Welcome to muslim tea room 2.

[defuse]

Peace to you all

Ok, well here it is again...we have moved to room 2 now

Discuss whatever aspect of islam you like my lovely sisters - this is a place for muslims and non-muslims too, to share experiences, raising kids or just having your say!

The kettle is on.... We have loads of herbal teas, coffee and guava juice .... I like guava juice so welcome!

Salaam,

Thanks for that summary peaceful, it was a really interesting read. I am a big fan of Farhat Hashmi, listening to her inspired me to start wearing the hijab. She does some great work mashallah.

I looked at the interest free car purchase crescent and am contemplating it at the moment. Thank you for that link. As for the glove thing, i will let you know when i look further into it.

Love the committee idea. But have never participated for fear of not being able to keep up the payments! Having said that, when i look at the crap that i buy sometimes, i think i could have easily have put that aside for savings instead of wasting it. fuzzy i would jump at the chance of being in a committee if it would mean being able to afford a house, buti just dont see that happening somehow. These committees are also quite popular around here amongst the pakistani community.

Just a quick hello and gregorian happy new year will reply properly when I've read through the thread!

Salaam

My SIL and MIL are part of a committee, when they first told me about it I have to admit to thinking they were mad, but having read up on it now I think it's a brilliant idea, something I might look into in the future, all disposable income at the moment is going towards our family holiday and paying off debts from moving house!

A bit late to this, but with regards to the thumb sucking I'm not sure that contraption would work, if they were really determined wouldn't they just suck the plastic part? We have an issue with DD2, since birth she nibbled on the corner of a muslin, and now age nearly 4 she still can't sleep without one in her mouth, she shoves half of one into her mouth and 'sucks' on it. A few times she has actually swallowed it and I've had to pull it up from her throat resulting in her being sick. We did manage to get rid of them for a few months but since DS has a nice statsh she takes them for herself! So fuzzy I feel your pain. DD2 was born with a slight hereditary (DH side) overbite, and due to this muzzy sucking it's now severe and her jaw is misaligned. They're already talking operating on it once all of her adult teeth are through.

My local mosque has a group for revert sisters on a sunday, I went there for the first time this weekend and took DD1. And wow, it was amazing, the sister that took the class was so empowering and so knowledgeable. I took a notebook but I was so engrossed in what she was saying, two hours later I had an empty notebook. DD1 luckily took notes for herself!

Do any your local mosques have any groups like this going? There was a sister there at the weekend who had reverted that very morning alhamdullilah.

I hope you're all well.

Sorry I meant defuse when it comes to the thumb sucking

Mashaallah Lost. That sounds so uplifting. Sadly there is nothing like that in my area. I miss spending quality time with practising sisters.

Where I used to live there were groups similar to that. One was discussing the 99 names of Allah and how they are relevant to us. It was a very good group. The only thing they offer where I am now is sisters quran classes, but I have no one to take care of my three children and the mosque in question won't let children in the mosque during anything other than the madrassah classes unless they are old enough to pray.

I really disagree with that because I could keep mine quiet with a colouring book or iPad, and they are preventing people (women) from accessing knowledge. It makes me quite sad and angry to be honest, because as a muslim woman I don't think having children should prevent you from continuing to learn and keep your iman high, but too often it does.

Umm it most definitely was uplifting. I've been struggling with my imaan for a while and now it's slowly getting back on track inshallah. That was just what I need to give me a kick up the behind!

I too find that really sad, and like you I disagree with it. I decided to take DD1 with me (who's 9 and reverted with me 2 years ago) and leave the lively toddler and 9 month old at home. The sister who took the class made it very clear that all children were welcome, and like you said they can be easy distracted with colouring or an iPad or similar.

I think it's also great practise for them to go there. My DD2 (the livewire) has been to that particular mosque a number of times and has described it in detail to her keyworker at preschool . How else are children meant to learn? I find churches very welcoming for children so why aren't the mosques? These children are our future.

I love seeing children at the masjid, I only get annoyed when the mother decide to sit right up front and ignore children running rampant, which some actually do.

Mostly you get the normal children playing around and I take biscuits and lollies and colouring pens and paper with me when I go and hand it out.

One Jummah a couple of new sisters appeared I think they were reverts and they had quite a few children with them, the children weren't especially loud or anything but I could hear one of the mothers getting stressed so I asked her if she minded if I gave the children some clotted cream biscuits I have with me (was meant to be a gift for a friend from a trip to Cornwall), the mum was very flustered but gave me permission, and suddenly the children all became silent then I heard one of the little boys saying 'Mmm this is rather delicious...' I cracked up.

