Really not enjoying our puppy

[Buda]

Please please don't all flame me. I feel bad enough.

Just over two weeks ago we got a lab puppy. She was 11 weeks yesterday. I thought I knew what I was letting myself in for but in reality I had no idea. I hate it all. I hate the smell of the food. I hate the poo in the garden. I hate her jumping up on things. I hate her chewing whatever she can.

Final straw was getting up for a wee at 4.20am and hearing her whine. she is in a crate at night so I ignored her. Heard her moving around in the crate. Tried ignoring. Then I got up to have a look over the balcony (we have a very open plan house). She was out of the crate. Have NO idea how. DH had put her in. Poo and wee everywhere so she had been out for a while.

I put her outside and got DH up to sort mess. I physically can't deal with it.

He said she has to go. Later he said I am obv not happy with having her and that he can;t do it all. Which I totally get. We have DS who is almost 8 and wanted the dog but of course isn't old enough to want to do anything with her. I am afraid I don't think I have the patience to train her even at this stage. I really thought I would. DH says we can't stay the way we are.

Am trying to decide which is best for us all. Keep the dog and hope I start to like it more or rehome her now to somewhere she will be happier. I think she knows how I feel as she is avoiding me today.

I think DS would be upset initially but not for long. DH would be devasted.

I feel awful. All knotted up inside and just generally depressed about it all.

This morning she has been out in the garden a lot and then I called her in for food. She then went out again but then came back in. I was sorting washing and asked DS to watch her but he went outside without telling me and she wee'ed in the house again. So am now pissed off with both her and DS.

I wasn't 100% sure to begin with but DH and DS really wanted a dog and I thought I would fall in love with her. I haven't. I just resent her.

Awww, the puppy stage is awful but it doesn't last forever.

I don't know what kind of arrangement you agreed with your DH but if you didn't want one but he did then I don't think it's unreasonable that he takes most of the responsibility.

If you do decide to keep her I would tackle the bits that bother you most first - we got our pup toilet trained very quickly as she was food obsessed and we gave her a treat whenever she went outside. If your dog is big into attention then just making a big fuss of him/her will do the trick too.

My dog has got out of her cage before because there was something heavy on top of it which made the roof bow and the sides gape, could it have been that?

The reality is quite a shock to anyone I think, unless you are a mad dog person and don't care about how much they wreck the place.

I'd say it is worth persevering if you can find the time to do all the training but if time is limited it may be better to quit while you are ahead.

No matter how much you try and prepare, there is nothing like the reality of pooing, weeing, gamoboling, clambouring and chewing. Then the hair, the garden turd cleaning...

Could you give her a holiday so you have time to reflect?

I'm in Herts and have dog sat at mine on occasion for people if it's any use.

Yup. Puppies are bloody hard work. Full on, and pretty unrewarding if you're not a dog person.

When I read posts like this I hope that lots of people read it and it makes other people think twice about getting a dog.

I think you should probably put a LOT of work into rehoming her somewhere responsible with a family who will love her and who have the inclination to put in ALL THE REALLY HARD WORK training her. You owe her that.

Just to add, she is not going to grow up and magically turn in to a lovely calm well trained older dog. Firstly, the boistrous stage lasts for a long time (years). Secondly, calm, easy, lovely family dogs are that way because they have had a lot of training, socialising and time devoted into making them that way.

Doh, have been posting long enough to know you are not in the country!

I think you already know the answer.

Its just like having a toddler, poo and wee everywhere, they get into everything, chew everything for at least another year, they smell, dog hair gets everywhere and the dirt and mud are unavoidable BUT the benefits are fantastic if you persevere.

If you are as unhappy at the start as you appear I would strongly suggest you rehome the pup, for your own and the dogs future happiness.

Maybe you have a family friend or relative who could 'lend' your Ds a dog for a regular walk. I have a friends boy who is dog mad and takes my dog for a long walk at the weekend, which gives me a lie in

Sounds to me as though rehoming her might be best tbh. If you hate it all so much.

Puppies just are really hard work at the beginning and to get them trained, especially toilet trained, quickly is very time consuming for a while.

Our dog was toilet trained pretty quickly, but that's because I basically spent all day every day with him. Soon as he showed any signs, I'd encourage him outside, then wait for him to go, then immediately give him a treat and make a big fuss.

Obviously occasionally he went indoors, especially to begin with, if I wasn't watching him properly to catch him sniffing about, but certainly didn't get cross with him, just cleaned it up with no fuss made. Positive reinforcement of good behaviour, going outside, rather than telling him off for going inside.

Because I was waiting to treat him and make a fuss as soon as he went to the toilet outside, his poo was obviously never a problem in the garden as I just cleared it up as soon as he went.

