Save the Date Invitations

[HandmadeNanna]

When we got married we couldn't afford to have a wedding reception. This year is our 10th wedding anniversary and dh has a significant Birthday so we decided to have a big party. I sent around 40 Save the Date cards, asking for replies within 6 weeks. The theory is that most people can look at their calendars and see whether the Date is clear, thereby meaning that they can come. So far we have had 2 "sorry, can't come"; one due to ill health and being unable to travel, the other because they already have an event the same day. I have 3 yes, looking forward to the party. 35 haven't replied. I gave home address, email and phone number for replies.
I need to book a venue and catering so feeling very despondent. Do I book a table for 8 at the local pub or go ahead and book a party venue in the hope that people will respond to the actual invitation 6 weeks before the event?
It appears that even letting people know about an upcoming event, they wont commit in case something better comes up.
I appreciate that very few folk know what they are doing from one day to the next, but surely, being given a date for a celebration, I would have thought it would be something to put in the diary and look forward to. I'm sure most of our friends (or are they friends?) book their holidays abroad in advance, therefore committing to a date, so why not a party?
It is quite common nowadays to send out "Save the Date" cards.
Is it unreasonable to let people know the party date and ask for confirmation so I can go ahead and book?

No, I haven't sent out invitations. They are a save a date and let me know if you will be coming so that I can book an appropriate venue.
Would you book a large events venue, then find out that only a few people can come?

That's exactly how events from kids birthday parties to royal weddings are planned.

How can people RSVP to something you've not actually invited them to? They've no idea of location, times, or anything.

You've massively cut off your nose to spite your face with this one. Utterly bizarre.

This!

I would be very interested to know what you actually said in the Save the Date Cards?

Did you say you were going to book a party on ‘x’ date and at ‘x’ time and ask if they’d be available to attend it? (but it didn’t include any details about where as you haven’t booked anything yet?)

How far in advance is it? If it's 6 months then I might not have my holidays or work commitments planned. I'd say yes I can attend in theory but I'd also say I can't commit to saving the date. I've no idea if I'll be able to get a babysitter, if I'll be in the country, if I'll have other commitments that take precedence. If it's in 2 months time I think they're being unreasonable. But it's not a save the date- it's an invitation you're sending. A save the date is so that you keep that date in mind when planning.

Wait- I've just twigged, you've no time or venue on the save the date. 🤣🤣🤣 that's mad Ted.

You can "Save the Date" for any event. This was supposed to have been a celebration of our marriage, albeit 10 years down the line. Everyone is aware of this and we had hoped to renew our vows as we couldn't afford a big wedding. It was just us two and 4 friends. I wore a pretty second hand dress a friend gave me, dh wore his £30 suit from Primark, which we had bought for his cousin's wedding a few months before.

Perhaps I should have done it the way others do and put a post on Facebook asking who wants to come. That way they could have liked the post. I would still be none the wiser as to numbers.

What you should have done was book a venue and send the invites out, like everyone else does.

I suppose if you asked for rsvp it's a bit different, but save the date is exactly that a note to make a note of the date, not an invitation and a response isn't usually given.

If you want firm responses, send invitations.

No, you shouldnt keep it a secret, just send invites out with the details on, unless its a wedding, in which case, send Save The Dates, don't expect RSVPs and send invites around 6 months to 1 year in advance.

Millions of people manage this.

I dont know anyone doing Save the Dates for parties, or expecting RSVPs from them.

Thank you everyone for your comments. I guess I belong to the old school of life.
We are going to have a small party at home with those people who could actually be bothered to read the card and let me know. I will be sending their invitations in due course with final details.
I wont be answering any more posts on this.

Those poor friends saving the date for you now that don't even know they're uninvited 😂

There is no old school where your way of sending Save the Dates and expecting replies was normal.

That is something you've created entirely by yourself.

You can "Save the Date" for any event. This was supposed to have been a celebration of our marriage, albeit 10 years down the line. Everyone is aware of this and we had hoped to renew our vows as we couldn't afford a big wedding. It was just us two and 4 friends. I wore a pretty second hand dress a friend gave me, dh wore his £30 suit from Primark, which we had bought for his cousin's wedding a few months before.

Perhaps I should have done it the way others do and put a post on Facebook asking who wants to come. That way they could have liked the post. I would still be none the wiser as to numbers.

And if a big celebration is what you wanted then you should have done things the way everyone does - book your venue and send your invitations, using save the dates as that.

Instead you expected people to commit to an event with no venue, no time and no details.

You've sabotaged your own event.

Save the date usually just gives the date with details to follow. Most people would want to know what kind of party it is, and where, timings etc, before accepting (or declining). It sounds like people didn't know what they were being invited to, so how could they respond?

This sounds unbelievably rude. Picking invitations based on if the party is to your personal preferences or not. I can’t imagine receiving an invite to an event, which is important to a friend or family member,
but then deciding to go only if I expect to like the food or whatever 😅You’re going to celebrate and/or support a friend!

Omg, I’ve read here some people even pick kids bday parties based on if the activity is “good enough” (in their view).

Ok. Plenty of other people have replied to say the same thing, so not sure why you quoted mine.
Obviously I (and others) wouldn't attend an event I would actively not enjoy or find uncomfortable for many reasons.

Really? I'd go to most things, butnif it involves Kareoke or heights, it's not for me thank you. Surely that's reasonable, why would you want guests who aren't enjoying your event?

Even the timings and venue make a difference to travel arrangements and whether it fits with other commitments.

I would tolerate an evening of karaoke for someone I care about, of course. And I wouldn’t decline because the food may not be to my liking, geez. I admit I probably wouldn’t travel abroad or such every time, but I don’t think this was what was being referred to.

Set up one of those online/web based invitations and email them out

then people can click yes or no

But no one knows until they get details. For a big birthday and delayed wedding celebration it could literally have been anything.

You're not getting it. If you have a specific diet and aren't catered for at an event or business, why would you attend? Have you sat through a 14 hour day at a wedding where the only thing provided was a bread roll? A loud, stuffy restaurant where there is one thing you can eat on the menu but it's something that makes you nauseous.

Or thousands of other reasons why details about an event would mean it's not possible or desirable for people to attend?

Anyway, this is all irrelevant as OP did not have a venue or type of event, just a date.

"No waters have been muddied. The cards went out to those who will need to arrange travel and accommodation."
You are right, there are no muddied waters. It is still crystal clear that you have NO idea what "save the date" cards actually are!

"Tell me, if you were organising a big do, would you keep it a secret until the invitations went out 6 weeks before? "
It wouldn't be a secret and I wouldn't have been disorganised enough to only send invites out 6 weeks before. Probably 3 months before at least

I wouldn’t reply to a save the date. I would note the date and await an invite

A “save the date” is a notification, not an invitation. I can’t see the point of them myself.
Send everyone a proper invitation and an rsvp date. Either paper, or in this day and age an electronic one might be better - there are apps.

I did a big WhatsApp message inviting people to my birthday. Much easier!

Agree, A save the date isn’t an invitation. It doesn’t need a response but an invite does. Have you sent out invites?