Christian chat thread continued

[Dutchoma]

A place to share and chat about our funny (and not so funny experiences) in and out of church.
Did anyone say coffee? That would be good

Welcome squish and SP!

Packing for new wine as off first thing tomorrow. Looking forward to meeting nickel there :)

Edd was thinking about the outreach to young people thing, and thought that one way of getting it right might be to look at what other churches and groups in your area are doing and do something designed to appeal to someone who would absolutely hate all the existing stuff.

Hi everyone, can I join?
I'm a reader, prayer writer and cantor in my Catholic parish. We're a big congregation but short on volunteers (hence my doing lots!) The Children's Liturgy is very active, priest is leaving and we have a retired priest covering for a while. I sort of inherited the cantor bit from my dad when he became ill, people say it makes a difference, and I do try hard to make the music accessible to everyone.

But... having a bit of a crisis about it, and things came to a head when retired priest chastised me fairly strongly in front of the congregation for using a "banned" sung version of the Gloria (not that I knew this - it's from our hymn book!), told me I must never do it again and took issue when I said sorry! I do suffer pretty badly from anxiety and the shame was horrendous. (he also said my prayers were 'inappropriate', but at least that wasn't quite as public - of course, I had followed the guidelines set by outgoing priest and they were pretty generic..)

Not sure if I should suck it up, get back on the ambo again and just wait for another telling-off to happen; ditch the music altogether and hand it over to a non-existent volunteer; take it as God's way of forcing me into greater humility and try to appreciate it although I feel sick to my stomach about being told off again, bow out of the lot (hell, it's only a matter of time before I get the reading wrong too), or what.

Husband is atheist and thinks I should drop going to church; but I'm not keen on that idea either. Should I go back in disguise?

(Mind you, the tea in our parish centre is nice)

Hello permanantlyexhausted and welcome to our happy band! Have some non-parish centre and make yourself at home.

That sounds awful, I'm not surprised you feel hurt and humiliated. Humility definitely does not mean being humiliated! I don't know much about RCC parish structures, but in the CofE the people in charge when the parish priest had left would be churchwardens and the Parochial Church Council - NOT a retired priest covering the services. Do you have something or somebody like that you can go to? It sounds like you are doing loads of really valuable stuff. Your parish (and your priest) should be treasuring you!

Reader for 10 years Edd

Have just left one parish and am preparing (hoping!) to be licensed to another in the same diocese. (Long and upsetting backstory to this).

I love being a Reader; I lead/led services, preach, conduct funerals, lead prayer groups, a spirituality group and a meditation group. Leaving my parish has been very difficult for me, and I haven't done it lightly, but the situation had become untenable due to the attitude of the priest and one particular influential member of the congregation.

Interested to read Pidgeon's post (pun not intended ), as she has obviously had problems with her incumbent, too. Pidgeon - I don't think that something like this would be God's way of teaching humility, personally. I don't think that God put anyone on this earth to be a doormat! I believe we learn humility via the courage and endurance of others, not by being publicly barracked - I wouldn't do it to anyone myself, and I wouldn't put up with it being done to me, though like Pidgeon, I would probably swallow it in public rather than get into an argument which would be detrimental to the church.

Pidgeon - I think that your temporary priest has behaved appallingly towards you. Perhaps you could withdraw some of your hard work and cut back on your duties without cutting them out altogether. When he finds he has to do it all himself, he may realise what a lot of work you did for him. If he complains, tell him that you felt very upset and embarrassed when he pulled you so aggressively for what was a genuine error, and you don't feel confident enough to take on too much - you'd rather do a small number of duties well that many ineffectively (NB - I'm not suggesting that you are ineffective , only that you now feel that you are likely to come in for another telling off, which is true.)

I have worked with some absolutely amazing priests - and also with others that have made me think "How the hell did you ever get ordained?". They seem to have no understanding of Jesus' commandment to love one another, and the milk of human kindness has curdled in their breasts! I know that they are only human, just like the rest of us, and have human frailties - and I also know that it is hard work being a priest - that they do a lot of work that people don't see and that they get little or no credit for - but that doesn't give them the right to treat anyone like muck.

