Need some advice please - realise it's not my place (or intention) to interfere in their relationship at all, but more on how to deal with my own misgivings and concern, as DS's GF keeps manipulating situations so that she has her way and DS right where she wants him.
They got together in February- DS is 20, GF 17. She's clever, polite, studious, mature in many ways and very sensible. I welcomed her with open arms and was happy for her to stay over at ours whenever they liked. DS wasn't allowed to sleep over at GF's house, however he was welcomed kindly by her family and given their approval, as DS was friendly with GF's DF through sporting activities. They were seemingly ok with her staying over at ours though.
In June, DS was going abroad for a week with friends on a holiday booked prior to them getting together. As the holiday approached, DS was suddenly allowed to stay over at GF's, then 2 weeks before his holiday he announced that GF wanted him to move in (to her parent's house) with her.
This all seemed a bit too soon and came as a shock tbh, given that he hadn't even been allowed to sleep over until 2 weeks prior.
Anyway, he moved in, but I could never understand why the sudden 180 by the parents. Well it transpires recently that she'd threatened her parents to move out and into OUR house with DS if they didn't relent and let DS stay over and move in before his lads holiday. However, that offer was never on the table (for her to move in with us) she'd evidently made that up in order to get her parents to cave, as they understandably don't want her to move out during her A levels.
I have just stood back and watched this all unfold, but am pretty pissed off tbh. DS leaving hit me hard in terms of empty-nest syndrome and I'm of course happy that he's ready to fly, but I'm not happy about the circumstances of him leaving if that makes sense? It seemed as though it wasn't really his own decision, and he keeps making noises about how he almost immediately regretted it and wants to come back one day. (I haven't said no).
Additionally DS's GF's parents are obviously none the wiser that we've all been played.
GF's DM had been acting quite off and passive aggressive with DS, evidently feeling slightly resentful at being strong-armed into a decision she didn't really want to make either. But nobody has ever said "no" to the GF, from what I can gather, so she's used to getting her own way.
DS is super laid back and doesn't seem overly concerned (that he's mentioned), but there's a history of emotional abuse from his F so he does have a tendency to go along with things for a quiet life. This is one of several tricks that have been pulled by DS's GF over the last few months. I'm concerned that DS is being blind to the coercion and in all honesty I'm also feeling like a pawn in someone's daft game, because I had never said she could move in. (I was never asked).
I'd asked DS to pop in and feed the dog this evening after work as I'd been held up (he passes anyway on his way back to hers). But then rather than working as she had planned, his GF then wanted to drive 20 mins to our house (under the guise of "missing the dog"...) But I just feel as though she won't let him out of her sight, or is mistrustful of him. He's given her absolutely no reason to feel this way, he's a really good lad and reassures her all the time, she just seems overly insecure and clingy. I'm seeing so many red flags here though and I know I can't interfere at all as it's his life at 20.
I suppose my dilemma is that I feel quite strongly that I don't really want to be in her company at all right now, mostly because I'm pissed off and peri, and really just want to be kind, but might fail.
I am unsure how to say to DS "I dont feel comfortable around GF right now" without upsetting him or causing an issue between them and being "that person". I know he values my opinion and I don't want to sway him in any way.
Am I overreacting? Should I just suck it up, ignore the fact we've all been played and play happy families? I'm quite honestly fuming and don't see that subsiding in the near future. If I sound as though I'm being unreasonable, please say so, I'm unsure whether the peri hormones are clouding my judgement 😵💫