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Original poster

Anyone willing to hold my hand during discernment process?

190 replies

Minicooper · 04/01/2017 20:31

I'm exploring a call to ordination in the Church of England - met the DDO before Christmas and have a meeting with the bishop's advisor tomorrow to begin the process of applying for an archbishop's faculty as I'm divorced and remarried.

I'd love some support and advice if anyone's been through similar?

Thanks in advance!

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Original poster
Minicooper · 22/08/2017 14:18

Thanks, Niminy, that's really helpful. I hadn't come across the Sacred Space app, but it looks great.

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Original poster
Minicooper · 26/12/2017 21:22

Nearly a year since I started this thread and still carrying on carrying on. Wondered if anyone else is at the same stage? Still working through the criterion with my DDO and hoping for a BAP next spring.

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Niminy · 27/12/2017 08:53

Hi MiniCooper! Glad to hear you're still in the process, and a BAP in the spring sounds very hopeful! My goodness, though, the whole discernment process does seem to crawl though, doesn't it?

Niminy · 27/12/2017 08:58

PS - I've got a couple of books on my shelf now that I would have found really helpful during the seemingly endless stretches of time between DDO appointments. One is WH Vanstone The Stature of Waiting (which explores the Christlikeness of waiting) and is brilliant, the other is Margaret Whipp's recent The Grace of Waiting, which I haven't read yet but looks excellent.

Original poster
Minicooper · 27/12/2017 13:45

Thanks, Niminy! Yes, books on waiting sound a good idea! The process is thorough, but there is change and growth and clarity in some areas (though even more questions raised in others!) I'll check them out - thanks for the recommendations.

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EddSimcox · 27/12/2017 23:08

Hi Mini. Yes slow is the word. I first had a conversation with my vicar last June (according to this thread). Although she said she'd refer me then she thought slow would be good I think, and that it wasn't good timing (all true) so she didn't actually do it. We then had another conversation in early December in which she promised to get me into the system - which involves in this Diocese going along to an event to start the process, which doesn't happen til March, and I know that what with Christmas and everything she still hasn't sent the email, so March may be fully booked for all I know. At this rate even the first step pre-DDO may be a year !

Original poster
Minicooper · 28/12/2017 09:10

Hi, Edd, yes, it was a year for me pre DDO too, but then things seemed to happen quite quickly once I was in the system. It then slowed down again as we've spent 18 months going through the criterion, but I suspect it'll all step up again pre BAP. Hope you are able to book onto the March event and feel like things are progressing. It's a funny old process!x

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Niminy · 29/12/2017 10:39

Mini once you are booked in for a BAP things go v quickly. Have you had your interviews with the bishop's advisers yet? Normally you have two of those and then you have to see the bishop, and then there is the BAP Form, which is about 23 pages long, and you have to get all kinds of references.

ElphabaFlies · 29/12/2017 17:22

Peeks in - can't remember if I once replied to this or another thread. I've been in the process about 18 months, unofficially pondering for much longer. Post Easter bap is the current plan, if examining chaplains and bishop say yes.

Original poster
Minicooper · 30/12/2017 09:12

Hi, Niminy, I'm a bit upside down - I met the bishop last year, still have to meet bishops advisors. We've been filling in the massive form all the way through as we've covered different criterion, so that's nearly done...

Hi, Elpha, sounds like we might be on a similar timeline. Hope it continues to go well.

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EddSimcox · 04/02/2018 21:16

Well. I've finally been 'referred'. This is for real now. Waaah. Feeling very emotional about it all and I'm only at the start! (also mega excited).

Anyone want to talk about the obedience vow? I know the 'lawful and honest' bit, and have had it described to me by priests and ordinands as a kind of 'personal integrity' or 'conscience' clause. But I don't really understand it. What if the Bishop tells me to do X, which in his eyes is a lawful and honest instruction (sincerely well-meant) but for some reason I find it impossible? How is it supposed to work?

[For the avoidance of doubt I'm not some kind of trouble-maker already imagining ways in which I will flout the rules, just trying to make sure I understand everything . Also, I know I'll get to this with the VO/ DDO but it's good to work out what you think about things in advance ... ]

How are you all getting on?

Tiggles · 07/02/2018 17:15

Congratulations Edd!
I guess you have to hope that the bishop doesn't tell you to do something you can't do! Indeed one of the reports that has to be written about me so I can be priested in the summer is about how I obey the rules and regulations of the church. (It doesn't phrase it exactly like that but...)
On the other hand my bishop is human and happy to discuss things.

Niminy · 08/02/2018 18:19

Exciting times Edd (if also scary ones).

Obedience is quite a moveable feast in the CofE IMHO. (Wrote a long post there and deleted it in case I am identifiable.)

The last time I had a moment of real difficulty in obedience was when I was doing a marriage blessing, and was faced with the words 'the Church believes that marriage is the union of a man and a woman', and I just thought, well I bloody don't.

I think obedience is hard, and I am not a very obedient person.

EddSimcox · 09/02/2018 09:16

Yes quite Niminy! Next time, pm the longer answer.. :)

thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts · 09/02/2018 16:34

Niminy is right on the obedience bit. We have to stick by the rules of the C of E particularly in the case of weddings where we become the registrar when we officiate at marriages. Thus no bending of rules.

Bishops are usually wise and realise that organising clergy is like herding cats so they are careful about what they tell us we cannot do. If they do then you have to take notice. The last one I remember is about blessings that look very much like weddings. That may have been in the last diocese I was in so it doesn't happen often.

The journey is a fascinating and frustrating one. Many prayers for you as you navigate it.

EddSimcox · 10/02/2018 08:48

Thanks greenheart.

I find it so hard to believe God is calling me to this (and at the same time I’m sure iyswim). I think I am distracting myself from the enormity if it by focusing on details. I know it will take a long time and I welcome that - already I know that the wait between June last year and Feb to even get officially to first base was good and helpful. And I am so looking forward to the next stage. Smile

Niminy · 13/02/2018 12:03

I don't think that feeling of 'I can't believe God is calling me to this' ever goes away, however sure one is.

mrsoldbatty · 21/02/2018 14:14

I'm a vicar's wife so happy to support...

Original poster
Minicooper · 27/02/2018 21:17

Edd, glad things are moving.Smile I've had sudden movement too, after plodding along for a couple of years... I got offered a place at vicar college last week (dependent on BAP, of course) and have just got my BAP dates thro for end May. Shock Just have realms of paperwork to fill in now....

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Niminy · 28/02/2018 10:21

Mini, that's excellent news! Whereabouts is your vicar college? The BAP paperwork is extreme, isn't it? The Church of England certainly does love a form...

Original poster
Minicooper · 02/03/2018 07:57

In London, Niminy. Just have to get my head round how to make it all work practically if I am recommended for training - weekends and study weeks.... Not easy when you have children....

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EddSimcox · 03/03/2018 23:32

Oh mini that’s good. Are you in London or Southwark? Are you excited about the BAP or terrified?!

Original poster
Minicooper · 04/03/2018 22:36

I'm in Surrey, Edd, but looking at St Mellitus in Earl's Court. I think I'm excited and terrified in equal measure - ready for this next step, but aware that there will be challenges whatever the outcome...

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Montypontypine · 10/03/2018 10:00

Mind if I join in? I'm in New Zealand. I saw my second Bishops adviser yesterday. It's exciting but flipping nerve wracking

Original poster
Minicooper · 10/03/2018 10:03

Yay! Please join and welcome, Monty! Welcome to the rollercoaster that is the discernment process! My experience is that it can be a bumpy ride, but you'll learn a lot about yourself and the world and be changed, whatever the outcome!

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