Welcome to muslim tea room 2.

[defuse]

Peace to you all

Ok, well here it is again...we have moved to room 2 now

Discuss whatever aspect of islam you like my lovely sisters - this is a place for muslims and non-muslims too, to share experiences, raising kids or just having your say!

The kettle is on.... We have loads of herbal teas, coffee and guava juice .... I like guava juice so welcome!

Its standard procedure for ss to step in. Ex was violent and ss pretty much made it clear they would take my girls if we remained together as the children could get caught in the middle, also their witnessing the abuse was abusive to them.

Either family members offer to foster her till your sister sees sense, could be years or never.

Or a child of the family will be taken into care.

I'm not surprised the child is challenging, poor baby has experienced a lot no child should have to during her short life.

I've a friend who's sister behaved exactly as yours (not Muslim), eventually the sister left the abusive husband but in the meantime my friend bought up the daughter and now the daughter is pretty much re-living her mothers life. Her mother is in another not dissimilar abusive relationship with another child. This time my friend has taken a step back. She's decided she can't live her sisters life for her and she can't deal with the responsibility.

Isit that doesn't sound like a healthy environment for a child, and that's probably an understatement. She can't grow up thinking that it's normal for a woman (or man) to be treated like that. As, like fuzzy has just described, history will repeat it self.

Ss are there to help, if they think say they're going to remove her will that shock your sister into seeing sense?

I really feel for you, I hope it all works out.

horrible situation isitme may Allah rectify the affairs of all involved, ameen.

Sorry to hear about the difficulties you and your husband are having with losing a relative tulip, Allah make it easy for you.

crescent you are in my dua also and it is always better to leave it to Allah, even though it doesn't feel like it sometimes.

Salam everyone else, I'm having trouble finding a school place for one of my children at the moment, and that is getting me down, so please also make dua for me.

I have finally read the whole chat! You mustn't laugh at me but I really have to concentrate when reading to fully take it all in. And again I have learnt so much!

Crescent I must ask, what is 'nafs'? You have mentioned it a few times. Hope you're not too mad with whoever has upset you!

Peaceful that thumb guard looks torturous! However I totally get why you would want it, my nephew is 7 and still sucks his thumb, not all the time more when he's watching tv etc. bless him, he just can't help it. My sister kicks herself and wishes she had done something sooner, she also puts the bitter nail polish on his thumb which doesn't seem to last very long.

Interesting conversation about going to the masjid. I have never actually prayed salah in a masjid, there is nothing like that round my way. The thought of praying jumma excites me so much....which is is why I need to keep my feet firmly on the ground about going to umrah. - getting über excited at the prospect.

As for umrah inshallah we have managed to get a date where my menses will be over I think (woohoo!) I appreciate your good wishes fuzzy and peaceful however unfortunately I just don't seem to fall pregnant very easily like everybody else seems to and when I do well it doesn't work out! :-( which is why every cycle is so very important and I get majorly obsessed with it, my poor DH!

Crescent I liked that link about trustworthiness it is so much more than just 'keeping a secret'. It's about our lives, I liked what defuse quoted on ikhlas about hiding our good deeds like we would our evil deeds. I like reading things like this, it's fulfilling. Also makes me smile as I have a family member who is the most religious muslim in the world who prays ALL the time, gives 80% zakat, and is a basic know it all, never sins etc. I feel really inadequate sat with her in a room but it's not always about that! There was a good tweet from mufti menk not so long ago something along the lines of you really don't know what somebody's iman is like or what their faith is like and what goes on behind closed doors!

Isitme I do hope things work out for your sister, of course e child is priority.

I hope I have not waffled too much . DH is in the process of producing a eulogy for his grandfathers funeral, he has added quite a few hymns and bible extracts which I was reading and looking at the similarities to our surahs and hadiths on death and the akhirah. Quite captivating!

I can't sleep so I thought I would check in to read the discussions. Very interesting points raised, LittleTulip I am more likely to be suspicious of the obvious muslims because they are more likely to hide mistakes or make them while pretending to be purer than the driven snow! I have a family member who ticks all the boxes for adherance to faith but her behaviour is shockingly bad. Don't get drawn in by outward appearances as they can distract you from concentrating on your own behaviour and faith.

What's an obvious Muslim (genuine question- have visions of sisters in face paint, crawling across floors in camouflage hijabs )?

