Page 5 | Terrible girlfriend for my son

Alea34 · 2024-12-26T06:58:35+00:00

How to make my son realise he made a terrible choice of girlfriend? My son is about to graduate and I feel like he didn’t make a lots of friends in uni, but have been seeing a girlfriend for the last 6 month than we know very little of. They came together home for Christmas and I can’t believe what is happening. She is a non English speaker, heavily overweight no job, studying or any inclination to do something. She estranged from her family. I think he is taking on all her personal problems to sort out… is there a way to help him open his eyes?

PrincessOfPreschool · 27/12/2024 09:12

I'm going to read behind all the lines:

It sounds like your son has low self esteem, and has ended up with someone with equally/even lower self esteem. It may be good for both of them to get some adoration from one another.

OP, you need to examine whether your critical attitude towards your son's choice of girlfriend has been there in other aspects of his life. You just don't sound very positive or encouraging and I can imagine that's taken a toll on him.

This poor girl. She's estranged from her family, but is that because they are in some war torn country abroad? Or are they even dead? She doesn't speak much English, work or study so I'm assuming she can only be an asylum seeker. What trauma has she been through in her young life? I know this is not your problem but a little compassion goes a long way.

Sossijiz · 27/12/2024 09:23

Maybe the girlfriend offers your son unconditional affection.

Original poster

Alea34 · 27/12/2024 10:02

PrincessOfPreschool · 27/12/2024 09:12

I'm going to read behind all the lines:

It sounds like your son has low self esteem, and has ended up with someone with equally/even lower self esteem. It may be good for both of them to get some adoration from one another.

OP, you need to examine whether your critical attitude towards your son's choice of girlfriend has been there in other aspects of his life. You just don't sound very positive or encouraging and I can imagine that's taken a toll on him.

This poor girl. She's estranged from her family, but is that because they are in some war torn country abroad? Or are they even dead? She doesn't speak much English, work or study so I'm assuming she can only be an asylum seeker. What trauma has she been through in her young life? I know this is not your problem but a little compassion goes a long way.

No, nothing of the sort. Just a background of neglect maybe I believe.

OP posts:

Original poster

Alea34 · 27/12/2024 10:05

Also his self esteem is lower now than when he was single, since my feeling that he is not happy.

OP posts:

C8H10N4O2 · 27/12/2024 10:43

Alea34 · 27/12/2024 10:02

No, nothing of the sort. Just a background of neglect maybe I believe.

Show quote history

So you know its nothing of the sort, but at the same time you have no idea what her alctual background is - she is just fat and "foreign". You have decided that he is inventing a relationship by completing her sentances and it can't possibly be real. Do you really find it that hard to believe someone can like your son? You say your son makes very few friends - is there a reason for that?

As PP say - if she is a refugee /asylum seeker she will not be able to work or study. But if she doesn't speak English how do you know she has no aspirations?
If a refugee then the commonest reason for a young person beign estranged from their family is abuse - again not something which is the fault of the young person.

Original poster

Alea34 · 27/12/2024 10:53

She is European, visiting.

OP posts:

BlueSilverCats · 27/12/2024 10:55

Alea34 · 27/12/2024 10:53

She is European, visiting.

Where did he meet her?

Liddlediddle · 27/12/2024 10:56

OP, I hope you ignore the nasty replies on this thread. Some posters get a kick out of being as spiteful as possible. I assume they have very sad lives.
I'd be concerned if I were you too.
You have to play the long game. Be supportive and make sure you are there for him.
Does she seem nice? Do they seem like they are affectionate towards each other? Do they laugh?
There are plenty of people who date people they know aren't 'good' partners / look at the millions of Mumsnet thread about women dating shite men.

C8H10N4O2 · 27/12/2024 10:56

Alea34 · 27/12/2024 10:53

She is European, visiting.

European, visiting for six months+, no English? You need a job or a study place to get a visa for that length of time and a proven means of support.

Incidentally - some Europeans are refugees/victims of abuse.

scoobysnaxx · 27/12/2024 12:49

Alea34 · 26/12/2024 07:39

I am not judging her by her weight, I just put it in for context, as I don’t think it is physical attraction.

Because men couldn't possibly fancy or be attracted to an overweight woman. Christ.

In your OP you even said you know very little about her. Yet you have already judged her as terrible.

Basically she's non English and fat and you don't like her.

I don't think she's the terrible one to be frank

Ladybyrd · 27/12/2024 13:17

This thread must be a wind up.

caramelcappucino · 27/12/2024 14:14

Maybe this is an unpopular opinion but do you think maybe she’s trying to get a British passport out of this? Is your family well off? Have heard about the stereotypes around Eastern European women being with English/American men? The show Desperate housewives depicted this set up so it has been around for a long time. Not saying I agree with it, it is purely an observation to perhaps contemplate as to what her intentions could be.

OceanStorm · 27/12/2024 14:29

If she's visiting from Europe for 6 months brexit rules means she will have to go back now so you'll have nothing to worry about

Original poster

Alea34 · 28/12/2024 06:07

caramelcappucino · 27/12/2024 14:14

Maybe this is an unpopular opinion but do you think maybe she’s trying to get a British passport out of this? Is your family well off? Have heard about the stereotypes around Eastern European women being with English/American men? The show Desperate housewives depicted this set up so it has been around for a long time. Not saying I agree with it, it is purely an observation to perhaps contemplate as to what her intentions could be.

This would show ambition and desire to better her perspective, which I would appreciate a bit. But no, I don’t think so.

OP posts:

user1492757084 · 28/12/2024 06:16

It will run it's course.

Make sure he is very responsible re birth control. Discuss fully all options and how he needs to be fully aware and alert if partner is drinking, vomitting etc.

adultchildhelp · 28/12/2024 07:02

Stay as close to him as you can. Try and have time with him without her there and with her there.

Say NOTHING unkind about her/her situation.

He'll either decide he is happy with her - and who doesn't want their child to be happy? Or he'll decided to end the relationship because he isn't happy.

I realise why people are upset about the weight comment because you don't state the relevance- she's obese which means she can't partake in activities your son loves and he misses out on doing those? That's a relevant comment but just 'she's overweight' sounds like this is a reason to dislike her.

YourGladSquid · 28/12/2024 08:02

@caramelcappucino OP just mentioned she’s European, not Eastern European. She may not even need or want his passport for anything.

Although if she’s fat then she’s halfway integrated already. Good for her.

Balancedcitizen101 · 11/02/2025 09:36

But people never point out slim. Overweight is a negative descriptor that that is added on to a pile of other negative things, like happened in this post. Then some lame back pedalling once called out, claiming it was innocent. When was the last time there was a post complaining about someone's son being 'unambitious, no English, no degree, slim'. Never, that's when. Then he can't be attracted to her because she is overweight? Literally proves the point in the rest of it.