Re-opening the Muslim Tearoom?

[perfectlybroken]

Salaam/peace, I haven't seen a tea room thread for ages. Would anyone be interested in resurrecting it? Perhaps we could redecorate, and have a new range of yummy cakes!
The previous tearooms were places where all were welcome, and we could chat about parenting/marriage/Islam stuff. Visits from those we questions about Islam were also welcome.

islamicmarriage.wordpress.com/2014/07/27/new-release-coming-of-age-a-muslim-girls-guide/

I highly recommend.

I try to answer questions as they come up, but we're no where near puberty yet.

www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2016/dec/04/muslims-like-us-bbc-gives-big-brother-a-twist-out-go-evictions

Have you seen this new programme patronisingly called 'Muslims like us' don't know how to feel about programmes like these and whether they actually do any good. Most are just train wrecks so expecting this one to be too. But I guess for these programmes they will always select controversial people to add drama. TV ratings and all that.

Anyway how do you educate your children about Islam? Do they go to madrassa or weekend school type things or do you do it all at home. Right now we are doing it largely from home as my ds is a little young for most of the classes but I'm not sure whether I should send him when he is old enough. Im building up a library of resources to use with him.

The english language books now for teaching children about islam are much better than before. I really like books by Zanib Mian especially 'Migo and Ali; Love for the Prophets'. There is also a sweet book called 'My dad's beard'. The illustrations and language are very attractive and easy to understand for a child. You can find her here.

www.muslimchildrensbooks.co.uk

Any suggestions of other useful books or website would be much appreciated.

Thanks for that link perfectly, I've just read the sample and I'm really impressed! I don't see how to purchase it though. I'll have a look at the website properly later. It looks like a really good informative book.

fuzzy I know! I don't want my baby to grow up either, but I don't want her to be scared of these things like I was. My mum was very conservative and never spoke to me about my body or menstruation.

needabreak I'm doing it at home atm. We talk about things randomly and I tell them stories as much as I remember. I taught my dd Qur'an at home and shes learning the 4 qul. I haven't started teaching salat as I'm very very bad at reading on time. With 3 kids and working evenings it gets difficult and trying to teach dd aswell is impossible. This is a big worry for me now as I feel I'm drifting away from Allah. I'm hoping this thread can motivate me and bring me back. I'll have s look at those books you've linked!

I use this and if you sign up they send you special edition booklets to download for your children during eg Ramadan, Eid, Hajj period.

I send my Dc to Islamic schools so Islamic studies, Arabic and Islam in general is part of their every day life Alhumdulillah.

Think the best way to teach salat is to lead in salat and recite out loud whilst the children follow.

I got my eldest DD a really good book on puberty etc and we discussed it, I need to go find out what it's called I'll let you know when I do inshallah.

Thank you lovely ladies for answering my hijab q's.... I've now found myself looking at some tutorials on you tube to satisfy my curiosity ... So much choice!

I got my eldest this book it's very comprehensive.

starry I think you can buy it on Amazon.
DS attended an Islamic nursery which was lovely. He now attends a madrasa 2 nights a week, which he seems to enjoy. I'm not great at doing stuff at home with the kids, but we do Quran memorisation every night before bed, and other bits and bobs.

When I think about my own childhood, a lot of what I learnt from my parents was just through how they lived, rather than what they taught me, so I hope that if DH and I do our prayers, and treat eachother, our kids and others well and with proper Islamic values, the children will learn that this is the right way to live. God willing!

My girls are a bit young to go to any classes , at the moment I just talk about Islam in our everyday conversations. They watch me pray and sometimes sit and read a small dua book , at this age they just mimic mummy.

I've got a question and maybe someone can give me their thoughts. At nursery ( attached to a church ) they have just started taking about Jesus , Mary and there will be a nativity play in a few weeks . A few years ago I would have said something like oh no they are teaching about shirk . However ( and I think it's more to do with the political climate ) I feel more like it's ok , as this gives me the opportunity to talk about the Islamic story of esa as and Maryam . Has anyone dealt with this in the past . ( but the shirk thing still bothers me ) I don't know if I'm being too relaxed about it ? Has anyone been in this situation before and how did you deal with it . Sorry it's long it's been on my mind for ages

I'm sure some will raise eyebrows and tut. But then they would do so because the kids go to a nursery attached to a church anyhow!

My mil went to a school run by priests in Iran. Her parents were very religious, obviously she lived in an Islamic country and her home was a traditional Muslim one.

Her parents had no issue with the children learning about other religions and the country was a lot more tolerant and less violent than after the revolution.

I feel that children should learn firstly about humanity, peace, tolerance and love - no matter what people's beliefs are, and taught about culture (not talking about religion here) too. Of were they live, so that they feel that they belong and not feel 'other'.

