Really not enjoying our puppy

[Buda]

Please please don't all flame me. I feel bad enough.

Just over two weeks ago we got a lab puppy. She was 11 weeks yesterday. I thought I knew what I was letting myself in for but in reality I had no idea. I hate it all. I hate the smell of the food. I hate the poo in the garden. I hate her jumping up on things. I hate her chewing whatever she can.

Final straw was getting up for a wee at 4.20am and hearing her whine. she is in a crate at night so I ignored her. Heard her moving around in the crate. Tried ignoring. Then I got up to have a look over the balcony (we have a very open plan house). She was out of the crate. Have NO idea how. DH had put her in. Poo and wee everywhere so she had been out for a while.

I put her outside and got DH up to sort mess. I physically can't deal with it.

He said she has to go. Later he said I am obv not happy with having her and that he can;t do it all. Which I totally get. We have DS who is almost 8 and wanted the dog but of course isn't old enough to want to do anything with her. I am afraid I don't think I have the patience to train her even at this stage. I really thought I would. DH says we can't stay the way we are.

Am trying to decide which is best for us all. Keep the dog and hope I start to like it more or rehome her now to somewhere she will be happier. I think she knows how I feel as she is avoiding me today.

I think DS would be upset initially but not for long. DH would be devasted.

I feel awful. All knotted up inside and just generally depressed about it all.

This morning she has been out in the garden a lot and then I called her in for food. She then went out again but then came back in. I was sorting washing and asked DS to watch her but he went outside without telling me and she wee'ed in the house again. So am now pissed off with both her and DS.

I wasn't 100% sure to begin with but DH and DS really wanted a dog and I thought I would fall in love with her. I haven't. I just resent her.

I actually think Buda is doing the right thing, and at the right time. You can even tell in the post how ill it is making you!
I have 2 labradors and know exactly how much work goes in to looking after them. Training was easy initially, but when DH decided to put me to pastures new, I had to retrain them to live in a completely different environment, walk on a lead, and encounter other dogs for the first time in their lives. Mine were about 3 before they 'calmed down' btw...
However, we mated them last year and had 9 beautiful puppies which we kept till their 9th week at the earliest. Most were quite trained before they went away and we vetted the new owners to make sure they would have a good life (and that the new owners knew what to expect). We got one back after a few weeks (due to a change in their personal circumstances) and managed to get a brilliant new home for him within a couple of days - think it is much easier the earlier it is.
As someone else mentioned before, if you resent the pup now, you are going to feel a lot stronger about it when she is a large, very strong adult. I don't think the onus is on the breeder to take her back, but I'm sure they would appreciate being informed or given the opportunity of finding another home for her.
Good luck x

A bit of an update!

She is still here. Just!

Decided to keep her. I don't feel as panicky now and thought I could cope. Then spoke to a friend on Monday and she was asking how it was going and it all cam out again about how I wasn't enjoying it or coping. (Bear in mind we are in Budapest so language a problem with classes etc). Friend called the girl (Andi) who looks after her own dog and who we have already booked our pup in with for a week in August while we go on holiday. They phoned and said they had colleagues who might be interested in taking her. They came to check her out - wanted to train her for search and rescue! - but unfortunately they think she will be too big. (Co-incidentally they had already had a dog from our breeder so knew him).

Andi's friend called to see if she could come and see our dog and I told her we had decided to keep her but wondered if she knew any puppy training classes in English. Turns out she can do it! Am waiting for her to call me and arrange something.

So. DH is happy. Although keeps asking if it is today's decision or for keeps. DS says he is happy but is still not that interested in actually doing anything with the dog!

And each and every afternoon for the last 3 days the damn dog has pee'ed in the house! Once on doormat, once on tiled floor and today on a rug. It is really hot here and she just won't go out long enough to pee outside. If I lock her outside she just cries to get back in and jumps up at the glass doors. I did put her lead on yesterday to take her out and she just sat there and looked at me and then pee'd inside when we came back in!

Aaargh! Am hanging my hopes on this trainer!

OK, my tuppenceworth (thought you prob don't really want it )

Don't put her out in the garden alone to pee. You need to stay with her. No matter how long it takes. After accidents inside, you need to build up a series of successful pees and poos outside where you make a huge fuss of her and give her treats immediately after. If you are in the house and she pees outside, you are not there to reward the behaviour. If you don't reward the behaviour, the pup sees no particular reason to repeat it. Don't punish accidents. If you catch her in the act say 'no' or 'wrong' in a bored voice and take her outside. If you find a puddle, there's no point in doing anything - she won't connect your reprimand to the accident.

You probably know all this already - but she is still really young, consistency is needed. Can you confine her to one room or small area in the house?

Our pup is 14 weeks and still has the odd accident - but only in the kitchen, because we don't let her out of the kitchen unless we can be right beside her watching her like a hawk. We use a stairgate across the kitchen door and give her chew toys to keep her occupied when she's in there without us. Or she goes in the crate if we're out.

Best of luck with it - hope your trainer can help!

Awww, Buda! I was just thinking about you. Hope it works out for you.

