Thread 41 Corona Cohort - Autumn Adventures of our Adult Children

[CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and support to be had !

previous thread

@PhotoDad and @JustHereWithMyPopcorn thanks for your replies. I've said to my DS that there will be others like him but he's struggling to see how to meet people. He has been to a few activities but ducked out of others because he couldn't face them which is a shame. He's not sleeping well either which doesn't help of course.

The comment about Welcome Week seeming pretty pointless resonates, that's how DS feels.

I just need to hold on to the thought that things will probably get better for him.

I do think Freshers/Welcome Week is possibly more stressful than just launching straight in for many. DS was lucky in that his was fairly structured (academic into stuff with his course every morning, Freshers events every afternoon and evening. He was definitely ready to move into the proper timetable last week though.

Another one here who will sing the praises of the OU. I did about half a degree with them starting about 10 years ago. This was when the fees were much lower (about 1/10 what they are now). I couldn't get finance because I already had a degree (England) but it was affordable. I only stopped because I was getting close to a breakdown with juggling work, DS's EHCP battle and secondary school transition and all the usual family stuff, also it was eating into my weekends too much when I wanted to spend time with the DC while they still wanted to. I'd pick it up again like a shot now, but my reduced funding entitlement lapsed years ago and hard to justify ££££ when it wasn't to improve my career prospects, just interest. I did the Open course, with a mixture of biological and social sciences. The main biology module did have a lot of short answers to remember for the exams and coursework, definitely not just essays. I'd like to do a Masters one day but can't decide what in.

Like a pp, I'm finding today tough and missing my girl. She's only been away a week! I went to asda and then realised I was crying as of picked up things for her then realised they weren't needed. I'm blaming hormones

@NCTDN That was what really got me, too, seeing DD's snacks being suggested in the 'you usually buy' bit of the online shopping!

I wouldn't exactly say that I was missing DS because this summer he spent a lot of time either asleep or out, so we didn't see much of him, but it does feel like something has changed and I do feel a bit sad about that. He has texted every day but is quite monosyllabic. I think I might suggest FaceTiming next weekend and then hope to go and see him a couple of weeks after that.

I've found myself scouring the gluten free shelves in the supermarket and then realise I don't need too ..
I'm not really sure how DD is doing. She seems to have gone to lots of things, although not in the evenings since the first 2 nights, but I don't know if she is doing them by herself or going with others. I don't like to ask. She is WhatsApping a lot, but we always chat non-stop when she is home. She has always found it hard to make friends, so I hope she is managing to have contact with others at least.

@Monkey2001 hope I've got it right this time that you're the Bristolian?

That makes me realise that, on the other hand, I can cook family meals including mushrooms again!

We have a daily exchange of 5-6 messages on the family WhatsApp. We've only had one (wobbly) phone call and that is fine with us!

(First bit of that was aimed at @Seeline, oops)

@PhotoDad yes - I know what you mean! DD is gluten intolerant rather than full coeliac, but I still cook carefully. DH and I have enjoyed a few meals that we haven't had for a while this week!

Yes, have I missed a question? This thread is moving fast again!

No monkey just after recommendations. We're going down in half term with my parents and would like a nice restaurant. Can't see DD knowing where's not in a student budget by then!

@PhotoDad @NCTDN I got weepy over my waitrose vouchers on Wed as they were all DS’s favourites!!!

He’s messaged today saying he’s doing pre-reading & joining MMA club 😳 (wish I hadn’t looked on YouTube) He’s a good rower, but decided not to continue.

We were sent a ‘rate my plate’ last night - he attempted to cook his favourite chicken pasta dish! It looked good & he made himself a bacon sandwich for brekkie.

He’s got 3 lectures tomorrow & I really hope he enjoys the course! I feel nervous for him!

