moregarlic I agree about processing grief.
My father died when I was 21, I was living with my partner ( who I later went on to marry- then divorce).
My mother went to pieces, just fell apart, we have no other family ( apart from my sister who lived in Sydney and couldn't afford to come over), and my partner fell apart too ( even though him and my father were not close at all), prescribed sleeping pills and ended up being signed off work for 6 months.
So as a 21 yo ( I was also being abused at the time, but that is another story) I had to deal with everything.
My mother and OH in bed crying, I had to deal with death certificates, funeral arrangements, my father's work and financial dealings, sort out undertaker and flowers, all completely alone, while bring my mother and OH ( living in different houses) food, meals, shopping.
My father and I were extremely close , and my work gave me a week of compassionate leave.
I was devastated, but did not have any oppportunity to express that grief, I hardly cried, if I fell apart too then what would happen.
In retrospect I should have taken myself to bed too and wept and just ignored all that needed doing.
But I was trying my best.
By the time all the drama was over, things were settled and my mother joined us gain it felt "too late" to feel that gut wrenching grief, and it was to be 10 years before I truly started to process it.
I have missed my yoga this morning "queenrollo", too much had to be done, I could have made the class by the skin of my teeth, but would have left me frazzled getting there on time, coming back to a disorganised house.
So I have let it go, and will probably do some Adriene on youtube later this afternoon once my mother has gone for her nap.
She loves to watch me, and if I try to practice while she is around she will pull up a chair as if in the front row of a cinema! I prefer to have solitude, and treat it as part ritual/sacred movement with my candles and feel absorbed.
AnotherCrazyBirdLady glad you are having daily yoga practice, I know that feeling of shoulders up to the ears, almost as if we are bracing ourselves to push through what is coming our way.
Being aware that you are doing it is half the battle, and although it takes conscious effort to release that part it does come as second nature after a while. Then we can let the power come from our inner core, our belly and breath- there is much more power there, and it is far less tiring to use that area for strength ultimately.
Off for a trip to the supemarket- again, seems I have forgotten something.
Magical breaths sisters.