Welcome to muslim tea room 2.

[defuse]

Peace to you all

Ok, well here it is again...we have moved to room 2 now

Discuss whatever aspect of islam you like my lovely sisters - this is a place for muslims and non-muslims too, to share experiences, raising kids or just having your say!

The kettle is on.... We have loads of herbal teas, coffee and guava juice .... I like guava juice so welcome!

[fuzzywuzzy]

Sis I love your love for the Prophet (saw). I find it deeply inspiring and a reminder, everything we are and have is thro the sacrifice of him (saw).

When I find the fasts getting hard I always make duas, Oh Allah I fast for your sake accept it from me as ibadah. I especially make that dua when it feels hard.

[fuzzywuzzy]

It was just the way we've been taught to pray, to include the sunnah rakahs as well.

I'm not very strict on it with girls, I am about farad, that's not up for negotiation, but sunnah is down to them.

One weekend, my youngest finished praying came to bed and informed me I've got a house for you in Jannah mummy, when I queried it she told me she'd learned that the reward for completing all the sunnah rakahs along with the Farad is one house in Jannah (per day!), her first one she has generously saved for me!

[LostAtTheEndOfTheRainbow]

Salaam

I'm just going to derail the thread, I'm really worried about something and I was going to start a thread in chat but I don't have the energy to keep up with the replies!

I've got bad eyesight, my contact lenses are -11.00. I've taken a few 'selfies' recently I know I know with the kids and I noticed a week ago that one of my eyes looks considerably bigger than the other. So I took a few more from different angels and it's really quite obvious. I don't have many photos of myself so I looked at my wedding photos and they're completely normal. I then flicked through my photos and found one from three months ago where again they're the same size and normal.

So I send the photos to my sister and she agrees with me, at first I thought it was the left eye smaller, but I googled stupidly and actually my right eye is bulging. I didn't say that to my sister but she replied saying it looks like my right eye is bulging.

I can't ignore it, it's scaring me, so is it the GP tomorrow or opticians? I should probably say if they were always like this I wouldn't be worried, it's more the fact they've changed in such a short space of time.

Sorry for the derail, I'll reply properly soon I've just got myself in bit of a state!!

[fuzzywuzzy]

Opthalmic hospital, they have all the equipment to check the back of the eye.

If you're in London I would go straight to Moorfields A&E to be honest, your GP will not be equipped to deal with it and will send you to the nearest Opthalmic hospital anyway.

I had really severe ocular migraines so have experience of emergency eye treatment.

May Allah grant you shifa.

[LostAtTheEndOfTheRainbow]

Thanks fuzzy, I'm not in London, near but not near enough.

I haven't had any pain or headaches so can only see that as a positive sign. I still can't decided if my right eye is bulging or my left eye is lazy!

GP is probably the best option tomorrow and I'll go from there.

Thanks

[UmmSHI]

I'm also finding the reports from Central African Republic really harrowing as well. The atrocities being committed in many of the african countries are appalling to hear and it really gets to me that some people are so ignorant about how they reached their current condition. In terms of the wests contribution. The unstable governments and dreadful poverty didn't happen in a vacuum because black people are some kind of sub human inclined towards violence and laziness to improve their condition, but unfortunately a lot of people believe this. It is so offensive. If anyone spouts views like that in front of me I immediately write them off as an ignoramus.

Your jinn story, crescent, was really interesting. I love jinn stories too and having not grown up muslim, they are so alien to me.

I definitely hear what everyone is saying about people using amulets more and more these days, straying further away from Allah's command. The halal butchers that I go to has those turkish "all seeing" eyes everywhere. It makes me really uncomfortable going in there. Not because I believe i'm being watched by them or anything, just because I know that it is not islamic at all and is in fact shirk. I am lax when it comes to other things but shirk is one thing I don't go near, as we know it is the greatest sin. I used to have some superstitious beliefs before I was muslim, so I have worked very hard to move away from them. Not going back there.

[UmmSHI]

Hope you get your eye sorted Lost. May Allah give you shifa. Congratulations crescent. It's a great feeling isn't it.

