Save the Date Invitations

[HandmadeNanna]

When we got married we couldn't afford to have a wedding reception. This year is our 10th wedding anniversary and dh has a significant Birthday so we decided to have a big party. I sent around 40 Save the Date cards, asking for replies within 6 weeks. The theory is that most people can look at their calendars and see whether the Date is clear, thereby meaning that they can come. So far we have had 2 "sorry, can't come"; one due to ill health and being unable to travel, the other because they already have an event the same day. I have 3 yes, looking forward to the party. 35 haven't replied. I gave home address, email and phone number for replies.
I need to book a venue and catering so feeling very despondent. Do I book a table for 8 at the local pub or go ahead and book a party venue in the hope that people will respond to the actual invitation 6 weeks before the event?
It appears that even letting people know about an upcoming event, they wont commit in case something better comes up.
I appreciate that very few folk know what they are doing from one day to the next, but surely, being given a date for a celebration, I would have thought it would be something to put in the diary and look forward to. I'm sure most of our friends (or are they friends?) book their holidays abroad in advance, therefore committing to a date, so why not a party?
It is quite common nowadays to send out "Save the Date" cards.
Is it unreasonable to let people know the party date and ask for confirmation so I can go ahead and book?

Of course you’re not unreasonable. My friend was planning a wedding, put the rsvp date on the invitations and most people kept their options open till the last moment. Just not nice.

It’s not usual to RSVP to a Save the Date card. I’d only expect people to respond to an actual invitation.

Explain to them what you have said here - that there's no point in booking a big venue if you don't have the numbers. Ask if you can assume they are all coming?

When I get a save the date card, I save the date and then wait for the actual invitation. I would tell someone I couldn't make it, but otherwise assume I'd be there.
An actual invitation is different though, it's rude not to reply to that.

This is so bizarre, you send a save the date so people save the date, not as a vote for who is available.

Send a text asking if people are free or not. They're probably waiting for an invite.

I’ve never responded back to a save the date - we’ve simply made a note of it on the calendar as a saved date. Unless you have requested them to RSVP then I can’t think why anyone would. Otherwise, yes if we know we can’t make it then we would let them know.

Id get in touch with all you have invited requesting RSVP - which is usually on an actual invitation

Did you say exactly what the event was on the save the date with rough idea of timings and venue. I wouldn’t want to respond if I didn’t know details as you need to think of babysitters, hotels, costs etc.

Could you send messages with more details if they weren’t clear?

The save the date is noted on the calendar, no reply needed.
The attending or not is given when you receive the actual invitation.
Save the date and invitation cards are 2 very different things.

I had spoken to people prior to sending out "Save the Dates" that I needed to know what kind of venue to book. Had already explained it was pointless booking a big party venue if only a few were coming. At the time, most said to let them know a firm date so they could check the diary. Nobody said yes or no at the time. I just want commitment from people. I appreciate emergencies happen

Hi NerrSnerr.
I have followed up a couple of the "Save the Date's with a text message. The answer to both was that they didn't know what they were doing on that date. I will take those as "No". They are obviously waiting to see if something better comes up.
We have 10 definites so we have decided on a small "exclusive" party at home, as Mrs Bucket would say.
I was so despondent that I considered cancelling altogether. (This has really been an eye opener for me. Shows us who really are good friends). I am asking the local college if they have any catering students who might like to cater for us as the only other alternative here is to do it myself and I would rather not have to be running around all day getting the food ready. No local caterers.

Is t that what the invitation is for? If you need an RSVP to a save the date, you do need to specify that very clearly.

M and s do party food if you don't find a student to do it
https://www.marksandspencer.com/l/food-to-order/party-food
I do agree that I wouldn't think to respond to a save the date. I might not read the smallprint to realise it needed an rsvp.

Hi Viking Lady. I did state very clearly that I needed to know by a specific date so that I could book a venue. I gave home address, email and mobile number so they can call, text or WhatsApp. Also, for singles I added that they were welcome to bring a plus one.

