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Original poster

Lab puppy with autistic 3yo and 4yo

92 replies

dillydallyinthealley · 31/03/2025 21:24

Yes- we are crazy!
Our Pup has just been born and we bring him home in 8 weeks. I’ve been vigorously trawling the internet for tips.
I feel confident about settling puppy, but not so confident about how to get the kids ready. Does anyone have any tips about how to handle autistic (even worse- PDA profile) young children and a Labrador puppy?

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 31/03/2025 21:38

Don’t do it, it’s far too much hard work for up to 12-18 months

Chromaover · 31/03/2025 21:40

A 3 yo and a 4 yo and a puppy? I hope you don't have a job and have loads of time for training and perhaps some childcare so you have time to do it.

SErunner · 31/03/2025 21:42

This sounds like a terrible idea. I’d retract the purchase and put it on ice for at least another 5 years.

TwentyTwentyFive · 31/03/2025 21:43

Honestly I would rethink. I'm not sure bringing a chaotic pup into a house with two very young children plus the additional complexity of the autism and possible PDA is in anyone's best interests.

I appreciate it's not the answer you're looking for but there's so many ways for this to go wrong and even if you're very prepared there's no way to know how the kids or pup will react.

ohcrikeynotagain · 31/03/2025 21:43

Don't do it. It will be chaos. You don't stand a chance. And neither does the pup.

If you are insistent then look on Facebook dog training advice and support. Their guides are a great resource.

If you want a pet, get some fish.

NeverHadHaveHas · 31/03/2025 21:44

Why do you think this is a good idea?

User415373 · 31/03/2025 21:45

Nope nope and nope.

Gundogday · 31/03/2025 21:49

Puppies nip and bite. Are you prepared for this? They quite like going for feet. The advice is to stand still and not make it a game.

You need to teach your children not to leave books, toys , socks etc out - the dog will chew them. You can’t blame the pup if he destroys something if you (or they) leave it out.

Puppies are babies so won’t sleep through the night. Are you prepared to get up during the night? They also poo and wee inside until they grow, have bigger bladders, and are taught to go outside. Will your kids cope with this?

CheeseyOnionPie · 31/03/2025 21:49

If you’re dealing with potential PDA, how will you make sure the children will behave appropriately around the dog? There is the safety of your kids and the safety and comfort of a baby animal to think of here.

This has a high likelihood of not working out. If that happens, what’s your plan for the puppy?

Autumn1990 · 31/03/2025 21:49

Labs are great dogs with children but not when they are puppies. I really wouldn’t do it. I have one ND child and one younger NT child and an older lab who is great but still has to be watched especially when they are eating.
If you want an easy to look after steady pet for autistic children black and white male cats are usually very easy going and you can get an adult cat from a rescue or brown rescue chickens. Must be the brown ones. My two love their pet chickens. They are happy to be cuddled and can be feed lots of treats whilst chilling out in the hen run.

CriticalOverthinking · 31/03/2025 21:52

Honestly it will be a nightmare. I have a 9 month old lab puppy and she is still a full time job. The first few months were intense with my 9 & 5 year old. My DB also has a pup and his 3yo autistic dc has really struggled with it all, much more than the anticipated.

are you an experienced dog owner? Do you feel confident you can keep the dog and dc safe? lab puppies are notorious land sharks so it will definitely bite you all, would your dc cope with that. Or what about teaching them what to do and not do to/with puppy, will they listen and understand? It’s a huge responsibility to raise a well socialised and trained dog.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore my pup and so do my dc but it’s a lot of work from me! The training classes, teaching dc how to handle her (how to redirect bitey play, basic commands), entertaining them all, getting enough exercise and stimulation for the puppy.

It is adorable watching the dc running with our pup, splashing in the sea, playing fetch or learning new tricks with her but equally at least once a day she’ll body slam the 5yo and knock him over.

Iwanttenofthose · 31/03/2025 21:53

Don't do this. Sorry but you are going to end up giving the pup up sooner or later even if you don't think that now. Better to let its forever family have it from day one. There will be other puppies when your kids are a bit older.

EmpressaurusKitty · 31/03/2025 21:54

If you want an easy to look after steady pet for autistic children black and white male cats are usually very easy going and you can get an adult cat from a rescue

They’d need to be very very clear with the rescue on what they were asking for.

My first foster cat was a black & white adult male and he’d have been a terrible pet for children. On the other hand I had a very friendly jet black boy who loved everybody - especially if they played with him.

LillylollyAndy · 31/03/2025 21:56

Some autistic children really don’t like dogs.
if you weren’t sure it was a good idea you should have put the idea on pause.
now if it doesn’t work out that dog will probably have to go to a shelter

Middleagedstriker · 31/03/2025 21:56

We have austistic kids but the dogs came first. You have to know what you're doing. The puppy needs consistency.