MashaAllah, all of you sisters who do sunnah fasts, I admire you, Allah reward you. I still have last years ramadhan to make up for. I am still breastfeeding right now though so I am waiting for my son to start eating more solid food so I can cut down and have the strength to make them up before the days get too long.

Salam everyone, enjoy your Friday.

[defuse]

Salaam everyone.

Jummah mubarak.

lost. Have you seen anybody about your eye yet? I really hope it is all ok inshallah.

Will check in again later inshallah.

[Welshcake77]

Hello and Salaam ladies.

I hope you don't mind me joining in but I have seen how welcoming you all are so I thought I would give it a go! First of all I wanted to say how much I admire you all for the way you live your lives through your faith. It is amazing how knowlegable you are about islam, I have learnt so much reading this and some of the previous thread and also now realise there is so much more to it than I ever thought!

I am not muslim but my DH is (he is originally from Afghanistan) and we have an 18 month daughter together. I was born in Britain but now live in Germany where we met nearly 10 years ago. We are bringing our daughter up in the muslim faith but I must admit I sometimes wonder how I will manage this well if I do not know enough about it myself. My husband isn't practising, in fact the only person in his family who does is his mum, so I know she will help me and teach our daughter lots of things. But I was wondering, how can I best educate myself? I have a Quran which I would like to read, but wonder if I will understand much if I don't have much background knowledge. Does that make sense?

If any of you have any ideas for me, maybe some website or book suggestions I would be very grateful.

Happy friday to you all!

[LostAtTheEndOfTheRainbow]

Hello welshcake

I'm glad you found us. I too have learnt so much from the the tearoom threads, I think I have learnt or read something new everyday. It's good that his mum is around to teach your daughter. I can only speak for myself with this but right at the beginning when I was learning and reading the very basics I found books aimed at children much easier to understand. Most of them are written in basic terms with explanations so that should help.

The others will be around soon to help and welcome you.

Crescent that's brilliant news about your ds, alhamdullilah.

Umm I also admire the sisters who do the sunnah fasts, I was talking to revert friend about this the other day and we both want to start fasting these too inshallah.

Ok, I went to the doctors. And as soon as I started waffling about how I thought I was imagining one eye was bigger than the other he stopped me and said he could see. I'm to have a blood test on monday, he thinks there's something behind my eye pushing my eyeball out, he said there's also white around the iris where there shouldn't be, not sure what that means though. He thinks it could be an over active thyroid, but I don't have any other symptoms. Depending on the results I'm going to be referred to an eye hospital. My right eyebrow is now also higher up than my left! I look very attractive .

Is anyone else having a massive downpour, we got drenched walking back from school!

[peacefuloptimist]

Hello Welshcake

Nice to have a new poster on the thread. Have some baklava and sweet tea. I really admire you for already starting to think about how you will teach your daughter about Islam. My son is a similar age to your dd and so I would also be interested in any tips people have to offer.

I would probably echo what Lost said though about starting with the books aimed at children. That way as well you can start accumulating books for her as well. I am currently in the process of developing an Islamic children's book library for ds and just finding children's dvds as well as cds. My parents didn't really teach us about islam directly but mainly through making information about islam accessible to us. So me and my sister learnt how to pray from reading a book but parents did check we knew it correctly.

If you concentrate on teaching her the 5 pillars of Islam (the testimony of faith, the prayer, charity, fasting in ramadhan and hajj) and also about the 6 pillars of faith (belief in God, belief in His angels, belief in the messengers, belief in the books of God, belief in the Day of Judgement and belief in divine predestination) then you will give her a good foundation. This book is a really good standard reference text for all muslim children/parents to have

Islam beliefs and teachings

I had this book as a child and I really enjoyed reading it. His book on the life of the Prophet Muhammed PBUH is also very good for young readers but probably more for young teenagers.

I will link to some websites for you that you can use to get books and other materials. Just try to make it fun and enjoyable for her as you can as her positive associations and memories of learning about her faith is what will really make the difference in the long run.

Childrens books I recommend any of the collections on stories from the Quran as that will make it easier for you and her to learn about the stories in the Quran.

books and toys Some nice things here and more guidance on what is appropriate for particular age groups.

www.noorkids.com/ Would definitely recommend this to those of you with older children. The books look really interesting and the scenarios are more in keeping with our childrens experiences. Read the free sample to get an idea of what they are like.

