The Muslim Tearoom

[HardlyEverHoovers]

Salaams/peace to all! I'm already missing our old thread, so taking the bull by the horns and opening our very own Muslim Tearoom, all welcome (non-Muslims too of course), to chat, share, ask questions etc etc. Imagine a cosy cafe with floor cushions, tea and coffee of all kinds, and lovely cakes! Please join me!

Mignonet she could look at Heaven Under Your Feet: Pregnancy for Muslim Women by Umm Hasan Bint Salim. It's supposed to be helpful.

As midwife I don't think she needs to do anything different from what she does with non Muslim women giving birth.

Fuzzy and Crescent Thank you so much for your advice. I am a mental health nurse and have worked with patients in the past to develop training packs for other HCP's in mental health which educate on the different cultural and religious practices they might encounter and need to understand.

There is a lot of help in your posts for my step daughter and she will be fascinated by it all, especially the Koranic teachings which are so beautiful and the history of the Prophets family.

I do like the idea of your female family members coming together to sustain you Crescent for your impending birth providing both physical and spiritual nourishment. Such an important opportunity to gain strength and wisdom from other women. Lucky you. My best wishes that you are safely delivered.

Crescent thankyou! They have halal haribos as well! I've been worrying about party bags... though still have the veggie problem there!

(and samosas and rolls... yippeee!)

Now to sort out sandwiches, but that should be easier, I've found a halal catering company since this morning! :)

Thank you Crescent. Once you move away from larger cities and towns, the level of ignorance regarding other cultures by HCP's never ceases to amaze me. Yet our Codes of Conduct make it clear that we have a professional duty to educate ourselves.

I have had a few patients w/ psychotic type illnesses and Bi Polar who relapse if they chew Khat and we had to do some work on educating ourselves about that substance. You can't just march in and say 'you must stop chewing it' without understanding how and why it might be used and the role it plays within a group of people.

I have emailed the links to my stepdaughter and she asked me to thank you all for helping her .

Having the ban helps in reinforcing the message that it is not a benign substance definitely.

Crescent Am smiling at your story of your friends. Yes I have had that feedback too from a few friends w/ roots in the communities that may use Khat. I think what will happen though is illicit import and an increase in the price which may cause economic hardship to the families of those who continue to access it. Still, we watch and wait.

Oh Gosh I do loads of istighfar, I have prayer beads in my abaya pockets so I can remember to do istighfar and dhikr as I walk.

It's a way that brings us closer to Allah as we acknowledge our shortcomings and our ask for forgiveness. I look at it like with my girls, my eldest is the loveliest most hardworking and conscientious child ever, she has her moments tho and throws strops like only a pre-teen can, afterwards she always comes to me and apologises and tells me how much she loves me and how sorry she is and how she will never ever do that again (I know she will), at that moment tho she means it and really intends it, I'm not going to hold it against her if (when) she slips up but I love her so much for recognising she is wrong and acknowledging and apologising for it.

I also love the following as an encouragement to seek forgiveness from Allah;

This story about “Istighfar” is from the life of Imam Ahmed Bin Hanbal, who is considered as a renowned scholar of Islam and a famous theologian. Imam Ahmed is also considered to be the founder of the Hanbali school of fiqh (Islamic jurisprudence) and is one of the most celebrated Sunni theologians, often referred to as the “Sheikh ul-Islam” or the “Imam of Ahl al-Sunnah.”

During his old age, while Imam Ahmed was travelling he stopped by a town. After the prayers, he wanted to stay for the night in the masjid yard because he didn’t know anyone in the town. Owing to his humility, he hadn’t introduced himself to anyone thinking that if he did, he would be welcomed by many people.

Failing to recognize Ahmed bin Hanbal, the caretaker of the mosque refused to let him stay in the mosque. As Imam Ahmed was quite old, the caretaker had to drag him out of the mosque. On seeing this, a baker from a nearby place felt pity for this man (Imam Ahmed) and offered to be the host to him for the night. During his stay with the baker, Imam Ahmed observed that the baker would constantly recite Istighfar (seek forgiveness from Allah). Imam Ahmed asked the baker if the constant practice of saying Istighfar had any effect on him. The baker responded by telling Imam Ahmed that Allah had accepted all of his duas (supplications), except one. When he asked him what dua was it that hadn’t been accepted, the baker replied that he had been asking Allah to provide him the privilege to meet the famous scholar Imam Ahmed bin Hanbal.

