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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

Adult Son living with parents

109 replies

Theworldsgonemad · 31/12/2025 13:16

My Son is 29 and lives with us.
He went away to Uni for four years, came back and his long term relationship broke up.
He's been single since.
He has a very good job.
Has a hobby.
However he's not interested in living on his own, getting his own place. We live in an area of the country which is extremely expensive re housing.
It's not a problem for us, him living at home. I just wonder if it's good for him.
I don't know what I'm asking really. Your thoughts, I guess.

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 31/12/2025 16:10

It really sounds like it is working for you and him, I am sure he will move out when he is ready.

tinyspiny · 31/12/2025 16:23

If it works for you then there is no problem

Original poster
Theworldsgonemad · 31/12/2025 17:30

Thank you for all your replies.
They are helpful.
I guess it's not the life I thought he would be leading but that's my problem, not his.
At the end of the day, I just want my children to be happy.

OP posts:
Jok77 · 31/12/2025 18:10

I went home after uni and didn't leave home until I was 30. My brother was 40 when he left home. I think the home comforts were just too comfortable! If he is happy, and you are happy, there isn't a problem.

Skyflyinghigh · 31/12/2025 18:14

I used to think like you about my youngest and then he moved out and I wish I’d stopped worrying about him and enjoyed his company more as I miss him so much.
it obviously works for you all. He will move on when the time is right for him.

KmcK87 · 31/12/2025 18:20

If it works for you then that’s all that matters.

I personally won’t be looking to live with grown up children but we live somewhere where you can get a half decent 2 bed terrace for 100k. So we are expecting our children to save a deposit and move out in their mid 20s.

Rubyupbeat · 31/12/2025 18:32

@Wisperley good for you. I totally agree with all that you said. There is absolutely nothing wrong with multi generational households. Growing up in the East end, when our parents moved out, it would be next door or a couple of doors down, there was always someone around to help. There were aunties and uncles that still lived with their parents and care would be shared out.
On mumsnet you are made to feel total failures if you still lived with your parents. Not true .

mynamesnotsam · 31/12/2025 18:41

I think it's worrying the number of adult children who seem to have no ambition to move out and on to the next phase in their lives. I accept that mine might return short term after uni but the idea of them being my housemates for years is concerning.
You only need to read all the threads on mumsnet to see that it often doesn't work, yet parents who feel like this are generally condescendingly told they obviously don't like their children!
I get that rent and mortgages are expensive but that's in part because young people today expect a far higher standard of living. I love my parents dearly but was happy to move out into a rather grotty shared house because that was part of the fun and adventure of growing up.

Ganthanga · 31/12/2025 18:44

Nothing wrong with him living at home as long as you are both happy with the arrangement. However I do agree with others that sometimes they do tend to get " stuck " because they get comfortable. It's true that if he wants a relationship, it's not the most attractive prospect. It's good that he's saving and investing but he should have the aim of getting a property at some point in the future rather than just squirrelling money away and ending up along in his 50s.

caringcarer · 31/12/2025 18:46

My adult ds's left at eldest 36 and youngest 34. Whilst living at home they contributed to household budget and did there fair share of chores each cooking once a week. Both my DS's are now excellent cooks and good at baking too. They saved into LISA until had sufficient deposit to buy a house. I helped them with deposits too. It hasn't hurt any of them. They both had large bedrooms they kept clean and didn't disturb us in any way. I have an excellent relationship with both now.

Coffeeishot · 31/12/2025 18:51

He has a career and hobbies and interests I dont see how he is unambitious, being content for now doesn't mean he is lacking.

Chinsupmeloves · 31/12/2025 18:57

I think, along with the COL now, there has become a certain expectation of standard for a first flat/house. As students we lived in some grimy places but because it was the norm we just didn't care. Which meant when we started working we would rent somewhere that wouldn't be your aspirational home, rather somewhere basic to tart up and make your own. I had a slip on rubber shower attachment, a bed, old cooker, single glazing, old sofa that came with the flat. Loved it, it was mine, made do and made it me.

I do believe now many young people, especially if students, having lived in pristine accommodation with on suite bathrooms, want all mod cons, new furnishings etc. It's a different way of life and expectations, so trying to find anywhere that meets the criteria is of course extortionate.

Just my observation and opinion and I also wouldn't want my DC to live like I did but still my point. Xx

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 31/12/2025 19:00

Chinsupmeloves · 31/12/2025 18:57

I think, along with the COL now, there has become a certain expectation of standard for a first flat/house. As students we lived in some grimy places but because it was the norm we just didn't care. Which meant when we started working we would rent somewhere that wouldn't be your aspirational home, rather somewhere basic to tart up and make your own. I had a slip on rubber shower attachment, a bed, old cooker, single glazing, old sofa that came with the flat. Loved it, it was mine, made do and made it me.

I do believe now many young people, especially if students, having lived in pristine accommodation with on suite bathrooms, want all mod cons, new furnishings etc. It's a different way of life and expectations, so trying to find anywhere that meets the criteria is of course extortionate.

Just my observation and opinion and I also wouldn't want my DC to live like I did but still my point. Xx

I agree with this.
When I left uni I lived in a proper crummy flat with a mate, we shared a bathroom and it was not in a posh area it was inner city. But we loved it, it represented freedom?

But I've noticed lots of young work colleagues now will say they can't afford to move out when what they actually mean is they can't afford to move out into something of the standard they expect, eg new built, very much clean and spacious and with on trend Instagram-style decor.
They all seem very young for their age.

