Who am I and why can't I be happy ?

[Blethermouse]

Hello all.
I don't feel depressed or mentally ill and don't think my GP would be of any help with this..it feels just like I am a little lost.
I have three children, growing up fast. I saw some small children at the beach today and realised I won't be having any more. Although I genuinely love small children, there is more to this than getting older and knowing I won't have any more babies.. It's as if having small children was something to hide behind and shielded me from not knowing who I really am.
Also colouring my mood are the sad losses I have suffered over time... deaths, miscarriages, disappointments in my marriage, children becoming seriously sick.
In short, the human condition and melancholy.. but how to progress and grow with this instead of feeling low or stuck with it.
I'd like to think everyone feels like this sometimes and hope some of you can just recognise what I mean so I can feel less alone.
Which books/ philosophy/ religious approach could offer some guidance ?
Thanks

sukima- the present is all we have.
yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not promised to us.

i try not to allow myself to drift into negative thinking.
there is no point.
if i realise im being like that, i try to take action & get out of self.

I too experience these feelings. Almost grieving for what's not lost yet. Feeling the weight of sadness while also being happy. I have recently started looking into Buddhism. I find it resonates with me as a practical religion/philosphy - in that I have responsibility for training my mind to experience the world the way I want to. Buddhism can help you to focus on developing compassion - for yourself and others. Also on how to accept the nature of life and death - and at the same time, mediation allows you to develop the concentration needed to quieten the mind and to enjoy each moment as it is.

Sukima, I understand what you say about living in the present and denial/sticking your head in the sand. Maybe it would be better to say that life is nothing if it is not your experience. It is this experience which teaches us who we are and where we are in the present. Achieving this does not make life easier, but it makes it easier to work out exactly what is causing us unease and what we can do about it.

We are forever growing and changing. By drawing on past experience and learning while living in the present gives us the freedom to do what we think we should do next, not one, five or ten years down the line.

Finding Happiness by Abbot Christopher Jamison was very helpful to me

I wholeheartedly agree with what Laurie says above about what every body needs. Although prescriptive, it is kinda my own mantra.

Interstingly, its now i am in my 40's that i have found purpose and peace.

What has gone on before does not hold any distress for me now. Believe me, i have been through some shite, much more than i deserve.

Ive not read any books, i have no religous beliefs and have never had councelling, i have just got here with time i think.

I didnt become a mother until i was 33, i had a well established career, nice home, and went on great holidays seeing the world, i was established in my identity prior to taking on the new job title of "mum".

I was professionally derailed if i am honest.

Now my ds is older, i have found myself back on my professional road.

I wear two hats, work hat & mother hat. I think that this has kept me focussed.

Never does a day go by when i dont thank my lucky stars for my good fortune, even the crap ive experiencedhas shaped me.

Its never too late to find your identity, but its always been there imho.