Thread 54 - Summer 25 - Graduations after Uni Year 3

[Oblomov25]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.
Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp
Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.
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And that’s a really important life skill @handmademitlove - possibly more important than a 2:1! So sorry for what you/she have been through though 😩 What is she hoping to do next?

These stories make me so worried for Ds, who seems to be veering back towards going to uni in Sept. His organisation skills are still very underdeveloped. And we haven’t done the DSA application yet!

@handmademitlove they tried to pay her off? 😮😮 I’m so sorry that she (and of course you) have been through this. Disappointing for her to miss by such a close margin and hopefully there is a route to rectify it, but she has a degree in maths that will serve her well where ever she moves on to next, she has done amazingly given the circumstances.

@JustHereWithMyPopcorn. They offered "compensation" for the distress caused....
We know she will be fine long term but the statistics are quite sobering - according to a gov.uk report recently, autistic graduates are twice as likely to be unemployed after 15 months as non-disabled graduates, with only 36% finding full time work in this period. Autistic graduates are most likely to be overqualified for the job they have, most likely to be on zero-hours contracts, and least likely to be in a permanent role.

Parenting is hard - even when they are fully grown adults, the urge to protect our children from the unfairness of the world doesn't go away!

You are so right, handmademitlove.
Your DD’s experience sounds shockingly awful - thank goodness she’s got parents who have stepped up and helped her fight, not shrugged their shoulders and said, “Well, she’s an adult now…”

Thank you all for being so kind following my update post.
Tbf to the police, they have been supportive but they can no longer pay a visit to suspected perpetrators and give them a warning; it’s intent to prosecute only and DS is scared of how long and how stressful that might be.
So, every incident is logged and he can push the button at any point, should he decide to.
As far as I know, there hasn’t been another incident in the last couple of months, so maybe she’s moved on?
We can only hope.

crazy, re ADHD meds. No, DD’s psych took her off them for health reasons last summer (she had some incidents that seem to have been anxiety-related/caffeine-induced, where her heart started racing, so he jumped at the opportunity to tell her that stimulants are known to cause cardiac issues and refuse to prescribe them).
Then she had a review meeting at the start of the year, during which he basically inferred that she had never had ADHD, that it was her parents pushing the diagnosis and that even if she had had it, she was “recovered”. This was in spite of her protestations that she was struggling without the meds, couldn’t concentrate for longer than 20 minutes etc, to which he replied that she was thriving, she just couldn’t see it.
We made a complaint and were invited to a meeting with him and the service manager, during which he once again suggested that DD was actually doing amazingly well and the problem was actually that we don’t celebrate her achievements enough…
She was then discharged from the MH team.

Shortly after that, for the first time in her whole time at uni, she missed a deadline because she got the date mixed up.
Then she had a complete MH crash in the final fortnight before her diss was due in, being sick, feeling like she was dying, hysterical, irrational, couldn’t function at all.
She is desperate to go back on meds but it won’t happen because the psych is the only one for our area and I truly believe he is an ADHD denier (and have seen some of his writings online which suggest I’m right).

Those are worrying statistics @handmademitlove but your dd has great support from you, so she has a big advantage - wishing her all the best in this next stage of life.

@Alwaysplayspicc that's horrendous, especially that he's ADHD-denying. Psychs with these views should be excluded from treating ADHD patients! Is dd back home now and job seeking? What is she hoping to do? All the best to her and to the rest of the family.

Dear god that's awful about the psych @Alwaysplayspicc

Also horrendous the way your DD has been treated @handmademitlove . DS is autistic too and I am worried about his employment prospects but I have always felt somewhat reassured by the fact that he is in receipt of PIP which would in some part offset the fact that he is likely to be a lower earner but this bloody government want to take that away now too and yet they are putting in no support to help disabled people enter/remain in the workplace.

It is so saddening to read how these YP have been treated by their schools, universities, GP and medical professionals. And now potentially Government with its reforms.

But fortunate too to have such resilient parents advocating and supporting them through these relentless challenges @crazycrofter @Alwaysplayspicc @ExtensivelyDecorating @handmademitlove.

@handmademitlove What a lot your DD has been through! going on a whole yr fighting for what is rightly hers, and the cheek of them wanting to offer her 'compensation'...I'm guessing whatever they messed up has affected her degree classification? what possible compensation could there be. Whatever the final outcome of that, your DD has done extremely well getting a 2.1 and will be able to apply for loads of positions. Well done to you too for hanging in there.

@Alwaysplayspicc I'm so angry on your behalf about the adhd diagnosis being retracted and the insinuation it was you that pushed for the diagnosis....i mean are they daft? they are the professionals!. Having been on this journey with ds2 i know how soul destroying it all can be and to top it, having the gall to claim you don't celebrate your DD and that's the cause of her problems , that would've broken me. What an awful man. Can you see another clinician, is her current psychologist NHS or private?

@Alwaysplayspicc sorry to hear you too are struggling against the system! We have come across a number of medics who are so dismissive of our children's difficulties, and the general public often hear these opinions and think they must be right as they are qualified to say so... I often think when people refer to this generation as the snowflake generation, they have no idea what some of them have to contend with!