I think a little tolerance and everyone working together to make it a pleasant atmosphere would really help.

My American friend said her local masjid in NY had a family room part of the masjid, so the women's section was split, the room at the front was for women without kids then the room behind was for women with little children, she said eventually what the girls did was offer to supervise when they weren't praying and keep the children occupied whilst the mums and older children could go and join the jamat and pray undistracted but with the reassurance the children were ok.

I'd love to have something like that in all masjids.

I'm the same right now lost in terms of iman. Your eldest daughter sounds very mature mashaallah.

That is a really good idea fuzzy. Although some mosques are too small for that in the uk, but alhamdulillah, many of the new builds are spacious and more accommodating.

yy totally agree crescent. Advice and guidance comes much more easily from someone who you relate to. I like your story about the really quiet children, mashaAllah, I don't think mine could be like that. And it is so important for children to feel welcome at the mosque. Unfortunately your assumptions about my local mosque are correct, at least there are posters that say as much. All directed at the women and so patronising, there are none in the men's section.

I try my best at home, and my eldest child, 5, loves the salat and prays with me sometimes.

All this hardship is further exacerbated by the fact that my husband is out of the country for a while and it is all down to me to raise the children right and keep my own iman up. But inshaAllah this will pass soon. After difficulty there is ease, alhamdulillah.

Salamalaykum dear sisters

UmmSHI that is very sad about your local mosque. I always think you can tell the strength of the community by how they welcome the women and children in the mosque. The community's which are more welcoming tend to be a lot more active I find and relevant as well whilst the ones that are less welcoming tend to have low congregations or at least have become like an old man's club.

One of the best mosques I have ever seen is one that was in Battersea. Subhanallah sisters everytime I went there it was surrounded by young people from children to teenagers to young adults. I used to wonder where the parents were! The mosque had a dedicated youth club that would organise activities like paintballing, go-carting and a holiday program to keep the young people in the community busy and happy. What also impressed me was they had a youth mosque committee made up of under 30s which also included women. And they seemed to have real power within the mosque to implement change. Definitely an exemplar. The problem is some mosques tend to spend so much money and time over style rather then substance. I love the mosque where my parents live as its so inclusive. As a result the women in that community are very well educated about the religion which has empowered them to be more active in the community and they are involved in a range of projects such as charity fundraisers, soup more like biryani kitchens for the homeless, youth activities etc.

On a separate but related topic, I once listened to a radio show where a female CEO of a company was asked about what the secret to her success was and she said something quite interesting. She said she had married the right man. She wasnt attributing her success necessarily to her husband but without his willingness to support her career ambitions by taking a greater role in childcare, being a SAHD or going part time (cant remember which) etc then she wouldnt have been able to have a family and at the same time be so successful. Its interesting dont you think. One thing I noticed when listening to the talk about the muslim women scholars is that they were really supported and encouraged by their families to pursue their education. The father of one of the women travelled from China to Jerusalem to Iran to Cairo to Makkah just so that his daughter would have access to the best teachers. I really believe that having a supportive family network behind you (whether it be your spouse, parents or siblings) can really help to make you whilst not having that can make things really difficult for you.

*I meant successful in her career

That makes sense sis Peaceful a proactively supportive home environment will naturally gear one towards success in their professional endeavours.

I think slowly slowly masjids are welcoming women and children the newer masjids are definitely built with us in mind alhumdulillah, it's ridiculous not to, because if you've not grown up in the masjid going lifestyle it's insane to expect our children to suddenly want to go when they've reached the magic age of acceptability.

Good morning ladies hope you are all in good health in this lovely month

I was wondering if you could help me, I am trying to book our Umrah trip and well it is becoming difficult with DHs commitments with work. We have a provisional date however I may start menses whilst there - its only going to be a short trip, 4 days Makkah, 4 days Medinah. I may start spotting 4 days before menses which may be on day 4 of my trip (last day of Makkah) . Sorry if tmi. I know I wont be able to do salah and tawaf whilst on but what do you all think? Is it worth me even going? All other dates seem impossible and I'm starting to feel all stressed about it as the opportunity to go seemed so very near and now it's all going to pot! Do you guys count spotting as your actualy menses? I'm sorry to bring this up...

I know there is the option to take medication to delay my period however I really don't want to take it as I'm worried it's going to mess around with my fertility, especially when we are desperate to conceive and every cycle is important. Plus a lot of women don't feel so great on the medication either and reading some online Islamic forums a lot of scholars recommend against it. I've also read that a lot of women have taken these tablets and they have not worked!

