Thread 41 Corona Cohort - Autumn Adventures of our Adult Children

[CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and support to be had !

previous thread

DS, now in 3rd year has sliders, 2-3 pairs of trainers (black ones for work - coffee shop chain) and his DMs. Seems standard, and I think DD basically has the same!

Thanks for the new thread!

I'm having a bit of a sad weekend, it's been a hard week. Worrying that DS is a bit isolated is really getting me down. He's in halls where no one speaks to anyone else - quiet halls are definitely quiet! He's made a few friends who he goes out with during the evening, but otherwise spends all day alone

I'm really not cut out for this Uni parent lark!

DS1 also has sliders, 2 pairs of trainers (1 for beach, 1 for general use), wellies because he has joined horse riding soc this year, smart shoes for formal events - most unis will have balls, some more than others, so worth taking something smart in case you need it, in first year he took Crocs for shared shower room, this year he is in a shared house so took slippers. I think DS2 will take even more footwear with him!

DS has two pairs of trainers ("smart" and astro for hockey). A pair of no longer very smart leather shoes for any formal occasions. Sliders for going to the bathroom etc. Walking boots and wellies for field work (most weeks on his course).

@Fiddlersgreen oh no, that is heartbreaking. A friend's DS was dumped in the middle of A levels, some people really pick their moments

@sofakingcool hopefully Ds will find some friends once his course starts.

@Monkey2001 thanks. I wouldn't want to work with horses now. I'm too old. It's hard work too. To be fair, I really enjoyed my horsey years. I like the sound of ds's job. I would like a job meeting people, obviously I do in the co op and if it was regular hours, same days it would be ok. It can be so boring though, I hate it when there's not much to do. Stacking shelves when they are already full is so boring. I like to be busy.

I have thought of OU but I can't remember stuff. I seem to have lost the ability to keep any information in my brain. I literally forget everything. Even in general conversation I forget the names of everyday things. I often use all 3 of the ds's names and the ddogs before I find the name I want. I put it down to dodgy hormones, though I am starting to panic that I'll be like this forever! I would have to pay quite a bit for OU too. They go by joint income @PhotoDad I don't earn anywhere near £25k but dh does.

@OrangeCinnamonCroissant thanks. No shops like that round here. That's a downside to rural. It's a trek to get to a city. Well...there is one country store. I did send them my cv a few years ago.

@Sallyingon my Ds bought new trainers from ASOS plus took his very old pair. Both chunky white trainers. Also took a grey smarter pair of trainers. I suggested his black smart shoes but he said no. Then a couple of days in he asked if I could order him some black vans as "everyone" was wearing them. He was worried he would not get into clubs in the white ones. He could do with crocs or sliders, the kitchen floor was so sticky. It looked clean, but my shoes were sticking every step, i couldn't bare walking on it in socks 🤢

@Fiddlersgreen sorry I missed about your DS. I hope he is OK. Rubbish timing😞

@Fifipop185 - welcome to the thread - your DD sounds amazing!

Re shoes for boys, DS taking 2x under armour trainers, 1x smart black shoes, 1x football boots, 1x running spikes and 1x poolside Speedos for swimming. Oh and a pair of tweed m&S slippers as he is 65 at heart...

I think he will have some interesting Cambridge politics discussions and he is a card carrying Labour party member!

I can really relate to this. Came on Mumsnet today to post for a hand hold.

My DS has been at uni just over a week. It's been a long journey for him, he's had anxiety and depression so didn't go straight from school. He worked for a couple of years but decided he needed to go to uni to meet people. Friends he had drifted away when he was unwell.

He's not a drinker or party animal so he's struggling to make connections with other students.

He's had a difficult couple of days and is starting to sound a bit depressed, mentioning he might drop out. I'm so hoping things improve when his course starts but can't help worrying.

It's so hard.

@icanbewhatiwant OU would be free for you as you would get a student loan for fees and only have to repay a little bit when earning over £27k. All assessed on assignment for foundation, so no need to remember anything. I have the same memory issues as you, I have to load everything onto spreadsheet or document to refer to. I don't know how often jobs like DS's come up, but would you consider dinner lady or exam invigilation? A friend who dropped out of teaching due to stress did both those jobs. Teaching Assistant in a primary school is another you might like to look into.

@sofakingcool & @Unimum1842 For what it's worth, my DD was one of the first to go to uni this year on this thread (she has two long terms rather than three normal ones). She is a homebody and very shy. (She spent the last four months of school working from home due to social anxiety: I haven't shared that before on this thread, but it sounds relevant here.)

