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Original poster

Returning a dog to rescue

109 replies

areyouhavingagiraffe · 10/10/2022 19:03

I am fully aware that I may get some abuse posting this. But please realise this is hard. I bought home a greyhound on Saturday. I have grown up around dogs, but never owned one. For as long as I can remember, it has been my dream to buy a house with a large garden, and get a dog.
My hound has been as good as gold, he is a bit of a jumper and puller on the lead, but it calms down after a while. But I am finding this so so difficult. I live alone and thought that having a dog would be incredible for me. But it is making me feel isolated and lonely, and I feel so overwhelmed and I feel like I have lost some of my independence. I was warned that I may feel like this, but I didn't expect to feel like this in a few days. He is following me around, but he was good last night and slept downstairs alone (I slept with him the first night), but he has a little cry when I go upstairs in the daytime. I know this is expected from him and I have turned his life upside down, but he is a star, but I am not cut out for dog ownership, not on my own. I haven't eaten in two days, because I feel like a failure, and I am so worried about what the rescue will think of me. I don't know why I am writing this, maybe for some words of wisdom. My parents popped over today, and I discussed it with them, and I have made the decision to take him back in a few days. He needs someone else, maybe a family. I am feeling so hurt and broken. How can something that I have dreamt of for so long make me feel like this.

OP posts:
No499 · 10/10/2022 20:47

How very sad for the dog to have to go back to the rescue. I've always said dogs are too good for humans.

Original poster
areyouhavingagiraffe · 10/10/2022 20:49

Well said @No499 . They really are

OP posts:
Highfivemum · 10/10/2022 20:56

I remember having that thought “wot have I done” when I went from one DC to two. !! It was that overwhelming feeling that is hard to describe. Of course it soon passed and I went on to have 6 DC who are my life.
different obviously but wot I am saying is yes you do get an overwhelming feeling when you step out of your comfort zone. Whatever the zone is.
your dog sounds like they have settled really well.
if you are sure then yes return to the dog pound but personally I would bet in a couple of months you wouldn’t be without the dog.
think hard before you decide dogs can do enrich your lives and make you get out more.

Muddledandbefuddled · 10/10/2022 20:56

I mean this very kindly, but do you suffer with anxiety generally? It's just that not eating for two days seems like a very extreme reaction and I wonder if it would be worth talking to a professional about this?

Original poster
areyouhavingagiraffe · 10/10/2022 20:58

@Muddledandbefuddled , yes thank you, I will seek professional help

OP posts:
Petalpup · 10/10/2022 20:59

I really would give it a bit longer
I didn’t eat properly for a week when we got our first rescue-felt I’d made a massive mistake, was all for taking him back, felt like I’d never be able to look after him properly.
I stick with it and we had him for 14 brilliant years.

Felt the same again after our next dog (and after my children were born to be honest!)

speak to the rescue and see if they will give you a bit more time looking at it as a foster arrangement-so you are providing a perfectly good home for him until someone better comes along (and if you realise you can do it in the meantime all is good).

YouDoYouHun · 10/10/2022 21:04

areyouhavingagiraffe · 10/10/2022 20:49

Well said @No499 . They really are

Some brilliant advice given by posters, but you only seem interested in replies that feed your thought process? Something doesn't add up but I hope the dog comes away from this unharmed whatever happens.

sagalooshoe · 10/10/2022 21:05

It must feel strange. I've never had a dog but I think I'd feel like this too, especially at first. It must be like having an expectant stranger in the house! You need time to get to know each other. Give each other a bit of space but enjoy some nice times too. Get a routine going so he know that if you pop out you'll be back in an hour with a biscuit. Maybe ask the rescue place for some tips and let them know how you're getting on?

