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Original poster

quick poll - do you prefer to go to a wedding with or without your kids?

144 replies

caffeinequeen · 07/01/2007 21:28

Just that really. TIA

OP posts:
twickersmum · 07/01/2007 23:02

oh and i have been to weddings with nearly more children than adults there - the disco ended up with "i'm a dingle dangle scarecrow"... not the best atmosphere imo.

1227 · 07/01/2007 23:04

I think children should go to weddings even if they are babies, my dds always come with us

jajas · 07/01/2007 23:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tommy · 07/01/2007 23:18

I think it depends on whose wedding it is. If it's a family type wedding with lots of aunties and cousins and people there to share the entertaining of the children then, definitely but otherwise I quite like to have a day out with just DH and me.

TBH, if the invite just says Tommy and DH I think "fine - the DSs haven't been invited" so they don't come. I don't have a problem with them not being invited!

DimpledThighs · 07/01/2007 23:18

misspinkcat said:

"They did have a photo of their dog in a top hat on the front of the invitaiton though so they were bona fide NOBS."

That is the funniest thing I have read on mumsnet - truely tested my pelvic floor.

I salute you.

shanks313 · 07/01/2007 23:43

We had many children at our wedding and it was a great day,the children behaved themselves...it was the adults who didnt.

Im having this problem at the moment...my best friend has told me I cant take my baby to her wedding in August.She will be 5 months then so I have no idea if she will be breastfeedng,teething etc.

When I found out I was pregnant I told my friend the baby would be coming and she said it was okay.Then she said no,then she said okay and now its no again.She says its her boyfriends rule.

The wedding will be 6 hours drive away,so we would be away from my baby for 3 days altogether.

She also said that if I left the baby at home while she was breastfeeding or teething,my friend would see me as a bad parent.

I was highly upset that she expects me to just leave my child at home like that,I would understand if she was running around or if I lived 30 minutes down the road but I dont.

WideWebWitch · 08/01/2007 07:41

With friends like that Shanks...seriously, she's mad and doesn't get it, you cannot just dump a tiny baby like that! Childless by any chance? If she ever has children she'll look back and cringe!

DimpledThighs · 08/01/2007 09:52

shanks your friend has put you in a difficult situation - esp. by changing her mind all the time. If it was me I would be blkunt adn say - look I can only come if I bring my daughter so it's up to you. It is her day and so I would accept her choice, but she can't keep changing her mind.

On another note, if she is the kind of person who judges you or makes you feel bad about your choices then think carefully about what kind of friendship this is. I am not saying drop her like a stone, but I had a friend like this and another very close friend pointed out to me how the relationship was making me feel and so I made a lot more distance between me and so I made some distance between me and the aforementioned friend and we get on much better now.

People that make you feel bad about yourself are fine if they are not too close to effect your self esteem.

BTW - you are a fab mother - look how thoughtful you are being about your daughter months down the line. Very considerate.

Dottydot · 08/01/2007 09:55

Without. Although I loved having all the kids at my wedding (16 under 5's..!) - it was a great family day. But if I'm going to someone else's, I want to be child free please!

LittleSarah · 08/01/2007 10:08

So agree with Spidermama. In the end it is the couple getting married's day. If they think wedding are family events, great. If they think they are parties, great.

I wouldn't want to take dd to a wedding, at 2.8 I think I would spend the whole time running after her and then would have to leave early!

But then I have a fair few people able to babysit so I don't think it would be an issue for me.

beckybrastraps · 08/01/2007 10:15

If it is a family wedding, then I would like the children to come, as they are of course part of the family. But if it is work friends, or old college friends, then I rather like a childfree weekend. We only had family children at our wedding. One couple chose not to come because of that. In fact they were very angry about it and we only barely keep in touch now which is rather sad. Still, if we'd had to cater for all the children, then we probably wouldn't have been able to afford to invite them anyway, and maybe that would have annoyed them too. Who knows? And we did not have a very fancy wedding I hasten to add. But there was a limit on numbers in the village hall.

