Domestic violence services shouldn't stigmatise dads

[eyeisbloke]

Hi Mums and Dads,

If anyone would like to sign a petition asking the Royal Borough of Greenwich replace their ‘Dad’s have the strength to change’ poster you can do so here: www.change.org/p/chief-executive-royalgreenwich-gov-uk-have-the-strength-to-change-domestic-violence-services-shouldn-t-stigmatise-dads …

Despite numerous complaints and national newspaper coverage the council have defended their choice of words, stating that the campaign is designed to help all family members at risk and that 'whilst women can also be the cause of domestic violence, the majority of incidents are committed by men.'

Such a perception is highly questionable. Research repeatedly shows that women perpetrate physical and emotional abuse at comparable rates to men [1] and that domestic violence is most commonly reciprocal [2].

According to the council's own estimates, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men in your Borough will experience domestic abuse. Based on this, is a message suggesting that men accessing their services will likely be perceived as perpetrators is really the most effective away of addressing violence against vulnerable people of either sex?

I hope you can show your support.

[1]www.prweb.com/releases/2013/5/prweb10741752.htm
[2]pb.rcpsych.org/content/35/1/33.1

That obscuring started with the term "domestic violence." We went from referring to battered women to domestic violence. IPV is useful in jurisdictions that define DV more broadly than intimate partners (in the jurisdiction I live in in the US, DV also covers child abuse and violence between non-intimate partner family members).

I meant to add, I agree with you BitOfFun about how current language often obscures the gendered nature of the issue. I sometimes think it's a miracle that we have something called the Violence Against Women Act in the US; I keep thinking that someone will try to change that each time it's reauthorized.

HermioneWeasley - As it happens I've invested a great deal of time and energy into issues affecting women. It's the rising number of men and boys who commit suicide on a daily basis that got me worked up enough to do something focusing on frogs and snails for a change. You?

Interesting that I've not seen you on anything before

And that you've repeated the (at best) horribly distorted statistic about domestic abuse, if you're such a busy campaigner for women's rights

I do plenty to support women locally, globally and fight the negative impacts of masculine gender stereotypes on men.

If you are concerned about suicides, mankind and the Samaritans are good charities. I'm not sure where DV fits in.

www.mankind.org.uk

Ah, that's a good charity. I was thinking of something else on the suicides.

This one

www.thecalmzone.net

Yes both good charities. The Mankind Initiative help a lot of people but unfortunately get no state funding. Their funds will run out soon so if anyone would like to help keep this vital service open you can make a donation here: mydonate.bt.com/charities/mankindinitiative

eyeisbloke have you learned anything from this thread? And if so, what?

World cup abuse is NOT a myth. I worked in a sex chatline office during the World Cup of 2002 We had a marked steep increase in the amount of calls wanting us to do violent "fantasies" when England lost.

During World Cup 2010 i got nasty comments in the street about my looks because i didnt pass the fuckability test being 4 stone heavier than i am now.

It is NOT a myth.

I think we need another row of benches here, scoot up you guys, squeeeeze in.

I dont get why someone who wants to help men feels the only way to do it is to take from women? Unless that's the point of course.

I mentioned the NAMALT thing because essentially, your argument is that this poster is unfair because NAMALT.

Which is just not really the point. Unless I've misunderstood your argument here? But really it seems to boil down to "But some men are different and those men might be upset".

We all know that not all men are violent and additionally we all know that men can be victims of domestic violence. But overwhelmingly the perpetrators are men. (They're not all dads, either, but again, beside the point that the poster intended)

The smoking during pregnancy poster comparison is good. When you see a poster like that as a non smoker you don't really register it, because it just confirms something you already know. Perhaps it cements that information a tiny bit more and might be the final piece which adds up to you not having a sneaky puff after a stressful day. Perhaps it makes you feel a little bit smug for already not smoking. Perhaps you're more likely to say something if you see your friend about to light up during pregnancy.

I would imagine that a similar reaction would be natural for non-violent dads who saw the DV poster. Perhaps there is a bit of a sense of shame or embarrassment for one's gender as a whole - I think that is unfortunate but probably necessary, after all, isn't it British people's embarrassment which has caused them to lobby parliament in order to change things? Yep, having your privilege outlined and the faults of a group that you are part of (even if you personally have never committed those faults) is uncomfortable. And good, because it should be - it needs to be uncomfortable for people to notice it and for change to happen.

Another one for the no bench. Violent men do awful things and this poster names the problem, what's the problem with that?

No.

My mum smacked me, on the leg, once, when I gave her some lip. In contrast, my alcoholic father would slap me when he'd had a bad day.

I grew up & my first long term relationship was with a man who repeatedly raped & bullied me & made me feel worthless, & bought me expensive presents after to shut me up. Why would I think I should expect anything better? At least he didn't hit.

Definetly on the nope bench take a look at my petition people petition.parliament.uk/petitions/105406 keep the violence away from our children we want to protect them not expose them to more abuse that we have already endured.