Hallelujah He is Here - Chataway

[DutchOma]

Well here you are then I don't post often, but just to save Nickel a job...

I need a rant...
I come home from a whole day school trip to the Holocaust Centre (so pretty tough day), DD1 not feeling very well having a temperature. (just to set the scene)
One of my volunteers of afterschool club phones me (she's also our deputy church warden) to tell me how angry and disappointed she is that I wasn't there yesterday and didn't let her know and they didn't have enough people and nothing was prepared for after school club. I apologise and said I had arranged a day off and why (because of Sterre's first birthday), and that I had asked our church warden, who is also a volunteer to cover for me. I had arranged this a few weeks ago. Apparently she wasn't there and only turned up at a certain time, other people stayed to help to cover and it was all quite chaotic. Apparently the church warden also didn't know why I wasn't there.
I just kept on apologising, which I shouldn't have, as far as I knew, I had told the right people, it's not my fault they forgot they were going to cover. She just kept saying that she was really angry and then at the end said I will see you Sunday then.
I hung up the phone and broke down crying.
DH said I shouldn't have been so apologetic, I have done the right things and she shouldn't have gone off on me like that.
I just feel so bad, and I know I shouldn't for goodness sake, I took a day off to remember I gave birth to my little girl last year, my baby who's dead!
Going to the doctor's tomorrow and ask for time off, I just had it with work, it is stressing me out big time and I am so anxious to get through the next two weeks to make it to 20 weeks pregnant.
And still I'm thinking I can't take time off because there are things to do that only I can do, like meetings to go to and organising other things.
I felt so upset I had to go upstairs and throw up and I still feel so emotional about it all.
Don't know what to do, whether I should phone/talk to the church warden who was supposed to cover for me. I mean if nobody knew why I wasn't there, why did nobody phone me up and ask where I was? I could have had an accident and been in hospital or whatever. Clearly they don't care about me...
And I'm still trying to put the blame on myself, thinking should I have reminded them, or should I have put everything ready for them. They know where all the material is, it's all there ready for them, but the woman was complaining she had to go and photocopy something...
Feel so sad that the lovely day I had yesterday remembering my precious Sterre has now been ruined by all this...

Tunnocks aka Jaffa. Decided to namechange after reading that thread on AIBU when I realised that anyone who knows me already could put two and two together and figure out who I am. I've already recognised another MNetter from RL. If anyone could be bothered trawling through threads they could still follow the name changes but at least it would take a bit of effort.

Oh Blue, it sounds as though the woman was worked up and although it wasn't your fault you were the one that wrongly got the brunt of her mood. I would mention it to the other church warden but maybe not tonight. It is clear that for whatever reason there was a breakdown in communication and that she failed to turn up. You want to make sure that next time you take a day off that she turns up. That isn't tonight's problem though. If I were you I'd take a shower or soak in the bath and try to forget about the phonecall. If the GP thinks you need to take time off work then I'd follow medical advice. You and your baby come first at the moment, not people at work.

These relationship things are so difficult. Church is difficult. You must go and rest tonight.
Welterusten.

Oh Blue. That is horrible and a complete breakdown in communication, and not your fault at all, you arranged it and should have been left alone. Did they know why you had yesterday off? Would it be worth a chat to the vicar and/or CW, explaining it all from your point of view? You were feeling naturally very fragile and vulnerable because of what the day was to remember, and so having this phonecall on top of that was just too much. :( I do hope things can be sorted so you feel happier and you deserve an apology too. sending much love and prayers.

NKU - yep I always like to remember the disciples had doubts. Good to remember too that the original manuscripts have not been fiddled around with much at all, contrary to what many would like to have us believe, and the translations now are close as can be to some of the original greek (dh studies NT greek) and most meanings kept well intact. I feel confident that what I am reading it not far at all from what Jesus said :)

I've been to the doctor this morning who has signed me off for 2 weeks due to stress/anxiety pregnancy related condition. She said I need to take it easy and she was worried about my mood, also said that if I still feel this low in two weeks I should consider counselling. She's the first doctor to offer me that in the past year. She realised that Sterre's pregnancy and this one are only 2 weeks apart and that it is a very stressful time for me. So I'm off until after my 20 week scan. Now I need to try and get work out of my head and relax.
Last night I felt so desperate and low I admitted to DH that I had counted that I could take time off all the way up to my due date by taking sick leave/annual leave. He didn't realise I felt that bad about the work situation.
I phoned up the vicar (who is retiring next week, his last service this Sunday) and he understood how I felt, I didn't explain about the phone call though, but I had told him last week I felt very tired and anxious and he had suggested I take some time off to rest up.

Yes communication is a big struggle and specially with the upcoming interregnum they will have to get their act together to sort things out!

I'm pleased Blue that you got signed off. Hopefully people will understand and not hassle you. Can you have caller ID on your phone so you will know who is at the other end of it? This is a great help in knowing who should take the call. If it is from someone you'd rather not speak to you can leave it to go to Ansaphone or ask dh to take it and say that you are not well enough to take the call at the moment.

