Sister inviting herself to ds home abroad.

[shuddacuddadidnt]

My sister did my ds a huge favour about thirty years ago, and for this he, and I, will be forever grateful. We have done many things over the years to show our gratitude.

However, she likes 'free' holidays and has a habit of inviting herself plus dh, to stay with any friends and family who live abroad. I've found out that she's been talking to my other siblings about visiting my ds who is married and lives abroad. His wife comes from a culture where hospitality is taken very seriously, and I know that my son would never say no to his aunt.

The dilemma is that I know ds and dil will soon be spending £££ on IVF treatment and my sister doesn't put her hand in her pocket when she and dh visit anyone. I feel bad that I don't want my sister and bil to make my ds feel cornered into agreeing to an inconvenient/unwanted visit.

I have tried to drop hints to sister about booking a tour to the country in question. Is there anything else I can do? I also don't want to upset my sister.

Free holidays? Isn't that just visiting family? Let him sort it out ,he's an adult and this isn't your problem.

I have tried to drop hints to sister about booking a tour to the country in question. Is there anything else I can do? I also don't want to upset my sister.

Don’t drop hints. Have an honest conversation with her. If she doesn’t know about the IVF she won’t know her visit will be taking money away from that. Surely she would be appalled at the thought of doing that. If she is that much of a selfish free loader then why worry about upsetting her

The OP can't tell other people about the IVF

That's not her story to tell.
Can't believe anyone is suggesting that.

Isn't it normal to have family to stay if you have room? I have siblings overseas and I would just ask if it's ok to visit at a particular time and they would just ask me.

I'm guessing she paid for private school if she got him away from a bad crowd.

Have you been through it?

You need tell as this will drag on.

But would you expect them to fund your food, meals and travel whilst you’re visiting them?

I’d not directly say anything to anyone. I’d mention to my sister, in passing, but several times, that I’m worried about them as they are very short of annual leave at the moment. I’d mention they really need to steward their resources at the moment, because of various family responsibilities they have coming up.

And I’d say it several times in several ways.

Speaking as someone in a hotel room en route to visit relatives, having invited myself (knowing I'll be very welcome) I don't think she's cheeky in planning to do so, as long as, like me, she doesn't expect to be entertained or extravagantly fed.

I recognise that my relatives have commitments (they used to be working during my visits but now are retired) and I'm not remotely needy. I make sure I treat them each to a meal out (I'll be staying with two or three different relatives during my visit) and will generally feed myself when I'm out and about. We might have the occasional day out together, but really it's about keeping the connection going (we're on opposite sides of if the world) and keeping the arrangements free and easy.

They don't have money issues, but even so, I don't want to sponge off them. Also they stay with me (probably not for so long) when they visit.

Thank you! This is exactly what I have done and I'm not revisiting it. I did suggest that one way around the AL issue would be to hire a guide and driver so they could sightsee on their own.

As someone who has had IVF (successfully), it's an immense strain - not just financially. All the hormones can send you to a freefall. You really need to clear the decks emotionally before starting.

Your DIL doesn't sound as if she would be a bed and breakfast kid of a gal. Taking hosting very seriously will involve lots of expense ä preparation and stress. If your son and DIL want to keep their treatment private (I did) them you must appeal to him again. You say he will never refuse his Aunt but he must put his wife first. 'You are not refusing Aunt, just delaying her plans until a more suitable time. Prioritise your IVF and especially your wife and Aunt can pick another holiday destination and visit you in a couple of years'