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Original poster

Lab puppy with autistic 3yo and 4yo

92 replies

dillydallyinthealley · 31/03/2025 21:24

Yes- we are crazy!
Our Pup has just been born and we bring him home in 8 weeks. I’ve been vigorously trawling the internet for tips.
I feel confident about settling puppy, but not so confident about how to get the kids ready. Does anyone have any tips about how to handle autistic (even worse- PDA profile) young children and a Labrador puppy?

OP posts:
Original poster
dillydallyinthealley · 01/04/2025 00:18

NuitDeSable · 31/03/2025 22:14

I guarantee you will be wanting to rehome the dog in under a year.

Would you like me to check back in a year? We can find out!

OP posts:
ohcrikeynotagain · 01/04/2025 00:18

Rather than doing too much socialising with other dogs you will need to make you family unit the most exciting thing in his world or you'll end up chasing him around the park and won't be able to let him off his lead. You want him to ignore other dogs basically rather than him think it's an opportunity to play when he sees one.

midlandsmummy123 · 01/04/2025 00:23

OP I promise you - the previous posters are just trying to save you from a lot of hard work and heartbreak. I am one of the people who couldn't cope with a lab puppy and two young children despite having no problems with two rescue border collie pups.

Original poster
dillydallyinthealley · 01/04/2025 00:25

TillyandFlorence · 31/03/2025 21:59

Only you know your circumstances but will your kids be ok with being frequently nipped (puppy stage) and bowled over (teenage stage), will they cope with having their belongings destroyed if they are left lying around or don't close the baby gate to their room, will they understand to leave the puppy (and later dog) alone when eating and sleeping and that they can't give the puppy their food (especially chocolate, grapes etc)? And do you have the capacity to deal with all this plus toilet training, separation training, walking, puppy obedience classes etc for a good 2-3 years until your lab starts to settle down?

Where did you source your breeder, because most reputable breeders would think twice before placing their puppy with two under-fives.

Breeder is a previous client of mine with whom I bonded with. She has been breeding for 20 years, bitches are her family pets. She vets buyers and is happy to home us as she knows our situation and family routine. She does socialisation, noise and resilience training with pups from 1 week old. She supports buyers after the pups leave her for the lifetime of the pup. Stud dog is perfect on all dna and health checks, as is mum.

OP posts:
Original poster
dillydallyinthealley · 01/04/2025 00:26

ohcrikeynotagain · 01/04/2025 00:18

Rather than doing too much socialising with other dogs you will need to make you family unit the most exciting thing in his world or you'll end up chasing him around the park and won't be able to let him off his lead. You want him to ignore other dogs basically rather than him think it's an opportunity to play when he sees one.

The socialisation is more so you can do training in different scenarios so you have all bases covered when it comes to maintaining training with different distractions around

OP posts:
Original poster
dillydallyinthealley · 01/04/2025 00:27

midlandsmummy123 · 01/04/2025 00:23

OP I promise you - the previous posters are just trying to save you from a lot of hard work and heartbreak. I am one of the people who couldn't cope with a lab puppy and two young children despite having no problems with two rescue border collie pups.

Ah I’m sorry that must’ve been hard :( it’s sad when it doesn’t work out

OP posts:
Original poster
dillydallyinthealley · 01/04/2025 00:32

Chromaover · 31/03/2025 21:40

A 3 yo and a 4 yo and a puppy? I hope you don't have a job and have loads of time for training and perhaps some childcare so you have time to do it.

i don’t work, eldest at school, youngest at nursery 3 days per week. Every other weekend they are with granny all weekend

OP posts:
ohcrikeynotagain · 01/04/2025 00:34

dillydallyinthealley · 01/04/2025 00:26

The socialisation is more so you can do training in different scenarios so you have all bases covered when it comes to maintaining training with different distractions around

Show quote history

Thanks, I know what socialisation in dogs is for. As you seemed keen in planning puppy get togethers I was trying to point out that you don't want your pup to think every dog is a play mate. Socialisation means standing back and taking it in. Not been amongst the throng.

Getting used to the hoover and the postman calling is normal puppy development and should be bog standard for a breeder.

ItssssAMeMariooo92 · 01/04/2025 01:08

Pda parent here! My mum bought a puppy for us in 2023 when my son was 7. The unpredictability was too much for my son and he was constantly trying to equalise.

Loving dogs and owning one are great but far too often for a pdaer in the household, it can be really really difficult.

We now have a toy poodle who's 3 years old and I bought him in December and omg it's been so much easier as he's not crazy like puppies, plus he doesn't need my attention like the puppy did. We had to rehome the puppy as it wasn't fair on him, myself or my son at that time. Don't get me wrong, we are struggling a lot at the moment as my son is massively struggling with his mental health and is equalising hard against the dog but I'm here to manage it.

However, your story may end up completely different to mine and if it goes well, you can register the dog with a company called pawsable. They specialise in assistance dog training for autism etc. We've just applied with them off the back of other pda parents.

Good luck!

SpringHasSprung25 · 01/04/2025 02:57

I guess you will learn the hard way then. Don’t say we didn’t warn you!

LandSharksAnonymous · 01/04/2025 05:33

Tbh I think any breeder who sells a dog to someone with multiple young children is negligent.

Unless you are superwoman/man no one can adequately care for a dog and two young children - even if you do not work - and particularly if they have additional needs.

I also think your lack of disregard and your disdain when posters are being frank about how it likely won’t work is going to come back to bite you. But, sadly, I think you’re likely yet another parent who is buying a living, breathing, pet for their kids or themselves without giving two figs about the dog.

I agree with PPs. It’ll end in tears.

