Lab puppy with autistic 3yo and 4yo

[dillydallyinthealley]

Yes- we are crazy!
Our Pup has just been born and we bring him home in 8 weeks. I’ve been vigorously trawling the internet for tips.
I feel confident about settling puppy, but not so confident about how to get the kids ready. Does anyone have any tips about how to handle autistic (even worse- PDA profile) young children and a Labrador puppy?

We did it when ds who is autistic was 5. It was really hard for a few years and took a toll on mine and dh mental health. He was very bitey as a tiny pup so ds didn’t like interacting with him. We did crate him which helped. I worked hard training him and did puppy classes. He was coming along ok then at 6m he became very stubborn it was hard. All the training tricks weren’t working, juggling that plus ds was hard. We got a dog trainer who didn’t help. Then we got a behavourlist who was good and gave us some techniques to help relax him so he would be more amenable to doing as we asked.
he is ok on walks but lunges at cats, we have never managed to train it out of him. Dh has to walk him as I have arthritis and can’t manage him

He got a lot easier around 3, he calmed down a bit, he still barks at door/people walking past. And lunges at cats. But other than that he’s pretty good. Ds doesn’t like loud noises so the dog bothers him. They have never really bonded.

My recommendation would be get a dog because you want one not for kids

Hi. I have two autistic daughters, one has PDA. They are both adults now. Both are adopted and we had to deal with a lot of challenging behaviour.

We have always had bernese mountain dogs. And it's been fine. The dogs have been a huge source of unconditional love when life wasn't easy for any of us. I was isolated as parents stayed clear and the girls struggled to form friendships.

Every day we would take the dog for a walk in the park. It was a great routine for all of us and introduced us to new people who were outside the school bubble.

It was healthy and avoided the lack of friendships.

I was always very firm about me being in charge of the dog and giving him space. I wouldn't leave the girls unsupervised with the dog ever for various reasons. We have two now, my daughters are 26 and 27 and this is still the rule.

You do need to set ground rules and stick to them.

Good luck.

Just to add my lab is 4.5 now and lovely and gentle. (Still boisterous and demanding at times though) I wouldn’t have listened to all the warnings on here either. Do I wish I hadn’t got him? Honestly yes just because he has brought added stress to our lives and our asd son finds him a source of stress or ignores him so not the little pal we were hoping for. But I do love him to bits.

Oh OP! Labs may become the best dogs but they are the worst puppies! Everything everyone has said is true.

I absolutely love our boy now but it was hard and it’s just me my husband and we have flexible hybrid jobs. It nearly broke both of us there were lots of tears!

We got a giant breed puppy and although it worked out fine I should have waited until the 3yo was at least 7yo before getting a puppy if I could go back in time. Toilet training a puppy and 3yo at once wasn't smart. However they are both good friends now, and DDog is part of the family 4 years on. Youngest DC is ND. It hasn't been easy. OP please wait a few years.

My giant breed is very laid back unlike Labs, she just doesn't jump around at all. She sleeps most of the day. But she did steal socks as a puppy, and jump up for a bit and knocked one of the DC down. Nothing serious, they just got a fright.

Please consider waiting until the youngest is 7.

I have a just turned one year old Labrador - and am very experienced in puppy rearing and canine welfare. Please, please do NOT do this.

Would the breeder keep the pup and train it for you until it’s a year or so or at least through the worst of the biting? You could visit the pup and get used to him slowly and take him home when he’s well on his way to trained. The problem with an 8 week old is they’re still so young and it will all be fine for a few weeks until he turns into a complete nippy nightmare. If not a year at least maybe to 4 months. It’s what we did with out autistic kids and it’s been a huge success.

Yes you are crazy and not in a "oh we are soo crazy its hilarious" way but in a crazy stupid kind of way.
It woudl be really unfair on the puppy AND your children to do this.
I question what kind of breeder would sell you a puppy as well

We have a 7 month old Lab who we got at 9 weeks old. She is AMAZING!
BUT it has been hard work, and still is sometimes although she is VERY good in the house - toilet trained easily and has never chewed anything that she shouldn’t.
However, my 3 children are much older than yours - my youngest is almost 10. I work with children who have Autism/PDA so I’m familiar with this side of things. Many of the families I work with have dogs and they can have a huge positive impact for neurodivergent children.
But ultimately I think your children are too young, having a puppy is SO EXHAUSTING and time consuming it wouldn’t be fair on anyone. Maybe once your youngest is say, 8??

@dillydallyinthealley
the biggest problem we will face is my youngest being wary of the puppy due to nips. I’ve been trying to get him used to sharp/ nippy objects touching his skin- nipping with tongs and poking etc. he probably thinks I’m mental

You are beyond cruel.

What cruelty are you planning to do to your puppy when it toilets in the house, chews up DC favourite toy or is all jumpy, bitey and overexcited?
Don't get a puppy, your family isn't ready for one.

