Really not enjoying our puppy

[Buda]

Please please don't all flame me. I feel bad enough.

Just over two weeks ago we got a lab puppy. She was 11 weeks yesterday. I thought I knew what I was letting myself in for but in reality I had no idea. I hate it all. I hate the smell of the food. I hate the poo in the garden. I hate her jumping up on things. I hate her chewing whatever she can.

Final straw was getting up for a wee at 4.20am and hearing her whine. she is in a crate at night so I ignored her. Heard her moving around in the crate. Tried ignoring. Then I got up to have a look over the balcony (we have a very open plan house). She was out of the crate. Have NO idea how. DH had put her in. Poo and wee everywhere so she had been out for a while.

I put her outside and got DH up to sort mess. I physically can't deal with it.

He said she has to go. Later he said I am obv not happy with having her and that he can;t do it all. Which I totally get. We have DS who is almost 8 and wanted the dog but of course isn't old enough to want to do anything with her. I am afraid I don't think I have the patience to train her even at this stage. I really thought I would. DH says we can't stay the way we are.

Am trying to decide which is best for us all. Keep the dog and hope I start to like it more or rehome her now to somewhere she will be happier. I think she knows how I feel as she is avoiding me today.

I think DS would be upset initially but not for long. DH would be devasted.

I feel awful. All knotted up inside and just generally depressed about it all.

This morning she has been out in the garden a lot and then I called her in for food. She then went out again but then came back in. I was sorting washing and asked DS to watch her but he went outside without telling me and she wee'ed in the house again. So am now pissed off with both her and DS.

I wasn't 100% sure to begin with but DH and DS really wanted a dog and I thought I would fall in love with her. I haven't. I just resent her.

Buda,
If it makes you feel any better then I feel exactly the same, but about a rescue dog we got about 2 months ago. Ours is a little older - nearing a year now, so the toileting accidents are rare but we have other issues.

I thought I knew what we were letting ourselves in for but reality sets in when you realise you have to face the issues day after day.

I hope you find the right solution for you..I'm about to make another post for some other advice.

x

Haven't read the other posts, just yours Buda, but tbh it gets worse. Yes, they get house trained and that side all clears up (should be totally house trained by 6 months) but then you get the chewing/digging/big boisterous dog sized puppy stage. Labs don't really grow up into calm sensible dogs until quite late - maybe about 2.

I am painting a bleak picture but tbh if you are struggling now I would call a halt and rehome her while she is still young. The breeder should take her back if you ask them.

Much better for the dog and for you to rehome her than struggle on and end up with everyone being miserable, ime.

Very best of luck x

I think sometimes just the change to your lifestyle can be a bit of a shellshock. I got a rescue dog 9 months ago, she's very well behaved apart from not been house trained when I got her and still has the odd accident. But for the first 2 months if someone had come and said they'd give her a good home I'd have given her away. It suddently hit me that I'd have to get up at 7:00am every morning for ever to let her out, etc. It took some time to adjust but I wouldn't be without her now and don't resent the early mornings at all.

My DH is not a dog person and has nothing to do with the dog. He won't walk her, won't clean up poo in the garden, if she wines early morning he won't get up. He barely talks to her. If I'm away for the weekend he will feed her. The dog doesn't seem to mind, she just has him down as a grump and ignores him. When I come in she races up to me, tail wagging, etc. If you don't ever bond with the dog but can cope with him being in the house and leave the work to your DH and DS then the dog will be fine with that.

Get a cat

Hmm. And never EVER get a dog again. In fact probably don't get any pet. Maybe a stick insect would be okay.

Poor pup. Hope it all works out and she ends up with a fab home, whether yours or another. Whether you keep her or not it really is your responsibility to make sure that she has a good home.

I was in the same situation as you, i got a 12 week old lab x, it was really lovely the first couple of days then after that, constant messing everywhere, chewing everything even though she had lots of chews, i thought things would improve once she was vaccinated and could go out but then i found she constantly pulled on the lead and as she got older and stronger i dreaded walking her. I wasnt the right owner for her and it wasnt her fault i couldnt train her properly. I finally decided when she was about 10 months old i had to rehome her but i didnt just pass her on to anyone just to get rid of her, i waited for the right family to come along, i lived in a city and i wanted her to be rehomed in the countryside, anyway i finally found the right home for her when she was 12 months old. I do wish i had rehomed her earlier than when i did, i think it would have been fairer to her, so my advice is try not to leave it as lone as i did to decide whether to keep her or not. Good news is i did find the right dog for our family who was about to be sent to battersea dogs home, i hope it works out for you and your pup whatever you decide.

