I hate my dog

[CamFoz]

I know this sounds terrible, but since becoming pregnant and having my second child, I hate my dog.

She is a cockapoo, but definitely more Cocker. She has always pulled terribly on the lead. For the past year, while planning for a baby and pregnant, my partner and I have tried everything to stop her pulling. Watched YouTube videos, read all the tricks and tips and training videos to stop her pulling. She just will not learn. She pulls so bad it hurts my hand, she'll even choke herself if wearing a neck lead.

Anyway, I now have my newborn and my partner works in the Navy, so he is away for the next 4 months. I simply can not take my dog for a walk. If I do she'll pull so hard and pull the pram over, and if I have baby in the sling, I'm so worried she'll jerk me and it will knock the baby about or hurt babies neck.

I have been getting my daughter (shes 12) to take her out, or asking other family members of they mind walking her occasionally (they are happy to take her).

I just feel so so resentful of her, while also feeling guilty that i cannot take care of her, now I have a baby.

If I had it my way I would rehome her. But my whole family would make me feel terribly irresponsible. Plus, my 12 year old daughter would be upset.

I also have chronic health condition, which makes juggling all of this a lot harder.

What to do/ advice?

It's pretty normal to go through feelings of intense frustration with a dog when you have a newborn. It will improve. I always think about the scene in Marley and Me when Jennifer Aniston snaps that she wants to get rid of the dog.

It's just overwhelm.

Get a body harness and walk the dog where she can be off lead for the majority of the walk.

I had two (very) under two and I found a place on a common where I could park the car, let the dog out, and throw the ball standing by the car while the kids napped!

Woods with car parks so no on lead waking required.

Parks with enclosed fields for off lead dogs so you can just sit while she runs.

Try a bit of creative problem solving before you re-home the dog, as this phase will pass like all others!

It’s the most fair solution all round.
OP needs to prioritise her baby and her own needs as well as look after her 12 year old. The dog is just too much in this situation. Sometimes difficult decisions need to be made. 🤷🏼‍♀️

If the dog won’t come on command then the only place it can be safely let off the lead is a designated dog exercise space.

Woods with a car park isn’t appropriate unless the dog is properly under control at all times.

If you really hate the poor dog rehome her as its completely unfair on her, she will know. A friend took on a collie who was far to much for her elderly owners, she now has a wonderful life doing things she loves. If truth be told she wasnt even unsettled moving homes. There are other solutions but you seem to be past considering them and seems like you and the dog would be better off tbh.

Have you tried a front clip on a harness? My dog literally can't pull because if she does it alters her direction if she does.

Use borrow my dog and let others enjoy the walking/playing with the dog as well to take the pressure off.

It's because she's not been trained to walk properly. I have two working breed, high energy dogs and the amount of training we had to do to get them to be the dogs they are now is unreal. It wasn't just a few classes and watching YouTube videos.

Out of curiosity @CamFoz how old is the dog? Because by the sounds of it she's still a puppy (under 2)?

If I do she'll pull so hard and pull the pram over

A cockerpoo? Seriously?

It sounds very much like you haven't been consistent enough with her training.

I would also hazard a guess that she isn't getting enough exercise and stimulation.

Firstly, tmhve you tried a halti harness. They go around the dogs muzzle and are designed specifically to help with dogs who pull like a steam train. We had a border collie who was similar and it worked wonders. They are harmless but effective.

Secondly, get a dog walker who can do solo walks with her to give her the stimulation you aren't able to give currently.

You obviously care about the dog, but it does seem from your posts that you are overwhelmed and possibly slightly uneducated as to the needs of the breed.

If you aren't able to meet her needs then your only option is to rehome her. But please do it through a recognised charity like dogs trust and not Facebook and the like.

I don't think the OP has said anything about the dog not coming on command. Maybe I missed it though.

I was just giving examples in regards to problem solving, obviously she will need to apply her own circumstances. Hopefully she will think of something that works.

Poor, poor dog. You need to re-home and never get another dog.

Having a dog and newborn can be really tough, but I'd pay a dog walker rather than considering rehoming (or put her on a shorter lead so she can't pull around the pram?).

My mum and dad had to rehome our dog when I was a child. They had good reasons, their relationship broke down, dad lost his business, we lost our house and the family we stayed with wouldn't let us take the dog... but even though I understand, it still upsets me and I still think about my dog now that I'm an adult. Your daughter shouldn't have to deal with that just because walks are a bit tricky.

Other than aggressive behaviour, I think you just have to deal with whatever your dog throws at you. It's not fair on the dog or your daughter to do anything else really.