Re the peeing - not reasonable to leave her outside, you need to go with her. it can take quite a while at first for her to actually pee, but as soon as she starts doing it, say 'do a wee' or whatever command you want to use. Don't say 'good girl' etc as there's an outside chance she'll come to associate peeing with those words and will try to oblige you by peeing whenever you say that! Give a small fod treat and she'll very quickly get the idea - labs are bright and very eager to please.

Anywhere she has peed indoors must be washed thoruoghly in a solution of biological washing powder/liquid to remove the smell (remember a dog's nose is thousands of times more sensitive than ours), otherwise she'll return to that spot.

Remember, for a dog, soiling anywhere away from the den (bed) is normal behaviour - it's up to you to teach her where you want her to do it

I can recommend some really good books to help you understand how she thinks, if you like.

Best of luck

x post with doggie but looks like we agree

Thanks guys. I know the theory. I did wait with her but she didn't do anything till we came back inside. We have about 6 books!

Bella has about 36 books.

Maybe I should get out more?

It can be infuriating at this stage, but if they pee as soon as you get back in it just means you need to spend longer outside.

Admire the view, do a spot of weeding, sing Evita (or is that just me?).

How many time a day does she get walked?
For how long?
Is she off lead on a park/field to run around for a good half hour (ball throwing a life saver-knackers them out)?

Exercise is the key. She NEEDS at least 2x walks a day. And off lead running.

I don't think you believe you owe it to your pup to try harder.

Ball throwing is suicide for a lab pup's joints, btw.

it's 11 wks old, long off lead walks are pretty unlikely...

Yes, heavy exercise is not recommended at this age..however to get a dog used to chasing balls, time is needed in these early days training and rewarding. There is absolutely nothing wrong in going out every day with a ball and having fun. The dog definately needs off lead time to train recall.

Not what my vet says....

... re the ball games, anyway

I hope you can work things out and she becomes a much loved family pet but I have to say it isn't like PND, feeling upset about a dog.

FabBakerGirl - I suppose it isn't really. At the time I posted I was feeling so low and in such a panic it was the only thing I could think of. That you expect to fall in love with this new family member and you don't. Instead you feel panicky and depressed and as if nothing you do is good enough. It seemed a bit like my sis described how she felt with PND.

Bella - I didn't realise ball throwing wouldn't be good. She likes it a bit but just runs a little and then sits down and waits for you to get the ball!

We aren't doing any walks yet as she hasn't had her final jab. Vet is coming on 24th to do that. (Vet did house call last week for jab and worming - guess how much? go on - guess! Less than 20 pounds!!!!) She is also no keen on the lead yet. We are letting her get used to it gradually but she prefers to eat it.

Buda - no, that's fine. It's the quick-run-to-the-ball-and-quick-stop-when-they-reach-it type ball games (when they're a bit older) that really jar their joints.

A good rule of thumb re exercise is 5 mins per month of their life, up to a year or so, when you can then take it up to as much as you like really.

Also regular exercise much better than a few quick walks during the week and then a couple of marathon hikes at the weekend.

Gawd, I really am obsessed with joints

Apologies for hijack Buda but wondered if I could ask Bella a question.

Is the joint thing a problem with small dogs too? Our border terrier runs very fast and stops very quickly already - in fact sometimes goes head over heels. We do throw a squeaky toy for her to chase in the garden, because otherwise she races around eating grass/soil/sticks which I want to avoid!

FWIW I think you should have her rehomed.

Dogs are hard work and even past the puppy stage they will still need walking every day and you still have to pick up warm poo in a plastic bag whether the sun shines or in the middle of winter when it's dark, cold, wet and freezing.

It's not fair on the dog. It needs love and attention. My friend got a kitten once, even though she didn't particularly like cats but did it for the kids. They poked and played with it as only kids do but the poor wee thing needed love and reassurance. After the kids were in bed it used to come to my friend to sit and be petted but she would ignore it and fend it away. The poor thing turned into a schizoid cat that used to pounce on my kids and claw away.

Eventually she finally gave it away to a proper and decent home and felt a huge relief.

I really don't think you should keep the dog.

Doggie - not really. It's the big breeds which grow very fast and put a big strain on their joints which are at risk. Don't worry

I'm not a vet, btw - just unhealthily obsessed

Hiya Bedlam

Bit of a misunderstanding - at night, I have been reading about prey drive

I've been reading The Dog's Mind by Bruce Fogle, and Think Dog by John Fisher. Fogle is my fave.

How's your hound doing?

I haven't manage to read all the posts, but one of our labs used to foul her cage. We we recommended to use some wood to make the crate smaller. This can discourage them from soiling the area as there is no escape. What kind of food are you feeding it. Dry food is usually less messy (at both ends). HAve you tried covering the floor with newspaper and then gradually reducing the area of the paper until there is just a bit at the back door? Good luck with this

lol - that's why I always go for short haired dogs When I was deciding on another one, we were split between a GSD and a Dobe (DH has experience of the former, me of the latter) and the coat issue was a (very small) factor in the decision. She sounds lovely though, and you seem to be putting a lot into her. I always think the more you put in, the more you get out, don't you?

Re the night hunting - I may be wrong, but I think dog's eyes work better in low light and are more suited to detecting movement than ours, which work better in bright light. Bit like T Rex in Jurassic Park Plus scents are higher in the early evening of course.

Right, off for walkies now!

Apologies for hijack, everyone