outtheshowernow · 10/10/2022 21:08

Please please listen to my advice. We adopted a greyhound. I felt the same as you for about a month. I thought I'd never get used to him I felt really nervous and sick like I did when I had my babies. If you havnt had babies I guess this will hit you harder because you havnt experienced this feeling before it's normal and it passes. That dog if you give him a chance will be the joy of your life if you keep him I promise you a few months from now you will remember feeling like this and be shocked that you wanted to return him. Greyhounds are the easiest dogs to have because they love to sleep. Once he is settled with a comfy bed he won't mind you going out. A short walk before you go and he will be happy. Give him time. You only got him on Saturday. You have no bond with him now but you will love him so much I know because they are most wonderful breed of dog so gentle and caring I couldn't live without one now Hang in there and you will see !!!!! Just sit with him and take deep breaths you need to get used to each other and all will be fine.

outtheshowernow · 10/10/2022 21:10

areyouhavingagiraffe · 10/10/2022 19:36

@Rotherweird , thank you. I hope I haven't hurt him and done any lasting damage, and he finds a wonderful couple or a family, something more than I can give him

But you can give it to him. Step up and be that person for him

idiotmagnet · 10/10/2022 21:12

He sounds like a lovely dog and if you really think he's not for you, return him so someone else can have the chance to adopt him. Greyhounds are incredibly sensitive dogs so best do it now if you really think your feelings won't change.

Yarnosaur · 10/10/2022 21:14

YouDoYouHun · 10/10/2022 21:04

Some brilliant advice given by posters, but you only seem interested in replies that feed your thought process? Something doesn't add up but I hope the dog comes away from this unharmed whatever happens.

Show quote history

Was just thinking that, OP only seems interested in the posts telling her what an awful person she is. Anyone actually offering experiences, support or suggestions is ignored. If she'd just wanted a bashing she should have posted in AIBU.

Ooohyeah · 10/10/2022 21:16

I felt like this when I got a puppy last year. I had lost my elderly dog a couple of years prior and adored the bones of him but we’d built a relationship over 16 years, we knew each other inside and out. I was devastated to lose him and decided to get a puppy but we picked a very high energy and intelligent breed. Once we brought him home I suddenly panicked and thought “what have I done, how can I care for such a hyper breed?!” Going from an elderly dog to a crazy dog was a leap and I was worried. But I honestly just thought, I can either just give up and give the puppy back and give in to my anxiety or I can see it as a project and a new friendship. I put my heart and soul into that puppy and now he’s 18 months old and fabulous. There was honestly nothing to worry about I was just overthinking and letting my anxiety run wild. Just changing your mindset can help so much! You can give DDog such a wonderful life but you just have to leap at the chance and embrace it with both arms. Get stuck in, spend lots of time bonding and build the relationship you always imagined. He’s still a stranger in your house but it’s only been a few days, you both need to get used to each other and get into a good routine. You can leave dogs alone, they’re absolutely fine. Give him a frozen kong and leave the radio on if you must but honestly, dogs are the best, they just need your time, patience and love. Don’t overthink it, give it your best shot!

79andnotout · 10/10/2022 21:17

I've adopted three rescue greyhounds and the first couple of days with them are always WTF moments when you realise they're nothing like they seemed in those 30 minutes you spent with them in the rescue centre. After a few days though you start to get to know each other and the fun starts.

However, it does sound like you might not be mature enough for a dog, yet. It doesn't mean you can't ever have a dog, but it might not be the right time for you now if you're having such a meltdown.

Greyhounds are very sensitive and he will be picking up on your vibes. At least discuss things with your rescue centre, they will have good advice.

Mothersruin123 · 10/10/2022 21:18

It sounds to me like you need to cut yourself a massive amount of slack, and give the dog a chance. It's a big shock going from having minimal responsibility to having something dependant on you. All the dreaming in the world won't prepare you for the impact that this can have. It's perfectly normal to wonder what the hell you've done. I felt similar when I bought my puppy home (now 12) and my daughter (8). You do adjust.

The most important thing at the moment is that you meet the dogs basic needs, and that you also take good care of yourself. Everything else is a bonus. Are you a bit of a perfectionist usually? The dog doesn't need a perfect owner. Your feelings aside, it sounds like you're actually doing an alright job already. Don't make any rash decisions, take it slowly day by day, and give it time. A specific amount of time if that's helpful for you.

