Son at university advice asap

[Carol52]

My son is at university he missed accommodation on campus so he is commuting. He qualifies for a bursery etc. we live about 35 mins drive from the university. My don has struggled a bit the first week but hopefully he will settle ok. He has joined a sports club but will need picking up twice a week. I feel awful but I said he may need to give be something for the petrol. the reason he got the bursery was because I am on a low income. We paid for the train tickets for travel but the clubs are away from the university so I said pick him up. The question is am I being unfair.

Which law is this?

The Family Law (Scotland) Act 1985

But even there case law shows that the student is expected to get a part time job before aliment would be awarded. And it isn't applicable in OP's case as she is on a low income.

It's good for you to pick him up because he doesn't have a. Way to go and he's doing a good thing going to college for.a good future even though he's big they still need our help ..sometimes just help.him.in order for him to go to college and then eventually hs gonna have to work study and get a car

He's saving thousands on living accommodation. He needs to take put a student loan and buy a good ele tric bike or second hand moped to get himself around. And give you a bit of housekeeping from the loan
And maybe pick up a shift or two at a bar.

So she should have to be unable to pay her bills so he can go rock climbing?

Aye, that's what I said 🙄.

He's at uni, not college. I learned to drive while at college. You seem to think he's younger than he is?

Even if OP is in Scotland she is already fulfilling her obligations. This is what one solicitor says

The starting point is generally that the solicitor acting for the student child will prepare a list of the student child’s monthly income and reasonable outgoings. Where there is a shortfall, then either or both parents can be asked to pay the difference by way of aliment.

From reported cases, it has been established that in most cases, the student child will be expected to attempt to find some form of part time work, in order to assist with their own living costs, before an award of aliment will be considered. There are however some circumstances where that will not be appropriate (for example, a medical student who requires to attend University most days).

The resources of the parents can also be taken into account and a defence to an action of aliment is that the parent/s is already paying aliment and will continue to do so. That defence will usually be successful where the court considers the amount currently being paid to be reasonable in the circumstances. Another potential defence is for the parent to offer to provide a home for the child instead of paying aliment but clearly, that will perhaps not be appropriate if the child requires to move away from home to attend university.

Has he tried asking if any accommodation has become available? Loads of people drop out in the first few weeks

He needs to get public transport. It’s going to be hard enough for him as it to make mates living away from uni. What if they all want to go for an impromptu drink or two after the sport and he can’t go because his mum is picking him up?? No, he just need to get a train or whatever.

That’s a hell of a reach. Are you feeling ok?

Its fine OP. You're giving what you can, your time to collect him. Don't feel guilty for not giving what you can't, the money to cover the cost. If I were you I'd not over think this. You're working with him to make his experience possible and whoever can best meet the financial burden of that, which sounds like it's him, does. Simple.

Is he has a loan plus bursary and his only costs are train tickets and course costs (so no living expenses) then he’s better off than most students even after paying you for petrol.

Of course YANBU to ask. What do you think he’s getting the money for, if not his uni costs? If he doesn’t have any money leftover I’d be worried about where it’s all going.

@Hippobot

what are you saying then?

op needs the money, why shouldn’t he contribute?

Just read that you pay his train tickets.

What does he actually pay for then? You’re doing him a disservice not charging him anything, how will he learn to budget or be independent when his parents pay for just about everything, give him lifts weekly, and he lives at home?

Your son must be pretty well off. DD's accommodation alone is over £9,000 per year, then there's food, laundry, etc.). I would be wanting him to learn to drive and he should be making a contribution.

20 in England. And not by default. Default stops at 18. After that the 'child' would need to go to court to get an order to be maintained. And the judge would consider the circumstances, including that of the parents ability to support. The OP is clearly doing her best here and doesn't deserve to be worried by blanket statements and misinformation that she's obliged to fund things beyond her means.

After rent my son has £75 per week left over. That has to cover food, phone, laundry, travel, insurances (he is studying music so has to have extra cover for his instruments) & socialising. He works to make that up.

My daughter has more left over. Her rent is cheaper and her uni give her a bursary. So for the sake of argument say she has £100 per week left over.

OP's son will have approx £200 per week to live off (assuming max living at home loan plus £500 bursary over 44 weeks). Twice as much as my daughter and likely a lot more than all his peers too.

Did I make the laws up?

I live in Scotland. OP hadn't stated which country she stays.

No, but you misrepresented them.

Why can't the money he/you would have been using on the accommodation be used for the petrol?

Genuinely, how is the law relevant in this case? No court would expect the OP to struggle even more financially for the sake of her son having more spending money. I’d be absolutely shocked if he was struggling financially (and concerned about where the money was going). So what do you expect the OP to do and why when she doesn’t have the money but her son does, and she already financially supports him plenty.

Is the university allowed to say that he 'missed' accommodation? What if he lived 350 miles away instead of 35? I thought that, if a place is offered, then they have to offer accommodation too?

Granted it's 20 years since I was at university but I just can't imagine being picked up from an activity by a parent. I was painfully young for my age at 18 and joining societies, getting around the city alone etc was the best and most valuable experience of my life. I became an 'adult' in that first term (not that students actually behave like adults, I know, but I definitely felt like one and wasn't emotionally a child any more.). It's awful to think of those chances being taken away from a young person through lack of accommodation by the university. If I'd had the opportunity to live at home and spend weekends in my hometown with my parents, I'd have taken it - and been so much lonelier and worse off for doing so.

No, they don't. Some, not all universities guarantee accommodation to all freshers as long as they apply by a certain date. Some only guarantee it if it is a student's firm choice, not insurance or clearing. Some don't have their own accommodation so no guarantees are made.