We didn't want to have to bother getting up in the night to let him out while he was still not able to go all the way through without needing the toilet, so we didn't shut him in a crate. We just shut him in the utility room with his open crate one end to sleep in, and puppy training pads the other end, and cleared up the mess each morning for a while. As he became physically able to go through the night, there stopped being anything to clear up.

With the chewing, some dogs chew more than others, but making sure she's got loads of things she can chew helps, there are sprays you can use for furniture, which work with some dogs. Our dog went through a phase of pulling my books off the shelves and chewing them, so I used a water spray. If I saw him doing it, I'd squirt him with a bit of water. He never saw me do it, so he didn't associate it with me being there, but with chewing the books. Worked fine for us.

But at the end of the day if you really dislike it all so much and are not either able or willing to put in a lot of time and effort especially at the beginning, your dog may be better off with someone who can.

Buda - labs don't really mature until they are 2. We have a 5 year old lab who is now a delight and a joy. However, she was very hard work in the beginning (but I knew she would be as I grew up with labs). We were obsessive about house training and training generally but it was a huge task and took a long time.

Honestly? I think you should re-home your puppy (and I never say that lightly). Would the breeder take her back?

Accept you've made a mistake, get your life back and breathe a big sigh of relief.

Explain to DH and DS that if they want to keep the puppy then they have to pull their weight. You could teach your DS to mop up the wee for example, or turd patrol in the garden. Set a timer for once every 30mins and take the pup outside and reward her with a treat for doing a wee outside. DS could be in charge of doing that as well.

You can use the crate sometimes during the day as well as at night - are you doing this? It is not cruel, it will help you maintain control. She won't do a wee in the crate (hopefully) then as soon as you bring her out, take her to the garden.

Also, could you all attend a puppy training course for a few weeks? You would learn a lot and feel more in control.

You will probably still end up doing most of the work, that's what happened to me. All my family wanted a pup except me and I was left with all the hassle. But it does get a lot easier once they're house trained and stop chewing. Good luck.

I totaly agree with SusieDerkins. My view is call the person you bought the puppy off and ask to return it without expecting your money back. My Mum breeds dogs and always offers this to people and promises to rehome or keep the dog if it all proves to be a mistake.

If you really resent the dog now it will just get worse and it will have a horrible life. Better to be honest with yourself.

Thanks all for being so nice. I really thought I would get flamed.

mummiesnet - I thought I knew all that and would be able to and want to do all that. But I just feel depressed and exhausted at the thoughts of it. I think it feels a bit like my sister described her post natal depression to be honest!

hobbgoblin - I really don't think I can take what I see in the future. She is little now but I know she will soon be big enough to jump up on furniture and worksurfaces etc. I really don't think I will cope with it all. And yes - Herts a bit far from us!

HuffwardlyRefuge - I thought I had armed myself with enough information. What I hadn't bargained on was the reality. The relentlessness. The yucky bits. And I know it may get worse as she gets bigger.

zanz1bar - I am not sure the benefits are enough for me.

Thanks again all. I think a family meeting/discussion is in order tonight and we will decide where to go from here.

Aargh - cross-posted with lots of you!

Flowery's post is good.

I also have a lab who is a joy. I never got cross with her when training. Never shouted at her. Certainly never smacked her. She was my main focus for the first six months when we got her (was pre-kids). I was always there to notice the second she started sniffing around so I could jolly her outside and shower her with praise for weeing on the grass. Training her was part of the fun and all we did, not a chore to be fitted in.

Dh is not a dog person. I assumed he would simply fall head over heels for her charms because I genuinely couldn't imagine not loving a family dog. I was wrong. He's okay with her, but he just doesn't 'get' her and never will. He doesn't speak 'dog' and can't seem to learn it.

If the breeder would take her back and rehome her conscientiously, you won't have done her any harm by owning her for a couple of weeks. If the breeder won't take her back, then providing you take the trouble to find a very caring home no harm will have been done. There are rehoming charities associated with the breed societies that might well help. Don't feel too bad about it.

The poo and wee phase doesn't last long at all. In a short while you might be looking back on it and laughing. On the other hand, a lab is a great big demanding toddler for a long time and will continue to take up a lot of your time for a couple of years before, with good luck and training, she is an easy and biddable member of the household. If you feel this resentful of her now, it might be better to rehome sooner rather than later.

These things happen, even if you have done your resaerch, so don't beat yourself up -- so long as you take the rehoming seriously you won't have done anything bad.

Good luck Buda.

I think you are being responsible by admitting your feelings now. It is a big commitment and a lot of work and is not the right choice for all people.
If only all dog owners could be as realistic as you are the RSPCA would have a far better job.

I'm going to go against the grain here..

You can't just rehome an animal because it didn't turn out to be what you thought. She's a puppy. Puppies wee and pooh and chew - surely you knew that? And I'm sorry but two weeks is no time at all - you haven't even given it a chance.

