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Original poster

Returning a dog to rescue

109 replies

areyouhavingagiraffe · 10/10/2022 19:03

I am fully aware that I may get some abuse posting this. But please realise this is hard. I bought home a greyhound on Saturday. I have grown up around dogs, but never owned one. For as long as I can remember, it has been my dream to buy a house with a large garden, and get a dog.
My hound has been as good as gold, he is a bit of a jumper and puller on the lead, but it calms down after a while. But I am finding this so so difficult. I live alone and thought that having a dog would be incredible for me. But it is making me feel isolated and lonely, and I feel so overwhelmed and I feel like I have lost some of my independence. I was warned that I may feel like this, but I didn't expect to feel like this in a few days. He is following me around, but he was good last night and slept downstairs alone (I slept with him the first night), but he has a little cry when I go upstairs in the daytime. I know this is expected from him and I have turned his life upside down, but he is a star, but I am not cut out for dog ownership, not on my own. I haven't eaten in two days, because I feel like a failure, and I am so worried about what the rescue will think of me. I don't know why I am writing this, maybe for some words of wisdom. My parents popped over today, and I discussed it with them, and I have made the decision to take him back in a few days. He needs someone else, maybe a family. I am feeling so hurt and broken. How can something that I have dreamt of for so long make me feel like this.

OP posts:

Saucery · 10/10/2022 19:07

The rescue will think you are a responsible person who wants the best for a dog you realise isn’t right for you.
Don’t be too harsh on yourself, it happens.

hattie43 · 10/10/2022 19:08

You brought him home Saturday and it's now Monday and you're returning him .

Yes you're not cut out for dog ownership so give him the chance to have a new home where they understand it takes more than 3 days t settle them in .

Anotherautumn · 10/10/2022 19:09

I don’t think the OP is referring to the dog settling: it’s her own feelings.

Its hard OP, but you have to remember on MN it is perfectly acceptable to hate everything about being a parent, but admit you don’t feel cut out for owning a dog and you get slaughtered.

LosingMyPancakes · 10/10/2022 19:12

Return him ASAP because the longer you wait the more the poor thing will suffer being kicked back out.

I'm confused though - why do you feel isolated and upset by having him there? Our greyhounds tend to mind their own business, they are some of the most independent dogs you can have.

Yarnosaur · 10/10/2022 19:12

It is very early days, and he sounds lovely, and I would imagine you put a lot of thought into this, and you're now suddenly overwhelmed with the responsibility of it all before you've had a chance to properly bond. It's much harder on your own as it's all on you, but I would honestly give it a little longer. Right now it's all new and it all feels like 'work' but that will slowly change into the steady companionship I'd guess you're after.

Rotherweird · 10/10/2022 19:13

Oh OP, I'm so sorry that you are feeling like this. Could it be that he's just not the right dog for you? My mum (experienced dog owner) got a rescue dog and just couldn't gel with it and had to take it back. A few years later she got another dog and they are inseparable. It does sound like this isn't the right dog for you, but it doesn't mean that at another time in your life and with a different dog you couldn't have what you've dreamed of.

Ilikewinter · 10/10/2022 19:14

Getting a dog is a massive upheaval on your life so im not surprised you feel overwhelmed, especially doing it on your own. Personally I would at least try to stick it out for a few weeks and see how you both adjust, but ultimately if you feel its not right for you then let the rescue know.

cantheydothisreally · 10/10/2022 19:15

It seems a shame after three days, not really even that.

How can you feel isolated? What did you think he would be like?

They should have vetted you better tbh and explained what was going to be involved.

Poor dog

BobLobIaw · 10/10/2022 19:17

NoSquirrels · 10/10/2022 19:17

What’s triggering you about his presence - what is causing the feelings specifically, do you think?

If you’ve discussed it with your parents and you’re sure this is for the best, do return him and try not to worry about what anyone thinks. But I would just say that I’ve regretted almost every animal we’ve brought home, and the feelings wear off. Feelings aren’t permanent.

Heliotroper · 10/10/2022 19:19

You made a mistake

Everyone makes them but takes guts to admit it and it is obvious you really care for animals and this dog in particular

The rescue people will understand, they deal with this sort of thing all the time.

AnApparitionQuipped · 10/10/2022 19:19

It is normal to feel like this when you adopt a new pet - there is a 'what have I done?' sense of panic because it is a life-changing decision and however much you have planned for it and researched it, even if you have pets already in the house nothing prepares you for that moment your new pet comes home and you realise it is entirely dependent on you.

You know yourself best - do you think there is any chance you will feel better about this in time? If not, then it would be best to rehome the dog sooner rather than later because the longer he is with you, the more attached to you he will become.

It's a sad situation but you need to think about what is the best outcome, in the circumstances, for the dog.

Sunflower07 · 10/10/2022 19:25

We've not long brought our dog home (3 weeks yesterday) and I had all the same feelings as you. I have a 9 year old so am basically doing it alone too! I never thought about returning her but did have those 'what have I done' moments. I knew it would be hard, had read and researched everything, and spoke to so many people about getting a dog but I think nothing really prepares you properly! Most people I know who have dogs have told me they had the same feelings initially so I'd be inclined to stick it out if I were you.l as you've obviously given getting a dog a lot of thought.
But only you can decide of course.

Original poster

areyouhavingagiraffe · 10/10/2022 19:29

Thanks all. I don't think I should feel like this after a few days, and it's making me cry and I haven't eaten in two days. I feel isolated, and trapped. I know I can go out without him, I did this yesterday for 30 mins and he was okay. But I feel anxious and guilty. Am I understand those of you saying I should give it more time, but what if it doesn't work, and then I feel it is even worse on the dog. It's bad enough after a few days, but after a few weeks, that is tougher.

