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Original poster

Anyone willing to hold my hand during discernment process?

190 replies

Minicooper · 04/01/2017 20:31

I'm exploring a call to ordination in the Church of England - met the DDO before Christmas and have a meeting with the bishop's advisor tomorrow to begin the process of applying for an archbishop's faculty as I'm divorced and remarried.

I'd love some support and advice if anyone's been through similar?

Thanks in advance!

OP posts:
EddSimcox · 09/04/2018 20:32

welcome BM to our merry gang. Every diocese seems to do things a bit differently - I haven't met the DDO (except for a minute at the start of a (compulsory) vocations forum) - you have to do 4 months or so of seeing a VA before that (not to mention the months of talking to the vicar...) in Southwark where I am... so do fill us in on your journey so far :)

Yes mini I'm sure I will need to talk to someone about the separation, but I suppose I'm putting it off slightly. My vicar knows all about it and didn't think it would be a bar at all but that they might want it to be more formal. I'm expecting the VA to ask about my home life, but if she doesn't I'll have to broach it. Not at the first meeting though. I might even wait for the DDO stage because by then everything will be more settled I guess.

ButtfaceMiscreant · 09/04/2018 21:12

Thanks Edd Smile

I'm in the West Midlands and we have just had a new DDO appointed, so my vicar held me back as it was thought the new appointment would start not long after the old DDO left - after 4 months of waiting he sent my letter anyway so I saw an interim DDO who agreed that the timing was right for me to move forward in the process. He gave a rough timeline with a view to BAP next year, so we will see how we go! I sent in my initial enquiry form last week along with my initial reflections on the selection criteria.
I am arranging meetings with my VA this week, so hopefully won't be waiting too long for those to happen. I am excited and terrified in equal measure about the whole thing, so it is nice to hear others experience similar emotions!

I have a friend who has to have an archbishop's faculty due to a previous marriage, but they made them wait until BAP was being arranged to go through it, so it has put plans on hold for a few months which was hard for them to accept (the previous marriage was mentioned right from the beginning, and several times in between), so make sure you ask them when a faculty needs to be run and be upfront about it all from the beginning.

EddSimcox · 11/04/2018 00:38

That sounds like the same rough timeline as me BM, though you seem a bit further advanced in the process.

No-one seems to know (yet) if I'll need a faculty, because I'm separated in a CP, not married or divorced. We'll see! (But yes you are right not to leave it hanging, thanks, good advice).

lookout · 29/04/2018 18:31

Hi all! Sorry I haven't been here for a long while. My first year of training at residential college in Bristol has gone well but is full on! We moved our children (years 1 and 8) and have had a hard time with school with the eldest. I've learned what they mean by 'sacrificial ministry'! It's taught me a lot about God's faithfulness and obedience. It has worried me for curacy though. We're due to move in a year, and having only just settled ds1 at school I'm loathe to move him again. Unfortunately my diocese is not being helpful, so I'm having to do a whole lot of inner work on trust!

Reading over all your messages I can hear the frustration with the unknown that I felt going through discernment. I just want to encourage you that things do become clearer bit by bit. Stick with it.

So exciting to hear of panels in the pipeline! Prayers for you a wherever you are in the process.

EddSimcox · 30/04/2018 09:26

Hi lookout. My DC are too old to be moved so if I get that far I’ll train locally. Yet to work out curacy but there should be local options for that too I hope.

I’ve started wondering about SSM because of the practicalities of it all tbh.

I did talk to the VA about my home life. She said the DDO would probably want to talk to my STBXCP - good luck with that!

Montypontypine · 11/05/2018 10:43

Well, today I met the diocesan psychologist. To put it plainly it was odd and rather uncomfortable. Asked lots of probing questions about my childhood and my relationship with my parents which was the uncomfortable bit ... and then promptly sent me on my way feeling all discombobulated.

However, I went to visit the one and only Anglican theological college this afternoon. So glad I did. Very helpful staff who answered all my daft questions. It's made me feel a lot more comfortable about a potential family move to the big smoke

EddSimcox · 12/05/2018 23:32

Wow that’s weird. Never heard of having to see a psychologist over here. Glad the theological college was good though. Is it in Auckland?

Montypontypine · 13/05/2018 07:29

Hi Edd, yes the college is in Auckland so would be a big change for the whole family if I was invited to train there. One month to the residential assessment weekend ....

EddSimcox · 13/05/2018 09:23

So that's like our BAP (Bishops Advisory Panel). Will pray for you. I'm wondering where you live - are you way up North? (I know NZ pretty well having been visiting my Kiwi in laws regularly for the past 20 years)
It's a real shame they don't do any non-residential training options.

Montypontypine · 13/05/2018 12:00

Thanks Edd, all prayers very welcome! Whangarei is the nearest town for us. Other dioceses do non residential training for stipendary priests, but not Auckland. I could do distance learning but that would only allow me to be a non stipendary priest in my current parish.

EatRepeatEatRepeat · 27/05/2018 15:26

I’m out the other end of the process now as a vicar but I’ll join the thread to offer prayerful support (and practical too if I can) Smile
(And of course I’m still discerning my vocation as it’s an ongoing, life-long journey with various ups and downs!)

ElphabaFlies · 27/05/2018 20:11

I've not been around much but got a Yes from last week's BAP 😊 Relieved, excited and trying to get my head round what lies ahead!

thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts · 27/05/2018 21:00

Yey! Good news.

Original poster
Minicooper · 27/05/2018 22:18

Amazing news Elphaba! Hope it's sinking in. I'm off to my BAP on Tuesday - just 2 sleeps to go. Our sermon this morning was on the theme of how to cope with a 'no' - trying hard not to read too much into it! Grin

OP posts:
Tiggles · 27/05/2018 22:37

Congratulations elphaba

ElphabaFlies · 28/05/2018 13:24

Oh fab mini, where are you heading? I think it's normal to read everything into everything, fear not.

Original poster
Minicooper · 28/05/2018 20:53

Thanks Elphaba, I'm heading to Woking - where were you? Any last minute tips gratefully received! Grin

OP posts:
EddSimcox · 28/05/2018 21:26

Thanks for joining er
That’s brilliant elphaba well done. 😁. Have you decided where to go to vicar school yet?

mini will be praying for you. Hope it goes well.

No change here. Just working through standard questions with the VA.

Montypontypine · 29/05/2018 10:13

Excellent news elphaba! Mini ... all the best will pray for you x

ElphabaFlies · 31/05/2018 16:23

mini, I was at Woking 🙂 Bit late for tips but praying the wait isn't too hard and you can recover from the tiredness quickly!

EddSimcox · 01/06/2018 23:39

mini thinking of you...

Original poster
Minicooper · 02/06/2018 22:53

Thanks for your prayers all. BAP is over and it's so good to be home! It was surprisingly enjoyable overall - lovely people and I think I was able to be me. Now to wait for the result!

OP posts:
ElphabaFlies · 03/06/2018 16:18

Excellent! That sounds familiar. Hope the waiting isn't too hard, I was surprised it was easier than anticipated.

ButtfaceMiscreant · 03/06/2018 16:34

Bit late to the party but congratulations Elphaba!

Prayers for you Mini as you await your decision from the BAP process. I hope you can find some peace in the coming days.

Bechetdiagnosed · 03/06/2018 17:28

May I join?

My DH starts ordination training in September Smile

It’s been a long road to get to this point but I’m immensely proud of him.

Prayers for peace and stength to you all on this thread.