She found "Welcome Week" pretty pointless; she's not a club/pub goer. But now courses have started, she has hit her stride, and she is joining two very different societies and making friends.

So, there is plenty of hope! Fingers crossed.

@mummyinbeds I checked this on the website a few weeks back and it said 19 but you’re right, they’ve now changed it to 17. I just googled it and the first search came up with a preview which said 19 meals and when I click on it the website says 17 (see photos). That’s an extra £10 a week we haven’t allowed for or £390 for the year. I’m actually really annoyed by this.

@Monkey2001 & @icanbewhatiwant -- The Access courses, one lever lower than foundation, are funded differently. They look at personal income not household. Maybe worth a look?
www.open.ac.uk/courses/do-it/access

@Unimum1842 and @sofakingcool im sorry to hear your DSs are finding things hard. It’s such a weird time for them and so different to what they are used to. I really think that Covid has made this much harder for them in that they were not able to do normal socialising at a key time in their lives. Hopefully once the course start proper they will find it easier.

On shoes, DS took pair of trainers, two pairs of high tops, sliders and formal shoes. He wanted to bring his astros but his dad has binned them for some unknown reason, they were in perfect condition!

@Monkey2001 I was an mdsa at the primary school for 3 years. But as it was only an hour at midday it doesn't leave time for other jobs. It was always my plan to leave when ds3 finished primary, I ended up finishing early due to covid. I did apply for an invigilator position at a local secondary. I just had the not taking this any further email. I don't like little children much, my own were bad enough 🤣 so I wouldn't want to be a TA. I'm not well educated enough to do it at secondary level. Though apart from maths i think I'm quite capable. I'm glad it's not just me with the memory problem. I've found it difficult to remember stuff on the till. Not everyday stuff, it's extras like pay point transactions, mobile top ups etc. they must think I'm a right idiot at work when I can't remember. A year later I still have to ask sometimes. I did buy a little book to write stuff in. But I haven't taken it in yet.

@PhotoDad thanks. I'll look. That sounds positive about dd. Ds isn't going clubbing as he doesn't like it. He's the only one staying home. He says that is fine. But lectures start next week, so hopefully he will meet more people that way.

I didn’t go to Uni but did OU degree - started age 40. I absolutely loved it. Degree was Literature - only two actual exams. Rest were coursework or timed essays at home. It was the best experience. Got £250 a year for maintenance which I used for books, printer etc but that was 15 years ago so might have changed. I’ve never had to repay anything as only work part time. But I did have to dredge up my Student Finance number for when DS applied this year

@PhotoDad you are right. It looks like personnel income. Last time I looked I'm fairly sure it was household income.

@craggyrat I'd like to do something like that. Not sure I'm brave enough or clever enough. Plus a lot older that you were then.

@ican have you thought about looking on your local hospital site? So many potential jobs there, and lots of variety. Or would caring be an option? It is hard work but very rewarding, unlike at home, people are grateful!

@icanbewhatiwant @craggyrat I am one of those odd people who likes studying (it's sort-of a hobby of mine) and I did an Open Uni degree "for fun" -- which was much more possible before the current funding arrangements kicked in. I also used to tutor an OU module, which gave me a 50% fees discount.

I will endlessly sing its praises. I've done "in person" studying, and also distance-learning with another organisation (Uni of London), and the OU's materials and feedback are miles above anything else I've experienced.

Funding might have changed -- but also the "access" courses are different from the "foundation" ones.

DD has a 70 year old on her course. She describes him as looking like the guy from The Hunger Games (Donald Sutherland to us here), and is fascinated to get to know him better. But says there’s a sparkle in his eyes :)

icanbe I am about to start year 3 of an OU degree and haven't had to remember anything yet, it's all been assessed by essay type assignments so far (thankfully). I'm sure the DC would enjoy seeing me trying to learn information after all the revision nagging help they have received over the years.

Sorry to hear of DC struggling, it must be very difficult to hear. I think I might find an excuse to visit, maybe something they "need" that's too big to post, just to be able to find out how they are, to reassure them and hopefully leave them feeling more positive and able to face another week or two. By which time they will be in the swing of the course and everything might have changed.

(Also I'm in my 50s and there are several people older than me!)

(Also I get a loan for the fees and £3k maintenance a year even though it's not my first degree. In Wales though, might be different in England.)

I used to have a great memory but last couple of years I've really begun to struggle . It is shocking now. I had a really early menopause at 36 so it isnt that but I really notice a huge difference in my memory since turning 50.

Sorry to hear about DC struggling. Am not sure at all how DS will cope. He is really under the weather this week as well