Hope that helps.

By the way I wanted to ask what positive things or challenges have you found about marrying in to a muslim family and also of marrying someone of a different culture? My husband is from a different culture to me and though we do have differences in the way we look at things in particular about social interactions and familial responsibilities towards extended family. However I have found that by leaning on and looking towards our religion we are able to resolve most of our disagreements.

Has anyone else found that the way your spouse and you learnt about the religion effects how you want to teach it to your kids. My DH was brought up in quite a liberal environment where he wasn't really taught about religion and because of that he really wants to make sure ds has a good Islamic upbringing whilst I had lets say a conservative upbringing so I tend to want to be more relaxed with ds.

[LostAtTheEndOfTheRainbow]

I like some of the games in your link peaceful, I might get some for my dc. I think it's a great way for them to learn.

I could spend all day writing about cultural differences between myself and dh and all the hurdles we have had to overcome along the way. It's been a rollercoster ride and even now I wouldn't say we were completely content with each other's cultures. But we get by with mimimal discussion now. We know when something is expected of us with the others family and we just get on with it now.

With regards to raising the children, in theory I was raised very similar my dh (cultural differences apart) in that discipline was always firm but fair, we were taught good manners from an early age, we knew how to behave around our elders etc. Somewhere along the line dh has adapted his own parenting style which is nothing like the way either of us was brought up.

I think the key to successful different culture marriages is compromise, you have to give and take in equal measures and having an understanding of the others culture.

If we do ever disagree about something cultural, we tend to then refer to religion as a middle ground and take guidance from there.

I've been interested to read about everyone's opinions on taweez and practises that are bidah. You have all opened my eyes to be honest and I've realised that a lot of what my in laws do is bidah, and now I'm finding myself wanting to pull away from it but I can't, so go along with it. They all wear taweez and have given the children them, I didn't even think about wearing it in the bathroom. That's the kind of thing I want to question them on but can't! They have also held various khatum's for my father in law, something I have now realised is bidah, I was led to believe it was all part of the process of someone passing away, but it's not, is it?

Sorry I've rambled. Does that answer any of your questions peaceful? I can't answer for the differences in the way we were taught religion as I'm a revert. The only thing I will mention though is something I've always found odd with my dh. I think he was taught things that are sunnah as being fard. He puts so much emphasis on some things that are sunnah, and the way he tells it to the dc is as if it's fard. It's hard to explain really. But for example he's been told he has to pray the fard, sunnah and nafl. No exceptions ever, whereas the way I've learnt about it is you pray the fard, but sunnah and nafl are optional but highly rewarding. There's lots of other examples but I won't bore you as I find it hard to explain.

[defuse]

Salaam all.

lost. I am glad you got an appointment sorted. I pray that Allah gives you shifa.

welshcake. Welcome, i am really glad you joined us. There are some really good links given posted above by others and i like the idea of starting with children's stories and games - they hold great educational value, even for adults. A few years ago I bought a game a game called 'Quran challenge.' It is suitable for age 8+ and i found it so hard!!! I had to read around the topics! Definitely not a starter game - not for me anyway - but great for learning when a bit more advanced i guess.

I would start reading the Quran, and if you have any questions, just come along here and pop your question on, between us all we should be able to find an answer for you - Inshallah.

lost, interesting points regarding taweez, amulets and khatam ul Quran that you raise. I will come back to those a bit later. Got to go do some cleaning before i get too tired.

crescent. Sis, i havent heard of the badr dua before, do you know the words?

[defuse]

Salaam all

Cleaning took longer than I hoped!!

I was raised surrounded by relatives into taveez. Luckily, my parents werent too keen on the practice so dont recall ever having to wear one. I find taveez a strange concept. It is supposedly there for protection, with the words of Quran. Yet our prophet Muhammad (pbuh) never commanded hanging verses be it in amulets around a person's neck, or cars etc as is common practice nowadays. Instead, the emphasis was always on reading Quran, recital and pondering and reflecting. That is where the most benefit is drawn from.