I have to say I do steer clear of the more vocal holier than thou ones.

I like mixing with practicing sisters tho, just being around them gives me comfort and an iman boost Inshallah.

I learn so much and pick up things from practicing sisters, like the fasting on Mondays and Thursdays up till a couple of years ago I never knew firstly the sunnah of it and the pleasure of Allah in it. I have to say fasting outside of Ramadan is the toughest form of ibadah for me.

Also I learned the fada'il of reciting surah Kahf on Fridays from a sister which started me doing it a few years ago as well.

On that note Happy Jummah/Friday everyone. Remember to recite or listen to urah Kahf today and keep the ummah and my girls and me in your duas today especially.

Sisters, I really need duas, please keep my girls and I in your duas.

Jazakallah Kahir

One of the biggest reasons I chose the schools I did for my DD's was primarily for the excellent pastoral care, I was looking for an environment that would offer support for my children enabling them to be comfortable so they could just concentrate on learning.

Academic excellence is also a big issue for me because my girls are academic, if they weren't I'd have looked for a school that wasn't so strict about it.

The first thing I tell teachers when my girls move up classes or join secondary school, is that I am there to support the teacher, I want to work along with the school to ensure my DD's receive our full support to get the best out of their schooling.
Which is why I didn't hesitate in getting the teachers on side when I had problems getting airy fairy DD2 out the door on time to school. I've always felt my DD's teachers love the kids and teaching for them is a passion, which shows in how the children respond.

My youngest still throws herself at her old year two teacher for a hug whenever she sees her, teacher said she started a trend in that all the other children now come to her for a hug too lol.

So yes I would, if you feel unsupported or unable to seek support at your children's school, if you feel you have to walk on eggshells in case the WO alerts SS and that report is horrendous, I would move my children no question.

FuZyWuzzy the 'obvious' muslims are the ones physically identifiable as such by their clothes, hijaab etc. Not war paint & camouflage gear, it is the holier than thou attitude which I dont like. For me that is the ego talking & that is what we should be working towards controlling. I have met quite a few sisters who have been less than welcoming & have a superiority complex. That is what I meant by my statement.

mrsvenus, don't right off all hijab wearing sisters.

I've increasingly (only on here), that non hijab wearing sisters are very hostile going on downright rude and insulting towards the hijab wearing sisters, calling every single woman in a headscarf holier than thou is odd, you can't know them all. And it's uncalled for. I'd bet a fair few sisters posting on here wear hijab if not the odd niqab.

In RL I've found sisters all over the spectrum lovely regardless of their sartorial choices Alhumdulillah.

tulip I hope your dh's grandfathers funeral arrangement is going as well as can do, when is it taking place? I'm pleased you have been able to change the date of when you go on umrah alhamdullilah. Good luck with the ttc I'll make dua for you inshaAllah.

fuzzy I'll read fatiha for you and make dua for you and your girls. I'm not sure if you've mentioned any hardships on here, I may have missed it but I'll keep you all in my thoughts.

One day inshaAllah I'd like to fast Mondays and Thursdays, I've still to make up my fasts from Ramadan. I managed one day last month but then I kept getting friends asking me for lunch and I became weak and accepted the lunch offers instead of fasting. I'm really quite annoyed with myself that I didn't just keep my head down and fast the days I intended to.

I like your attitude with regards to schooling, I haven't said that to any of my dd's teachers but I like to make it obvious I'm on their side and that I'll work with them rather than against them.

crescent I think I walk round in my own ignorant bubble sometimes, I'm so oblivious to things like you have mentioned with regards to children's and social services. I think I need to become a bit less selfish and start taking note. These things are happening under our noses and what can we do about it? My dh is always saying how Asian people are targeted, I've always said it's nonsense and he's being paranoid. I can now see where he's coming from. I do worry about my children being mixed race though and only just this school year have I experienced racial bullying towards dd. The school dealt with it ok, not great but I didn't know what to expect of the outcome.

Have you been to look around this other school that you like? Have you asked your dc about how they would feel about moving school? If you've lost confidence in their current school then I'd move them, especially if other families have also left for that same reason.