@Shimy she just missed a 2:1 sadly. Many of the graduate schemes look for a 2:1 or above so she is worried about this. It annoys me that GCSE / A-level systems allow for compensation of 1-5% for exam issues but most Universities say they won't do this because there they have to maintain academic standards. So when things go wrong, the standard option is to resit the exam - even if they are the ones who screwed up!

Agree 100%.

Oh @handmademitlove , that must hurt. It's different if you worked your hardest, all things being equal and got a 2.2, you should be proud of what you've achieved but when you know you missed a higher classification due to no fault of your own that must be gut wrenching. Having said that, many corporates for a while now, have changed the requirement of a 2.1 to a 2.2. Whenn ds1 was applying for grad schemes it was pretty obvious th8ings had changed from when he was looking for a placement.

Sorry, I’m a bit behind with the thread, but seeking recommendations . My lovely girl is studying in Denmark for a year from August. Need to sort out travel insurance this week. Anyone have any views?

It seems the new thing on LinkedIn is to humblebrag about your glorious first. I have just seen some really nauseating posts! DS is not going to do this, but perhaps it's expected these days.

Re insurance, Insure N Go are good.

@Zebracat DS had a study abroad policy with Cover4Insurance. It covered two trips home and all the usual stuff. He didn't have to make a claim so I don't have a view in how good it was.

So, after the stress last weekend of moving DS home in extreme heat, DD now has malaria. She spent Tuesday in the clinic (a room with a bed and a poster about bleeding after childbirth) on a drip and blood tests were motorbiked to the nearest hospital. She eventually discharged herself because she was desperate for a wee and the 'clinic' doesn't have facilities such as a loo. The barefoot doctor (she's met him several times over the years, usually taking poorly children to him when their parents can't afford treatment) has been visiting her twice a day to administer 6 vials of drugs at a time into her very bruised hand. She sent me a photo of all his equipment spread out on the floor, next to his bare feet. He has a Boots first aid kit and some kitchen roll. If the malaria doesn't kill her...... She's being very brave and feeling like crap whilst having to share a bedroom with 5 people she didn't know two weeks ago. Parenting is turning me greyer by the minute.

Oh no @mummyinbeds ! Don't know much about malaria, but I hope your poor DD is at least feeling better soon! Conditions sound awful, but thank goodness she has a Dr helping.

@Seeline thanks. The Dr isn't actually a doctor but as close to one as the village has. He's also used to dealing with malaria.

Crikey @mummyinbeds , it will be mummy in bed if anything else happens. Thanks for the recs. I’ve just come in from the garden and I can hear Dd gathering stuff to come and talk to me about insurance after her nice long lie in. Think it may be time to implement the no assistance without a cup of tea rule.

@mummyinbeds Your poor DD. Sounds as if she is receiving the best care they can run to. Hopefully youthful resilience will see the episode off soon. The way your family like to keep generating new travel stress I think I'd be getting close to hiding their passports.

So sorry to hear your DD has malaria @mummyinbeds I've had it a number of times and its really horrible but its important she completes her treatment otherwise malarial parasites can lie dormant and flare up again months later. The drugs taste awful and she'll probably lose a lot of weight but will make a good recoverey. I wouldn't worry too much about the barefooted village dr/clinician, malaria will be his expertise and would have brought many back from the brink of death!

Oh no @mummyinbeds your poor dd! And you with all the worry. I hope she’s fully recovered soon.

Ds and I have been to Loughborough and Lancaster open days over the last two days as possible clearing options. So different! He loved Loughborough, everyone seemed sporty and very outgoing like him, and he was impressed by the powerlifting equipment.. Lancaster seemed lovely to me but Ds felt all the students were very shy and quiet and the gym was rubbish!

Oh no @mummyinbeds your poor DD, I’m assuming she got whatever meds needed prior to going, I didn’t realise you could still get it. I hope she recovers as quickly as (feasibly) possible. It must be time for you to have a holiday and recover from all this stress!

@crazycrofter Lancaster & Loughborough were 2 unis ds wouldve loved to visit during Covid but we did get round to. We were trying to figure out on paper what the differences were between the two. What did you think of them, do you think overall on par with each other? i thing your DS knows what he wants judging by his comments. They're both great unis so i don't think he can go too wrong with either.

@mummyinbeds How's your DD holding up? is she still feverish this is the worse bit.

@mummyinbeds Hope your DD is ok. When is she due home from Ghana? Has she had to use their health care before? She is such an amazing young person to have such a great bond with a community and keep going back. Is this her 3rd trip?

DD update. She's feeling a bit better. A few other symptoms have kicked in (she has Imodium for that). Barefoot Doctor is going to do another blood test tomorrow and she should be restarting her anti malaria tablets. I'm hoping she can back to her teaching job as that's why she's there. She has another three weeks to go.
@Aslockton she has used the doctor before, the first time when her sponsored child was really ill, but also when she thought she had typhoid a couple of years ago - I'm not sure why she keeps going back (fourth trip) 😂
Her sponsored child's father came to see her yesterday. He's a bit odd, doesn't live with the family and she was warned to be wary of him. He thanked her for everything she's done and the difference she's made to his son's life and the whole family. She was quite touched and I'm very proud of her.