On this, Imam Ahmed bin Hanbal said that Allah had not only listened to his dua but had dragged him onto his (the baker’s) doorsteps.

Salaam all. Been away for a while, but back again and so nice to see the thread moving along nicely. Since we are talking about pregnancy, I read the most beautiful hadith and thought i would share:

Allah says, I am the most merciful (al-Rahman); I created the womb (al-rahm) and derived its name from mine". [ tirmidhi]

It really struck me that as mothers, we have so much love for our children, yet Allah says that he is more compassionate than a mother. It gives me peace and makes me want to cry with gratitude that Allah loves my children more than I do.

Lol sis, i couldn't possibly advise as i myself am a shouty mummy- sometimes!!!! As for the ties of kinship, i feel so torn. In laws have really wronged my husband, denied him his rights and been manipulative and deceitful, yet my husband has asked me to still be polite to them. I understand why he says this and he is a better person than i am. Allah swt says:

“… and fear Allaah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of ) the wombs (kinship)…”

[al-Nisa’ 4:1]

So, he cant ask that his rights are fulfilled, yet ignore what right others have upon him. I will never forgive them for taking what was rightfully my husband's but I also see why my husband will not allow himself (nor me) to cut ties with them. The reward for patience is better for my husband, than what my husband has lost - inshallah. I just have to keep reminding myself of this. I am just glad that my husband is not hot-headed like me!!! May Allah protect us from that which is bad, and grant us patience and perseverance. Ameen.

On a lighter note, it is not the end of the world and Alhamdulilah, life is good mashallah.

Oh sis, sorry to hear of your in laws. You know you can be civil and maintain ties without putting yourself in a vulnerable position, be polite when you meet them, but I'd not do anything for them unless strictly necessary. I'd stay well away to keep myself and mine safe.

Sis crescent, my youngest is away with the fairies, when she first started school she'd go up to get changed and when I'd go to find her an hour later she'd be engrossed in some play still in her knickers and vest.

In the end I told both girls we would be out at a specific time regardless of whether they were ready or not. If they weren't they could go school in pjs and change there! It took my youngest getting dressed and very upset in the hallway to get the message thro that I meant business! Also helps to teach time!

I also prepare as much as possible the night before, each child has their uniform and next days equipment ready the latter by the door for morning. I refuse to do anything further than, lunch boxes, hair, breakfast and taking them to school. As I need to get to work myself, I always point out that nobody does my stuff for me it's not realistic expecting me to do everything for them. So unless they want to swap we all help out because we're a team & if the girls are late I have no hesitation in telling the teacher the true reason. My girls love school and their teachers so would be mortified!

I don't scream or get upset, my reason being it's not me who will get in trouble if they are late!

Crescent...snap! ( as in the card game snap) i do exactly the same with the table and my mum used to do that and my DH doesnt approve when i do that either! He thinks i am teaching the kids violent gestures!!

Fuzzy, i do the politeness thing only....i dont put myself out for the in laws anymore. Used to (not in the traditional cooking cleaning way, but more in the worldly practicalities way - i know that makes no sense, but anyway! ) but its safer not to any more! Just hope that Allah guides them...that will be better for them in this life and the hereafter and just hope that Allah gives me more control over my tongue, as that will be better for me in this life and the hereafter

I think being a single mum makes the dynamics of my relationship with my girls slightly different from what it would be had we a second adult in the family.

I am on the whole very even tempered and don't lose my temper, alhumdulillah.

My girls I think are older than your children sis Crescent, I actualy make sure my girls get their own things ready, whilst I get my stuff together, ten minutes before bed time everyone gathers all their homework, PE kits, uniforms, bookbags for the next day and packs it up or lays it out in readiness for the morning, there's no last second cries of I where's my xyz in my house because my answer is always 'Well I wasn't using it so I don't know!'

Could you speak to your childs class teacher for tips or support on how to get your most ditzy child to school on time? I did this one parents evening with my youngest, the teacher was praising her organisational skills! To which I told her well she spends her mornings dancing around and not getting ready, she makes us all late! From then the threat that I'd tell her teacher seemed to motivate her to move faster!

Altho, I think just getting older has improved her concentration and focus vastly. Altho she is still away with the fairies at times.

I also get them up earlier if they take a lot of time getting ready, as Fajr is currently at 6:15 everyones up and out of bed anyway.