Just to clarify, it is general scholarly consensus, that taveez is not permissible to be used as protection. If however, say you have some Quranic verses hanging on your wall at home, such as ayat-ul-kursi, and it is there to remind you to read it and gain benefit from it, then that is allowed. If it is hanging on the wall as a means of protection, then that is not permissible.

As for khatams, I remember my great aunt saving thousands and thousands of stones from dates and using them to read ayahs from Quran or duas or durood during khatams. I remember i used to get sooooo tired but never dared say anything because I felt that would be a terrible thing to say!

I also remember when my great uncle passed away, there were rituals for doing khatams, on the 3rd day, the 11th day, the 40th day and so on. I can't remember how many of these rituals were observed, but at least 3rd and 40th were quite common. It is scary how far we come away from the true teachings of islam when we start going down the line of what we believe to be good instead of what Allah and His prophet (pbuh) prescribed to be good.

The following is taken from islam-qa.com.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "When a person dies, all his deeds come to an end except three: sadaqah jaariyah (ongoing charity, e.g. a waqf or endowment), beneficial knowledge (which he has left behind), or a righteous child who will pray for him." (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, no 1376; he said this is a saheeh hasan hadeeth)

Prayers for forgiveness offered by both sons and daughters of the deceased bring great benefits, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "A man’s status will be raised in Paradise and he will ask, ‘How did I get here?’ He will be told, ‘By your son’s du’aa’s (prayers) for forgiveness for you." (Reported by Ibn Maajah, no 3660; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1617)

Another thing that may reach the deceased is sadaqah (charity) given on his behalf, because ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) reported that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): "My mother has passed away, and if she could have spoken, she would have given something in charity. Will she receive a reward if I give something on her behalf?" He said, "Yes." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, Fath, 1388)

Sa’d ibn ‘Ubaadah said: "I said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah, my mother has died. Should I give charity on her behalf?’ He said, ‘Yes.’ I asked, ‘What kind of charity is best?’ He said, ‘Providing water.’" (Reported by al-Nisaa’i)

Other deeds that may also benefit the deceased are Hajj and ‘Umrah on their behalf, after the living person has first performed Hajj and ‘Umrah on his or her own behalf.

lost sis, it can be very tricky challenging people on practices, especially if the occasion is quite an emotional one, such as death anniversary. If you feel you can, then bring it to the attention of your DH. If not, then just do the prescribed actions as stated above, make lots of dua for your FIL - he sounds like an amazing person mashallah, give charity on his behalf and ask Allah to show you a way.

My inlaws are very much into these practices too, I have been unable to change their ways, but I have told them very very gently and nicely that I cannot participate either. My situation was easier in that DH isnt into it either and much more strict than I am. Having said that, it has strained relationships a bit between him and his family too .

That is why my personal advice would be to start from your DH snd go gently. Let him take the lead, should he be willing wrt the family - I know from DH's experience that his family are so into taveez and khatams that despite showing them evidence of the bidahs, they have still clung to them

I do go on a bit....sorry.

[LostAtTheEndOfTheRainbow]

Salaam everyone

At least you've done your cleaning defuse, I'm just sat with my feet up whilst dd2 is having a nap (she got up at 5) and ds is sleeping peacefully in his pushchair. A rare treat!

Defuse I think that's the right approach, you've raised some interesting points, thank you.

I don't think I would ever pull away from attending khatams, because to me my duty of a wife and being there for dh is more important. He has been brought up thinking they're fard, so I can't see he would ever give them up. He always, always defends the way he was brought up and will argue until he's blue in the face that their way is the right way.

I very nearly questioned him on why he doesn't take his taweeez off when he goes in the bathroom, but I chickened out! I will ask him though, he's very strict with the dc when they go in the bathroom and how they should behave they never listen so I'd be interested to hear his answer for that. And yes, I see a lot of people with the Quran written on CDs hanging in their car, is that for protection also?

It's a shame the relationship with your dh and his family is strained, good on your dh though for sticking to his beliefs though.