HeySnoodie · 01/04/2025 05:46

Can you get a slightly older lab? The nipping stage only lasts till about 16 weeks, although it might just be worth enduring so that you can socialise it thoroughly (farm animals, fireworks, transportation, crate train). Expect hard work and training focus for the first year.

Going against the grain, labs are great support dogs for the autistic children I’ve known. The dogs are happy and kids well bonded. One parent at home.

Neemie · 01/04/2025 05:54

dillydallyinthealley · 01/04/2025 00:32

i don’t work, eldest at school, youngest at nursery 3 days per week. Every other weekend they are with granny all weekend

Show quote history

I would be a bit exasperated if I was helping out as much as granny and you added a dog into the mix. She may be more generous with her time than I am though.

cryinglaughing · 01/04/2025 05:56

Not fair on the dogs or kids.
Just because you want one doesn't mean you should have one.

LandSharksAnonymous · 01/04/2025 05:59

I also love how so much of the advice on this thread is ‘give them food’ and ‘walk them lots’ so they don’t bother you. What lazy owners.

Sorry, shoving your dog in front of a kong or antler is NOT proper dog ownership - you don’t give dogs food because they’re asking for attention or affection or because you are failing to give them what they need. Particularly dogs who are known to swallow anything they can - whole.

And those advocating a crate?! Great. What about when the child tries to get inside it. Or the puppy doesn’t like it? Saying ‘get a crate’ to someone who clearly has no idea about dogs is not going to end well.

I feel like these posters were probably trying to help, but with someone as deluded - being completely frank - as OP, offering ‘help’ in this form is stupid. If she wants to persist in this - frankly, idiotic - idea, then she needs a trainer and a behaviourist from day one. Not advice from Tina from Kent in the form of 50 words. It’s far more complicated than ‘get a crate’ and ‘give them food’ and oversimplifying it like that will do OP and the dog no favours.

redboxer321 · 01/04/2025 06:37

This thread shows why domesticated pets should be allowed to die out and humans should get the fuck out of other animals' lives.

2JFDIYOLO · 01/04/2025 09:02

Has anybody else noticed this from OP?

I think the biggest problem we will face is my youngest being wary of the puppy due to nips. I’ve been trying to get him used to sharp/ nippy objects touching his skin- nipping with tongs and poking etc. he probably thinks I’m mental

Er ... what?

Have you also chewed up his favourite toy and pooped in his shoe?

TwentyTwentyFive · 01/04/2025 09:05

2JFDIYOLO · 01/04/2025 09:02

Has anybody else noticed this from OP?

I think the biggest problem we will face is my youngest being wary of the puppy due to nips. I’ve been trying to get him used to sharp/ nippy objects touching his skin- nipping with tongs and poking etc. he probably thinks I’m mental

Er ... what?

Have you also chewed up his favourite toy and pooped in his shoe?

I've just caught up on the thread and was about to quote this. I'm really surprised no one else has picked up on it!

This is abusive behaviour! He's 3 years old and your poking him and nipping him with tongs. If I knew you I'd be talking to the school and nursery about your behaviour because that is not normal!

FantasticMax · 01/04/2025 22:34

I have had a 4 year old lab since he was a pup and I have two DC (4 and 8 at the time we got him), one of whom is PDA. Honestly it has been really hard, I wouldn't recommend. The one with PDA is difficult with the dog, often hypes him up and inevitably gets hurt when the dog starts jumping or writhing around and she shouts at him. He's a lovely dog (although bonkers at times), but I feel sorry for him. He often leaves the room when she has one of her meltdowns so it clearly bothers him. He is a great comfort to her at times but if I knew what I know now, I wouldn't do it. I'm sorry to sound negative.

Whu · 01/04/2025 22:55

You are abusing your autistic 3 year old with metal tongs to prepare him for being nipped by a puppy?! I really have read it all here now.
You sound unhinged.
This whole scenairo is a recipe for disaster and you are setting yourself, the puppy and your family up for much stress and heartbreak. You won’t listen though. So what’s the point of this thread?

ExitPursuedByABare · 01/04/2025 22:59

I volunteer in dog rescue.

Too many damaged dogs coming in after living with SEND children.

Catarinabella · 01/04/2025 23:01

Really not the best idea. Would advise don’t do it

hayley3602 · 25/04/2025 22:00

Hi my son has autism and was 2 years old when we brought our boxer puppy home. It was hard work to begin with and puppies do nip a lot. But I am glad I done it. They shared such a lovely bond for 11 years. Having the dog def helped my son with going outside and his anxiety. If he had his boy by his side it was fine and he would often sit and clap him when things got over whelming for him. We recently lost our old boxer boy and my son wanted to be there with him till the very end. He was his best friend xx

Twiglets1 · 25/04/2025 22:14

oof you are getting some very negative responses. I’ve had 2 Lab puppies now and both only cried for the first 2 nights than they settled overnight and slept downstairs on their own in the kitchen. Maybe I’ve been lucky but I don’t recognise some of these descriptions. I think Labs are amazing and though they bite a lot when small puppies, they mostly stop once the adult teeth come through. They are adaptable, friendly & easy going. Good Luck!

Pigeonqueen · 25/04/2025 22:24

Whu · 01/04/2025 22:55

You are abusing your autistic 3 year old with metal tongs to prepare him for being nipped by a puppy?! I really have read it all here now.
You sound unhinged.
This whole scenairo is a recipe for disaster and you are setting yourself, the puppy and your family up for much stress and heartbreak. You won’t listen though. So what’s the point of this thread?

This.

I have a child with autism and I’m in several very active sen needs boards outside of Mumsnet. So many people have had to rehome labs / assistance dogs they’ve been very hopeful about because the reality just isn’t what they thought. Lots of children with autism just do not like sharing their space with a dog - even if they generally love animals.