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Original poster

Save the Date Invitations

99 replies

HandmadeNanna · 18/01/2026 17:15

When we got married we couldn't afford to have a wedding reception. This year is our 10th wedding anniversary and dh has a significant Birthday so we decided to have a big party. I sent around 40 Save the Date cards, asking for replies within 6 weeks. The theory is that most people can look at their calendars and see whether the Date is clear, thereby meaning that they can come. So far we have had 2 "sorry, can't come"; one due to ill health and being unable to travel, the other because they already have an event the same day. I have 3 yes, looking forward to the party. 35 haven't replied. I gave home address, email and phone number for replies.
I need to book a venue and catering so feeling very despondent. Do I book a table for 8 at the local pub or go ahead and book a party venue in the hope that people will respond to the actual invitation 6 weeks before the event?
It appears that even letting people know about an upcoming event, they wont commit in case something better comes up.
I appreciate that very few folk know what they are doing from one day to the next, but surely, being given a date for a celebration, I would have thought it would be something to put in the diary and look forward to. I'm sure most of our friends (or are they friends?) book their holidays abroad in advance, therefore committing to a date, so why not a party?
It is quite common nowadays to send out "Save the Date" cards.
Is it unreasonable to let people know the party date and ask for confirmation so I can go ahead and book?

OP posts:
RecordBreakers · 22/01/2026 23:01

HandmadeNanna · 22/01/2026 18:37

Thank you everyone for your comments. I guess I belong to the old school of life.
We are going to have a small party at home with those people who could actually be bothered to read the card and let me know. I will be sending their invitations in due course with final details.
I wont be answering any more posts on this.

This strikes me as being really sad, that you clearly want to have a "wedding type of day" as you didn't get to have the day of your dreams 10 years ago, but that you are now just having a small house party with 10 people (in the same vein as the wedding you want to replace with this big party) simply because you won't accept that what you did / the way you tried to arrange it was .... well.... odd.
I think it is confusing that you are sort of doing a "the wedding we really wanted" day but also saying it is your dh's birthday party, but haven't chatted to the people you want there about your vision.

It's really sad that your pride is too strong to admit you got it wrong, and that you don't take on board what the whole thread have said, and book the day / evening / event you want at a venue you want, and then send out the invitations to all the people you want there.

Oh, and it isn't "old school" to do things the way you did. I could almost be twice your age and am amongst the overwhelming majority of posters on this thread who are saying you got it wrong. Which is fine. Everyone gets things wrong sometimes, but what is odd is not to then do it a different way so you still end up with the lovely day you had in your mind rather than a few people in your house.

mathanxiety · 23/01/2026 02:09

A 'save the date' isn't an invitation.

It's a heads up that an invitation is to follow, closer to the date of the event.

The 'save the date' is usually sent about six.mobths before the event, with the invitation maybe two months before it.

You don't ask or expect a response from the save the date.

mathanxiety · 23/01/2026 02:18

KnickerlessParsons · 22/01/2026 21:50

A “save the date” is a notification, not an invitation. I can’t see the point of them myself.
Send everyone a proper invitation and an rsvp date. Either paper, or in this day and age an electronic one might be better - there are apps.

I first came across save the dates in the US back in the 1980s. In the US, wedding guests would need to possibly book time off work well in advance and also make travel and accommodation arrangements - people travel across the continent for weddings, and arrangements need to be made well ahead of the event.

They're always followed by an invitation, which often includes a stamped, addressed envelope and a little RSVP card. Modern or less formal US weddings often have a QR code included with the invitation for invited guests to respond, indicate meal preferences, and say whether they'll be bringing a plus one.

mathanxiety · 23/01/2026 02:33

HandmadeNanna · 22/01/2026 17:02

It was a save the date with the request to let me know so that I could book an appropriate venue. It is straightforward. I received a "Save the Date" for a wedding a while ago, asking to let them know whether we intended to go, as they had a choice of venue depending on numbers. I let them know, by return of post that we were going to attend. When we received the invitation we confirmed again, along with other information requested for additional needs etc. It isn't rocket science to work out that people nowadays are often busy and like to plan, so it's not unreasonable to ask people to save the date and get the organisers know whether they will be attending.

Show quote history

Well my DS and his fiancee sent out save the dates as a heads up to the guests they wanted to invite, indicating the date, the time, the venue, and the location of the wedding, along with a link to their wedding website. The save the date also gave a hint of the style of the wedding. No response was required (though one person let them know there was no way they could plan to go as they would be away on a once in a lifetime holiday), and in fact the save the date stated that an invitation would follow.

You have completely confused what a save the date and an invitation are. They are not the same thing at all, and the vast majority of posters here agree. I suspect the vast majority of people you've send the cards to are confused and wondering what they're saving the date for.