[fuzzywuzzy]

The khatams thing is a very integral part of my childhood, if things are going bad they hold khatams, if things are going good they hold khatams, if someone dies they have khatams, if someone is ill they have khatams etc. I don't mind khatams as reciting the Quran in one sitting or fifty surah Yaseens etc is fine as far as I'm concerned, they used to have long duas after the khatams and that was fine too the only mention of prophets and the deceased family and friends was to call for blessings on them. I remember the khatams quite fondly actually.

I do not hold with the using prophets as intercessors and I absolutely despise the people who use piirs who they give money too and practically pray too, my sisters husbands family is like that and my youngest niece matter of factly tells me that her grandma prays to that picture of a man to the detriment of her fard prayers. It scares and repulses me to be honest.

It's taken me a while but I've managed to slowly sift thro the social traditions that my family carried over from the actual Islamic practices, I tend to stick to just the Islamic practices inshallah, I don't need the complication. and the fear of bidah is actually very real for me.

[Welshcake77]

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone! And for all of your posts and especially the links, I really appreciate it. I don't have much time this week but I will have a proper look at them next week when I have the time to go through them properly. Its a very good idea I think for me to start with children's books and work my way up from there. I knew about the 5 pillars of Islam, but hadn't even heard of the 6 pillars of faith, so thank you for that explanation peaceful

Regarding your question about marrying into a muslim family and different culture...where do I start?! No, seriously, it has of course been challenging at times because in many respects we have totally different backgrounds but it is also extremely rewarding and I think it has made me rethink a lot of my priorities in a positive way. I am lucky that my inlaws are very open and accepted me (and indeed my parents and brother) into their family from the day I was formally introduced to them. It was a long wait for me, but I understood and accepted that my DH (then boyfriend) would only do this when he was certain I was the woman he wanted to marry. I think the most stressful time for us was when we were planning our wedding as it became so difficult at one point trying to incorporate everything we wanted to and keep others happy too. We couldn't have a nikkah as I haven't been christened (my MIL still can't understand that concept!) so most of these difficulties were down to cultural differences but we were able to carry out some afghan traditions and it turned out to be a wonderful celebration and the perfect mix of both cultures. I think what has made dealing with the differences all a bit easier is the fact that DH and I had numerous conversations about all sorts of issues and 'deal breakers' before we were even engaged. E.g. how he would want to bring up our children, things he would expect of me and himself within our relationship and how we interact with other people. So we are on the same page regarding many things which could otherwise potentially cause disagreements or worse. I could go on and on but I'll stop there for now!

Lost I hope your blood test went ok today and that you get some treatment for your eye soon.

[UmmSHI]

Lost, your eye situation sounds scary but I'm glad that you are getting it checked out. Hope all goes well.

Welcome Welsh. I have always thought that a good place to start when you know the basics of islam, is with manners. Islamic manners are a very integral part of conduct as a muslim person, ranging from how you eat, to the rules of greeting people. If you could find a book detailing these then that would knowledge would be of great benefit for educating your child.

Really interesting reading this thread, some of you are a lot quicker at replying than me. Glad everyone is ok though, and I can completely sympathise with cultural differences. It's taken me a while to get used to my inlaws way of doing things. Sometimes I partake in their strange ways but often I stick to my own way of doing things, only when I know it won't offend though.

[fuzzywuzzy]

sis Lost do come back and update us on your appointment, if you cant get an appointment quickly I would recommend going to an opticians they diagnose very quickly.

Welsh, have a look around at your local Masjids and Islamic centres, some run classes for reverts which will begin with basics of Islam so you can get to grips with it, you don't need to be a revert to learn them. If you're shy just ring them before hand and ask, some masjids will have affiliations to sister circles and other classes run outside of the masjid or they may be able to point you in the right direction.

The masjid I go to pray in near has such classes. also my girls school have regular parenting conferences and workshops.

If you are interested in reading it, there's a verse in the Quran called the verse of Luqman, (Luqman being the name of a man who is a father) and the verse describes how he parents his son and is actually a beautiful parenting example.

If you are very interested you could cheque out Imam Suhaib Webb's analysis on the , it's long I tend to watch these in parts not in one single sitting.

[fuzzywuzzy]

check not cheque, arrgghhhh I swear I do know how to spell.