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Original poster

quick poll - do you prefer to go to a wedding with or without your kids?

144 replies

caffeinequeen · 07/01/2007 21:28

Just that really. TIA

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 07/01/2007 22:21

I think you have that back to front mpc.

With.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 07/01/2007 22:22

To my own, that is.

To others - not fussed.

swifterella · 07/01/2007 22:22

no it was in london bout 4 years ago at the stocking. what was that all about?

misspinkcat · 07/01/2007 22:23

hey doggy!

Original poster
caffeinequeen · 07/01/2007 22:24

Here's someone who wants to come

But won't be invited either! Mwahahahaha

OP posts:
swifterella · 07/01/2007 22:24

oh my god

swifterella · 07/01/2007 22:24

oh my god

SherlockLGJ · 07/01/2007 22:26

Bravo SpiderMama...........

We left DS (5) for a wedding last October. One hour away from home, it was a dreadful mistake. One peaceful and uninterrupted lunch and three hours of driving and chatting later, I remembered .......why I had married my DH.

I love him, we love our DS, but couples need time, even if it is only once in a blue moon.

hatwoman · 07/01/2007 22:28

CQ - if you want honest an honest opinion I don;t like your suggested wording ("We'd love it if Mums and Dads could take a day off and let their hair down but if you do plan to bring your little ones along, then please let us know so that they can be catered for." ) it doesn;t acknowledge the los as people, as individuals worthy of an invite in their name. and imo, that's why people get upset. Also, it's pretty vague - it doesn't make clear what your preference is - people will be trying to read the underlying meaning (do they really mean they don;t want kids to come, in which case why dress it up as something for the parents' benefit). and it puts the onus on people to almostinvite their own kids. We were recently invited to a wedding and I thought the invitation was brilliantly worded. It was honest, it acknowledged the kids, it gave an explicit ok to tiny babies, it appreciated it might be difficult and it explained the presence of a small number of kids. it said: owing to your fruitfulness if we invited all your children we would need to find space for an extra 70 people. We have decided, then we can only extend the invitation to adults, babes in arms and our god children. We hope you will be able to arrange baby-sitting and enjoy the chance to let your hair down. If this is difficult let us know and we will look into finding you a babysitter in [village]. imo it was the most prefect non-invitation of children I have ever seen.

VVVwhatever · 07/01/2007 22:29

Its gone..... mainstream

clairemow · 07/01/2007 22:31

without.

Saw the link to my thread lower down - was a bit put out by being told I couldn't bring my 6 week old bf baby to a wedding last October - meant I couldn't go. In the end, I went in the evening after he settled with grandparents sitting and a mobile phone in case it all went tits up. The couple concerned had quite big families, and the no. of children would have almost doubled the numbers, and they just couldn't afford it. Didn't understand how this affected a bf baby until we saw them at another wedding, and they explained that her family had given them such a hard time and some had refused to come because of it, so they felt they couldn't say yes to us and 2 other couples with even younger babies. They were full of apologies, and I felt really sorry for them in the end.

WideWebWitch · 07/01/2007 22:32

Oh I love time away with my dh, absolutely, we had 4 nights together in hotels without children last year. But I think (personally, just me, realise not everyone agrees etc etc) that weddings are family occasions and therefore children are not at all out of place, in fact bring lots of lovely things to a wedding. Which is, after all, the joining of a woman and man and may well result in children. So I think a wedding is not a party, it's a family occasion and my children are part of my family. Yes, I'm pleased to be invited to a wedding (or anything, quite frankly) but I wouldn't really want to use my precious overnight babysitting on going to one. Not that it matters now since most of my friends are either already married, divorced, about to get divorced or on their second marriages and have children themselves so wouldn't send a child free invite. So this doesn't figure irl for me at all!

And we got married in 2005 and had nearly as many children as adults there, it was lovely.

Original poster
caffeinequeen · 07/01/2007 22:33

WHeely, I don't have kids no and this wedding has been 2 years in the planning and money's quite tight so would be preferable not to have them mainly for financial reasons.
The relevant friends have toddlers /babes in arms - and there are no family members with kids yet to be offended.

OP posts:
cat64 · 07/01/2007 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
caffeinequeen · 07/01/2007 22:35

ooh hatwoman that is good! Thank you!

OP posts:
myermay · 07/01/2007 22:36

Message withdrawn

Wheelybug · 07/01/2007 22:36

In that case CQ I'd just be totally honest with people and tell them you can't afford it. I'd speak to people or just write a personal note in their invites explaining but asking them to let you know if its a problem.

hatwoman · 07/01/2007 22:36

babes in arms won;t have any financial implications - and possibly neither will toddlers, except they might possibly stretch the space, if they need a high chair. but be honest - people don;t mind - everyone appreciates how expensive weddings are - if you're honest, and if you realise leaving tinies with baby-sitters really isn;t an option, people won;t be offended (well, reasonable people won't)

hatwoman · 07/01/2007 22:38

I told the groom I thought it was brilliant - and he was really chuffed - he said they'd agonised over it, and felt really bad. the thing is, he loves kids and everyone knows he does, and, as i said, no-one minds honesty!

Ladymuck · 07/01/2007 22:50

Like hatwoman's wording. Personally I am more relaxed at weddings if I don't have to look after my kids and ensure that they are not spoiling things for anyone else. And all the travel etc can frankly be a pain - let's face it, attending a wedding is hardly cheap these days, let alone hosting one.

cat64 · 07/01/2007 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

twickersmum · 07/01/2007 22:57

if a family wedding where there will be lots of aunties to entertain the kids, people more interested in seeing the kids then us, then i like to go bring the children.
however, if it is a friends wedding where it is going to be a late night, big party, lots to drink etc. then prefer to be without them!

3Ddonut · 07/01/2007 22:57

Prefer without, can relax more and drink alcohol!

twickersmum · 07/01/2007 23:00

i do like hatwoman's wording too. i went to a wedding when dd1 was 4 months old. no children invited. i decided to go anyway as old uni friend etc etc. spent half the day expressing in the car/loos! We had to leave at 6pm to drive back to london in time to do the 10pm feed. would have been far better if "babes in arms" were allowed! i am sure it would have been ok if i had asked, but i didn't like to and thought it would be ok... but really it was too difficult.

Debbiethemum · 07/01/2007 23:00

Without
If it was a family wedding, it does cut down the number of available babysitters, which makes it harder.
We went (without children) to a friends wedding and it was fantastic. DD's Godfathers wedding in fact. But if they had just invited godchildren (and their siblings), nephews & neices that was 40 children! There were only 70 adults invited anyway.
But they were honest and said they couldn't afford it. They did get some grief from family, but none from us

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