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Son at university advice asap

95 replies

Carol52 · 28/09/2025 23:15

My son is at university he missed accommodation on campus so he is commuting. He qualifies for a bursery etc. we live about 35 mins drive from the university. My don has struggled a bit the first week but hopefully he will settle ok. He has joined a sports club but will need picking up twice a week. I feel awful but I said he may need to give be something for the petrol. the reason he got the bursery was because I am on a low income. We paid for the train tickets for travel but the clubs are away from the university so I said pick him up. The question is am I being unfair.

OP posts:
5128gap · 29/09/2025 13:27

Hippobot · 29/09/2025 13:03

I live in Scotland. OP hadn't stated which country she stays.

True. But it's useful to explain that 25 applies to Scotland not England as if she's in England it would be incorrect.

Cherrytree86 · 29/09/2025 13:43

Hippobot · 29/09/2025 13:03

Did I make the laws up?

@Hippobot

its meaningless though. Do you genuinely think any court is gonna order the Op to live in financial hardship and not be able to pay bills just so she can facilitate her son playing rugby or whatever it is he does?? Really?? And what do you think is gonna happen to her if she ‘breaks’ this ‘law’ - prison??

Tyler4689 · 29/09/2025 13:45

Carol52 · 29/09/2025 07:04

No I don’t take anything from him. Normal days he gets the train but if it’s later on a night I said I would pick him up

So he CAN get the train? It’s just that you said you’d pick him up? I’d just encourage him to get the train, he’s old enough.

Cherrytree86 · 29/09/2025 14:10

Tyler4689 · 29/09/2025 13:45

So he CAN get the train? It’s just that you said you’d pick him up? I’d just encourage him to get the train, he’s old enough.

yep, and if he was living in uni accommodation then he would have to. @Carol52

Whoknowshere · 29/09/2025 14:11

my parents always paid as much as they could afford while I was in education, including uni. If they could not pay anymore I would either not spend or work more. They picked me up late after uni events and really facilitate my life as much as possible. They made enormous sacrifices but I did work extremely hard and got scholarships and bursaries.
I am now earning well and my sister and I bought them a flat so they stopped renting. I also buy them things if they need them, like a washing machine o pay for a car repair.
so if you can afford it, just help him, if not just tell him and ask to contribute.

Poffigirl1 · 29/09/2025 14:11

Check whether there are any additional bursariess available for sports clubs, they do have funding available at Loughborough. Although I do agree that he should be contributing towards the travel. I lived at home during Uni and had to pay for my own socialising etc. I had a weekend job too.

Emmz1510 · 29/09/2025 14:12

I’m going to say that at his stage in life he should be responsible for getting himself to and from leisure activities and he shouldn’t be enrolling for them if he can’t. If you are happy to drive him then that’s fine and he is lucky but yes I’d be asking for a contribution to petrol. Does he work? If not, he needs to think about getting himself a job. Most students do.

Oblomov25 · 29/09/2025 14:20

Isn't there a waiting list for accommodation? Loads of people move within campus accommodation, or into an house share, or to a new uni, and change and drop out.

ILoveMyCaravan · 29/09/2025 14:25

Carol52 · 28/09/2025 23:15

My son is at university he missed accommodation on campus so he is commuting. He qualifies for a bursery etc. we live about 35 mins drive from the university. My don has struggled a bit the first week but hopefully he will settle ok. He has joined a sports club but will need picking up twice a week. I feel awful but I said he may need to give be something for the petrol. the reason he got the bursery was because I am on a low income. We paid for the train tickets for travel but the clubs are away from the university so I said pick him up. The question is am I being unfair.

He doesn’t need to live on campus though. Can’t he get digs nearby? Although it’s late in the day, maybe ask around to see if there’s any spare rooms going. Some may have not turned up to start the course.

but in answer to your quesrion, yes ask him for petrol money. If he’s got the full grant then he’ll have money that was meant for accommodation.

titchy · 29/09/2025 14:43

BoudiccaRuled · 29/09/2025 11:22

He's at uni and you're driving him around like a 7 year old. Let him work it out.

