Introducing "God" to 4 yr old (atheist family)

[EssenceOfGelfling]

Not sure if I'm just being a bit PFB about this, so please someone slap me about a bit if I am!

DH and I are atheist. Our children are free to make up their own minds about what they want to believe. I believe I will have as much influence over their beliefs as my parents have over my beliefs - i.e. none!

DS starts school in september. So far he has no experience of any religion whatsoever, never been in a church, never prayed, never had a discussion about the idea of 'God'. Not deliberately, its just not a part of our lives or our extended family.

Its not a faith school, but there will be collective worship. I don't want his first experience of religion to be in an assembly where he hasn't got a clue why people are closing their eyes and making shapes with their hands and saying 'amen'. I'd like to explain what it all means, and that its his choice what he wants to believe, but not sure where to start (without getting into the philosophical complexities of it), or even if its necessary, am I overthinking this?! (Background: he struggles with new routines and transitions... I want him to settle in easily and want to prepare him as much as is sensible to do so).

Thanks in advance for any thoughts on this.

I really hope are just saying that but can in fact see the difference between telling a child the agenda of his day and expecting him to understand that groups of people believe in conflicting stories, most if not all of which are completely false.

At least no one is executed, blown apart, tortured or killed because they happen to have a different view of Santa than someone else.

Beating, Collective Worship is not a fairy story, it is a real thing that is going to happen in the OP's son's school and she is asking how best to prepare him for it.

Crescent, I'm glad your explanation worked for your DCs and their classmates.

I just casually dropped into conversation one day when DD was about four that some people think there is an invisible giant in the sky called 'God'. For her, it naturally went into the same box as fairies, trolls and Father Christmas. (And, weirdly, bears. She is convinced they're mythical!)

OP if you celebrate Christmas .what do you tell him about it .maybe he understands a bit about Christianity .

It's a good idea OP. I taught, not re, in primary and many children were utterly traumatised, particularly by Easter.
Can you take him round a church? Either a parish one or a touristy one? He's likely to see people praying and the stations of the cross/ crucifixes and statues- you could then have a natural conversation based on what he's seen.
I'm a Christian, but never told my own DC it was fact, it was always, 'I believe'. You can do the same, 'Christians believe'

Children are so wrapped up in their own mythical worlds, their imaginiation that the lines can become blurred.
I think that teaching comparative religion at primary school is questionable. It's almost impossible to do it seems without some position of bias.

Your comments about the trauma of Easter ring particulary true.
I remember sitting through an assembly at primary school ( so called non- denominational) where the local Minister ( Scotland) was wheeled in to give the Easter message.

It was horrific. The graphic detail of the crucifixion, the punctures wounds, the dried blood..... Some of the 4 years olds had to be escorted out of the hall, in tears.

Why is any of that necessary- Easter is such a lovely time, at least for the secular. New life, new opportunities, new beginninings - only the christian church could find a vest of thorns to make such a wonderful time so bad.

Just tested all this "some people believe..." on DS, who recently turned 5. Conversation went something like this:

• Some people believe that apricots are make you strong
• Oh apricots make me strong!

-I didn't say that. Some people believe they make you strong.

• Don't they?
• Some believe they do, other people believe tomatoes make you strong.
• Why?
• I don't know why they believe.
• Well, I'm not eating any of it.

I wonder how the religion conversation would go

We didn't do any special prep when DC went to school. They just took religious belief on board along with all the new ideas they hear (& don't always accept). Most of them went thru a bit of a religious phase "but don't you know mummy that Jesus is the most important person who ever lived!" so that gave us plenty to discuss.

DS9yo asked recently why do people have religions. That was good to discuss, too.

cote- your DS sounds very sensible.

What do you say about Christmas, Easter, Eid, Ramadan then, Cote?

Christmas is about presents and Santa.

Easter is about hunting for chocolate eggs.

We will be in a Muslim country during Ramadan this summer, so kids will see lots of people fasting, some among close family members. I expects that we will be talking about what they are doing and why with DD (9) while DS (5) is unlikely to understand of show interest in any of it.

This book was helpful for my DD at about that age. We're atheists.

Thanks for all the replies.

I think I'm going for a book called 'All Kinds of Beliefs: a lift the flap book' by Emma Damon, as we've borrowed another in the series from the library before and its been good, and anything with some good old flaps is perfect for a topic potentially as dry / odd as religion. I like the idea of visiting a church, we are going to the science museum next week so that's my version of a church ticked anyway!!

I don't really know much about the HT's views although they do Operation Xmas Child, there's a nice topic for next term! To be honest I'm not too worried even if they are "overt" in their approach to collective worship, I'd like to think that all DCs will question things and make their own minds up regardless (isn't that what we all did, after all?). Its more just that I don't want to have DS totally confused about what's going on and why, I'd like him to have some sort of basic framework of knowledge to fit it all into and not get upset. E.g. at the moment he gets scared and cries at preschool if the timetable / staff changes unexpectedly :-(

For a 4yo I have to agree that it's too hard to explain what these people are doing in collective worship. The simplest way is to say it's a game they play.

After all I've yet to hear an explanation for what those people are doing in collective worship that makes sense to me.

DS learnt about God at nursery. I told him that some people believe that God is real and others don't and the thing is that we don't really know. He says he believes and I said that's okay.

Sounds like a good plan OP.

Before you do anything else, find out what his school does for collective worship

I agree. A lot of schools don't really do anything noticeable!
There was certainly no collective prayer in my kids' school

doing Operation Christmas Child is not a good omen

EssenceOfGelfling I think you are very sensible and caring wanting to explain about this to your son.

I am a Christian and if my children ask about other faiths I just say 'some people believe...' etc. You do not need to go into a lot of detail. I don't think your son will find this very odd. I think maybe lots of things adults do/or other kids do are odd or unusual but I think most kids are accepting, not believing it but just accepting that this is what is done here/there, sometimes.

I agree with others I would ask the school what they do. My dd's school is a state school and although they have assemblies I am not sure how 'in depth' they are.

Also the hall that is used for assemblies will probably also be used for gym and lunch etc so it would not be a very intimidating experience.

I do think you are right to be the one to explain about it and give your child your thoughts on things. Good luck.

PS what does if I'm just being a bit PFB mean?

PFB = 'precious first born' = slang for parents who become a bit obsessive about very minor details with their first child, because they don't have a clue about the bigger picture & what matters or not, i.e. none of the sense of perspective that you start to get with your younger children!