For a little bit if reality you need to be prepared to get into hell. The puppy will shit and piss everywhere for weeks, you will need to take it outside every hour for the first few weeks, if lucky it will learn, it will ruin your grass and shit all over the garden unless you train it to go in one spot so the kids can't use the garden (we take ours to some scrubland at the end of the road but can leave our now old kids alone, it will chew up the house for months and most likely nip (bite) everyone a few times until it learns not to, it will likely not settle for more then half an hour for the first few months and will need to be entertained but not harassed. It might saltay awake until 11pm but then be wide awake by dawn. It will then need 3 walks a day, up to 2 hours a day when a teenager. It will chew the fuck out of everything, including their favourite toys/shoes/clothes. It might wake up every night twice a night for a wee, barking and waking everyone up for a few months. It might need to be awake every day at 5am and playing and wake everyone else up for the first 18 month as one of ours did. It might get into the habit of barking every time someone walks past the house waking both kids up. It will knock them over several times and hurt them. It might be a pain in the arse with other dogs and get into fights. It is exhausting having a puppy.

Autumn1990 · 31/03/2025 21:57

EmpressaurusKitty · 31/03/2025 21:54

If you want an easy to look after steady pet for autistic children black and white male cats are usually very easy going and you can get an adult cat from a rescue

They’d need to be very very clear with the rescue on what they were asking for.

My first foster cat was a black & white adult male and he’d have been a terrible pet for children. On the other hand I had a very friendly jet black boy who loved everybody - especially if they played with him.

Edited

Yes I agree they would have to be very clear what they wanted but there would be cats that fitted the bill
Personally my preference would be chickens as they as very underrated as pets

CreationNat1on · 31/03/2025 21:57

Don't do it.

My sister has a 9 month old lab. Their rabbit is now dead, garden and garden furniture ripped to shreds. She walks him an hour a day and has started behavioural classes, food is €100 per month and kennels when she needs a break. Extra gate to protect the electric car port has been erected, he is barking at 7 am at neighbours dog. Kennels for storms etc. He is not allowed indoors, she has a decent sized back garden.

Kids are bored of him, he is her responsibility 100%.

Seriously your children are too young.

CaffeineNChaos · 31/03/2025 21:59

Costacoffeeplease · 31/03/2025 21:38

Don’t do it, it’s far too much hard work for up to 12-18 months

Edited

This. My sister did it and whilst her dc love their puppy, the puppy absolutely hates the dc and is terrified of them due to their behaviour and being too hands on with the dog (they think they are cuddling him) but he hates them

TillyandFlorence · 31/03/2025 21:59

Only you know your circumstances but will your kids be ok with being frequently nipped (puppy stage) and bowled over (teenage stage), will they cope with having their belongings destroyed if they are left lying around or don't close the baby gate to their room, will they understand to leave the puppy (and later dog) alone when eating and sleeping and that they can't give the puppy their food (especially chocolate, grapes etc)? And do you have the capacity to deal with all this plus toilet training, separation training, walking, puppy obedience classes etc for a good 2-3 years until your lab starts to settle down?

Where did you source your breeder, because most reputable breeders would think twice before placing their puppy with two under-fives.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 31/03/2025 22:01

Selfish.

what are your plans for getting rid of puppy when it doesn't work out - will the breeder have it back or is a rescue going to need to step up.

bozzabollix · 31/03/2025 22:05

CreationNat1on · 31/03/2025 21:57

Don't do it.

My sister has a 9 month old lab. Their rabbit is now dead, garden and garden furniture ripped to shreds. She walks him an hour a day and has started behavioural classes, food is €100 per month and kennels when she needs a break. Extra gate to protect the electric car port has been erected, he is barking at 7 am at neighbours dog. Kennels for storms etc. He is not allowed indoors, she has a decent sized back garden.

Kids are bored of him, he is her responsibility 100%.

Seriously your children are too young.

He is not allowed indoors? Please try to get to rehome him please? Dogs are pack animals and even if they’re young teenage pains need to be part of the family. No wonder he’s behaving like that.

Ive brought up three very well adjusted Labradors, all went through the puppy stage well loved and are incredibly steady as a result. Shut your dog out and you’ll have an unstable, emotionally challenged dog.

istabraq · 31/03/2025 22:07

I’m so glad there is a consistent and resounding no tk this. It’s a terrible, terrible combination. Puppies and young children are a disaster waiting to happen. That’s without the complexities of a ND house.

You are setting that dog up to fail. I work in reacue (foster) and it’s a story I hear on repeat. A lab is going to be a handful and a lot of work into its teenage years. They need training, breed appropriate exercise and proper and by that I mean consistent and sustained training.

So many puppies like this, bought without enough thinking through the consequences- surrendered normally aged about 1 because it’s too hard.

Slimbear · 31/03/2025 22:07

3 years old is too young to deal with a pet animal

Politenoticed · 31/03/2025 22:11

CreationNat1on · 31/03/2025 21:57

Don't do it.

My sister has a 9 month old lab. Their rabbit is now dead, garden and garden furniture ripped to shreds. She walks him an hour a day and has started behavioural classes, food is €100 per month and kennels when she needs a break. Extra gate to protect the electric car port has been erected, he is barking at 7 am at neighbours dog. Kennels for storms etc. He is not allowed indoors, she has a decent sized back garden.

Kids are bored of him, he is her responsibility 100%.

Seriously your children are too young.

What did I just read? Poor dog. Please try and persuade her to rehome him, this is awful

NuitDeSable · 31/03/2025 22:14

I guarantee you will be wanting to rehome the dog in under a year.