ThisShipIsSinking · 10/10/2022 21:21

Love takes time OP, but it will come if you allow it. At the moment you are feeling out of your depth, its a big change for both of you, it can feel over whelming. Relax, thats all you need to do, this could be a whole new adventure for you both. Imagine you have already given him back to the rescue and now just you in the house, do you feel relieved ? Brushing him and playing with his toys will help you bond, have fun, give him a treat, have you done that ? Personally l would give it more time so l can say l gave it my best shot. You' ve had no time to get into a routine, its still such early days. Have confidence you will make a great dog owner, do you have friends that have dogs that you csn walk with ? l have met so many lovely people walking my lurcher, and to be honest she's the most faithful companion l've ever had, like an everlasting love affair, but when l first got her home, l had doubts like you. She is 13 now and every day is a blessing, it has been a real priverledge to have her in my life.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 10/10/2022 21:24

Every single time we (as a family) have got a new dog (always a puppy but still…) we have loved the dog but HATED the upheaval. Hated it. ‘Send it back’ levels of hatred & distress. And that’s before they turned into furry land sharks…

The early days are SO FUCKING HARD. I’d give it at least 8 weeks and it it’s still not working, give it another month.

If it’s sill not working at these 3 months, I’d give it another 2 weeks….!

Basically, it takes time. It’s like having a baby.

sheepandcaravan · 10/10/2022 21:26

I would give it longer OP.

You actually sound like a wonderful owner who has realised the enormity of it. I felt a bit the same when I had a baby, finally. The overwhelming panic.

You are doing a great job. Take it very slowly. Remember dogs go into kennels for a week or two holiday with kind strangers. No harm done. See it as a wee holiday, see how you go.

rickandmorts · 10/10/2022 21:26

OP please please give this dog a bit more time for you to adjust and get used to the idea. Every time I've got a new pet I have an intense period of anxiety but it ALWAYS passes and then I can't imagine being without them. Greyhounds are wonderful dogs, so kind and sweet and amazing house dogs. Please hang in there and don't send him back 😥

Ooohyeah · 10/10/2022 21:29

Please embrace it and give dog ownership a good go. Be kind to yourself and take it a day at a time, greyhounds are wonderful, you won’t regret it!

livealatte · 10/10/2022 21:32

Why did you do this? Did you do no research ? Yes the rescue will judge you and so will your friends and family and rightly so! You've had him for 2 days for gods sake.

Never get a dog again.

Get a fish or something less 'tying'

I hope the rescue black list you

livealatte · 10/10/2022 21:33

Your poor dog

CSPS2019 · 10/10/2022 21:40

Another person here who felt exactly like you did (and that was with a puppy!). I cried everyday for the first 10 days thinking I’d made a massive mistake but we got into the flow of things eventually. She’s 3 now and I wouldn’t be without her. Dog ownership does turn your life upside down but it also adds so much richness.

StarDolphins · 10/10/2022 21:43

Surely you gave it lots of thought & then so e more?! He’s only been there 2 days!. Didn’t you expect a settling in period for both of you & expect some emotional upheaval before you committed to a rescue dog. Why didn’t the rescue keep reiterating you you that it takes time, patience & more time. Poor dog has probably already been through so much.

New2TheMNet · 10/10/2022 21:50

cansu · 10/10/2022 19:45

You have literally had him a few days. I am sorry but I can't help feeling that you are a bit selfish. Obviously dogs are a responsibility. I can't believe you didn't actually consider this! I often read about how rescues are too fussy about owners. This is the reason why. I can't be sympathetic to this. You are an adult. You made a decision and three days later you are crying and thinking poor me.

This is a bit harsh and I don't think there is any need to make the OP feel any worst or helpful calling someone selfish. If anything it's a brave thing coming on here and being so honest and vulnerable.
So what a mistake has been made. There are people out there doing far worst things to animals and it's more responsible admitting a mistake and doing the right thing.