I have told my DC I don't believe in God. DH thinks their morality is in danger

[BerylStreep]

I have been an atheist since I was 12. DH is catholic, and when we met 13 yrs ago he was a regular churchgoer although hasn't been for the last 6 years or so because of the child abuse scandal. We got married in church, but only because he told me that if we didn't, we wouldn't get married at all. I went along with it because I knew it was important to him, but equally he knew my views.

Anyway, we were out for a meal last night, and I mentioned that DC, 7 & 9 had asked me about a book beside my bed. The Portable Atheist (which incidentally, DH bought for me). They asked me what it meant, and I explained that not all people believe in God, and even those that do, some believe in different Gods. They asked me a direct question if I believed in god, and I answered no, but I believed that some of the things in the bible May have happened and that people's scientific understanding at the time meant that they thought god had done things. We discussed Noah as an example. We talked about how it was fine to believe different things to other people and to respect other peoples views.

I didn't think it was a big issue, in fact I think it healthy that they know there is a different viewpoint. When I mentioned it to DH, he cracked up. He thinks that there is a risk that our DC will grow up not knowing about morality and won't know right from wrong.

An argument followed, where I told him I thought it was ridiculous to suggest that Christian teaching had sole preserve over morality, and that the child abuse that has occurred clearly demonstrated that it hadn't worked in practice.

We spent the rest of the meal in silence. Tbh this is part of a bigger issue with DH at the moment. He is stressed with work, and has been really argumentative and unpleasant to be around. I honestly think that the bigger risk to our DC is seeing his toxic behaviour at the moment, rather than knowing that some people don't believe in god. I just need to vent.

Maid Because, I believe, humans have a spirit (central essence) soul, (thinking part, psyche) and body.

^That is humans are spiritual beings as well as corporal.

Sure, why not. People believed it 2000 years ago, why not now?

Why don't you tell us about it then Maid? A lot more interesting than arguing about cupboards that don't contain any biscuits....

OP what you told your children was entirely reasonable. I am in a very similar situation to you and even my 4 yr old knows that people believe in different things. She often says 'mummy thinks xxxx is pretend, but daddy thinks xxx is real'. It's good that children know that people can get along even with different beliefs.

She sometimes goes to Catholic mass, sometimes to CofE (for a bit of variety), and also gets my p.o.v at home (and that of various uncles, friends). My dh and I have come up with a scientifically accurate description of death which takes into account eternal life (the energy from the decomposed body, which goes to make trees etc). I do get concerned sometimes that because the religious are more organised they have a stronger influence - there's nowhere I can take a small child to balance the church mass so that she sees both p.o.v equally.

The whole 'only Christians, or the religious, have morality' thing is complete rubbish as many religious people would also agree. A look at animal societies and animal behaviour would also show you how altruism (such as it is) and cooperation, not stealing etc, help individuals to survive and prosper - and animals aren't Christians.

I've honestly had people appear to be surprised that I don't go round killing, maiming, stealing, cheating etc etc.

Maid Because, I believe, humans have a spirit (central essence) soul, (thinking part, psyche) and body

Do you accept that the belief in spirit and soul have zero evidence in support? And therefore, you believe there are biscuits in the cupboard, even though you've looked and can't see them?

I like this biscuit analogy

Why don't you tell us about it then Maid?

I don't believe in imposing my worldviews on others

Maid that is where the analogy falls down since biscuits are physical matter.

And you're not imposing if you have an invitation...

Maid that is where the analogy falls down since biscuits are physical matter

Well, it's probably fair to say that I'm not willing to invest any of my own private resources labouring under the premise that the spiritual form of biscuit will one day be made real and I can look forward to dunking it my tea. Seems like a massive waste of time and effort to me, even if I really want a lovely biscuit with my tea.

And you're not imposing if you have an invitation

I would be caught in a logic loop, arguing against the existence of god for lack of evidence, whilst claiming to be the very embodiment of a miracle supporting god's existence.

Therefore, I leave you to make your own mind up. After all, if you believe it to be true, isn't it so?

Also, I have to leave to go home. I may try to think of a suitably witty story on the train

I don't think all biscuits are fully physical. I thought the middle of Jaffa cakes are made of ectoplasm?

combust

Of course Jaffa cakes are cakes though. Entirely different sort of matter.

Well, it's probably fair to say that I'm not willing to invest any of my own private resources labouring under the premise that the spiritual form of biscuit will one day be made real and I can look forward to dunking it my tea. Seems like a massive waste of time and effort to me, even if I really want a lovely biscuit with my tea.

You'd be better off asking a Catholic about that one...

What's with all the eating of zombie flesh at communion all about then.

I think of it as eating His flesh, is internalising, the way Jesus was in the physical world, His actions. Drinking His blood is partaking of His spirit, since spirit is connected with/is in the blood.

Best reserved for Halloween parties then.

The idea being that your spirit and flesh is in harmony with Jesus', you internalise Him.

I can't say cannibalism appeals.

But of course this is done by Faith, which for Catholics means transubstantiation and for other denominations anything from remembrance to transubstantiation.

Similar beliefs concerning spirit and blood can also be seen in Pagan beliefs. Warriors used to bath in blood and eat their enemies to strengthen their spirit. Vampires become immortal and draw strength though drinking the blood of Virgins (spiritually unadulterated I suppose) and there were all sorts of gruesome 'medicines' made from the blood of convicts who had been put to death.

The ingesting I think can be thought of as accepting the sacrifice Jesus made.

There are some peculiar ideas of religion. 'Burn in hell' 'be saved' Not Christianity as I recognise it.
I believe in respect and toleration for others. I can see why someone wouldn't want to have a partner with a different belief system-( not something that bothers me)-but I can't understand why you can't have friends with a completely different belief system- it makes life far more interesting. I have friends who are atheist, Christian, a Muslim- and the vast majority I haven't a clue what they believe- it has never cropped up.
It seems very intolerant and narrow minded to choose friends who are just like yourself.
I am not being obtuse. You can bring up your children the way you wish, they will follow or not follow as they get older.
I took mine to church until they were about 7/8 yrs when they decided they didn't want to go. Are you seriously suggesting that forcing them would make them Christian? I couldn't see the point - forcing them would make them more anti and they would certainly vote with their feet later. You can't get someone to practice a religion because you force them- unless you go to absolute extremes and threaten them with death!

I love my children unconditionally so I am not going to threaten them with death or cutting them out of my life merely because they disagree with me. I can't think that many parents would- except extremists.

OP just needs to dig her heels in. Her DH is being ridiculous and it needs pointing out to him. Being stressed at work is no excuse.
It is perfectly reasonable that the children can understand that mummy and daddy have different ideas. People do. They are free to choose for themselves later- the same as the rest of the population.