Welcome to muslim tea room 2.

[defuse]

Peace to you all

Ok, well here it is again...we have moved to room 2 now

Discuss whatever aspect of islam you like my lovely sisters - this is a place for muslims and non-muslims too, to share experiences, raising kids or just having your say!

The kettle is on.... We have loads of herbal teas, coffee and guava juice .... I like guava juice so welcome!

I find when I regularly fast during the week on my not fasting days I fill up faster anyway, then I just eat because my plate is overfull.

I've started taking smaller portions and if I am genuinely hungry I go back for seconds. Usually I'm not and I'm just eating to empty my plate.

I've also started drinking lots more water my skin alhumdulillah is much better because of it and I find I am less hungry because I tend to mistake thirst for hunger pangs!

13 quid for a chicken! .

I was limiting my lamb consumption because that costs £10/kg HMC. Wonder what the organic costs are.

Perhaps i should start rearing my own chickens....and then move onto lambs. I dont think i could eat them though if i was rearing them!

Just looking through some other threads - one about breastfeeding. I know MN can get pretty heated up about BF/FF! Just wondering what you guys did and why (not judging either! .

I'll go first...with my PFB i tried to BF but oh the pain of engorgement was a shock to the system and the soreness was awful everytime baby latched on. I never knew that BF was going to be difficult! I used to sit there crying whilst baby was feeding and i was bleeding (sorry, i know its gross).

I went straight onto FF on day 2 but did continue trying to mix feed, but the BF would only last until 5 minutes before i was in agony. I gave up

PFB did develop a range of allergies and i blamed myself for not being able to BF. i believed that i didnt have enough milk as i couldnt satisfy my baby!

With my other DCs i EBF purely because in my mind the allergies were a direct result of not being able to BF exclusively. I did manage and it hurt like crazy, but i got used to the pain after months and months! I still maintain that the pain of engorgement is worse than the pain of labour/childbirth!!!!

Have i shared too much!

Imagine how annoyed you'd be if you burnt a £13 chicken cause I've never done that .

Elusive I think they should warn you about the engorgement pain, it's horrendous isn't it. We hear so much about the woes of pregnancy and pain of labour but no one tells is about after the birth.

Dd1 I ebf until she was 9 weeks then I mixed fed until she was fully ff. I too remember the pain and the bleeding. I used to sit in tears all alone feeding her all hours. No one told me formula existed, I really was that uninformed when it came to babies and no one helped me.

Dd2 had an awful latch and we just didn't gel, I gave up at 2 weeks after I had mastitis. Now at 4yo it's obvious she has tongue tie which explains her rubbish latch.

Ds was a dream. He fed like a pro, we had the early latch and pain problems as anyone does, but at 11/12 weeks I got mastitis which turned into an abscess and I was very poorly in hospital. We were seperated and he went straight onto formula and I never fed him again. Still makes me sad thinking about that. I was determined to feed him for as long as possible but it just wasn't meant to be.

I'm never brave enough to post on threads like that. I do love a good bf/ff debate though! Brings them all out the woodwork!

lost mastitis sounds truly horrendous.I know the pain of engorgement but shudder at the thought of mastitis which I have never had . Must be sheer torture

I feel really upset for you having to go through all that and not knowing about formula. I would have thought that hospital staff would have mentioned something. You did try really hard, i gave in to formula on day 2! I still wonder if my baby even got any decent colostrum at all.

I came across this verse:
“The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years, (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of suckling”
[al-Baqarah 2:233]

Isnt it interesting that the mother has the right to choose to breastfeed or not.

Of course, i do believe that 'breast is best' , just not always an option no matter how hard we try (though i should have tried harder - us mums like to give ourselves a hard time dont we!)

At the the time I didn't think anything of it, now I look back and feel sad for my 19 year old self in that I didn't have any help. My mum was, and still is amazing, but she was a breastfeeding advocate and breastfed me and my siblings until we were one, so I don't think she knew much about formula either. I had no extra help when dd1 was born, and I remember her being 5 days old and the midwife coming out and saying 'is that child black?' and I burst into tears. I still let her come into my house to 'help' me as I didn't know any better. But, I came out the other side and I'm always told how she is a credit to me, she truely is amazing. And I wouldn't change her for the world.

Oops, back on topic. I do think there is a lot of pressure to breastfeed, and I feel sorry for the women who think they aren't sufficient as they can't do it. The fact is some people just can't, I had a friend whose milk never came in, so she physically couldn't feed.

As you say elusive, we are given a choice but sadly many don't feel like they do have a choice.

How did you all cope with feeding in public? With dd1 I just planned my outings around her feeds, same with dd2 but with ds I fed anywhere and everywhere. I had a feeding apron that was great and I could feed discreetly. I even fed him standing on the sidelines of sports day cheering dd1 on!

Do you think breastfeeding is linked to their sleeping patterns? How did your ff dc sleep in comparison to your bf dc elusive defuse?

lost you were so young when you had your baby. I knew nothing at 19, let alone how to take care of another mini person. I am so at that midwife's comment. Of course your daughter will be a sadqa jaariya for you, so continue raising her well, you are mashallah doing a great job.