Hi! I'm an occassional lurker and past poster but didn't want to read and run. I'm a convert RC having been an active Anglican until my early twenties.

Pigeon - I would really urge you to not take what this retired priest has said / done to heart. Having said that, I know I would be feeling hurt, squashed, unappreciated and embarrassed. How long is the retired priest covering for?
Our parish priest and assistant priest are both leaving in the next 4-6 weeks and it is a big wrench as we are going down to just the one priest. This isa big change as we have 3 churches in the parish and for the first time, the priest physically won't be able to offer Sunday morning mass in all 3 churches. We need the laity to volunteer and do as much as we can to support our priests and unfortunately the priests will be left to do the things that only a priest can do.
I have also been feeling a bit unappreciated for the voluntary stuff that I contribute in our parish. It's not like we do it for praise or recognition but a token thanks makes such a difference. In your situation though, it seems to have been thrown back in your face :(

Sorry I've rambled (as I tend to do!) but it sounds to me like you add huge value in your parish. Please don't let that be squashed!

Also just seen that Nickel and MHD are headed to New Wine - have a great time!

You're not the first on here to have a story like that SP. I hope you get licenced in a new parish soon. I hear so many sad stories of people having to leave their church for one reason or another (often in my case, LGBT people because they're the people I meet, but I know it happens for all sorts of reasons).

It's lovely to hear someone so enthusiastic about being a Reader. We have one in my church but she's been licensed for 20 years and is clearly a bit jaded with it all. She also doesn't have as much responsibility. She preaches a few times a year, and does other things that lots of us do (like intercessions). And she used to be in charge of children's church and youth ministry. But she doesn't do funerals or lead services or do any of the other things that you might expect.

Talking of which, nice idea broomstick.

permanentlyexhaustedpigeon or PEP if I may, hello, welcome, sit down and take the weight off.

I completely agree with niminy and SP; it sounds completely outrageous and unchristian behaviour. I don't know anything about RC protocols or anything either but I'd have thought there must be someone more in charge than the priest who's helping out covering services, and even is he is in charge he has no right to humiliate you, be rude or tell you off in that way! What does the role of cantor involve? Is that what they call worship leader in evangelical CofE churches, and music director in trad ones?

We are looking for a new musical director in our church. It's very exciting as our choir and music will hopefully be more enticing to teenagers ect

I seem to have accidentally ended up on the tea & coffee rota next month... hope I get it right..
My work place is going through a re organisation at the moment & I will be taking on longer hours & responsibility. Currently negotiating hours... would love some prayers!

PEP welcome. It was not right what your priest did. And I am sure the congregation would have been upset on your behalf. It showed more about his attitude then your abilities Hun 💐

Thank you so much, everyone! Went to morning Mass and sobbed my heart out when I found that visiting priest was officiating - but had the line "and so I set my face like flint, I shall not be ashamed" going round my head which helped. A few lovely people sat with me for a bit which I needed.

Edd, a cantor in the RC church leads the singing, sings the psalms and the Gloria (ahem). It's voluntary which is great, but the flip side is that it depends massively on the diocese what guidance or support we get, so it does vary a lot. In my case I also choose the hymns when the organist isn't around - we have an ancient, wheezy organ which has a habit of transposing itself without warning, so unaccompanied singing can be slightly less white-knuckle-ish!

Music is always a minefield at our Mass too. The family Mass has a well-established folk group choosing their music; another Mass is a quieter one with a single organist who also leads the psalms; our congregation is pretty much equally divided between people who love very traditional hymns, young families and usually a lot of people who don't normally go to Mass. Trying to include everyone can be hard work.. We do have a PCC but there's loads of politics around it so I'm hiding/ sitting it out until our new (lovely) priest arrives.

SP, sounds like you've had similar issues - and it sounds like you do a huge amount! I hope you'll be guided towards a parish that really needs you and appreciates you.

bootygirl will get the prayer wheel going for you - sending loads of hugs and

Glad you're feeling bit better Pidge.

You are worth more than this - don't be bullied. "Shake the dust from your sandals and look not back" if necessary. He has no right to make you ill.