I have met and worked with people of a wide spectrum of beliefs and none, and believe that religion amplifies the goodness - and sadly sometimes the badness and intolerance - of people. I've worked with imams who would shake my hand and sit with me in business meetings - and men from another religion who wouldn't accept a cup of water from me.

Children are so open to the world and see it so beautifully. Teach them them the core values of religion - the values that we all aspire to: peace, love, faith, kindness, charity. We aren't so different under the surface. It's just a different type of wrapper if truth I guess.

I always had an issue with Neanderthals when I was a child. Did they go to heaven? I asked a priest not that long ago (40 years of pondering) and he said 'where they good, kind and selfless?'.

Rambling on a bit here...

Hug your children, tell them that they are loved and be a good role model.

I also use learning roots they are the ones who send cute little work books on every occasion eg Eid, Ramadan Hajj etc, you can buy larger more detailed workbooks if you want or just download the basic version for free.

My youngest loves them.

OriginalMavis I do agree teaching your child kindness and to be a good person are paramount, I think bringing children up in Islam and to follow the Prophets (as) and their companions does teach them well I think.

One of the main reasons I send mine to Islamic schools is because I want them to flourish and feel a part of the culture and school and normal amongst their peers, we are very lucky the school has an ethos of enabling the children to be confident in the wide world, they have affiliations with the local schools and have competitions and open days and exhibitions with and for them.

I've watched my very shy eldest blossom into a confident young woman, I feel this was achieved in part by the support and encouragement of the school. I don't want my DC to feel like the other and self conscious of their dress and religion and beliefs.
Thank fully they don't, they understand that not everyone will like or accept them, but for now they don't have to face that in real life Alhumdulillah.

I'm glad you asked that question twirlytwo as I have had to deal with my dc suddenly becoming really aware of Christmas this year since starting school. In nursery he did talk about it but didn't really understand the significance of it just the festivities such as presents, Christmas trees, Santa etc. This year he knows more about the religious significance.

I'm not the one to advise as I am in the same boat as you. However I just try to emphasise similarities so I told him Jesus is a prophet in Islam and what the Quran says about him and his mother. Where there are differences I say that this is what some people believe and we believe this. We still have to be kind and good to everyone. I use Surah Ahad/ikhlas to remind him of the basics of tawheed. So does God have a daddy? Then he shouts No! Does God have a mummy? No! Does God have children? No! and so on. However I'm planning to go in to the story of Prophet Isa/Jesus in more depth over the holidays.

I think though when they are under 7 they won't be able to understand fully differences in beliefs or even religious concepts so just don't take what they say too seriously. As a child I believed in Santa even though my parents never mentioned him ever to me (so got it all from school). I thought he didn't come to my house because we didn't have a chimney. We outgrow these things and if your dd is like my son next month she will have completely forgotten everything she has been learning about now.

BTW original mavis I do agree with you about emphasising good morals of being kind, loving, polite etc to others. I think it's just not wanting them to get confused. So for example if I tell my son God is not like us he has no children, no parents, was not born and does not die and then he learns something contradictory to that at school you have to find a way to bridge that. I can't stop school from teaching him about other faiths nor do I want to but I'm not going to stop teaching my son about our religion either. So it's about how do you reconcile these two contradictory ideas in a peaceful and respectful way but that does not compromise core islamic teachings.

i dont think us muslims are the only ones with those challenges. i think its similar to the challenge vegetarian or vegan parents have with their kids. explaining a moral standpoint why they feel their way is best but without the child going int school and saying 'you horrid meat eaters!'. or concerning santa, we have the same duty to keep our kids quiet about santa as an atheist parent telling their child there is no such thing as God but don't go round shouting that out!

I'm veggie but DS has been brought up eating everything!

I was brought up in Glasgow when sectarianism was awful. I think that's why I am a fervent 'see the wo/man, not the belief'.

Thank you to for all your replies ladies . Interesting point about vegan / not believing in santa . Ultimately inshallah all I want is what I expect most of us want . To raise our children with good morals and to be healthy balanced individuals . I'm enjoying this tea room

And to eat their vegetables!

Oh yes kind and morally upright vegetable eating children sound perfect! We are facing the Xmas thing for the first time this year, in fact I had a thread about it as ds school really go for it. I was prepared for a December full of Xmas stuff but we've had it since November! Anyway, It's a good chance to explain about Isa (Ra).
Also really enjoying the tearoom, thank you all for coming! (more mint tea and baclava anyone?)