OP posts:

GetOffTheRoof · 10/10/2022 19:29

Puppy blues is a thing.

I remember standing sobbing in a field when my rescue wouldn't come back to me after the first week or two as she had zero recall..... It was several weeks before I was really comfortable with her, as I wasn't sure if we'd done the right thing at all. Not sure her recall is greatly improved.

5yrs later I wouldn't be without her but it's it is tying - we can't go anywhere for longer than 4/4.5hrs without organising a sitter or walker. We've barely been away overnight since she arrived as she can't handle kennels so we've had to beg favours from friends etc to have her.

So we got a second dog 🤔🙄🤣 who has even more issues and can't travel in the car meaning we can't even take her out for the day....

We love both so much, but we shouldn't have got the second dog. She's a delight and the difference we've made in her life is immediately obviously every day, but dear lord she ties us down.

So no judgement here. It's hard work. And if it's not right, it's not fair on either of you.

FWIW, I had an indoor cat as my first pet when I was alone. Much easier. Maybe when you're ready, a cat might be more of an option?

Original poster

areyouhavingagiraffe · 10/10/2022 19:30

I'm so sorry I did this, and I feel horrible for him. I am just being honest

OP posts:

Toddlerteaplease · 10/10/2022 19:31

Yarnosaur · 10/10/2022 19:12

This. It's been 48 hours.

Autumflower · 10/10/2022 19:31

We already had 2 dogs ,and we ended up with a 3rd ,a very very old poorly boy .there was no one else to take him on ,unless he went to a shelter and he was so poorly I knew he would of been put down ..so we took him on ..we drove home and he was glaring at me I’m sure .and I was definitely glaring at him..I didn’t want him ..he was her dog not mine .
we had him 2 years and 8 months ,constant vet appointments,….I don’t know when he became my dog ,I can’t pin point when I started to love him ,he just fitted in ,his feet were under the table ..we took him on 5 mini holidays to so many different places ,he went in the sea for the first time ,he went to Scotland and Cornwall and plenty of places in between
we lost him the day after the queen’s funeral,the vet said it was time to let him go ….it’s not really sunk in yet he’s gone ..
I can’t believe I went from not wanting him ,to feeling now ,like my heart has broken ..
I suppose I just want to say op ,give it time and the feelings will come ,he’s your first dog ,it’s scary ,like having a baby scary and it takes so much time and patience to make it work ,but you will have a friend for life there ,grayhounds are loyal gentle creatures who are often treated badly before being put up for adoption,give him a chance at a home with u op , x

Rotherweird · 10/10/2022 19:34

OP, whatever you decide to do, you don't need to be so hard on yourself. The dog doesn't know he's been adopted, for all he knows you are just a foster carer or a dog sitter (not that dogs can conceptualise those things but what I mean is he doesn't have an expectation that he is going to live with you for the rest of his life, so you won't be letting him down if you take him back). You sound so down - can you have a cup of a tea and a bit of toast? I'm sure you'd feel better if you ate something and rang someone for a chat.

Olivetreebutter · 10/10/2022 19:36

I'd honestly say give it time. We got a rescue lurcher and I cried every day for 6 weeks, and lost half a stone because I wouldn't eat. Admittedly she was a handful, but the weight of responsibility and feeling ever alone just weighed on me. I used to day dream about returning her and what is say to the rescue centre and people who knew we'd taken her on.

My parents said to give it three months. That was a decent length of time for her to settle in, and for me to adjust. If it still wasn't working, I could return her knowing I'd done everything I could for her.

By three months I couldn't imagine life without her and we are now 3 years down the road.

Noone can quite explain how big wleocming a dog into your life is, and if you live alone you have a huge culture shock - suddenly you are responsible for something, and aren't alone anymore. The responsibility is huge. But you will start to adjust to having this creature there, you start having a conversation with them. Now I swear she talks back even though she doesn't utter a word.

I wish you luck. But also, if it isn't for you, that isn't an indictment on you. She will find a loving new home if that doesn't happen to be with you.

Original poster

areyouhavingagiraffe · 10/10/2022 19:36

@Rotherweird , thank you. I hope I haven't hurt him and done any lasting damage, and he finds a wonderful couple or a family, something more than I can give him

OP posts:

butchersshrink · 10/10/2022 19:37

I felt exactly the same when I got my dog last year. Anxiety from everything to muddy paw prints, fur everywhere, picking up dog shit, the constant neediness (he's a velcro dog) to not being able to go anywhere for long periods of time without leaving him. I didnt want to admit defeat so just quietly hated him for a few months (although wasn't nasty) then it happened, I fell in love with him. He's not 14 month old and a lovely companion. Muddy paws and all. Do you think it's just a big shock to the system OP? You could equally regret not giving it a good go.

LadyLothbrook · 10/10/2022 19:38

Now* 14 months

Bobshhh · 10/10/2022 19:39

Do you have existing mental health issues? Because not eating for two days feels like an extreme reaction to getting a dog you planned for.

Do what's right for him but two days in feels like no time at all for you to get used to each other.

Original poster

areyouhavingagiraffe · 10/10/2022 19:41

@butchersshrink , I can do all the poo picking etc. He's jumpy on the lead, and pulls a bit but I know that needs training. It is not because of these things. I just feel so tied down, and when I do sit at my laptop and work (from home), or even pop out, I just feel so anxious, and guilty, and emotional. I just can do this alone. I am so used to just doing what I want, when I want, and yes I admit I haven't thought this through. This was my dream and I am not cut out for it.

OP posts:

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