There’s a reason rescues need dc to be 7 and older to adopt a rescue. We have a 5yo dog and 6mo puppy and second time has been so much easier because dc are older (13 and 17) and this puppy isn’t bitey, is super calm and just a dream. If you get a puppy like her then you’ll be okay but dpup 1 was a bitey monster and dc being 8 and 12 was tough so younger wouldn’t have worked imo. You need to train the dc and I’m not sure 3-4 yos are able to understand that training but as you’re decided…

crate train - teach dc to never go in that space

teach dc to never take food from dpup

teach dc to only pet dpup when an adult has given them permission (until you’re confident they are petting correctly)

teach dc to never take toys from dpup.

Have a schedule for rest/play and tell dc
teach dc it’s not a toy

wear wellies in the garden to protect Achilles heal - dpup1 used to go for mine 😩

puppy training as a family - most of puppy training is about teaching you rather than the dog

I spent three years training my dog before having children. No way could I have trained her effectively with two children let alone ND children. You're taking a great risk.

Another vote for ‘don’t do it’.
Puppies are an astounding amount of work in the first six months to a year.
I tjink you will find you do a bad job with the puppy and with your kids in that time.
Get an adult dog. In reality the cuteness of puppies is way outweighed by the workload.
Said as someone who has done 4 puppies, 1 older rescue, with and without kids in the mixture. When I did it with kids they were teenagers who was able to help and they still kind of hated it after about a week.

Alot of things the dog could prospectively bring to the family, but is it the right environment for so young a dog (thinking of the loud noise mentioned). It's a baby, and it needs to come first for ages. I remember when my dad got a puppy (took at 6 weeks from breeder which I thought and think was terribly early) and had the grandkids around to meet her day one. She was absolutely terrified. She didn't sleep til I had her on my chest and the kids had gone home, and my dad and his partner were out walking their other dog.

Cried all night in her crate too, imagine going from a litter and mum as a pack animal to alone in one day! Not trying to be a downer but just describing my honest experience of a pup entering a household where the children couldn't keep the noise down, in this case as they were too young to understand. It's exciting for the family receiving the pup but a big scary day for the pup to leave their whole world.

Training a puppy from a week old for loud noises and socialising etc is very early too, my friend is high up in PDSA and has paid her dues working in kennels, dog training, behavioural qualifications etc and has always said puppy's need their puppy hood for their own well being and development. Between 8 and 16 weeks is a good time to start training usually.

People on mumsnet are crazy when someone mentions getting a puppy, it's not as big of a deal as people make it out to be and people have been getting dogs for their kids for a century now. The puppy gate keeping is really strange.

OP the puppy is going to chase them alot, it's cute at first and then they'll start biting when they chase. Make sure you have a rope toy on hand for your kids to give to the puppy to chase when this happens. Whenever a puppy is biting, tell them "no" and give them a toy to play with instead. I've never had a problem with puppy biting for longer than 2 weeks because they're not allowed to.

Consider using a pen attached to the crate for when you want to bathe the kids/do something in another room while toilet training, they cry less in a pen than a crate. We only use crates at night time to keep them off cables. If your puppy suddenly turns into a demon, it's probably tired and should be put away and ignored so he can snooze it off. Kongs and antlers are great to get a dog to settle when they're in the crazy puppy stage and due a sleep, chewing releases endorphins and settles them down.

Learn how to train a puppy ie the body cues that help with alot of commands, pre train the puppy on how to do it (at that age they'll learn easy tricks in less than 10 repetitions) then get your kids to do it and they'll feel like the puppy extra loves them when it does the command easily. Then remember when he's had his injections, if he tries to sit/play with the leash/lay down on the pavement, be cheerful and keep him moving rather than letting him do it and save yourself a headache when he's doing it at 6 months. Don't let your kids hand feed him human food even if it's adorable, he's a lab and you'll regret it when hes 40kg and pushy with an autistic child eating their food.

Last thing - when toilet training, act like he just did the best thing in the world even if it's to an embarassing extent and give him food straight away for a pee or a poo so he doesn't end up sitting outside for 30 mins when you REALLY want him to go. We crate/pen for the first month unless playing outside/walking (perfect time of year to spend alot of time outside with him) while toilet training so it has a better grasp on what you expect. Our 6 month old toy breed (notorious house pissers) is toileting perfectly using this method.

Enjoy your puppy OP, when you want to pull your hair out remember it's not permanent! Every month they become better if you do the bare minimum, so I'm sure a dog with the breeding you chose and the fact you're seeking out information will be a great friend for your family.

Training a puppy from a week old for loud noises and socialising etc is very early too
Puppies are born blind and deaf- they can't see/ hear until day 10-14. And even then, you should not startle them with loud unexpected noises. These things need to be introduced with great care and consideration of individual personalities.