Hulababy · 08/01/2007 10:21

I prefer to go with DD generally.

Hulababy · 08/01/2007 10:24

If child wasn't invited, it would depend on circumstances.

Only been to one "no children" wedding since having DD and Dh was best man. It was friends, not family, so my parents were able to babysit. We did go - have to say that I am not a fan on "no children" weddings, it just isn't the same IMO, but each to their own.

DH and I are unlikely to go to a wedding seperately, so if DD wasn't invited and we had no babysitters we just would decline the invite. If it was far away involving more than one night away we would be unlikely to go either, if DD wasn't invited.

hippmummy · 08/01/2007 10:37

I think it depends on the wedding whether I'd want to bring them or not, some are suitable for kids and others not.

It would be nice to have the luxury of leaving them with a babysitter to have a night off, but not everyone does.

I think if the couple getting married have at 'no kids' rule then they have to be prepared for the fact that some of their close friends or family won't be able to come to their wedding.

beckybrastraps · 08/01/2007 10:42

I don't have a problem with people not going to a wedding if their children aren't invited. But this couple gave us a LOT of grief over it. Even after we apologised and explained (again) they still were really arsey. And as I said, it was pretty much the end of our friendship. Our approaches have been firmly rebuffed. It does not seem a big enough issue to fall out over to me.

singsalot · 08/01/2007 11:20

I hope cq you get the wedding you want!

It is a bit stressful just trying to figure out the wording of your invites. I didn't have kids or a clue about them when I got married, I didn't know anyone with little babies, and I didn't invite all my cousins, or dh's nieces and nephews who were young, too many of them, and we couldn't afford to cater for them - it did annoy one of my aunties that her grown up kids weren't invited, but I just presumed they would be so bored... but I did invite two of my youngest cousins, one has autism, because they live so far away and I really wanted my aunty to come, thought she wouldn't make it otherwise...

I think there has been some great advice here, there is room for tailoring your invite to babes in arms/bf babies being included?

good luck

Lio · 08/01/2007 11:29

Without.

wheelsonthebus · 08/01/2007 11:47

yes - without. i always feel a bit guilty if the couple has a swanky hotel reception and has to cater for a lot of kids, cos there isn't much of a financial concession for that, and you are often paying adult prices for very young children who eat nothing and just want to play.

Dinosaur · 08/01/2007 11:49

At the moment, no-one but us can look after DS3, so going to a wedding without him wouldn't be an option for us. Perhaps bear in mind if any potential invitees have children with special needs?

bigwuss · 08/01/2007 11:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulababy · 08/01/2007 12:27

I agree that whilst it is up to the bride and groom, it is very important that they realise and accept that some of their guests, including close family and friends, may not be able to come to their wedding as a resault of their decision. to give those people who decline any grief over it, etc. is definitely not on and really unfair.

misspinkcat · 08/01/2007 15:57

But what about you lot - are you NOW not fans of no kids weddings after having them yourselves?

Hulababy · 08/01/2007 16:21

My wedding celbrations was a big family and friends affair, with all children involved. We knew we wanted all our family and firneds whatever age, so chose a venue and meal plan, etc. to suit that and our budget. My wedding was pre children. I would do the same again too.

beckybrastraps · 08/01/2007 16:27

I wouldn't mind a no kids wedding at all. As I said, it would feel odd if my brother, for example, had not invited our children to his wedding. But I wouldn't actually expect my children to be invited to a wedding of a relatively casual friend or distant 'asking you because you're family' relative. And depending on where it was and how well the children knew the people getting married, I might leave them with my mum anyway.

beckybrastraps · 08/01/2007 16:33

Hula - I'm not sure if your post was in response to mine, but we were the ones doing the inviting, they couldn't come which we understood. We did apologise and explain that we were only inviting family children, and why, but they gave us the grief. They found it "offensive" for their children not to be invited.

If you were just making a general point, please ignore me!

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