Agree with all the sensible advice above, but just wanted to add - if the puppy is whining in his crate in the middle of the night, it's because he needs to be let out to poo/wee! That's the whole point of crate training - dogs really hate to soil their beds, so they'll hold it in as long as they possibly can. At 11 weeks, your puppy's still quite young to go all night; if he cries and is moving around (ie, probably digging in the crate to find somewhere to relieve himself), you should go down, let him out without any fuss, let him empty his weeny puppy bladder, praise him, and then put him back in his crate where he'll probably fall straight asleep again.

Yes, it's a bit of a pain, but it doesn't last forever and is much less yukky than clearing up a shitty crate in the morning. I slept on the sofa next to our puppy for the first few months; was knackering, but speeded up the house training. You have to keep an eagle eye on them; as soon as they start circling/sniffing, whisk them outside and reward. Otherwise, poosville.

But if you're not 100% into the puppy, take him back to the breeder so he has the best chance of settling into a new family routine. Don't beat yourself up about it; dog ownership isn't all Lassie - it's a lot of hard work, especially if you feel you're doing it all by yourself. And definitely don't be emotionally blackmailed by your DH/DS. If your DH is "devastated" at the prospect of losing the dog, suggest he goes part-time to look after it, which is effectively what you'll have to do for the first year, in terms of training/socialising.

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time, Buda. We have had our Border Terrier for nearly four weeks now. I found the first two weeks like having a newborn. Luckily I didn't have much work to do at home and devoted the entire time to settling her in, not going further than a quick dash to the supermarket. I feel we have come out of the tunnel now and she is very settled.

Are you taking her out for walks yet? Ours is just able to and is exhausted - no energy for naughtiness and sleeping a lot during the day. She loves her crate but I have been very strict about regular sleeps as I work from home. Do you think your puppy is getting enough sleep? I have been surprised at how much ours sleeps.

A long winded way of saying, I think the first two weeks are very hard, but I hope it gets better for you.

sherbet37 - have you had borders before? ours is 9 mths now and although toilet trained, still chews everything, has now took to clearing off over the field if i let him off the lead, he has been to puppy classes but go sooo excited by meeting other dogs we couldnt do anything, and he wasnt interested in his treats/rewards at all.

im like Buda, i didnt want to get a dog as i knew who would end up having to do everything for it, and surprise surprise im left with it! got bullied into it and really wish i hadnt have caved in. he's a love;y temperment but im just not that in to it! and i was a vet nurse for 6 years!

Worley - no I haven't but did an awful lot of reading up before choosing this breed. So far, I think we have been very lucky with her. This evening, I took her out for a last wee and she put herself to bed in her crate.

She does not chew much as she is watched like a hawk. I only allow her in one room and the hallway so I can keep an eye on what she is up to. I am minimalist in outlook, so there is not much around for her to chew anyway!

Our breakthrough came when I realised she will do anything for bits of chicken. Let her off the lead on her walk today (reasonably confined space) and kept calling her back for little scraps of chicken.

I could not have imagined doing this with younger children but mine are teenagers so reasonably quiet around her. I know it is early days but I am totally besotted.

Sherbert - I am with Worley (us ex-vet nurses stick together!) except that I am a total dog lover and it is me who keeps insisting on getting more pups! Your pup isn't even teething yet - that's when chewing will start, and hasn't hit the adolescent phase when, however good your recall may have been previously, it can suddenly become non-existent.

Please believe me that they are really really easy when they are tiny - yes, there's a lot of mess but they do what you want and are cute and adorable and sleep a lot. Then they turn into adult sized animals, but without all the training in place yet. It is hard , even for those of us who love our dogs to bits.

Buda - I hope you get this sorted out and I think you're very brave and responsible to be so open and honest about how hard you are finding it

Yes I keep looking at all those tiny razor sharp teeth and remembering teething children. So many teeth to come through. I'm living for the moment then and enjoying the calm before the storm.

