifty righteous people in it? Far be it from you to do such a thing—to kill the righteous with the wicked, treating the righteous and the wicked alike. Far be it from you! Will not the Judge of all the earth do right?”
The Lord said, “If I find fifty righteous people in the city of Sodom, I will spare the whole place for their sake.” Genesis 18:22-26

He prayed to the Lord, “Isn’t this what I said, Lord, when I was still at home? That is what I tried to forestall by fleeing to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. Jonah 4:1-2

Yet the Israelites say, ‘The way of the Lord is not just.’ Are my ways unjust, people of Israel? Is it not your ways that are unjust?
“Therefore, you Israelites, I will judge each of you according to your own ways, declares the Sovereign Lord. Repent! Turn away from all your offenses; then sin will not be your downfall. Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit. Why will you die, people of Israel? For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign Lord. Repent and live!" Ezekiel 18:29-32

Say to them, "As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign Lord, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live. Turn! Turn from your evil ways! Why will you die, people of Israel?" Ezekiel 33:11

I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people—for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. 1 Timothy 2:1-4

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9

"Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing." Matthew 23:37

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins...We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:9-10 & 19

What sort of practices do you mean?

There is much about Christianity I'm not comfortable with. I do not feel a pull towards religion, but I do feel I have a relationshop with God. That's not necessarily a Christian God.

@saltnvinegarpringles
I'm a fan of C.S.Lewis. He said this about his own experience:

"You must picture me alone in that room in Magdalen, night after night, feeling, whenever my mind lifted even for a second from my work, the steady, unrelenting approach of Him whom I so earnestly desired not to meet. That which I greatly feared had at last come upon me. In the Trinity Term of 1929 I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England. I did not then see what is now the most shining and obvious thing; the Divine humility which will accept a convert even on such terms. The Prodigal Son at least walked home on his own feet. But who can duly adore that Love which will open the high gates to a prodigal who is brought in kicking, struggling, resentful, and darting his eyes in every direction for a chance of escape? The words “compelle intrare,” compel them to come in, have been so abused by wicked men that we shudder at them; but, properly understood, they plumb the depth of the Divine mercy. The hardness of God is kinder than the softness of men, and His compulsion is our liberation."

He made some great quotes about faith:

"A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell."

"It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad."

"There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right then, have it your way."

"You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body."

What about Christianity makes you uncomfortable?

From a Christian perspective you can have a personal relationship with God the Father through Jesus Christ without all the constraints of religious dogma etc. This explains more:

www.gotquestions.org/Christianity-religion-relationship.html