I can only speak from my experience, but about 90% of people responded to the save the date to tell me they would be coming to our wedding, I sent it ablout 12 months before the wedding. We only had a couple of drop outs when we sent the formal invitation.

As people have said - regardless of a deadline - most people treat a 'Save the Date' as just a potential diary marker. I think you need to follow up with a formal RSVP and be clear that you need a response by DATE in order to book things.

I think your mistake might have been sending a ‘Save the Date’ rather than an invitation.

I’d have seen your ‘Save the Date’, put it in the diary and assumed that a proper invitation with full details would follow at which point we’d reply yes/no. If nothing arrived I’d assume that either we weren’t invited any longer or that plans had changed.

I thought a ‘Save the Date’ was more for a wedding planned a year in advance to let friends and family know to keep that weekend free.

I’ve never heard of RSVPing to a “save the date” card. Why not just send invitations if you need an RSVP? How far in advance is it?

Wouldn't occur to me to reply to save the date cards. I would wait for the actual invitation. You need to actually INVITE people - could be via text, Facebook messenger, What's App or email not another posted invite, but you do need to invite them! The whole point of a "save the date" is because it's so far in advance that you don't know all the details so you can't do the full invite, but you want people to not book up the day. There's no need for anyone to respond.

Depressing isn't it. Seems incredibly rude to me, but I think it's quite common nowadays for people to expect to keep options open and see how they feel on the day. Not everyone of course. I would have replied and turned up unless some genuine emergency got in the way, and so would some of my friends and family. But not all of them. You know who you are...

I would not think to respond to a save the date. I think that’s quite unusual. I would send out some actual invites.

It's not incredibly rude, as a PP said, Save The Dates aren't for replying to, people will just scan it to check who it's for and what the date is.
A venue that hasn't been decided yet would impact a lot of people's choice to attend, for example I wouldn't attend a noisy, late, all-meat buffet with karaoke, but would attend a small restaurant meet up if they serve food I like.

I think overshadowing your dhs big birthday with it being your wedding anniversary has probably pissed folk off tbf. That's weird as shit to do that.

A party that is not yet decided (where/what time/what sort of atmosphere) for an event that's also ambiguous is possibly confusing people too.

I didn’t think you had to rsvp to a save the date. I just wait for the invitation to rsvp to

I've never understood the point of sending a Save the Date and having read the posts here I'm still baffled. What is the point of putting something on your calendar but not informing the host that you are saving the date? What use is that to the host? (Genuine question.) From the host's point of view, what is the point of sending them in the first place if there is no expectation of a reply? It just seems like another layer of admin for what something that difficult to organise in the first place.

Sorry Op, for that bit of hijacking. I can understand why you feel deflated that so many people haven't bothered to respond knowing you need numbers before you can book a venue. Put it down to "now you know" what those friends are like, set that aside and enjoy your party with the friends who value your time and effort and are looking forward to celebrating with you.

If you haven't prepared a buffet for 8-10 people before it might seem daunting but there are lots of easy options available in the shops. If not that, perhaps you could have a take away delivered.

It was very clear. I even included several ways to reply.
We couldn't afford a wedding reception. Only us and 4 others at the wedding.
I have been conversing with everyone about having a big "do" this year so I am saddened that our so-called friends and family are so complacent.
It will be a small party at home with those who care enough to let us know.
It isn't rocket science. We all have a calendar of sorts with appointments, birthdays etc written in. Surely, if your calendar tells you that you have nothing on that day, then you can set that date aside, not wait to see if something else comes along.
I asked someone else yesterday. Her reply was that she didn't know what they would be doing. Really? You have been given a date and you can't set it aside?
I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but if I had received a Save the Date asking to let them know whether I would be there I would have replied ASAP. I can't predict whether something catastrophic will happen, in the meantime, but I can set aside a date.