I'm a doom and gloom person, but I just want Buda to have all the facts and not think that pups are only hard for a few weeks

Am sure your pup will prove me wrong, Sherbert!

Sherbert, I have a friend who sounds remarkably like you, her pup is now 10 weeks (she was rejected by mum so they got her very early). SHe is convinced she has it cracked, the pup is so well trained, she does all the stuff they learn in training classes, doesn't chew, is house trained etc etc. My family were raving about how good she is - until I pointed out that my pup was doing all of those things at the same age... now he is 5/6 months old and things have changed, a lot. THe begining bit is the easy bit in lots of ways

It's all a bit like competitive parenting all over again, isn't it?! What's yours doing, mine's already potty trained/sleeping through/saying mama etc. We have had such a horrible year as a family (the usual, DH leaving for pastures new) that I suppose I am just amazed that such a little puppy has made us all smile again. Don't worry, I have teenagers, so I know everything is just a phase, good and bad.

Lol, well having teenagers should give you plenty of experience ready for the next stage

It is like competitive parenting again and everyone seems so happy to talk about poo
My main problem with poo talk about dogs is that it does not stop once they are potty trained, it continues their whole life "I think Fido is a bit off, he has been having bright yellow runny stuff for the last 24 hrs, what do you think?" [arrrghghgh]

I never discuss my dogs' poos - you must be mixing in the wrong circles, KC

Sherbert - I am glad your little pup has made you smile. That is my philosophy with furries - they help compensate for the completely pants deal that life gives us sometimes! I couldn't envisage life without my dogs and cats - at least not a happy one.

In Buda's case, however, it seems her pup is making her life much worse, as is completely understandable if you're not a dog lover.

I have recently got a new pup and am knackered, tbh. Cannot envisage putting myself through this unless I really wanted to. Or unless I was stark raving mad.

You decide

Darn, I always get drawn in to the wrong crowd [humpf]

Well, if you do insist on hanging round truck stops with Hells Angels in your spare time...

Actually, the real reason I don't discuss my canids faeces is that most of my RL friends are not doggy

That's why I come on here

i used to thinkg i was more of a dog person than a cat person, but now have decided the other way around! i can chuck the cats out during the day and they come in at night and dont need anything! even the 3 legged one and the one with 1 eye, and the one that has other eye problems..... trials of being a vn, we get all the rejects! (i even had a 1 legged budgie once we called stumpy)

i did read on the breed and had seen many in work and our friend has some which are lovely, i think my son just picked the demented one! although he thinks he is perfect1

at one legged budgie called Stumpy!

hello buda how are you your family and your pup.ive just got a new new puppy too and im finding her hard work.shes 6 months and nearly /partially house trained so bit easier than yours.shes in a crate at night so i dont wake up to presents !
i like you have thought of rehoming her and feel really guilty about it,my dcs would be upset but im finding the stress is really upseting me and getting me down ,not sure how everyone else copes with dogs so easily.i am i dog lover but now im wondering if its just other peoples dogs i love !
good luck whatever decision you make ...

no please think dont rehome her, honest it is a shock at the moment but it will get better i was ready to rehome my pup as she was a shock(she was nothing compared to my collie who was really good as a puppy) but with the right training it does get better my pup is not perfect but me and her are learnin all the time, and you get some really good advice and support off here through the hard times as i did. i love my pup to bits now and wouldnt be without her

big up for bella and kc

I think it is good you are being honest with yourself. I am a real doggy person and love my dogs to bits, despite sometimes being frustrated with all the work that comes with them, especially now I have young kids too (the dogs were there first!) But when I was a kid (aged 7) I begged and begged my parents for a dog, and they finally gave in. I adored that dog, but he was a handful (he was a beagle, same as the two I now have) He chewed everything, he ran away, he wrecked the house, and eventually my parents rehomed him when he was a year old. I was distraught, and swore I would never forgive them. And for that one thing, I never did. Far far better to rehome now (and I say this as a vet, as well as someone who has been through it), than wait until he has become a much-loved member of your household.

IME, in situations where the parents (especially the mum) are not 100% in favour of getting the dog in the first place, it becomes a source of resentment and arguments, and doesn't make for a happy family life for owners, children or dog alike.