@Unimum1842 & @sofakingcool I'm so sorry to hear this whole new at uni lark jolly isn't working so well for your dc. It's still early days though, although I know being lonely for even 1 day isn't nice when you desperately want company. Hopefully, as halls get full they will start to meet more people outside of their flats. Some flats are just rubbish! or perhaps they are just a nervous bunch who don't know what to do. Yesterday I told ds to knock on peoples door's in his flat and introduce himself and he looked at me in horror and said, 'That would be such a rude thing to do!'. Luckily they were more sociable and called out to him as he poked his head into the kitchen. In addition, they will meet new people when societies and clubs start so maybe they can spend time joining with these. Apologies if they are already doing all this as I admit I haven't read every single post. I really wish them the best and that the loneliness will blow over as each day goes by and they start to meet even more people. That's one of the biggest benefits of university in that it's a large pool of all diverse characters and personalities all in one location, so they shouldn't give up just yet.

Thank you for the new thread. Gosh! So many pages already. Better start catching up.
DD has now been to Bristol for a week. She has been doing a lot and seems to be settling in. I am lucky though as she wants to chat daily at the moment. I guess she is after some reassurance. I am sure the phone calls will become less frequent as the time goes on.

@Unimum1842 @sofakingcool It’s so hard when they are far away, especially when you know they’re struggling. I think freshers is a bit rubbish unless you’ve got lots of confidence or interests.
@NCTDN ive been weepy too, I am not that kind of person normally, I feel better than when we first left him. Here’s hoping the crying stops soon.

More reassurance. DD had social anxiety issues, and her friendship group in the Sixth Form exploded spectacularly for various reasons. She's been quite lonely for the last year or so.

She's been hanging out with a friend this afternoon, and this evening they are going to join up with a larger group, just to chill together, not going "out" out... all from her course, rather than her accommodation. Admittedly, it's a small course, which helps with getting to know folk, but it goes to show that it can happen. (We were a bit more worried for her first few days than I let on here, to be honest!)

@Hattifatteners dd just found out that one of her lectures is online Are all your DDs in person? Can't remember her course - vet med?

@NCTDN Yes,vet med. I think they are all face to face. She hasn't mentioned any online lectures 🤔. I can check.

Thanks for all the shoe info, v helpful. Sending solidarity to all who have hated freshers week. Mine hasn't gone yet but the list of nightclubs, bar crawls and fancy dress parties to come have made him very anxious. I'd be exactly the same

Sorry to hear of those for whom settling in isn't easy. And for Fiddlers re poor ds and unkind gf.

@JustHereWithMyPopcorn, Mummyinbeds and other Notts. Re meals, How can you change our contract from 19 to 17 meals with no notification? I've used the accommodation contact me enquiry form to ask.

DS's news ranges from waiting 90 minutes for a pizza when they went out last night to not being able to do washing because they need a special digital code to break the vault otherwise known as Chamberlain Tower, where the plebs are apparently allowed to do washing!

@Seeline i still have 2 gluten free at home so not much change here! Was very impressed that Dd's college offered to speak to her flat mates to explain about cross-contamination and the issues around sharing food for those with coeliac/allergies. They have all been emailed info as well.

Commiserations to @Fiddlersgreen ’s DS, very poor show on her part.
Ok, after many talks over recent days, DD has decided to cut her losses while she can leave without owing more than a week’s rent. She is home, full up on a home cooked roast and surprisingly upbeat. She’s disappointed that she didn’t get the experience she wanted but said it’s confirmed to her that her instincts were right and it wasn’t the place for her.
She plans to research properly and apply for next year. I think I’ll sleep properly for the first time in since results day tonight.
Good luck everyone and I’m so glad your DC aren’t I be having a more traditional start to university. Thank you for your support and kindness, I have really appreciated it.

@Benjispruce4 I haven’t spoken with you on here but I’ve read about your daughter’s uni experience with my heart in my throat. It’s what we all dread when we send them off. So glad she’s made the tricky decision and that you have her home safe and happy.