As for feeding in public, i was once caught off-guard when dd got desperate for a feed and i didnt have my shawl with me. Pure maternal instincts took over and i just started BFing in public (fortunately i was wearing a longer hijab, so i used it to cover baby too whilst i fed her).

My FF baby was definitely easier to get into a routine wrt sleeping. The BF DC were more tricky still are

Crescent, i hope inshallah your DS gets better soon inshallah. Looks like he is making good progress mashallah.

I was looking at yet another thread and that one also made me wonder....how many of you got a 'period talk' (mum tried, i winced) or a 'sex talk' (no chance!) by your mum?

Mum tried to talk about them and handed me a load of sanitary towels. I was sooooo embarrassed. However, i was an older teenager when my periods started so i knew quite a bit about them by the time aunt flo arrived. Therefore I tried to avoid conversations about them! As for sex talk.....what's one of those! Lol.

Dont worry guys, you dont have to share too much . Most pakistani mums from my mum's generation were the same.

Salams all.

I always bf under my hijab, I would pull/unbutton my top rather than pull it up and nothing would show and laugh on by feel. I'm on dc3 now and bf today while being served in a restaurant..... Mainly because the waiter didn't figure out what I was doing and after a combined total of like 3.5 years and counting bfing you get pretty confident.

Non of my babies have slept much at night though.

Salam sisters,

just a quick message. Thanks for all your support and everyone of yous have given good advice and I appreciate that. After thinking long and hard I have made some decisions and will be making some changes to my/our lives. The first one being I have asked my husband to get his own place and I will move in with him and he can support me which will leave me free to do what I want with my house in order to help my children. Lets see what happens Allah willing. Inshahallah.

Mashallah sis, you are a strong woman and that was quite a gutsy thing to do!

Keep posting if you need any advice (and by all means get your posts deleted later if too much personal information) and we will try to help in any way possible.

Just a word of advice - if your husband inshallah gets another house and you move in, so he can support you - please make sure that you are still financially independant (ie: you are still earning etc). Its just early days and i am still amazed at what a fantastic start you have made to ensure your children are provided for and i hope it translates to you being able to spend time with your children - something you obviously feel very strongly about (and rightly so!)

Salaam fruitcake, thanks for coming back to update us. That sounds like a good place to start, but like defuse says please don't rely on him completely when it comes to finances, he may become even more controlling if he's the sole earner. Well done and please keep posting.

Defuse, I don't remember ever having 'the talk' with my mum, I always just knew what it was. We did the usual sex ed at school but I don't remember too much about it. What I do know is things like that embarrass me, I hate talking about it irl. I don't know why though. If the kids ever find any san pro in my bag I go crimson! I'm dreading having the talk with dd, I don't want her to be shy or embarrassed about it so I need to come across as being confident about it all.

Ok, does anyone have any tips on how I can get ds to sleep through? He woke twice in the night and then was up at 5am for the day. It doesn't sound bad but I'm shattered. Dd2
is also going through a rough patch and last night they were both screaming in sync with eachother .

It's half term now so I need to do something about it for my own sanity. Dd2 I'm not worried about, we have separate issues with her anyway and she normally just need a a short cuddle and is back asleep again.

lost. I am currently trying to get my kids to bed - andnot having much luck! When you figure the secret out, let me know too!

Right....off i go to try some more!

glad it's not just me! My kids go to bed no problem, ds just thinks he's so hungry at 1am, 3am and 5am that he has to scream until he gets milk!

Dd2 has just been sick though. She got hold of my pill earlier and ate 10 of them, I called nhs direct. I'm having massive problems with her at the moment in general, I've got a thread going in special needs chat as I'm really worried about her.

I hope your dc are asleep now, I think I'm in for a long night!

Oh no lost

I hope your dd is ok. What did NHS direct say?

. I dont know too much about SN but have admiration for the strength of parents and how tough it must be. Do you have any help with your dd from external agencies?

Nhs direct said to take her to a&e if she vomited, I didn't as she was fine in herself . She's her normal self today alhumdulillah.

We're right at the beginning of it all, the hv's are being useless and saying it's all behavioural. I know it's not and she's just not... normal.

I will make dua for you sis crescent, inshaAllah.

lost. I read through your other thread. There is not much that i can say as i have no knowledge of this , but it seems like you got some very good advice on there and i would also push for a diagnosis or ruling out stuff.

Dont just go on what the HV said. Trust your instincts on this one. Your dd is very bright mashallah and i have a feeling that you will have to push hard for getting further help on this.

As they said on that thread, be firm but polite.

crescent. Had a lazy bank holiday today.....not complaining though

We also had a lazy bank holiday, it's been raining the whole weekend so we hibernated between mine, my inlaws and my mums.

Thanks defuse, I think it's going to be a long hard road ahead, but we'll get there inshallah. I filmed her for 9 minutes yesterday having a meltdown for something very minor. I plan on recording her doing things like this so I can show it to the gp eventually. I've had some excellent advice from the people on that board. Sometimes I do wonder if she's just a bit spirited and challenging, but she seems to be getting worse not better.

Salaam crescent, thank you, I hope so too.

I forgot you had your db staying with you, you really are amazing taking him in. I think that's a very wise idea, only he knows his relationship with Allah and you need to leave that to him. Has he been job hunting at all?

I hope things are ok with your ds2, it's not easy this parenting job is it?