Invitation says ‘No Presents’

[RetroRay]

Evenin’ all,
My daughter has been invited to her first birthday party. The invitation says ‘No presents’, but I feel a bit mean rocking up with nothing to unwrap at his party.
Would it be rude to turn up with a small gift despite being told not to?
Apologies for the pathetic question. I don’t want to offend the parents if there’s a specific reason they’ve asked for no gifts 😂

Bring a snack/drink or something

😂

My DC loved bath bombs at that age, I actually suggested them to someone asking for present ideas. Not ridiculous at all.

Oh my God. Are you this difficult in real life? The book might not be something the parent wants the child to read? I don't think many people gift controversial books to 4 year olds.

I fostered, and I have ND children in the family. Some get overwhelmed by having extra ‘stuff’ to process- new clothes/toys add chaos into a world they already struggle to process.

Health wise- play dough or bath on a would be a nightmare for DC with eczema, sweets for children with various health issues.

If you have a child with a common allergy AND neurodivergence, then being given a present they can’t use will absolutely freak them out.

No thanks.

Maybe they don’t want plastic, for example.

Agree with money in a card.

Wow, I would have been tempted to use the laugh button.

Loads of books have themes some DC can’t manage. Bambi, parent loss being the obvious example. Teachers know and assess before reading.

Why are you assuming you know better than the child’s parents who- you know- know the child?

Money in card x

I tend to do National Book Tokens in a card rather than cash in this scenario, I completely get why parents don't want millions of additional pieces of plastic crap in their home but think most don't find books too objectionable.

Book voucher and a balloon

I think it’s a bit sad too when it’s for a young child.

My sister went to a party with a seemingly strict “No gifts” order on the invitation so didn’t take one. Then the dad put HIS (not even the child’s) bank details on the WhatsApp group, under the guise of “Some mentioned they’d like to give money instead.” The mum then messaged my sister afterwards to ask what she brought (think she said something like “So I can thank you all”) and she was mortified.

Honestly i did this for my 1 year old on her 1st birthday - shes first grandchild so she was already so spoiled - we live in a small flat and the amount of stuff we already had from when she was born was insane and it made me actually quite anxious - stuff coming all the time and i was trying to stay on top of it all and be so organised to get rid of stuff as she grew out of it etc

I really didn't want a thing for her birthday have enough - but nobody listened ! so i just never bothered to write it since

But honestly - when i say no presents i mean it!

The party is a present and we buy her experiences instead -we just aren't big on "stuff" in our house - but theres nothing you can do - people will just buy for them anyway.

Our 4 year old grandson does, too. The sparklier or slimier the better 😁

But you have no idea of the reason.
For example, my child is autistic and finds having too many presents to open incredibly stressful. I wouldn’t necessarily want to write that detail on a birthday invitation though.

Parents are daft and possibly mean. You can’t go against it though

This is common for children’s parties in the U.S. - I’d say it is typical where I live, especially for middle and upper class families. Kids bring a homemade birthday card instead. The birthday child gets plenty of presents from their family. I think the idea is to make life easier for attending children’s families and to cut down on tat. Interesting how the etiquette is different, I wonder if the trend will eventually move to the UK.

Not daft at all. There’s only so much tat one household can contain.

Bring a book. No reasonable parent could object to an age-appropriate book.

Yeah we will have to disagree.

Arrogance. They obviously know better so would turn up with gifts that might be inappropriate of unusable.

I think it’s absolutely taking the piss to send bank details round before a party. But it wouldn’t raise my eyebrow any more that it was the parent’s account, if you’re talking about a young child. My grandma sends me a cheque for my DDs’ birthdays, and it’s made out to me, not DDs.

There’s some peak MN on this thread!

some kids love presents but some don’t - some Are overwhelmed at opening things and lose interest. Others hate having to say a forced smile and thank you if it isn’t something they want.

we have a huge family and DS gets enough from them. His cousin hates getting presents becaus he doesn’t like the surprise aspect. A friend is moving abroad soon so has asked for no presents because of that. Please trust the parents to be doing what’s right with them.

Please honor the parent’s request! I have made the same request myself. My kids have way too many toys already, and we have limited space in our house. The kids still get plenty of birthday presents from relatives. No cash needed either. If you don’t want to show up empty handed have your child make a nice card for the birthday boy.

I would respect the parents wishes and not take a gift - it's not about you. The child is 4, the parents have their reasons. Just to offer insight, I did this with DS for his 3rd, 4th and 5th birthdays. He's an only child but has a lot of cousins, aunts, uncles etc. He received a lot of presents from me and his family and close family friends - more than enough, and even then some family members gave money or vouchers to cut down on the amount of 'stuff' he would open. I didn't want him to be overloaded with another dozen or so presents/toys that would just go into a pile and not get played with. He has plenty of clothes, toys, games, experiences, and I didn't want money for him. I also didn't want his birthday and parties for him to become about how many presents he received - a bit like Christmas. There were people who ignored this and still bought something that 'they knew he would love' and frankly that just pissed me off - as if they knew best. People saying they felt mean, or they were thinking of my son not me, annoyed me - it's not about you. One parent said she felt mean not buying a present so bought a bottle of wine and helped to clear up afterwards - not necessary, but I loved her for it. It's really not hard - just do what the parents have asked.