Invitation says ‘No Presents’

[RetroRay]

Evenin’ all,
My daughter has been invited to her first birthday party. The invitation says ‘No presents’, but I feel a bit mean rocking up with nothing to unwrap at his party.
Would it be rude to turn up with a small gift despite being told not to?
Apologies for the pathetic question. I don’t want to offend the parents if there’s a specific reason they’ve asked for no gifts 😂

Babe, you've invented a specific phobia of books about dogs and lost toys in order to justify why a child couldn't possibly be gifted a book for their birthday.

You do you and don't get the poor kid a present. I'd give a book or a bath bomb. I am certain the child will be fine

@DeskJotter babes - the child will be fine, but your relationship with the parents who made the request will deteriorate. You’re turning the child into a victim in your mind - it’s a fabrication. All you’re showing here is that you have issues with relationships, respect and reality.

My relationship with the parents will be fine after giving their child a book on their birthday. Thanks for worrying, though!

All you’re showing here is that you have issues with relationships, respect and reality.

You might want to tone it down. Is this how seriously you would take it if your child was gifted a book? Seek help.

@DeskJotter , have you considered speaking to a counsellor or a therapist?

I mean sure, it's probably not going to have a long lasting impact on that relationship but if they've specifically said please do not do this specific thing and you know better and do do that specific thing then they're going to be at least a bit pissed off.

Of course they’re going to pocket it. It’ll go towards life

No it wouldn’t. Board books are aimed at babies, not 4 year olds who can probably read?

For gifting a four year old a book? No. Do you usually over-react to minor things to this extent?

@DeskJotter , overstepping boundaries isn't a minor thing. I'm not overreacting. You seem determined to hijack the thread because you think your opinion is superior.

My just turned 5 year old loves bath bombs.. she and her sister love dissolving them in the water and watching the colours change in the water. Also love it if they have surprises inside. They take turns choosing which bath bomb at bath time and who is going to drop it in the water. It also gets them upstairs to start the routine and stop playing knowing they can have a bath bomb!!

It says NO presents.

Hmmm , my DIL won’t let me put bath bombs in my grandchild’s bath, reckons she has sensitive skin. This young child is the same age , so your present would be a complete waste if her mother thinks the same .

You have never been to an Indian wedding have you?

And yet life would go on!

It's a 4th birthday, so a 3 year old just turning 4. They almost certainly can't read.

Regardless, please see the link I posted above with a brilliant range if board books aimed at this age range.

We always wrote, 'many thanks but no gifts of any kind including money. We're evil parents and we think the party is present enough!'. We just felt getting presents from 10 people on top of family and our gifts was setting our kids up for a level of expectations and entitlement that we didn't want to foster. To each their own and I expect this will trigger at least one charged comment!

No. Although I believe the wording is usually "no boxed gifts" isn't it? And money is expected. That's a whole, established cultural tradition. And not one that applies to a 4 year oldest birthday.

That depends on how you interact with your child. I have spent a lot of time with my 4 year old DD properly using her birthday presents from friends. We have made jewellery, read books, introduced new cuddlies to old one, etc. She has appreciated and thoroughly enjoyed posing with everything.

You can encourage a lack of entitlement by making sure your child knows who gave them what and writing a personal thank you note together. I always speak to each parent to properly thank them and reflect on how much my child has enjoyed playing with x consciously in front of my child to model showing gratitude and appreciation.

Similarly, when my child is the guest, I encourage them to choose a gift that would match each friend’s interests. They pick the wrapping paper, write the card or even made one. They learn that when it is a special occasion for somebody other than themselves then it is kind to put some thought and effort into making that person happy on their day.

Avoiding giving or receiving gifts entirely to me shows a complete lack of thought and effort in either direction. It is actually considered entitled for example as an adult to turn up for dinner without even bringing a bottle of wine or bunch of flowers for the host. How will children ever learn how to be a polite guest? Or know that it is actually OK for them to be celebrated themselves?

They don’t want a load of stuff in the house - no matter how thoughtful gifts are, when too many toys amass it can just be overwhelming. If it’s a whole class party, a child can easily get 30 gifts plus those from family mean all of a sudden there’s another 40-50 items in the house

They could be raising their child to be more environmentally conscious, the child could be overwhelmed with too many things or they may just not have space

Chuck £5 in the card and be done with it

My son. Who has extremely dry skin so we need to be very careful with the products we use.

How about book tokens? It’s not a physical present but my 4 year old loved a Waterstones voucher he got from his grandparents as it gave us a reason to go into town, have a snack in a cafe, and he got to choose his own books.

‘No presents’ means cash and birthday card only. I usually give £10 in a card for a town hall type party and £20 if it’s a venue.

Clearly you don’t agree with your DIL, who obviously simply cannot know her own child’s skin better than you?! My DS had eczema as a baby, and even now has very sensitive skin. We’ve never used bath bombs for that reason.