Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pets

Join our community on the Pet forum to discuss anything related to pets.

Original poster

Returning a dog to rescue

109 replies

areyouhavingagiraffe · 10/10/2022 19:03

I am fully aware that I may get some abuse posting this. But please realise this is hard. I bought home a greyhound on Saturday. I have grown up around dogs, but never owned one. For as long as I can remember, it has been my dream to buy a house with a large garden, and get a dog.
My hound has been as good as gold, he is a bit of a jumper and puller on the lead, but it calms down after a while. But I am finding this so so difficult. I live alone and thought that having a dog would be incredible for me. But it is making me feel isolated and lonely, and I feel so overwhelmed and I feel like I have lost some of my independence. I was warned that I may feel like this, but I didn't expect to feel like this in a few days. He is following me around, but he was good last night and slept downstairs alone (I slept with him the first night), but he has a little cry when I go upstairs in the daytime. I know this is expected from him and I have turned his life upside down, but he is a star, but I am not cut out for dog ownership, not on my own. I haven't eaten in two days, because I feel like a failure, and I am so worried about what the rescue will think of me. I don't know why I am writing this, maybe for some words of wisdom. My parents popped over today, and I discussed it with them, and I have made the decision to take him back in a few days. He needs someone else, maybe a family. I am feeling so hurt and broken. How can something that I have dreamt of for so long make me feel like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
areyouhavingagiraffe · 10/10/2022 21:51

Thank you @New2TheMNet

OP posts:
Excitedannie · 10/10/2022 21:57

livealatte · 10/10/2022 21:32

Why did you do this? Did you do no research ? Yes the rescue will judge you and so will your friends and family and rightly so! You've had him for 2 days for gods sake.

Never get a dog again.

Get a fish or something less 'tying'

I hope the rescue black list you

Not a helpful comment. I totally understand where the OP is coming from. I researched, read, prepared for two years and did everything I could to prepare for my puppy which I picked up nearly a month ago. It has hit me like a bus - what I hadn't planned for was the lack of bond and feelings I have. But I've taken the advice of everyone and I'm sticking with it and doing my absolute best.

If it were this time a month ago would I do things differently? Yep - I wouldn't do it. But I did. And I'll make it work. But it's really bloody hard so if the OP feels the need to take the dog back, then so be it. "Poor dog" - don't be ridiculous- he'd be much happier with a loving confident family if that's how the OP feels.

livealatte · 10/10/2022 21:58

@Excitedannie she'd had it for 2 days! 2 days!! It is ridiculous!

livealatte · 10/10/2022 21:59

@Excitedannie maybe you should give yours up too if you're struggling that much

FieldGuide · 10/10/2022 22:00

Hi OP, I felt very much like this when we got our dog. I would give it a bit longer if you can, I think the feelings you are having are very, very common. Have a search through the archives on here for 'puppy blues.' It takes time to bond with a dog but it's worth it. I was terribly anxious and my GP was a huge help with this. Good luck whatever you decide and don't be hard on yourself.

Excitedannie · 10/10/2022 22:03

livealatte · 10/10/2022 21:59

@Excitedannie maybe you should give yours up too if you're struggling that much

Like I said (perhaps you didn't read it properly) I'm giving it all I can to make this work and I'm sure the bond will come as she's a very sweet puppy.

And don't judge people - you really have no idea what's going on in peoples lives. If the OP is that unhappy, then she should take the dog back. Like you say - it's 2 days. The dog could have gone to a foster home or boarding kennels for that time.

Original poster
areyouhavingagiraffe · 10/10/2022 22:04

@FieldGuide , the rescue place were so great and warned me about this. I don't think my feelings will pass, and I think they feel so intense. I want what is best for the dog, and I realise that's not me. I just feel overwhelmed, trapped and unhappy. I'm sorry, I know that is selfish

OP posts:
smelters · 10/10/2022 22:04

We had to return a rescue dog. He wasn't the right fit for our family and the rescue hadn't been honest about his needs. We kept him for two weeks, honestly they were such a stressful two weeks and it was so hard emotionally. I would say return him now if this is how you feel. Do it sooner rather than later. You will feel massively relieved and that's how you will know you've done the right thing for yourself and for your dog. Try not to be too hard on yourself Flowers

livealatte · 10/10/2022 22:05

@areyouhavingagiraffe yes you are selfish.
Just drop back to the rescue like he's a suitcase you don't want any more. Don't get another dog

livealatte · 10/10/2022 22:08

@Excitedannie I wish breeders did better checks to make it harder for people like you to get a puppy. No doubt in a couple of months when she hits her adolescent age you'll struggle again and give her up to a rescue. It's disgusting

It's not difficult to do research into how hard it is having a puppy.

