House party for dh's 40th birthday - etiquette on sharing costs plus ground rules etc?

[bossykate]

not sure he is worth it but i am considering organising a house party for dh's 40th birthday which will fall on the late may bank holiday weekend.

what i am thinking of is a large house with decent (ok pretty nice) facilities, pref with lots of stuff for kids and near the sea, max 2 hrs from london. it will be very close friends plus their kids - say 4 - 7 families in total with kids ages ranging from babies - 6 yo.

in the ideal world i think i would like to fund for the whole group:

• the cost of the accommodation
• all drinks over the weekend
• one slap-up catered meal on the saturday night

Other food to be funded by the group.

however i'm not sure the budget would stretch to funding all that - in fact let's assume that it won't ...

[first question]... could i invite people to a weekend like this on a totally shared cost basis? or would that be off? should we simply do a simpler, cheaper celebration?

[and second question]... suppose we do go ahead one way or another, what ground rules do you suggest for a harmonious weekend?

Couldn't you have a combined party if your birthdays are that close together? Or would the guest list be very different??
Once you have booked you must let us know of the place you found - it sounds great! (but actually unlikely to be of use to me unless it is in Yorkshire...)
Yes, I organised my own 40th AND dh's....wanted to do the house party thing but it just wasn't feasible either time. And there are just soooo many children to consider if all gets a bit overwhelming. Maybe for my 50th when half the kids will have left home or not want to come anyway!

hi elliott, we will have a combined party at home in the summer. that is the minimum we will do and it is definite - any other events are very much subject to budgetary and organisational considerations!

we couldn't/wouldn't combine a houseparty as to invite both of our "must invites" the party would become unfeasibly large. i also think a houseparty scenario would work best when most of the people know eachother to some degree.

btw - Hartington Hall (YHA) looks really good (although far away for us) but is no longer on escapeto... anyway have asked them if still available for exclusive hire.

thanks to all for your help with this

Hartington is truely lovely and surrounded by loveliness. A bit OOp North means cheaper booze . It is so big that it could accomodate both yours and hubbies mates if you went for a joint do.

Wow, didn't realise you were local! Gave my DH elaborate huge 40th birthday celebrations 2 years ago. Last year I got a meal out for mine Meant to get around to a big summer party later in the year but toddler and life precluded it. Now I'm 41 it seems a bit late to have the huge 40th bash, but might lie about my age and have one in the summer.

lol do it anyway and make him pay!

It sounds lovely but I think when you are asking people to split or contribute to sizeable costs, it's best if it's a joint enterprise eg. New Year's Eve.

How much are people going to have to pay? Are you sure they can all afford it without struggle? There are so many threads on here from people feelng embarrassed or put on by extravagent hen nights or weddings.

nkf, if you read down you will find that i came to the same conclusion.

however, it is all a moot point now since dh has decided he's not into the idea.

i might decide to do the same thing for myself but equally may not.

one of the reasons our marriage is in trouble is that he is such a miserable wet blanket the whole time - over anything i suggest that is. if a member of his family or a friend had suggested it he would have been sooo keen

Sorry for you. That sounds a bit gloomy.

Shit, why do blokes always have to put a dampener on the best ideas. Grumpy bar stewards.

if anyone has been following this or is thinking of doing something similar...

the place i was going to book was Beech Barns

i think this would be ideal for a weekend if you can afford to do something but need to be somewhat wary of the costs. it is fully catered, so breakfast included. evening meals (good value) as requested and no corkage. i spoke to one of the owners with a lot of questions and the set up seemed very flexible and friendly. great reviews on tripadvisor too!

the owners used to run a ski chalet and the set-up at beech barns seems very similar.

anyway hth someone else!

Thanks for that. Sorry that it isn't working out.

Did you ascertain how child friendly the place is?

hi ladymuck what sort of "child friendliness" did you have in mind?

BK, I missed this before. I ummed and aahed over a v similar thing both when we were getting married in 2005 and my 40th in 03 and god, it's hard to decide isn't it? Every time I did the maths I came to the conclusion that

a) We had to pay if inviting people
b) it would cost a lot, several grand
c) I am so fussy I wanted somewhere like Tone Dale House (which looks LOVELY)

As you know, in the end we hired a cottage in Cornwall and dh surprised me with dinner at a restaurant with both my sisters and a cousin and his wife.

Could you do something where you book somewhere for dinner/drinks and where if people want to stay they can (so a hotel ideally or somewhere with self catering availability) and they can pay and if they just want to hire a babysitter at their own house and come for the evening then they can do that too? It might be a middle ground?

What am I on about, my 40th was 06, not 03.

So for example if you had dinner at a hotel du vin or Malmaison or somewhere you could probably haggle and get reduced room rates for friends who wanted to take it up.

hi www my love

you are a bit late sweetie - it's all off! i found a place that would be ok (ok not quite up to my fantasy levels of swankery ) - but dh not keen.

think i'd rather do a family holiday the half term week now instead

Oh, BK, sorry, never mind! Yes, I found that every time I got the costs to over about £3k I started thinking "that's x holiday" or "y household thing I'd quite like" or something.

thanks for the link - as I thought, nowhere near my ideal location.... Looks good if pricey.
I think I will definitely wait for my 50th, when we can all pretend to be childfree and might even be able to afford something really nice

hi elliott

i found a couple of places for around the £1800 - £1900 mark but that was without any food whatsoever. i think it's a hostel to get much cheaper than that - and there are some great hostels to be rented for a very decent price.

the place i really, really wanted is about £5k for the weekend - without any food at all here.

Rocklands Manor

or i could have just about suffered staying here for the weekend

Stone Court

but both those too much!

i don't think either of those would help you location wise.

We have stayed at a beautiful old Hall using Landmark Trust (think National Trust but you can rent them). They are all fab.

Our friends organised it and invited us and another couple for the second week. You can hire them for a long weekend though.

They paid for the rental and we all mucked in by helping to buy/cook the breakfasts.

For lunch and dinner we went out to restaurants but the hostess did do us a slap up on the Saturday night. We just helped by bringing/buying the booze and providing children's entertainment!