Thank you for the link to the study, it makes for interesting reading. I like that they use the word 'successful' in one of the sub headings. I have no experience of growing up having a religion incorporated as part of daily life, we went to Sunday school but we didn't actively do anything outside the church. I think there's a number of reasons why Islam is so successfully passed down through the generations and if I'm honest I can't seem to write it down! I never have the right words, or they don't come across in the right way written down.

I do think that children learn best by example though, and I'm trying my absolute hardest at the moment to be a good teacher to my dc. Easier said than done though. One thing I do feel quite strongly about though is forcing it on children, I always think the more you force the harder they rebel. I know that's true of me anyway. With dd1 it's always been a bit different, I did tell her she would be reverting with me, but I've let her take the lead with the speed in which she learns. As it happens she knows more than me and can recite more than me mashallah. She also wants to teach me how to read Arabic! I'm so proud of her.

I think I've rambled a bit with nothing constructive to say again, I really do feel inferior to you sisters! I'm one of these people that can talk passionately about a topic for hours, but putting it down on paper I just don't have the words, and it comes across like I'm actually quite thick and that I don't know what I'm talking about!

Ok, can I set you all a little task please. I'm after an abaya, I want one that has the measurements of a size 53 but a 58/59 in length! I've got one size 58 and it's so baggy I could fit 2 of me in. I know they're not supposed to be fitted but it really just looks like a bin bag. I know I could get it taken in but I'm far too lazy for that. Anyone have and good links for me please?

Sis Lost you are not any less than any of us on here, I always have a deep awe and admiration for revert sisters actually, what you have done for the sake of Allah is inspiring Mashallah.

I personally have tried to teach my children to cultivate their own relationship with Allah, I encourage them to make duas as that is their dialogue with Allah.
Last year my girls were being minded by a friend after school, they didn't like her (she can be quite sharp and her children can be a bit too much), so before Christmas break my eldest insisted I should pick them up from school on the last day of term and we could have a lovely lazy day together. However when I asked my manager for annual leave for that half a day she refused.
My eldest was so upset, I told her to make duas, to which she burst out 'Duas duas duas, that's what you always say, your manager has already said NO' she was really upset and pretty inconsolable. It had been a rough year subhanallah.
Any way when she calmed down, I told her fine, I would continue to make duas till the time to pick her up from school was passed, I told her that my God was the God of Musa who parted the sea, The God of Ibraheem who made the fire a cool garden for him, the God of Dhun Nun who bought him out of the belly of the fish. I told her I would see which of us would win, her anger or my duas because what I asked was so small and it meant so much to my daughter Allahs mercy could nto but prevail.
Then I just prayed to Allah that he keep her on the right path.
That Friday my manager decided we should all go home half day, I arrived in time to pick my girls up from school and I got paid for a full day and kept my annual leave! Since then I've reminded her of this and other times her duas have been answered and she has become more likely to do duas then moan or get upset. I feel it strengthens her bond with her creator Inshallah.

I think all of us talk about our iman and things to do and inspire eachother but actually doing the fasting for example outside of ramadan is tough subhanallah. Before I go to bed I make duas that Allah help me fulfill my intention of fasting and that he make it easy on me. Work is hilarious tho, one of my colleagues was like; 'Fuzzy you are always fasting', to which I replied; 'No you just never offer me food when I am NOT fasting'.

Abaya shopping;

Silk route I'd go for the regular fit in their abayas as they are a pretty comfy fit already, the slim fit would just end up too fitted for my liking and with your regular clothes on underneath it can look a bit bumpy! (on the other hand I like my abayas in tent sizes!)

simply Islam does a very big range, sign up to their email newsletter and you get a discount on some items.

[[http://www.aabcollection.com/shop/category/shop-by-clearance/114 AAb] abayas are very fitted, and they are very expensive for what they are, but they fall so beautifully I do think the prices are rather inflated for the material tho.

never bought from them but one day when I am rich inshallah I shall buy one abaya from here, I'll let you know what the fit and material is like

Woops one link not working AAb

Fuzzy that story about your daughter gave me goosebumps, I have great admiration for the way in which you deal with your girls in situations like this, you always seem to see the positive in everything mashallah.

Thank you for those links, I've bookmarked quite a few, mainly from aab and I will have a closer look once the dc are I'm bed. I did do a quick google before I posted but I never know who's reputable or not.

I was at the prices of the ones on abayas by akhawat, but yes please do let me know how they fit! One day inshaAllah.