Blue if you fancy getting away a bit you're welcome to come over here for a coffee and chat one day next week :)

Sounds good mhd might take you up on that! :) but tea for me please

DO yes we have caller id and I will not answer if I don't want to! Yesterday had a phonecall from someone who was trying to sell me something, DH had answered but couldn't fob him off, so he passed the phone onto me. I just hung up, easiest solution, don't care whether it was rude, he wouldn't take no for an answer.

We do not pick up anything that says international or unavailable. If they are trying to sell we say that we are on the telephone preference list and they should have checked the list before they called us. Then I hang up. It's not me that is being rude, it's them. Having said that dh does find it very difficult to deal with callers at the house. Not at the moment obviously as he has not been able to open the door much.
He is so utterly, utterly wretched, nothing gives him any pleasure and the 'we will pray for you' sounds very hollow.
We had our pastoral visitor over this morning, she had offered to do some Waitrose shopping for me, as she lives nearby and I don't. She didn't come back with the right stuff as she had not realised I meant her to get things from the meat counter where I had told her she would find them. She didn't stay long, barely saw Bob and prayed briefly with me. All very good and nice and I feel a bitch for not being pleased with it. But it was a prayer full of 'justs'; IABU aren't I to not 'just' be pleased with it and 'just' say thank you? Kick me, somebody, please.

oh Blue - what a horrible experience.
I can't believe she didn't show more compassion! She must know your circumstances!
I'm afraid i would have been rude to her - you did everything you needed to do - arranged cover and everything, it's not your fault the other person let them down.

Do you want me to beat them both up for you?

Oma - i think yanbu, actually.
I don't know why people think that christians aren't allowed to be upset, or weak, or helpless, or worried, or stressed, or angry etc.
just because we believe in jesus doesn't mean we suddenly turn into all-accepting, all-forgiving - we wouldn't be human if we did! (and we certainly wouldn't need god then!)

Thanks nickel they're both elderly ladies... so don't think it would be fair to beat them up
The 'funny' thing was that the lady who phoned me, was at the surgery this morning, I had seen her when we walked in, were in different waiting rooms, so she spotted us when she walked out and of course came over all smiley to ask why we were there, just said it was for DD1. I think she doesn't realise how much she hurt me with her phone call. I think some elderly people just don't understand how I feel as back in the days stillbirth was just not talked about...
Anyways would be interesting to see how she'll react when she finds out I'm off for 2 weeks...

Oh Blue... I'm sorry you had to have that phone call. It was so insensitive, and just what you didn't need right now. I'm glad you've been signed off for two weeks. Just take it easy and and look after yourself, and maybe take the GP up on that offer of counselling?

Oma... I certainly will not kick you. It was kind of your visitor to help with shopping, of course, but she really should have listened to what you really wanted... both with the shopping and in general.

(((Hugs))) to both.

Got an apology from the church warden who was meant to cover for me. She said she forgot as she has a lot on her mind with the impending interregnum.
Everyone seems to be very understanding and supportive now they know I'm signed off for 2 weeks.

((((Blue))))) aaaaghhhh....glad you got an apology of sorts though.

DO - oh I hate all those 'just really' prayers as in it's just really fine, just really bless them God, just really make it all alright. When it just really doesn't. I feel so sad for you. There are no words. This is why we need to pray and sing the psalms of lament more at church. Because there is despair, there is crapness, there is pain. When are some churches going to just really embrace this and go with it and face it and shout it out? I am praying, though I know it sounds hollow....

i hope you also get an apology from the knobhead cw who phoned you!
obviously, as a cw, they should both recognise that human pain is a lot more important then the bleddy interregnum!

Been having a bad time of it lately, but received "word" this morning about soaring like an eagle. Praying that I can. I just need to aim at the ground and miss :o

I think this is the trouble. People want to help all the time, but they are so keen on it that they don't listen to what I really need. This of course is very difficult. I posted in AIBU about the sausages and everybody says I am, I should have been more specific.
This morning I found slug trails on the cooker (don't ask, it happens) and knocked over the bottle of cleaning fluid I got out to remove them.
The kitchen smells lovely and clean.

oh DO. more things to cope with.

sometimes when they do not do it right it just makes it more painful that you can not do it yourself and adds to the frustration.

What is it with church wardens??
Ours is...erm...challenging as well. Can be very difficult to talk to.
Am prepping for Sunday club tomorrow...first time I have led it (gulp) so am a bit nervous.
Feeling ridiculously nervous!!

Are you allowed to give the kids sweets? When I was a child I thought the best thing about Sunday School was the maltesers at the end.

oh dear.

I get a lot of slug trails in the shop.
(they come out with the hoover, but I suppose that doesn't work on the cooker!! )

Our new churchwarden is dreadful. Never listens to a thing I say

CWs take a special exam, I reckon

Oh DO....yes it all gets too much sometimes. Haven't seen the trhead but sending hugs.

I'm glad you're back Mary. Prayiung that you will indeed experience the soaring like an eagle thing. We could all do with some of that :)