I think that now that you have the puppy you should put the effort into house training her, taking her for walks, to training classes, and she will become a member of the family. And your ds is plenty old enough to have some involvement - he can feed her, play with her, help take her for walks.

I do agree with whoever said that this thread should hopefully put people off getting puppies in the first place, but you already have the puppy, I think you should take responsibility for it, rather than just giving up and getting rid of it like a toy.

i totally understand where you are coming from. Puppies are really demanding and i think it is natural to think WTF, they are so demanding of me, just like a child but of course, but they are not your child, the bonding isn't a given.

I think this has happened to me with every dog. We got a rescue rotweiller from battersea dogs home, his issues were a lot more severe and worrying than poo on the floor - I can tell you, he was even in the car one day ready to go back. But we persevered, out of guilt i guess as we were the last chance saloon as it were - no regrets, he was a great dog and a loving family pet in the end. We got him pre dd i hasten to add!

I wouldn't think badly of you if you rehome the dog, but do it sooner rather than later. He is still a pup so he will be easy to rehome and it wont affect him. What i would say is this - try to remember why it was that you got the dog in the first place? Try and look past these awkward few weeks, thats all it will be, it wont always be like this - once he is trained it will be much better.

That is the crux of this i think. The training. Why not enrole on a dog training course. Good fun, structured and give you something to work too. Everything you describe sounds about normal for a pup, you are not doing anything wrong. The crate is brilliant.

I took a while to take to my jack russel pup (used to BIG dogs!) but now i love him loads, although he is a bigger pain inthe arse than the rotties!

Why don't you buy yourself some time. Talk to lab rescue, put some feelers out about POSSIBLY rehoming. But give it another week or so.

It will get better and i honestly think you are going to miss out if you rehome.

Labradors are great dogs, but they do need input, but honestly, that input just becomes part of what you do. Walking and exercise will help - is he fully vaccinated yet so he can go out and socialise? Might be more fun then.

oh fuck it - where are you buda? you know where this is leading don't you...........

labradors are hard work. I think almost more so because they are so cute as puppies and have a "butter wouldn't melt" quality about them so people aren't expecting the chewing, the jumping, the boisteress nature.

But things like jumping on the furniture are things that will only happen if you allow them to. Because as well as being hard work labradors are also very inteligent (assuming it's not a chocolate lab ), and can be trained relatively easily.

And a few months work will mean years and years of a happy relationship.

Believe me I know only too well about doing the research and then finding out that things are actually much harder than you thought. I have a two year old African grey parrot who, although I love him to bits, with hindsight, I might not have bought had I known... But I'm a firm believer that when you take on an animal, you are taking on a commitment for the rest of that animal's life, and shouldn't just get rid of it because it didn't turn out as you thought it would. In the case of my parrot it appears I have made a commitment for the next approx 45 years.

Hi Buda This has been really helpful to me as I have been considering a dog and had all the worries you speak of here and I have decided not to.I do think from my enquiries that labradors are quite high maintenance initially.You thought you could cope and coouldn't there is no shame in that better to rehome him to someone who will love him and not find it so hard x

i manage a vets practice but am not a very doggy person....when our dcs all got to school age i foolishly carried on breeding all my friends got dogs mostly labs

i remember thinking' this is awful' all the poo and jumping and ruining things...

but it ends

and now their dogs are nice

honestly

Posts like this just make me want to reply "Give her to me, I will take her on, with my pup for company they will be fab"

Seriously, it sounds like you may be making the right decision - it is probably going to be a couple of months of tough stuff and then a couple of years of consistancy, discipline, routine etc before you get the dog you wanted out of this pup. If you are sure you are not up for that then pass her along to someone who is (like me )

imaynotbeperfeect - I am in Budapest! So although I can guess where that question was going distance will mean it goes no further. Being in Budapest also puts paid to puppy training classes in English unfortunately.

wannaBe - I understand exactly what you are saying which is why it is such a hard decision and was so hard to post on here. I feel incredibly guilty for feeling the way I do. I am a grown-up and I made a grown-up's decision. I also have to take DH and DS into account. However I think to be fair my number one consideration is actually the dog. I can probably amble along and accept things whilst accepting deep down that I will never get the whole dog thing like others do. She will be looked after and even loved although possibly not by me - DH certainly is besotted. And DS says he loves her. However is that really best for the dog or does she deserve more? That is what I am trying to figure out. And the parrot? You must be mad!!!! 45 years? Yikes!

Riven - yes - but I think babies grow out of it quicker!

Thanks to everyone for your replies. I don't feel quite as panicky as I did this morning.

ReneRusso - we do use the crate during the day if we are going out. When we got her first we used a playpen popped over her basket and she was fine with that but now howls if we put her in there during the day. She never wees or poos in the crate or playpen. And she has been really good with that till now really. I am just worried now that she knows she CAN get out of the crate so will try even harder tonight or if we go out.

She is currently asleep and as angelic as a sleeping puppy is.