Yes please love another cup and just a tiny piece of cake. Watching my figure . Im also enjoying the tearoom. I find all the palaver of xmas really wearing myself. Its such a Big fat capitalist holiday id really rather it was about Prophet Jesus than santa! It also makes me understand abit those muslims who bang on about the perils of bidah bidah/innovation, innovation. Christmas has grown into such a huge pressure to conform and is a hard act to follow tbh. The cute dinky ' new outfit and small present' eid of my childhood doesnt cut it anymore with our kids generation!

Exactly labour. I secretly do love the christmas season but I just dont want to spend any money. That is until the sales come round.

In muslim countries Eid is a huge deal and they do the prep for it just like we see for Christmas. I was in Egypt for a holiday just before ramadan and you see the lights and street lanterns going up. You can really feel the excitement. It's a struggle to replicate that so you have to come up with your own traditions and ways to celebrate it. I have a friend who wraps the presents up and keeps them out for the kids to see and salivate over until Eid day comes round. Another friend has fireworks and sparklers in the garden on the night of Eid for her kids to enjoy. My parents used to organise community Eid parties where they would hire a hall, get the guests to bring one dish each to share with everyone and have party games for the kids to play.

We have to be careful though that we don't focus so much on the celebration bit that we forget the religious element of the holidays. I have to admit I have been guilty of planning my Eid before I have even completed a week of fasting in ramadan.

It's the same everywhere. At new year Baba Norooz would aing songs and dance about and hand out a few sweets, and folks would do their hafseen at home. Get a goldfish, cool a nice meal, give the kids some pocket money. Nice and fun...happy times.

Everything is just BIGGER these days. I'm sure half the time people done know what they are celebrating/commemorating.

Human nature is such that everything just gets pushed to the extreme.

Did anyone see the piece on This Morning , with Lauren booth . Basically it was about Angela Merkel wanting to ban the burka in Germany wherever possible . I am so disappointed , just ahead of their elections as well ,so well timed!! She faced a lot of criticism after letting a lot of the refugees in. I really thought she was better than this. I'm am really frustrated, how often does one come into contact with someone wearing a niqab, and how much distressed is caused because of if. The amount of media interest in this is so disproportionate to the actual issue. I wish I could articulate a better response to my feelings , I was getting the rage this morning!!

I thought it was the face veil? Lauren Booth is a prize booby though.

I see women every day with their faces, sometimes even eyes covered. Quite a few.

It's a partial ban and burqa wherever legally possible , creeping stealthily to more and more , what's next ?

What does she mean by 'burqa'? Is she talking about niqab? It's like when the media use the word veil to describe Muslim dress. Sometimes the user is referring to niqab other times hijab. Burqa is worse cause I don't know whether it's referring to the abaya, niqab or hijab.

I have friends who have worn niqab and to be honest I feel conflicted. On the one hand I know that women can choose to wear it completely out of their own choice. Only one od the several people i know was lets say influenced by her husband but she no longer wears it. My friends who wore it had different reasons but the one thing they had in common was that they were deeply religious.

We are taught in society that women should have the freedom to wear what they want and around us we see women of all backgrounds exercising that right. However in the case of muslims women politicians are discussing restrictions. Your right twirly today they say its niqab but how do we know tomorrow it wont be hijab or burqini or whatever. We have seen examples across Europe of this taking place. It smacks of prejudice to pick out Muslim women almost as if to punish them for the actions of others. Not everyone will take it off willingly so we will end up criminalising people for what they choose to wear. What makes that any better than countries like Saudi, Iran or Afghanistan under the Taliban?

However as a hijab wearer I feel on edge at times when out and about. I live in an area where there is a reasonably sized muslim population but within the area there are places where there are few muslims so some people are not used to seeing hijab. Mostly it's just looks I get with the occasionally bird brains making a dumb comment. When I lived in London I used to wear abaya but after 10 years of wearing it I stopped after a few years living in this area because of the stares etc. It's not always malicious mainly curiosity but it's like I have to physically brace myself before leaving the house. I love going back to London because I become anonymous and invisible again.

Anyway the point of that ramble above is that if I experience these feelings and I'm in hijab what on earth do niqabis go through? When I see them in town I actually feel worried for them especially when they have their children with them which the majority of time they do. Hijab and niqab is not meant to expose you to verbal abuse and physical violence. The opposite actually. However niqab in the West has almost become like walking around with a target on you saying direct all your hatred and vitriol of muslims towards me. It makes the wearer very vulnerable. I can see why people would wear it in Muslim countries but I feel like it has the opposite effect here because it draws alot of negative attention to you.

Having said that should you ban women from wearing it especially when our values include freedom of choice and expression. I don't think that's right either as it alienates and isolates the wearer further. So basically I'm very confused. I would fight hard for women like my friends to have the right to choose to wear it but in private I would try to persuade them not to.