Horserider5678 · 31/12/2025 19:03

Theworldsgonemad · 31/12/2025 13:16

My Son is 29 and lives with us.
He went away to Uni for four years, came back and his long term relationship broke up.
He's been single since.
He has a very good job.
Has a hobby.
However he's not interested in living on his own, getting his own place. We live in an area of the country which is extremely expensive re housing.
It's not a problem for us, him living at home. I just wonder if it's good for him.
I don't know what I'm asking really. Your thoughts, I guess.

My son is a similar age, we too live in an expensive part of the UK. He pays his way, and is trying to save to buy his own place, so I have no problem him living at home!

Chinsupmeloves · 31/12/2025 20:54

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 31/12/2025 19:00

I agree with this.
When I left uni I lived in a proper crummy flat with a mate, we shared a bathroom and it was not in a posh area it was inner city. But we loved it, it represented freedom?

But I've noticed lots of young work colleagues now will say they can't afford to move out when what they actually mean is they can't afford to move out into something of the standard they expect, eg new built, very much clean and spacious and with on trend Instagram-style decor.
They all seem very young for their age.

Show quote history

Indeed, my point exactly. We grew up in a generation of make do, a house was lived in, meals were placed on the table at a certain time, time in your bedroom was reading, studying, chatting to friends on your bed listening to music.

Now, being at home (Ch, double glazing, appliances) has so many luxuries with being online, the answer to anything at your fingertips, gaming, so the generation who has grown up with this expects no less than a replica to move into.

I'm actually so glad I experienced this growing up as makes me feel so appreciative of what I have now. Xx

justasmalltownmum · 31/12/2025 20:58

In our culture - this is common. This time should be used wisely for him to save so he can get a healthy deposit to move out.

Chinsupmeloves · 31/12/2025 21:01

Chinsupmeloves · 31/12/2025 20:54

Indeed, my point exactly. We grew up in a generation of make do, a house was lived in, meals were placed on the table at a certain time, time in your bedroom was reading, studying, chatting to friends on your bed listening to music.

Now, being at home (Ch, double glazing, appliances) has so many luxuries with being online, the answer to anything at your fingertips, gaming, so the generation who has grown up with this expects no less than a replica to move into.

I'm actually so glad I experienced this growing up as makes me feel so appreciative of what I have now. Xx

Show quote history

To add, yes, as a teacher, the amount of basic things I knew at their age is so different. Unfortunately so many are completely clueless to anything other than what is happening on SM and the latest games. Very sad. We talk a lot about our lives, our parents and grandparents to our DC, which they do find interesting but can be in disbelief lol 😆

My concern is following generations simply can't talk about what life was really like with some hardships so they will have nothing to relate to.

Just the way it goes I know so hopefully they will listen in history classes and realise. Xxx

Contrarymary30 · 31/12/2025 21:05

sesquipedalian · 31/12/2025 13:30

Of course he’s not interested in living on his own, when he has all amenities provided, and I assume doesn’t pay anything like a market rent, either. What does your DS want for his future? If he wants a relationship, he needs to set up on his own - it’s a huge red flag, a man still living at home with Mummy and Daddy. How do you feel about having him there? Surely the aim of parenting is to enable your DC to make their own way in the world. Does he have any siblings? If so, what do they think? I don’t think you’re doing your DS any favours - you need to make life a little less comfortable for him. He needs to move out.

He's not the enemy !

Coffeeishot · 31/12/2025 21:08

Contrarymary30 · 31/12/2025 21:05

He's not the enemy !

Show quote history

He isn't he is doing nobody any harm his parents dont need to.make his life a little uncomfortable.

stichguru · 31/12/2025 21:10

Realistically living on your own is stupidly expensive unless you want a really tiny living space. In the UK we are hell bent on getting your own place being a mark of growing up, but staying with parents and saving up more for when you get married, or co-habit with a partner, or your parents are dead or in care and you can't live with them anymore, makes way more sense really.

Middlechild3 · 31/12/2025 21:13

No, 29 is far too old to be living with parents if its not an emergency or temporary safety net. Cut those apron strings! no decent woman is going to take on a mummies boy.

Silverbirchleaf · 31/12/2025 21:17

Is he coasting, or planning? Have you asked what his long term plans are? Are there other siblings who may resent him freeloading off you?

Also, what are your long term plans? Do you intend to downsize? Retire to the coast or country etc? How will that affect him?

Is he ‘independent’ but living at home ((ie cooks his own meals, contributes to household chores etc) or has he reverted back to being ‘a son’ and is looked after by you?

Minnie798 · 31/12/2025 21:26

I think it's absolutely fine . Dp didn't move out until he moved in with me at aged 29. That was over 20 years ago.
Housing (rent/ mortgage) utilities, etc are much more expensive now than they used to be and wages aren't keeping up. It's a sensible financial decision to live with parents and grow your savings , so you are in a better position when you do move out. Why get a crappy house share or one bed flat if you don't need too.
It's just a sign of how things have changed imo. People getting married and having children in their 20's just isn't the norm now.

Liftedmeup · 31/12/2025 21:34

It’ll be fine. My DDs moved out in their late 20s, though they had lived away previously for university or work. One bought a one-bed flat by herself, and the other rented a one-bed with her boyfriend. Neither wanted a new build, pristine, all mod cons type of place, as pp are suggesting. They both have boyfriends who also lived at home with parents. We’re all in London, which explains things somewhat.

Usernamenotav · 31/12/2025 21:36

I agree it's not good for him. What 29 Yr old woman wants to date a man that won't move out of his parents.
When you say he has a good job, can he afford rent? Or his he currently saving for a house deposit? To live at home for 7 years and not have enough saved for a mortgage is bonkers