I hope new year is going well for you all so far I must admit I haven't read the whole new tearoom chat, DH's grandfather died recently, DH's father died at a young age so a lot has been left for him to sort out - plus his family are not muslim and live miles and miles away so I am trying to get to grips with non-muslim funeral arranging!

Other than that I have managed to finally pop into work and alhamdolillah it went really well I felt confident about it all and there were not too many sympathy stares. I start back properly soon inshallah and actually looking forward to it!

Forgive the me, me, me, post and remember me in your duaas xx

Salaam everyone
I have a quick question.

My little sister was married around a year to an abusive arsehole.
he came to our house last year and in front of a few family members he gave her talaaq (divorce)
now she claims she was on her periods and that its not valid. They remained in contact and within months they 'were back together' now the twist is they have a daughter who is still obly 2 years old. Shes under child protection as the dad a horrible past.

Is there divorce valid or not?
Thank you all .
x

Little Tulip, according to what I've been taught spotting counts as menses, you know it's part of your cycle and the beginning of your period so you have to treat it as such.

However, you're TTC, you might actually manage it and not see menses for nine months inshallah!

Personally from my own point of view, I would go even if I knew without doubt I would be on my period, you can still enter the haram, you can sit and look at the haram and make duas you can visit all the places for ziyarat. I would go.

And please remember the ummah and me and my girls in your duas.

Sis Isitme, it does count as a divorce, how many divorces did he give her? Divorce does not have to be witnessed by anyone the wife only needs to be present to be divorced.
If he only gave her one divorce then she was divorced however they have the iddat period i.e. till she completes three of her menstrual cycles (the one she was on at the time doesn't count) to reconcile, if they reconcile within that period they can continue to live together as normal, if they choose to reconcile after then a whole new nikah has to be performed.

If the H uttered three divorces in one go, there are schools of thought which only take it as one divorce and they are still allowed to reconcile within the iddat period.

However they now only have two chances, if he utters divorce again it will be a second divorce after that if he says divorce it will be the third and will be irrevocable.

Allahualam and Allah knows best.

At any rate she should LTB if her child is on the at risk register.

She doesnt understand. He said it in one go but 3 times.
They havent been living together since then because of the child protection as he isn't allowed to even see the baby but the mum doesn't care. Its heartbreaking!

So before they were divorced they lived together for a short while. Amd then she came to parents house to live. They arent living together but she sneaks to his house and leaves girl at home
hes supposed to have had some dv background with sis

You can't make her leave if she doesn't want to.

She shouldn't be the main carer for her child tho if she's leaving her to go see her violent abusive husband.

Hes such a horrible person.

She's so much better than him
he even cheated on her and is still with him.
he wouldn't let her buy baby nappies at 1 point and didn't let his pregnant wife eat. He would eat 1st and she got left overs.

Shes still pretty young. Shes 22. Hes around 29

Dont have much in the way of advice - but there is a baby involved and she must put her child first.

It's sad.
she does care about her (mum about baby) but he seems to come 1st.

isitme Im sorry for your family that you are going through this difficulty. You can contact the Islamic Sharia Council if you need further clarification about whether the divorce is valid but fuzzy's advice does sound right. You can email them or call their advice line but from experience getting through to someone on the advice line will take you forever.

If the charges he has against him are to do with child protection then I think you have no choice but to try to convince her that it is in her baby's best interest that she ceases all contact with him. Even if she genuinely believes that they are still married what is she going to do about her daughter? Is she willing to risk her safety? Her daughter is an amana (a trust) from God and she will be asked about it if her actions lead to her daughter being exposed to harm. Im sorry to sound so harsh but she really needs to get a grip. No man is worth losing your child for. She is young but she is also a mother and needs to start thinking like one rather than like a deluded teen.

LittleTulip if it was me I wouldnt want to go on umrah when I was on my period. I think one salah in Masjid al Haram in Makkah is like doing a 100,000 salah in an ordinary mosque and I think 1 prayer in the Prophets Mosque is better then a 1000 prayers in another mosque. There is the potential to reap a huge amount of reward (making tawaf, praying in al rawdah etc) that it seems a shame to miss out on that. If its your first time going I would definitely reconsider either going at another time or trying to delay your period. Its only for a short time. I did this whilst on hajj and it didnt have any negative effects. But hopefully it wont be an issue at all and we will all be saying mabrook to you soon inshallah.

Thank you all

hes so controlling
her legal adviser has expressed concern too.ss said if at the next meeting they are still together they will seek legal advice which we have been told will be to lift her
the sad thing is no one in the family can look after her
I have a child with SN and lots of hospital appointmentsand lil 1 ois very young plus im expecting again 5months +.
Other family members also have children and the little girl ia very challenging.