Page 3 | Adult Son living with parents

Yupperyapperyippee · 31/12/2025 21:37

In this day and age I personally would encourage my children to live at home and save for as long as they can,

KarenWheeler · 31/12/2025 21:59

My DSD lived with her grandparents on and off until she was 29 and moved in with her husband. My younger sister lived at home on and off until she was 31 and met and moved in with BIL. I think it’s fairly common now due to the cost of living and the lack of affordable housing.

DinoLil · 31/12/2025 22:15

Both my DC moved out into rented at 18. DC1 is now 26 and has owned his house with a mortgage for 4yrs.

My niece is 23. She has enough for a deposit but her BF isn't ready to buy jointly so she's considering buying her own place on her own this year.

No help from family or parents. Living in SE. Just lots of saving.

Original poster

Theworldsgonemad · 31/12/2025 23:52

Usernamenotav · 31/12/2025 21:36

I agree it's not good for him. What 29 Yr old woman wants to date a man that won't move out of his parents.
When you say he has a good job, can he afford rent? Or his he currently saving for a house deposit? To live at home for 7 years and not have enough saved for a mortgage is bonkers

He wouldn't rent as it's dead money.
For some context, the average house in this area costs twelve times the average salary. Getting a mortgage is difficult and your deposit needs to be substantial.

OP posts:

abbynabby23 · 31/12/2025 23:54

Theworldsgonemad · 31/12/2025 13:16

My Son is 29 and lives with us.
He went away to Uni for four years, came back and his long term relationship broke up.
He's been single since.
He has a very good job.
Has a hobby.
However he's not interested in living on his own, getting his own place. We live in an area of the country which is extremely expensive re housing.
It's not a problem for us, him living at home. I just wonder if it's good for him.
I don't know what I'm asking really. Your thoughts, I guess.

As long as he is working and has social life, why would you worry? I live in London and I have a really good friend that lived with her mum till she was 34. She was working in high paid corporate jobs and she was out and about all the time! Her mum accept any money or contribution to the household as their house was already paid off so she saved lots and now she moved in with her partner, bought a place and she had a massive house deposit. I see it as a blessing rather than an issue in this day and age!

PissedOff2020 · 01/01/2026 01:21

Let’s be honest. Any independent woman who meets a man and then discovers he lives with his parents is going to be majorly turned off. If it’s the norm in your area maybe it’s not so bad, but otherwise it’s pretty off putting. I worked with a couple of women older than me who still lived at home and always found it bizzare. They seemed very immature in many ways. Maybe that’s sounds harsh, but it’s what I thought. I had a baby and mortgage at 23, so seeing someone in their 30s still at home is crazy to me… one of them even had their dad giving them lifts to work every day.

Doone22 · 01/01/2026 01:35

Theworldsgonemad · 31/12/2025 14:34

This is rather harsh and quite condescending.
He works around 50hrs a week.
To afford a 2 bed house with a commute of an hour or less, you need a salary of around 100k and a big deposit. That is a tough ask for a single person.
He helps out in the house, mostly at weekends when he's here.
He pays us a rent that we asked for, not market rate though. He saves and invests.

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Why would he need a 2 bedroom house? Is he getting married?

Tbh there's just not enough information. Is he responsible for maintenance or management of bills or anything? It's not just financial stuff you learn on your own it's the mental load. What does he do with girls and friends? Doesn't he have any?

TheSmallAssassin · 01/01/2026 01:47

Theworldsgonemad · 31/12/2025 14:34

This is rather harsh and quite condescending.
He works around 50hrs a week.
To afford a 2 bed house with a commute of an hour or less, you need a salary of around 100k and a big deposit. That is a tough ask for a single person.
He helps out in the house, mostly at weekends when he's here.
He pays us a rent that we asked for, not market rate though. He saves and invests.

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Why does he need a two bed flat? There's only one of him! I don't want my kids living with us for ever, the aim is to get them living independently.

Liftedmeup · 01/01/2026 01:51

Theworldsgonemad · 31/12/2025 23:52

He wouldn't rent as it's dead money.
For some context, the average house in this area costs twelve times the average salary. Getting a mortgage is difficult and your deposit needs to be substantial.

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Obviously he doesn’t need a house! Surely he just gets a flat like most young people would aim for.

Liftedmeup · 01/01/2026 01:54

PissedOff2020 · 01/01/2026 01:21

Let’s be honest. Any independent woman who meets a man and then discovers he lives with his parents is going to be majorly turned off. If it’s the norm in your area maybe it’s not so bad, but otherwise it’s pretty off putting. I worked with a couple of women older than me who still lived at home and always found it bizzare. They seemed very immature in many ways. Maybe that’s sounds harsh, but it’s what I thought. I had a baby and mortgage at 23, so seeing someone in their 30s still at home is crazy to me… one of them even had their dad giving them lifts to work every day.

Edited

It’s normal for people to live with their parents where I am, both men and women. It would be much more weird to have a baby and a mortgage aged 23.

BruFord · 01/01/2026 03:36

Theworldsgonemad · 31/12/2025 17:30

Thank you for all your replies.
They are helpful.
I guess it's not the life I thought he would be leading but that's my problem, not his.
At the end of the day, I just want my children to be happy.

@Theworldsgonemad You mention your “children” so I’m assuming that you have other children in addition to your DS?

If that’s the case, you should consider whether him living at home will ever cause any issues with his siblings.

Also consider your own wishes. Do you want to live in your current house indefinitely or would you like to downsize/move elsewhere?

Hephzibah64 · 01/01/2026 04:18

I have my dd26, her fiance27 and my ds23 living with me and dh. They all pay a small amount towards the rent and bills.
Renting in my area is so expensive and buying is impossible for them at the moment.
I actually love them living with us. We are all very close and have lots of fun together.
I see it as a positive thing.