People planning an event make arrangements - book a venue, decide on food, drinks, music, etc - ahead of sending the save the date cards. and follow that with the invitation. You can get venue insurance in case you have to cancel.

needtoforget · 23/01/2026 05:19

Sanasaaa · 22/01/2026 19:53

You're not getting it. If you have a specific diet and aren't catered for at an event or business, why would you attend? Have you sat through a 14 hour day at a wedding where the only thing provided was a bread roll? A loud, stuffy restaurant where there is one thing you can eat on the menu but it's something that makes you nauseous.

Or thousands of other reasons why details about an event would mean it's not possible or desirable for people to attend?

Anyway, this is all irrelevant as OP did not have a venue or type of event, just a date.

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Fair enough. I wouldn’t understand as have no such limiting dietary restrictions. It wasn’t mentioned before it was a case of such restrictions that there might only be a bread roll to eat. My thinking was that usually a restaurant will be able to produce a plate of food any person can eat, or special diets are catered for at a wedding, or if you go to a “loud karaoke place”, where you won’t be able to eat, you eat at home and stick to a drink you can have and maybe a handful crisps. But nevertheless, no need to discuss this further.

wheresthesnowgone · 23/01/2026 05:28

If you have the party at home ask a local favourite restaurant to provide food /catering.

HoppingPavlova · 23/01/2026 05:32

Hi Viking Lady. I did state very clearly that I needed to know by a specific date so that I could book a venue. I gave home address, email and mobile number so they can call, text or WhatsApp. Also, for singles I added that they were welcome to bring a plus one

I’m not the person you responded to but I think the issue is you sent a save the date but it was really an invitation, so it has caused confusion. A save the date is literally that, a comm that you send to everyone you plan to invite so they can literally ‘save the date’ if it is already free in their calendar. Later, closer to the time you send an invitation to which people rsvp yes or no. You seem to have sent a save the date which is doubling as an invite.

andfinallyhereweare · 23/01/2026 06:53

@HandmadeNanna i wouldn’t be able to save a date if I didn’t know where the party was… I think that was your mistake you take a punt book somewhere and say it will be this day at this venue etc save the date etc you’d have got much more yes’s with a solid plan

BitOutOfPractice · 23/01/2026 09:11

HandmadeNanna · 22/01/2026 17:41

No waters have been muddied. The cards went out to those who will need to arrange travel and accommodation.
Tell me, if you were organising a big do, would you keep it a secret until the invitations went out 6 weeks before? Yoh have booked a large venue, paid substantial deposits for catering, then you take a chance on anyone actually going? That leaves you open to a huge bill for just a few people.

Anyway, this is all academic now because I have already posted yesterday that we are going to have a small party at home with the friends & family who have had the courtesy to read the card and reply.

I suppose I should have just posted on Facebook rather than sending out lovely cards. Perhaps people would have responded in the comments.

Show quote history

Well I think you’ve cut your nose off to spite your face then. Most people haven’t replied because they are discourteous, they haven’t replied because they’re confused / didn’t realise they needed to reply. As this thread demonstrates.

Now you have loads of friends and family saving the date for a party they won’t be invited too. Now that is rude!

Grammarninja · 23/01/2026 13:24

RomainingCalm · 21/01/2026 21:32

I think your mistake might have been sending a ‘Save the Date’ rather than an invitation.

I’d have seen your ‘Save the Date’, put it in the diary and assumed that a proper invitation with full details would follow at which point we’d reply yes/no. If nothing arrived I’d assume that either we weren’t invited any longer or that plans had changed.

I thought a ‘Save the Date’ was more for a wedding planned a year in advance to let friends and family know to keep that weekend free.

This

stichguru · 23/01/2026 13:33

BitOutOfPractice · 23/01/2026 09:11

Well I think you’ve cut your nose off to spite your face then. Most people haven’t replied because they are discourteous, they haven’t replied because they’re confused / didn’t realise they needed to reply. As this thread demonstrates.

Now you have loads of friends and family saving the date for a party they won’t be invited too. Now that is rude!

Edited
Show quote history

This

Boredoflunch1 · 23/01/2026 13:51

I bet there are people sat with a save the data, awaiting an invite and not wanting to make things awkward by asking!!

EndlessHolidayWashing · 23/01/2026 13:56

If the OP had sent a save the date and clearly stated on the card, please let me RSVP by x date if you can come, I would have assumed that was the invite and would have RSVP'ed.

If it was a save the date card that didn't ask for an RSVP, I still would probably have sent a text saying 'Got the card, thank you, count us in'. And then would await the formal invite and RSVP to that.

It really depends on what the OP wrote on the save the date and whether she made it clear people were required to respond.