I feel sorry for your dog and ops but op won't have her dog for much longer so he'll be back at the rescue probably before 6pm tomorrow.

It is sad.

smelters · 10/10/2022 22:10

Try not to be too upset by all these harsh comments, MN is generally very hard on people who need to give up a dog.

Frequency · 10/10/2022 22:11

Hi Op,

I used to work with rescue dogs. The rescue I worked with got in a lot of lurchers and retired greyhounds. We had dogs returned for many reasons after various timeframes. I promise you, you have not damaged or hurt him. One failed placement doesn't really effect a dog at all.

I can also promise that keeping him a few more days or weeks until you get more used to him will also not hurt him. It takes at least 3 months for these dogs to adjust to your home. Returning him within that time period will have little to no effect on him.

It's normal to feel anxious about such a big adjustment. I would advise waiting it out at least two weeks and see if you still feel the same way.

Re working: Your dog doesn't care that you are working at a laptop. Honestly, he doesn't. He doesn't need round the clock attention, nor would it be beneficial to him to give him round the clock attention. really, all a greyhound needs is a comfy bed (or better still a sofa), food and 2 twenty minute walks a day. Anything more than that is a bonus.

What is his background?

sjxoxo · 10/10/2022 22:14

Whatever you decide to do is fine; but I’ve had 4 rescues and they take a LONG time to settle in. I would say at least six months and maybe a year if they are nervous and suffered abandonment and/or trauma. It’s totally normal for you to feel scared of the commitment- that’s what you’re describing imo and I’ve felt like that at the start worrying you’ve made a mistake. Honestly I would give it more time… I expect in a few months you’ll feel very very different!!!
my advice would be to get into a routine now where your pup gets great exercise and you have your daily routine together - this makes such a massive difference to them settling in and feeling secure. Unlike many pp’s I don’t think you should give up just yet.. I think it’s very very early days and you will find it blossoms over time!!

jf you have concerns about agression or extreme destructive behaviour that’s different and I’d say ask the rescue for help. I think you’re just scared of the big commitment (which it is) but it will become much easier when you settle in together and you trust each other. Takes a long time for rescues but you will get there and you won’t look back!!! Good luck xxxxx

sjxoxo · 10/10/2022 22:16

Also please ignore the horrible comments - take the good advice and be sensible. It’s very early days still and honestly I expect you’ll do a mega U turn over time as you settle in together. If you do…update us xxxx

FieldGuide · 10/10/2022 22:17

@areyouhavingagiraffe I don't think you are selfish, you are just dealing with very strong feelings you could not have anticipated. I remember what it's like, I couldn't eat or sleep. I had no idea I would feel like that. I think Frequency has given you some good advice. Do you have any friends with dogs who you can talk to?

Excitedannie · 10/10/2022 22:17

livealatte · 10/10/2022 22:08

@Excitedannie I wish breeders did better checks to make it harder for people like you to get a puppy. No doubt in a couple of months when she hits her adolescent age you'll struggle again and give her up to a rescue. It's disgusting

It's not difficult to do research into how hard it is having a puppy.

I feel sorry for your dog and ops but op won't have her dog for much longer so he'll be back at the rescue probably before 6pm tomorrow.

It is sad.

Interesting view - as you seem to know everything, what checks do you think breeders could put into place?

And out of interest, how do you view mothers who suffer from PND? Because believe me - there are similarities between it and puppy blues

userxx · 10/10/2022 22:24

You've given it two days! Why did you get a dog in the first place ?

ScurryfungeMaster · 10/10/2022 22:27

I felt like this after getting my dog, overwhelmed and a bit like "wtf have I done?!". But it's now 13 years later and I absolutely adore her and the thought of losing her breaks my heart.

