The Muslim Tearoom

[HardlyEverHoovers]

Salaams/peace to all! I'm already missing our old thread, so taking the bull by the horns and opening our very own Muslim Tearoom, all welcome (non-Muslims too of course), to chat, share, ask questions etc etc. Imagine a cosy cafe with floor cushions, tea and coffee of all kinds, and lovely cakes! Please join me!

I agree with you on the aqeedah thing, Allah is not like us, He cannot have body parts as he is without direction, and without need.

As for the lift, it really comes down to the boundaries between you and your DH that are personal to your relationship. for me some people i may say yes and some no, based on dhs experiences of me and my behaviour and what i feel could cause issues in my relationship. i might even just ask his opinion on the issue although generally i make my own decisions about what is appropriate.

although it may be diff coz i know my dh would not entertain rumours about me.

Salaam everyone, I've been away for a while and just had a quick look at the thread to find there have been lots of interesting discussions I need to catch up, and also lots of new names on here. Look forward to joining in again!

Crescent re: the Oxford case - there was an interesting discussion about this case / problem on BBC R.4 Sunday programme this morning. If you listen on iPlayer the discussion was the last item on the prog.

On a separate matter - this books looks wonderful gazakitchen.com

Hope you're all well. X

some people chat so much rubbish is unbelievable, crescent u did well to hide the threads!

local.mumsnet.com/newham/half-term/101602-islamic-activities-club

salaam everyone so lovely to see this on mn. hope i can join in and maybe slightly hijack thread if ok?

atm i am in a very difficult situation with my marriage my husband has been very violent towards me on several occasions and is constantly verbally abusive and nasty it is getting worse and dont know how much more i can take. police were called most recently and he was taken away but now back home.

i have told parents and inlaws and we have tried the one person from each side thing it hasnt worked. he has essentially become very very abusive and isnt likely tochange. unfortunately for me it isnt a case of just 'ltb' as there are a million cultural barriers in place and if i try to leave with kids i will be practically forced back to him. its a horrendous way to live and i know islamically he shouldnt treat a wife this way.

also my inlaws have threatened me with trying to take my kids if i try and leave and parents will disown me so if i go i will be totally alone

also my parents are convinced i should just try to be a better wife and please him etc etc but they cant see there isnt really a reason he is doing this he is just plain nasty and knows he can get away with it as all the greater family think he is the most wonderful creature on the planet yet once the door is closed at home he is horrific.

would anyone have advice from an islamic or cultural angle? i dont want to break up the family but at the same time i cant live like this

Yummy I'm really v v sorry to hear about the abuse you are suffering. I'm not a Muslim so I can't offer you any real advice but I did a Google search and found this info. (You may have this info already)

Muslim Women's Helpline - 020 8904 8193 / 020 8908 6715

The Muslim Women?s Helpline aims to provide any Muslim girl or woman in a crisis with a free, confidential listening service and referral to Islamic consultants, plus practical help and information where required.

Also this muslimcommunityhelpline.org.uk/useful-links/

I'm posting because I didn't want you to feel as if no one was listening to you. I'm sure a sister will be along soon and post some useful advice for you - in the meantime take care. .

In friendship
C

thankyou cuddlesup thats very kind of you to search for me. i have some of the numbers but its always helpful to get more.

thanks for replying x

from an islamic angle

it is a fardh on those who are oppressed to work to remove themselves from the oppression.

Allah is with the oppressed.

As a mother it is your fardh to ensure the emotional, moral and phsyical upbringing of your children and provide them a secure and stable environment.

Sabr is an active thing, patient perseverance. It doesnt mean be patient and do nothing.

Sis if you are ready to leave him then inbox me. National Zakat foundation have 2 womans refuges, I have a contact who has housed people I have refered to him before. I can give you his details or him your details.

Also you wont be alone, you will be able to slowly make a support network of sisters around you. inshaAllah.

Nour Domestic Violence and Amirah foundation are other organisations which may also be able to give you support and advice.

Salaam yummy, I hope you're well. Please please listen to what these ladies are saying, they speak such wise words. I second everything crescent has said. You cannot stay with this man, I'm sad for you and hope you find some strength from within to leave. Regardless of religion this is no way to live, you don't deserve it. No one does. There's always woman's aid as well. Please keep us updated and carry on posting on here for some support. We're all here for you.

Does anyone want a 6 week old for the day?! I seem to have the most demanding baby who won't let me put him down even for a second in the day, he cries a lot and it's wearing me down. My two girls weren't like this! I feel like I'm neglecting my two dd's. My 3 year old is sleeping at my mother in laws tonight cause she is lacking attention here and every time we leave her house she begs to stay . I know this will pass but it's getting harder not easier! And we've now got 6 weeks to pack up and move and not got anywhere to live still.

Enough of my ramblings. Hope you're all well, and yummy please take the excellent advice you've been given, and keep us updated.

salaam all thanks for support and advice.

i have been in touch with womens aid and other local organisations and seen solicitors etc. i have all the info am just scared to act on it and i have to build myself up to be strong enough to deal with the fallout.

this weekend i am planning to talk to him last time and see if he will agree to leave voluntarily. he may do as he is i think still shaken fron the recent arrest and doesnt want anything to impact on his job which is very respected. if he doesnt agree then i will have to do the occupation orders etc but want to avoid that if possible

am still scared to even talk though and have arranged the talk out of house so he cant do anything.

just want to avoid having to end up taking kids to a refuge etc esp as house is jointly owned so dont want to leave it. it is his dutyto provide financially for kids if we are together or not and he knows that. also he has the means to do so and more.

May ALlah make it easy for u sis

I'm going to read dua for you sister yummy.

Good luck x

Yummytummy I'm not a Muslim, I'm a Christian. I just looked on this thread and I read your story. I wanted to say how sorry I am to hear this is happening and hope you will take your wise sisters' advice, and that I wish and your dear children all the very best in this terribly difficult situation. No woman should have to live in fear, nor her children either. I hope you will not have to and will be able to live in peace. Thinking of you, will say a prayer for you.

yummytummy I read your post, you've been given fantastic advice by the sisters on here, I'll make dua for you inshAllah.

Having trouble keeping up with the thread as never seem to get a chance to sit down at the computer anymore, so sorry if I'm repeating anything but:

Did anyone see this report?

www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/female-conversion-to-islam-in-britain-examined-in-unique-research-project

Quite a few people I know were involved in it. It touches on some issues that we discussed on the last thread, about non-white converts recieving different treatment from white converts from the rest of the Muslim community.

Also, I had an email this morning from one of our local mosques, passing on a message from the police about potential revence attacks due to the horrific incident this week. They encouraged people to report ANYTHING even minor, as they are expecting a backlash so thought I would pass that on.

Alhamdulillah the nearest thing I've had to that sort of thing was someone shouting 'get that bloody curtain off your head' out of a car window. Funnily enough I was feeling a bit curtain-like that day, bad hijab day! InshAllah none of us will be subject to anything more sinister.

yummy, the older family members will want to avoid the public shame of police, court, social services, divorce etc. I wonder whether it might help if your actions were presented as the only way of avoiding all this.

"Mum, we're going to try 'a discreet separation', 'living apart so the neighbours won't keep reporting the screams', 'stopping the school from informing social services', 'A&E and the GP say they're going to take action' 'I'm scared the dc will go into care with non-Muslims' etc"

[bear in mind I'm Catholic rather than Muslim, we have no divorce ever, whatever the circumstances, so the taboo on marriage breakdown is huge]

the closest i got was some dodgy stares, and i was thinking "wha u wanna stare me out in my own ends? get a life blud"