ByPoisedRaven · 01/01/2026 04:41

VanCleefArpels · 31/12/2025 14:07

Totally agree with the last paragraph: the dynamic needs to be housemates NOT parent/child.

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Yes and no. I have a similar aged one at home. Contribute their fair share. However it's more like lodger than equal housemate. Still my house, my rules as far as some things go.

FieryA · 01/01/2026 05:43

Why wouldn't it be good for him? If he has a good career, contributes to the household expenses and chores, and has his own social life, what is the problem?

PloddingAlong21 · 01/01/2026 07:17

OP obviously works hard. The issue is, is he earning enough to make him independant? It sounds like he isn’t as you mentioned he’s need to earn £100k. As such he has a few options and he needs to seriously consider them:

can he change careers to a better paying one?
moving areas. If he realistically has no prospects, career wise, to purchase as a singleton in your area then he has to do so elsewhere. Otherwise he’s going to not simply just be a young man living with his parents, but a middle aged man. When does his age become “too old” - 30’s?

As a woman I wouldn’t find a 29 year old man living with his folks an appealing option if I were single. This will be the view of many women I suspect.

It’s time to sit down and have a serious chat about his longer term plan to get out of the house.

WillowTit · 01/01/2026 07:26

my dd also returned home after being away for 6 years or more even.
seems settled
i would leave it

VanCleefArpels · 01/01/2026 08:00

ByPoisedRaven · 01/01/2026 04:41

Yes and no. I have a similar aged one at home. Contribute their fair share. However it's more like lodger than equal housemate. Still my house, my rules as far as some things go.

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What I meant was that he cooks for himself, keeps his own areas clean, shares the expenses of the household as flatmates do.

PersephoneParlormaid · 01/01/2026 08:06

My DS is living at home and he’s 27. Like yours, he went away to Uni and then came home. He has a girlfriend and they are saving for a house, so I don’t charge rent. He keeps his room tidy and helps around the house, so I’m happy to have him here.

Sadza · 01/01/2026 08:25

I understand the reasons he has ended up back home but I agree with your misgivings. It really doesn’t seem a great life, although it’s safe and comfortable. My fear would be that he just ticks along, no need to strive or push or develop relationships, make independent choices, step outside his comfort zone, travel. What is his plan. Living with parents at 29 is okay but at 40 it’s a different thing altogether. There’s a whole world out there OP, encourage him into it.

Cherrytree86 · 01/01/2026 09:08

Theworldsgonemad · 31/12/2025 23:52

He wouldn't rent as it's dead money.
For some context, the average house in this area costs twelve times the average salary. Getting a mortgage is difficult and your deposit needs to be substantial.

Show quote history

@Theworldsgonemad

what about living in a houseshare with other young professionals?? It is renting but hardly dead money - in return for his money he gets to live in his own space, have all the freedoms and independence etc. Yeah, he might not be able to invest /save quite as much of his salary but there will be perks. You say that he’s on a good salary so he’ll be fine.

a lot of women/men would see him living at home at his age as a bit of an ick so he does need to bear that in mind…

Cherrytree86 · 01/01/2026 09:11

@Theworldsgonemad

oh and if he cannot afford a house in your area, then he moves to an area where he can afford! simple!

its unrealistic to expect to go from living with parents to buying your own house in the exact area you want, most of us have to settle for what we can afford and then work our way up to get more to what we do want.

Liftedmeup · 01/01/2026 09:17

Cherrytree86 · 01/01/2026 09:11

@Theworldsgonemad

oh and if he cannot afford a house in your area, then he moves to an area where he can afford! simple!

its unrealistic to expect to go from living with parents to buying your own house in the exact area you want, most of us have to settle for what we can afford and then work our way up to get more to what we do want.

And the worst thing would be to move to a completely different random area nowhere near his job or near where he could get one just to buy a house. Far better to aim for a flat.

Cherrytree86 · 01/01/2026 09:22

Liftedmeup · 01/01/2026 09:17

And the worst thing would be to move to a completely different random area nowhere near his job or near where he could get one just to buy a house. Far better to aim for a flat.

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@Liftedmeup

well, yes, nothing wrong with a flat!
or he could get another job in an area that he can afford. Doesn’t need to be constrained by area, he can apply for jobs all over the UK.
he has options basically that don’t involve him living with his parents for ever more, he’s just choosing the easy/safe/comfortable route at the moment. But it’s important we push ourselves out of our comfort zone, especially when young

Silverbirchleaf · 01/01/2026 09:38

I heard of a 24 year old recently who brought a house (or flat) and had £50k deposit. He gave himself a budget of £500 (?) a month to live off, so effectively saved £1000 a month from the age of 18. So it is possible.

Living at home isn’t a problem. Not having long term plans is. Also, being at home in your twenties is regarded as acceptable. In your thirties, it’s seen as ‘failure to launch’ (apart from if you’re returned home after divorce, medical reasons etc).

Differentforgirls · 01/01/2026 09:45

sesquipedalian · 31/12/2025 13:30

Of course he’s not interested in living on his own, when he has all amenities provided, and I assume doesn’t pay anything like a market rent, either. What does your DS want for his future? If he wants a relationship, he needs to set up on his own - it’s a huge red flag, a man still living at home with Mummy and Daddy. How do you feel about having him there? Surely the aim of parenting is to enable your DC to make their own way in the world. Does he have any siblings? If so, what do they think? I don’t think you’re doing your DS any favours - you need to make life a little less comfortable for him. He needs to move out.

How many sons do you have?