Thanks for the welcome all. Sorry I introduced myself and then disappeared. Pulling up a seat now with my tea.

Just saw that Nickel and MHD will be at New Wine, I'm also heading there tomorrow, but will only be there for the first half of week one. I hope you ladies have a fab time.

Hullo!

Still quite new to MN. I'm a practising Roman Catholic, try to get to weekday Mass when I can. 27, due to have my first baby in December. Hoping I can get settled in this little corner of MN!

Welcme Jivebunny. Tea, coffee or a cold drink? Cngratulations n your pregnancy, hope all goes well. Just make yourself comfrtable for now, som of the others will be around in minute.

Hello squish! I hope you have a lovely time.

Haven't had a chance to meet with nickel today but hoping to tomorrow.

Rather rainy day but lovely to be here among so many thousands worshipping.

So, coffee rotas in teeny congregations where everyone already does lots - how do you get them to work? We have end up with one person who does it all who rents it. I've offered to set up a rota. Everyone grumbled and said that nobody signs up to rotas because they can't commit in advance/don't have enough time. It turns out that this is partly because doing the coffee involves starting at at around 9am and finishing at around 12:30. This strikes me as utterly crazy and inefficient, but that's the way it's always been done...

So, how do you get it to work in your church? Set out tables, set up tea/coffee, make tea/coffee, wash up and put away. There must be a better way.

Our tables and chairs are already set out. Two people put out the cups etc and turn the boiler/kettles on before the service so that the water is either ready of just takes a couple of minutes to re-boil at the end. These same people slide out a little before the end to make tea and coffee and put out biscuits ready for the tush.

Sadly, in every church you will find that it is a tiny number of the same people who do almost everything, though almost everybody else seems to feel entitled to criticise and say how it should have been done.

Very frustrating.

I would say though, that leaving it to one person is harsh - everything is better if you have company. Has she (I bet it is a she) a friend who would be prepared to help, even if no-one can commit to a rota?

And actually, roots can be flexible if people are worried about committing - e.g. holidays, visiting family and illness can be covered by the next available person on the list.

*rotas, not roots.

Whoops - looked at first reply *RUSH, not tush

If washing up is a problem, what about investing in those plastic holders that take disposable cups?

Less good for the environment, but no washing up involved.

To be fair, we have a teeny but very active congregation, so around half the congregation will have been serving/playing the organ/singing in the choir/ taking Sunday school, with others ushering or reading, and most of the rest will have spent time during the week cleaning/ doing flowers/ setting up the altar/ sorting out the church hall bookings/organising Bible study/writing the pew sheets etc. I think just about every regular who is capable of doing so does something already.

Church I usually go to has the disposable cups too. Less nice to drink from and worse for the environment, but must help with time. Giant urns, and yes starting just before the end of the service (but at the back of church, so not missing out)

Would it be possible to just have people help themselves if it's a small, busy congregation? And wash their own mug when done?

I feel bad because I don't go every week.

Asking on the presumption that most of you have been pregnant at some point…

Until a few weeks ago, I would get morning sickness. But it would only ever happen when I was at Mass- so usually a Sunday morning. But it also happened on a Sat eve Mass too. Someone suggested it might be a certain smell which triggered me, but I went to Masses at three churches and it happened. This prevented me from receiving communion (which for Catholics is a big deal). I got a blessing from my priest, which helped the morning sickness.

But now I just experience headaches throughout Mass. I think it's because Mass is the only place where I have to stand still for some time. It means that I have to do most of Mass sitting/kneeling. It has been two months since I participated in Mass normally.

Has the above happened to someone else? How did you cope with it?

It hasn't happened to me Jivebunny, but I do find incense makes me unwell (we are very high church) - sore eyes and a headache. Could it be that? The smoke from incense can be very pungent.

Might it be the fasting beforehand? I know it's only a tent amount, but some people get need to eat small amounts every half hour or so. It it could be the sitting/standing/kneeling. Incense?

I had morning sickness pretty much all the time, so I'm not really much use. Opening the fridge door was the only absolutely guaranteed trigger for instant vomit. The rest of the time it was more random.