Thread 54 - Summer 25 - Graduations after Uni Year 3

[Oblomov25]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.
Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp
Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.
Previous thread 53:
Thread53

Ds2 seems a lot happier this week & thank you so much for the kind thoughts 🤞🏼. Dd1's boyfriend met him for a drink yesterday & he was very chatty apparently. Lectures have started & some structure other than partying is a good thing I think.

I'm starting a new hobby as a newly empty nester - bird watching!
A course lasting several months with field trips & lectures on the local birds. I don't know anyone else going & I hope they're not all couples. Plus I'm a bit concerned re. the bathroom situation at these birding places ...
I'm lucky to have a garden full of birds. I can hear them, but not see them mostly. So I need advice on the best binoculars.Hopefully they will advise. This is all the bird song I've heard this morning with a very noisy Coot.

Great update on both counts @Cantonet, enjoy the course!

(I share your concerns around bathroom challenges, one of the reasons I don’t join plein air art opportunities). Fingers crossed they will have options available 🤞

Foundation is great for working out what you enjoy/not @sansou, enjoy the open days.

@Cantonet great update, lovely about the birding. I bought some binoculars for DS's birthday a couple of years ago as he had a birdwatching assignment as part of his course, I got them from the RSPB, IIRC the info on the website was helpful in choosing. He and I belong to the local natural history society and go out on field trips from time to time, I also volunteer in a nature reserve without toilets so I get your concern, I'm usually fine for 2-3 hours as long as I watch my fluid intake beforehand and especially no tea.

@Cantonet What fun! DD was very much into bird photography for many years and I picked up a lot of knowledge and went on some lovely trips with her!

@sansou Argh, DS in in rural North Vietnam. Nothing much we can do about the typhoon! On another note, if you want to ask anything at all about Cambridge School of Art/Anglia Ruskin, just drop me a DM.

Glad your DS is happier @Cantonet . The bird thing sounds fab. Since Covid I've been a big bird enthusiast!

DS has parked his car outside his house on a hilly street. A big car is right in front and has been for two days. He can't reverse up the hill to get his car out.

It may be there til June!

Haha @Piggywaspushed - do you mean he’s not confident in uphill reversing or there’s no room to reverse? Hope the car moves soon!

We’ve heard from ds once since he’s been away and he was feeling very positive so hopefully that hasn’t changed! Hope all the other new students are getting on ok.

What a pain @Piggywaspushed

@crazycrofter glad DS is so positive. I have had a few exchanges of whatsapps with DD, she hasn't said much about what she's actually doing but seems ok (this is always the case with my two, I was always envious of parents whose DCs bounced out of primary school chatting away while I had to chisel information out of mine). I am seeing DD at the weekend though.

Not confident. Every time he has tried he ends up further down the hill and nearer the Mitsubishi.

That’s good @ExtensivelyDecorating - I assume she’d have told you if she was struggling?

Dd offloads everything she’s doing/everything on her mind by text so I don’t really go long without hearing from her. Ds doesn’t really do text but if you get him on the phone he talks for hours! Getting him to answer the phone can be difficult though!

Dd failed her driving test again 😩

Oh I’m sorry @crazycrofter. she’s probably driving like an experienced driver now vs a learner!

@Piggywaspushed, could he ask a more experienced/confident driver friend to just manoeuvre it out for him? I can understand a reverse hill start is tricky though…

Mine were like that too @ExtensivelyDecorating.
Ds1 weekly boarded & every Friday when I picked him up very pleased to see him he refused to answer more than 3 questions.
Oh no @crazycrofter!
I would be frightened too @Piggywaspushed.
After driving an automatic for a few years I'm still a bit scared of hill starts.

That's what I suggested. None of his housemates are in situ yet. Hopefully, the Mitsubishi moves!

Fingers crossed @Piggywaspushed I don’t think I’d have the nerve to do it either, probably end up waiting as well. I have had an auto for a few years now and while I am still fully competent in DH’s manual on the open road, hill starts in it make me a bit nervous now.

@crazycrofter I’m sorry about the driving test, this really has been a right sorry saga for her. Hope she can get another date soon but I know how tricky it all is.

Well, I spoke too soon, DD phoned tonight and chatted away for half an hour. All going well she has found some nice people in her halls and been going out, plus joined a club or two but is finding it a bit intense meeting such a lot of new people in such a short space of time, that should settle down though.

@Cantonet at primary school DS had a friend who told his mum EVERYTHING, luckily I was friends with her so found about about DS’s school life through her. Not so easy at secondary though. DS is chattier now as a young adult but it’s all or nothing, verbal diarrhoea or grunts.

Aw that’s great news @ExtensivelyDecorating - glad she’s making friends and getting involved.

Dd’s best friend is another one who doesn’t tell her parents anything so her mum comes to me for info about her life and plans 🤣

Thanks for the commiserations re the driving test - it’s been dragging on since February! This week she came back on Monday and we’ve taken her out for practice every day. She’s a much better driver than when she passed first time 2.5 years ago! The whole thing is so time consuming and expensive too!