NortyTorty · 23/01/2026 13:59

Nevermind17 · 18/01/2026 17:20

It’s not usual to RSVP to a Save the Date card. I’d only expect people to respond to an actual invitation.

I’m in the wait for the actual invitation to reply camp too

Mirrorx · 23/01/2026 14:05

EndlessHolidayWashing · 23/01/2026 13:56

If the OP had sent a save the date and clearly stated on the card, please let me RSVP by x date if you can come, I would have assumed that was the invite and would have RSVP'ed.

If it was a save the date card that didn't ask for an RSVP, I still would probably have sent a text saying 'Got the card, thank you, count us in'. And then would await the formal invite and RSVP to that.

It really depends on what the OP wrote on the save the date and whether she made it clear people were required to respond.

But you wouldn't have known what you were invited to or where.

LondonLady1980 · 23/01/2026 14:32

Mirrorx · 23/01/2026 14:05

But you wouldn't have known what you were invited to or where.

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Absolutely.

Even if I knew what the event was (birthday and anniversary celebration) there’s no way I would commit to something unless I knew the venue and time.

BubblesandTiara · 23/01/2026 14:40

HandmadeNanna · 22/01/2026 18:37

Thank you everyone for your comments. I guess I belong to the old school of life.
We are going to have a small party at home with those people who could actually be bothered to read the card and let me know. I will be sending their invitations in due course with final details.
I wont be answering any more posts on this.

wow

I guess I belong to the old school of life.
no you really don't.

Your small party is probably best for you, I don't think you could handle a bigger one if you are in such a state of stress and anger already, and don't even understand the difference between save the date / and invitations.

BubblesandTiara · 23/01/2026 14:42

LondonLady1980 · 23/01/2026 14:32

Absolutely.

Even if I knew what the event was (birthday and anniversary celebration) there’s no way I would commit to something unless I knew the venue and time.

Show quote history

Unless you invite 3000 people, it's not difficult to send an invitation with date and time, with a RSVP - and add a handwritten note that location will depend on number of guests who can attend.

It's not a formal diplomatic event, it's a private gathering with close friends. Most of us don't even bother with that much faff, you organise what you organise, you know your friends, you have an idea of numbers, but if you are as uptight as the OP there are better ways than sulking and confusing everybody else

BubblesandTiara · 23/01/2026 14:45

Reminds me of the thread where the OP was irate, fuming, and shaking and all the trimmings, because people had not replied to her RSVP 10 days before the RSVP date 😂

LondonLady1980 · 23/01/2026 15:45

BubblesandTiara · 23/01/2026 14:42

Unless you invite 3000 people, it's not difficult to send an invitation with date and time, with a RSVP - and add a handwritten note that location will depend on number of guests who can attend.

It's not a formal diplomatic event, it's a private gathering with close friends. Most of us don't even bother with that much faff, you organise what you organise, you know your friends, you have an idea of numbers, but if you are as uptight as the OP there are better ways than sulking and confusing everybody else

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Not sure why you are getting arsey with me when I’m in 100% agreement with everyone else on this thread?!

pizzaHeart · 23/01/2026 15:57

Another one who will see save the date as just this - save the date.
I usually say thank you, save it and try to make it but there is no guarantee. At the moment I have 2 dates in a few months which I’ve saved for birthday parties and I want to make them but depending on DH’s work commitments it might not be possible. I’m absolutely sure that in both cases I did what birthday person expected me to do, last time when both of them send out save the date message they then asked to confirm numbers a month before the party.

BubblesandTiara · 23/01/2026 16:14

LondonLady1980 · 23/01/2026 15:45

Not sure why you are getting arsey with me when I’m in 100% agreement with everyone else on this thread?!

Show quote history

I wasn't getting arsey, just saying that normal people would understand if someone was sending an invitation without the exact venue details, explaining that it will depend on numbers.

No one apart from the OP expects a fully signed, approved and committed guest list in order to book a venue, that's true 😂, but reasonably most people would be able to RSVP an actual invitation without having the exact address.

Understanding that the choices will be between 2 locations in or around the same town, not a possible weekend in Aruba or a Thursday night in the bingo club

Doobiesista · 23/01/2026 16:37

Save the dates are very common amongst my friendship group who are all approaching a significant birthday. The most common response to these going out via WhatsApp is a heart or party emoji. The only time anyone really replies is if they know 100% that they can't make it, otherwise we wait to be asked for an official rsvp.

TeenToTwenties · 23/01/2026 16:43

Unless there are a lot of details on a Save the Date (that effectively make it an invitation) people won't want to commit.

Is it
A) a gathering in a hall with a buffet and a band and a free bar or BYOB
or
B) a fancy schmancy restaurant where you are going to have to pay for your own food and expensive drink, and you may need a new outfit too
or
C) a house party in an out of the way castle where you can't get home the same evening back to the children.

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