What is everyone doing this weekend? We're having a quiet one, it's the anniversary of my father in law passing away so a bit subdued in the lost house.

Sis crescent you're so funny, this is not as fast moving a thread as some others but you'd never kill the thread. Your posts are always very thought provoking mashallah.

I agree with fuzzy mashaAllah crescent you are so insightful. Andd I love that story about making dua and encouraging your children to. I try and get mine to do so as well. My eldest child totally gets it, but it is still quite funny when he asks Allah to make it snow.

As for abayas, I always end up with ones that are too baggy as well, because to get the length, they just get wider and wider. That is why at the moment I am saving to go to a place in London and inshaallah get some tailor made ones in colours and fabric that I will choose myself. I don't want anything tight fitting but something that looks a bit tidier because I always feel really rough like I haven't made an effort when my abayas are so baggy, they do not suit formal occasions at all.

Salams

Thank you Lost for bringing the topic on to abayas. I would say its sort of a specialist topic of mine. I spend too much money time checking out different websites and if you want to avoid the baggy, tent look I can suggest a few.

www.inayahcollection.com/ is definitely at the top of the list for style and affordability (though it doesn't score as highly for affordability when compared to some others). I bought this style from them but not in that colour, and the fit was great but you have to go up one from your actual size if you want a modest fit as they are cut to be quite fitted. I have bought two from them already and I am eyeing up this one for my next purchase.

www.khimaronline.co.uk/ are top for affordability I would say, good service and quick delivery times. They have some interesting designs and I have ordered two from them as well, though be careful as some styles are actually wider then they look. The jersey abayas have a flattering fit but I haven't quite got the knack of how to iron jersey without leaving marks . Yes I know Im an imbecile.

www.biah.co.uk/product-category/abaya/ actually BIAH gives khimar a run for their money in terms of affordability. They have some nice styles, haven't ordered anything from them yet but they seem legit.

ash-shams.co.uk/ are great for luxurious style abayas. I went mental last eid and bought this no niqab though . Then I realised intricate beadwork like that and a one year old baby do not go together. I haven't worn it since .

Anyway I hope that helps. What do you all think of the hijab style bloggers. I love the Hijabi Barbies though I don't have the patience to put all that effort in to get the look (plus Im rubbish with liquid eyeliner). I like the way they give young girls and me some inspiration in to how to inject some individuality in to your look whilst still (just about ) maintaining hijab.

I recently came across the fashion designer Rima Tadmory who designs clothes for both muslims and non_muslims. Oh my god check out these designs. Shes a hijabi as well (she is the one next to Dina Tokio in picture 4). Some of her designs are really not very modest at all though. Do you think its a bit contradictory to believe in dressing modestly but yet design clothes that very much show off the female form?

Oh gosh yes the Inayah collection, it's stylish with a twist my friend got a gorgeous dress form there. The descrptions confuse me tho they call dresses abayas

I really want to get some nice new outfits for summer for work inshallah, last year silkroute clothing did packs so you got three abaya sets for £75.00 wish I'd boguht some then.

sis peaceful I love the cut of the secodn abaya you want to buy inshallah.

The inayah collection are lovely mashallah.

Peaceful the two you highlighted are two of the ones I've bookmarked (also not in the first colour, I'd look naked if I was wearing that!).

It's definitely the jersey style I want, and this is where I feel like a hypocrite cause I don't actually wear abaya. Clothes are my downfall, I love fashion far too much and I'm always on Instagram looking at the Hijabi Barbies. I want some nice, stylish abayas that I can wear in the summer.

Peaceful, the Hijabi Barbies sometimes leave me with my mouth on the floor. Sometimes I wear clothes that I umm and ahh about because I know they're not modest enough, but I just can't stop myself sometimes because I have to always 'look good'. Which is not actually hijab at all. Don't get me wrong I always cover correctly (only face, hands and feet on show) never wear anything see through etc, it's just the skinny jeans I can't seem to irradiate from my wardrobe. I wear them with jumpers or dresses to my knees or just above but still, they're skinny jeans.

I always ask dh if what I'm wearing is modest enough and he always says wear what you want, which isn't actually helpful at all.

Sorry I'm ranting, all of those links I've had a good look at, thank you, and inshallah I'll be wearing abaya's a few days a week in the near future.