Sorry to hear about the driving test @crazycrofter thats an absolute pain for her.

I hope the car gets moved soon @Piggywaspushed ! Sheffield s 7 hills can nake driving v hill starty.

Good to hear people are settling in well with uni life. DS is currently doing his Masters applications to various places as well as C as he likes some of the courses offered elsewhere too for archaeology/history. He has been offered the job at the school up the road as history TA and has to decide this weekend whether to take it. He is enjoying the archaeology job but 2 hours driving means 12 hour days and he is exhausted. He's finally heard more from Army and has conditional offer of acceptance subject to medical and assessment day so decisions decisions here

I'm on fortnight's holiday. Doing v little except walks, reading, jigsaws and gym and loving life! Could get used to retirement..

That sounds like excellent ways to pass 2 weeks’ leave @craggyrat, enjoy. I hope, if you are still waiting on test results, all returns well.

Your boy has a very interesting weekend ahead, I think the driving consideration is a real one, the snake pass or which ever route he’s taking to drive over can be quite treacherous in the winter months. But huge congratulations subject to him on the Army, that was a long wait for you all!

Thanks @ealingwestmum no he's going south from Harrogate to Hunslet via A1/M1 - loads of roadworks and took 2 hours Friday pm due to a big accident. Exhausting. Am still waiting on heart results but blood tests are wonky and still waiting for slipped disc surgery referral. Getting old sucks!

Brilliant news for your son @craggyrat - well done to him, so many decisions to make! Is it army or masters, or could he fit in a masters first too? If he’s going to be in the army next year, would that mean the experience the archaeology job provides is less important, so he should take the TA job?

Hope you enjoy your holiday!

Hey @craggyrat well done your boy! Lots of decisions ahead. Exciting. Is he inclining towards one option or another?

My dd2 is another who releases information on a strictly need to know basis or in answer to direct questions. I learn about stuff relating to her tangentially from others, but she isn’t good about telling her friends stuff either. I will never forget when I asked her best friend (since she was 5, who she was at school with) on DD’s 18th birthday supper in a pub whether she had met “Rob” yet, DD’s boyfriend of 8 months who she saw every Sunday when he was released from boarding school. First boyfriend. Friend said “Who’s Rob?”. She had never heard of him 😱😱😱😱😱😱
when I asked dd why she hadn’t told her best friend about her first boyfriend she shrugged and said “it never came up” and “she didn’t ask” 🧐

Thanks @crazycrofter personally I think TA job is better but trying hard not to influence! I think having both jobs will be good for Masters but definitely TA for Army i think. At the moment not sure which he'd prefer for next year - Army might pay for Masters though depending on role which is a consideration- well it is for us! He's earning quite well at moment so I think he would have Masters covered but still a consideration- he's thinking of education officer within Army perhaps

Thanks @Delphigirl still not sure where he's inclining. He's another one who doesn't release info. GF came up the weekend before last - she was barely mentioned in conversation beforehand even though gone out for 3 months and has never been mentioned since

Lovely to hear all the new students are settling in to their new lives. It feels a bit like DS is a fresher again - year 4 and he made it to freshers fair for the first time! He's had an evening in the pub with two of his flat mates and got annoyed by the other two having an all night party. He does still have a few old friends around so is feeling happy enough.
My two were in the same class throughout lower school (joint year groups) so I got to know everything. One would want to tell me before the other one did. DD still tells me every detail of her day. I already know who she hid from on the bus up to campus this morning 🤣

Sorry to hear about the driving test @crazycrofter When mine were learning I did wonder how difficult it would be pass a test as an experienced driver.

I agree about the experienced driver thing. When DS finished uni he had two months till his test which he was taking in my car. He had slipped into the habit of small amounts of speeding by anticipation or leaving it a bit late at changes of speed limit. So I had to train that out of him. Naturally whenever I was driving he then pulled me up on it too plus a few other rhings his instructor had taught him so to save arguments and show solidarity I decided to drive as though I was taking a test whenever he was in the car and it was bloody hard, it took me a couple of weeks to reliably change speed on time at changes of zone. My car had a ping to tell you off for doing this but you get so used to it pinging that you stop noticing it and I switched it off because sometimes it's wrong.

As for the reluctant givers of information maybe my two got it from me, I don't tell my mum much personal stuff because she is such an anxious person that virtually anything triggers her and also she keeps going on and on. I have tried VERY hard to not be like that as it made my teenage relationship with my mum very difficult. With my two, when they have a new friend or friends they are always referred to as "my friend"
which makes it awkward when I am replying, so eg "I am meeting my friend to go to the cinema" "would you like a lift, what time are you meeting your friend" etc and i don't like to assume pronouns. And they don't alway share much info between themselves either. DD has a friend X who I have met, given a lift to, has been to our house, all in the last year so I do know her name. X is going to uni apparently but DD doesn't know which one 🤦‍♀️. Mind you I have just discovered that my late uncle worked for years in exactly the same specialist branch of my profession as me and I never knew.