She buys his girlfriend birthday presents on his behalf as well 🤣 Those apron strings are very firmly tied!

Cherrytree86 · 29/09/2025 15:06

titchy · 29/09/2025 14:43

She buys his girlfriend birthday presents on his behalf as well 🤣 Those apron strings are very firmly tied!

@titchy

does she?? How do you know?

BauhausOfEliott · 29/09/2025 15:12

I think your son is an adult and needs to sort this out himself. How do you think other uni students manage this stuff? Just because he lives at home that doesn’t mean you have to drive him to activities like you’re taking an eight-year-old to Cubs.

titchy · 29/09/2025 15:49

Cherrytree86 · 29/09/2025 15:06

@titchy

does she?? How do you know?

She’s posted several times.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 29/09/2025 16:44

I feel like there might be something else going on here, does he need extra support for a reason? I'm just thinking back, and I was a summer baby so only just 18 and basically got on with uni life, and was fully responsible for all travel, accommodation, life costs, applying for a loan, cooking, washing etc etc,i called my parents once a week max and asked nothing from them.

It sounds like your son just needs some additional help, especially socialising, in which case I think you're being a lovely mum doing this, and its the right thing to help him settle and build some good routines, and make some friends. I think it's just about discussing with him, how he pays for this because you cant fund it right now, but also making him aware that the average student at the club will not have their mum do lifts for them - and he might want to think about that and how he manages it. If he is not comfortable paying, then he is making the choice to sort himself out, or not go. That's on him, not you. He also needs to think socially about how it looms potentially, and work out if actually working out the transport to this club is a great chance at trying some independence.
If I've got it wrong and there's no reason he requires any additional support, then I don't really get why he's signed up for something without thinking through transport and as a young adult with a job and a bursary, he needs to cover the cost and realistically surely he won't want to rely on his mum?

ManteesRock · 29/09/2025 17:08

Just because he didn't get campus accommodation why didn't you get him a student house?
That's what the bursary should be used for!

Lovingbooks · 29/09/2025 17:24

Op I’ve read some of your other posts, him asking you to call uni to sort things out (accommodation) is unusual. We all want the best for our children but I think you need to let be more of an adult. He’s joined a sports club has a girlfriend and has the advantage of living at home. Let him sort his transport himself. This first year sets the tone of his uni experience you want to promote independence, he should be able to sort this himself asking you for lifts twice a week when there is public transport is taking the piss. Be firm. You are entitled to a life too.

DelCalMun · 29/09/2025 18:09

Can he join a waitlist for Uni accom. People sometimes drop out early on or don't even start. Worth a try.

Lovingbooks · 29/09/2025 18:19

DelCalMun · 29/09/2025 18:09

Can he join a waitlist for Uni accom. People sometimes drop out early on or don't even start. Worth a try.

From OP other thread he didn’t even want to call university about it he asked OP! He’s studying law which needs someone who can communicate and he must be clearly intelligent to secure uni place but OP seems happy to have him at home although don’t know many 18 year olds who leave their parents to hand hold to this extent.

DelCalMun · 29/09/2025 20:22

Lovingbooks · 29/09/2025 18:19

From OP other thread he didn’t even want to call university about it he asked OP! He’s studying law which needs someone who can communicate and he must be clearly intelligent to secure uni place but OP seems happy to have him at home although don’t know many 18 year olds who leave their parents to hand hold to this extent.

Yeah, this generation of youth seem to dislike making calls full stop, preferring less direct means such as emailing or messaging. Drives me mad when my kids are trying to arrange stuff with their friends and they don't even know their phone numbers! So inefficient at times.

Mumto2at · 30/09/2025 09:11

35 mins away is nothing, I commuted 50 every day and back. He needs to get a part time job and learn to drive- OR figure out how to plan and catch buses etc, he's 18

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