Son at university advice asap

[Carol52]

My son is at university he missed accommodation on campus so he is commuting. He qualifies for a bursery etc. we live about 35 mins drive from the university. My don has struggled a bit the first week but hopefully he will settle ok. He has joined a sports club but will need picking up twice a week. I feel awful but I said he may need to give be something for the petrol. the reason he got the bursery was because I am on a low income. We paid for the train tickets for travel but the clubs are away from the university so I said pick him up. The question is am I being unfair.

Why can’t he get public transport? Or cycle? Does he contribute to his living expenses at all?

If you can’t afford it, there’s no further discussion required.

Can he get a part time job?

You might also find that if he makes friends at the sports club he may stay over with them on the days when he is in uni the next day after sports clubs. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to ask for some help with petrol money but depends how badly you need the money and what he is contributing already

How far away is it? It's not going to cost that much in petrol for a one hour round trip anyway but he could pay you if you need it. Has he got a student loan? Perhaps he could work out a way to get home on his own instead.

No I don’t take anything from him. Normal days he gets the train but if it’s later on a night I said I would pick him up

He has a part time job on a weekend for his extra cash

It’s a 65 - 70 miles round trip

If he’s working, has a bursary, isn’t paying for accommodation and he’s still entitled to a lower student loan, he can afford to pay for petrol for you and more crucially can afford driving lessons

Well paying you some petrol money is a lot cheaper for him than paying for accommodation at the Uni. I think it’s fine that he pays for this.

He needs to speak to others going to the club as some may drive and yes you are fine to ask for petrol money. He needs to pay for things now.

Did he take out a student loan. It’s not unreasonable to ask for a contribution. He’s saving a lot of money living at home. There was a post yesterday a mum asking if her student daughter can live on 40-60 a week.

I feel for you OP. It sounds really tricky for you and your DS especially as you want to support him to have the best time he can. Joining a sports club is a great thing. What does your son think? Is he keen to contribute? Could he get a maintenance loan?

If he's got a loan and bursary he should be asking money towards the household and petrol money.

Being picked up by your mum at the end of a uni club is not going to help you make friends…

You don’t need to pick him up: he needs to work it out. If he’s got a train ticket he can get the train.

BUT 35 miles is a long commute. It’s not going to make settling easier. Sports club is a great start. Hopefully it’s a short term thing in that he will make friends with people he can crash with and won’t have to come home every night, especially if it’s a late finish.

I would try not to request money from his loan, but the bursary is presumably to help cover expenses due to your low income. At least some of this should go towards travel (train and your petrol) and some board money to you.

It is expensive supporting a grown adult in the home, especially now you will have lost things like Child Benefit and any associated UC top-ups, free school meals, etc.

My son is living at home for his final fourth year and he gets a bursary from my DH's employer.

He kept the money the previous years, and used it instead of getting a student loan for maintenance. (They also paid his tuition fees, so he was lucky to not need any loans at all.)

My son said he did nothing to earn that money, so we should keep it this year as we are housing, feeding and supporting him. We also pay his train travel and drive to/collect from station half an hour away. (Rural, no feasible public transport nearby.)

Don't feel bad about asking your son to cover at least some of his expenses from the bursary. It is a shame he hasn't offered, but 18 year olds generally don't appreciate how much they are costing you.

Has he not taken out a maintenance loan? Even on the lowest amount of loan he would still get £3907 if the household earned over £62,377.

As he would have to take out a loan for the tuition fees it doesn't make that much difference to add at least one year of student maintenance loan on top.

Scroll down for the Maintenance Loans in England Section https://www.savethestudent.org/student-finance/maintenance-loans.html

Is it impossible for him to get a train home on those nights though?
I think if you offered lifts to make life easier for him so he doesn’t have to get the train later after playing sports then no you can’t charge him petrol money.
If there really are no other options for getting home a contribution is fair.

Once a student is at Uni they should be taking more responsibility for themselves.

If he has a maintenance loan, bursary and income from part time job but is not paying food or accommodation - he will have more disposable money than you!

If you are kind enough to stay up to collect him from clubs a contribution to the household is absolutely fair and best for his development.

I think it’s very kind of you to collect him twice a week but a bit cheeky of him to expect if of you. Also, won’t he feel a bit embarrassed being picked up by his mum twice a week while at uni? They might end up going for drinks etc after the sports club too. I would strongly advise the train. He’s an adult now so does need to be increasing his independence

You don’t say which city this is but there are job agengies who will take students on an ‘as and when’ basis to staff bars gigs / conferences etc. This might give a bit of extra cash for travel etc They can pick and choose their jobs.

*agencies

He needs to figure this out himself, how he’ll get home after the club. It might be easier if he finds a house share for the year- people will drop out so spaces will become available.

No, not at all.😃

I must be missing something here, but if he's got a loan and a bursary and lives at home it is 100% ok (and right) to ask him to contribute to fuel for those pick ups - it's extremely good of you to do that for him so he can do the sport at all. Please don't feel guilty. Someone I'm close to couldn't bring themselves to ask for a contribution to home food from their graduate son (who was very sporty and ate a lot) and it became upsetting for her as she felt it wasn't fair when she was closely watching her own money and spent little on herself.