A front-attached harness (we use the walk your dog with love brand on Amazon) did wonders for my beagle.

Do you play games with her at home? It’s a bit of a myth that all dogs need is endless running. Stimulating their brain calms and tires them just as much as a 10 mile walk.

Get your 12 year old involved with scentwork, finding things, puzzle feeders and teaching the dog some cute tricks.

Find a good pet shop where they will let you try on harnesses (Pets Corner is one chain I know of) and see what might work. Ask at your vet and on your local Facebook page for recommendations for a decent trainer with proven results and commit to enough sessions to actually solve the problem. Get a dog walker to get you over the newborn stage. I don’t think you do actually hate your dog or want to rehome her, otherwise you’d have just done it rather than asking for help.

So basically you had babies and now your dog is basically a second class citizen and you no longer love her because she’s behaving as a dog (who likely hasn’t been trained properly).

The dog pulls on the lead because:

a) she hasn't been trained not to. I appreciate you think you have tried everything but the reality is that all dogs can be trained not to pull.
b) she is underwalked and so over excited when she does get to go out
c) she is a part cocker; this is breed used more recently for scent work and lots of scent work requires the dog to pull their handler in the direction of the scent. In the right situation this is great trait for her to have.

Why list all that? Because you hating the dog for a fault that is not of her own making is unfair. By all means, accept that you are not the right home for her (it sounds like you are not) and so compassionately and responsibly rehome her via a breed specific charity or similar. But you have to realise this is not the dog's fault... She is not an especially bad or naughty or unusual dog - it's just that your life and home are no longer suitable for a dog and she is an unwilling victim of that change.

If you start from that POV then it will help you through to the right decision. Right now it sounds like you think you are doing her a favour by keeping her. You are not. She is not in a home that can cater for her and it's your job as the adult human to rectify that - either by changing the home she has or by helping her (responsibly!) find a new one.

How hard can she be pulling if your dad 12 year old is able to take her out?

How can your 12yo dd walk her but you can't?

I'd rehome her. Fairer on her.

Not sure of the correlation between between farming and pet ownership to be honest. Like a lot of people I do however buy welfare bred products.

Yes, believe it or not I’m fully aware of circumstances changing, mine have changed countless times, but I’ve never rehomed a dog because I haven’t picked the right breed for my lifestyle or because I’d failed to train it.

I take my dog who cannot be walked to a secure field a few times a week.

But did you actually try everything ? you could of actually gone to classes and trained her properly. It's not the dogs fault you didn't put the time and effort into her and now she is the one that will suffer .

Why shame?
I can't stand dogs, doesn't mean I would harm them, but shame for a bloody animal's behaviour??
😡

Honestly, it's completely normal to feel detached from your dog when you have a newborn. I love my dog dearly (she's a cocker), but once my baby was born I just saw her as a threat to my baby I think. I was also super touched out from breastfeeding so didn't want her clambering all over me whereas I loved that before.

I couldn't (and still don't) take her on walks with DD, although I was only this morning thinking that I probably could now because she has got so much better at not pulling. (I haven't consciously done anything to encourage that, she just has more lead walks now!)

It probably took about 6 months to a year for me to start entirely loving her again. I felt bad about it, but I've spoken to so many new mums about it and most of them said they felt the same!

Anyway, all this is to say that this period of time will pass. In a year or two you'll be able to take the dog for a walk with your baby walking too. If you can find some way to get her walked in the meantime you won't have anything to regret later on. With help from your daughter and family members you'll get through it if you really want to. You could also look into dog walkers once you're back in work!

Dogs are very loyal animals so when you get a dog you are really committing to around 12-15 years of dog ownership. People who get dogs on a whim, especially high energy dogs, and then don't put in the required training just to dispose of them when they are older should be ashamed. It's fine that you don't like dogs and not get a dog, but don't get a dog and then choose not to put the work in.

God I hate people like you. You are the problem, people have a dog to fill some sort of void, have kids then kick the dog out. Please rehome - pref with a family member who are actually caring and take time to look after this poor dog.

you’re also teaching your kids a TERRIBLE lesson, oh if u don’t want an animal anymore, just get rid. You have thought nothing about the emotional effect on the animal, but just a dog to you hey?

humans are the worst.

Fucking hell I've just read all the responses on here and so many are completely void of any empathy. Anyone who has ever had a dog has had at least one period of time where they have come up against a challenging behaviour which they need support with.

OP is in the trenches with a newborn and a 12 year old on her own, give her a fucking break. She needs some help and support, some understanding, not shaming! There have been some really great ideas (I'd never heard of a waist belt so might give that a try!) but some of it is just awful. Give your heads a wobble!