So I'd say that if you feel like dog ownership isn't for you then you absolutely should make sure that he gets the opportunity to go to someone who is right for him (and soon before he becomes too attached to you) but it's also normal to feel this way in the beginning because it's a big responsibility and it takes time to adjust. 💐

Frequency · 10/10/2022 22:37

The feelings OP is having are common. She's not selfish, or cruel. The dog is not a "poor dog". As harsh as it sounds atm the dog really won't care one way or the other what happens next. He hasn't had anywhere near enough time to bond with her.

OP has gone from being a single woman with no ties to suddenly have this life wholly and utterly reliant on her. It's a massive adjustment and we cannot always predict how we will adjust to such a massive change in our lives even if we have spent months or years preparing for it. The reality is always different to what we expect.

I've had dogs all my life. Literally, since the day I was born I have had dogs in my life. I've studied canine behaviour at university level and worked with rescues professionally for years. There have still been dogs who have made me stand back and think wtf have I done and why have done it? There are dogs who have made me question my ability as a trainer and owner.

My current dog is only with me because my kids begged me not to return him to the rescue. I went from having two elderly dogs to an overly hyperactive, working breed puppy. I have had working breeds before. I have had puppies before. I have trained and lived with dogs who have had mild to moderate behavioural issues. I can still be pushed to breaking point by a dog. We all can.

Today I am glad I didn't return my dog to the rescue. We have bonded now and I adore him. I wouldn't be without him but those few months after the initial excitement of a new puppy wore off were hard mentally, physically, and emotionally. I can totally understand how OP could be feeling overwhelmed and I don't think calling her names or crying "poor dog" is helpful to her or the dog.

Creativecake · 10/10/2022 22:37

Agree that the bond isn’t instant. I thought about returning our rescue in the first few weeks. Then something clicked and I started to love him.

bogoffeternal · 10/10/2022 22:38

@Excitedannie I completely with you on the bonding, our puppy was just 'the dog' for the first few months. It takes a little time but they soon become part of the family (the point where they stop peeing in the house really helps this along 😁). I think you're being realistic.

marvellousmaple · 10/10/2022 23:01

I don't know what people find "so hard" about having a dog or a puppy, ( unless they are vicious). I honestly don't.

ANyway OP I think you have answered your own question. Take the poor dog back and maybe get an elderly cat if you want another living being around the house.

SmilesOnStage · 10/10/2022 23:07

marvellousmaple · 10/10/2022 23:01

I don't know what people find "so hard" about having a dog or a puppy, ( unless they are vicious). I honestly don't.

ANyway OP I think you have answered your own question. Take the poor dog back and maybe get an elderly cat if you want another living being around the house.

No, don’t encourage her to get another animal to potentially let down. All animals deserve better. 🙄

And people say rescues are too fussy, they need to be fussier obviously.

Strawberrypicnic · 10/10/2022 23:14

I'm a rescue greyhound owner. You sound like you're being incredibly hard on yourself! Greyhound ownership is a bit of a cult and people like to paint a rosy picture of the two of you falling in love for life on the first day. The truth is that they are great dogs but in reality it's quite normal that you take some time to bond and figure out how you fit into each other's lives. The early days are a bit stressful (I was a first time owner too when I got mine) but greyhounds really are the most laid back, low-maintenance dogs once they settle in. I can't think of many breeds that would restrict your life less! Temporary 'buyers remorse' is definitely a thing for rescue dogs - I know because I read up on it myself when I got mine. I won't tell you what to do, but do consider that the feelings you're having right now might just be a bit of shock to the system. You sound like you have the ability to give the dog a great life :)

Stereolab · 10/10/2022 23:18

We adopted a greyhound three years ago. She followed me everywhere for a while and at times it felt overwhelming. She soon settled though and is very easy-going now. It does seem a bit rash to be returning your dog after only two days but it sounds like you want the best for him.

i haven’t read all the posts but it’s worth mentioning that the greyhound owners’ community is generally very supportive and depending on where you live you are likely to find social walks etc. which might help with the feelings of isolation. Greyhound owners are often keen to help out with dog minding for holidays etc.too.

Hope it all works out well one way or the other.