Thread 41 Corona Cohort - Autumn Adventures of our Adult Children

[CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and support to be had !

previous thread

@PhotoDad I would do some research on the different areas of engineering your Ds might be interested in to see what qualifications are needed to optimise career progression.
I only know about Civil - they changed the rules for getting Chartered a while back - it’s not as easy now unless you have a masters - so many unis are offering 4 year integrated masters courses. You really need to become Chartered if you want to advance in that field. Otherwise you will be stuck as basically a technician (that only required a HNC back in my day!)

If your Ds is thinking of the degree apprenticeship route I’d want to know if they would sponsor up to masters level.

@Decorhate Excellent point! Thank you.

Is there even a year 13 support thread? I see a year 12 one. A poster tried to start a year 13 one and got told off...classic MN posting police.

@Decorhate useful advice. I'm clueless about any form of engineering - luckily DS seems ahead of the game and is quite knowledgeable about the different options. I think its the advantage of having already been to a couple of open days with his sister.

Crazy that isn't good!

Wow, I can't believe how much I've missed. I had a really rough week and didn't feel up to reading/posting. Was starting to miss DD anyway and she got cross with me on a facetime as she thought I was trying to help her with something and she hung up on me. Instead of leaving it I tried to call back too many times to explain that I was going to say that there were a few things I wanted to check but I wasn't going to do that now as just wanted a chat. She then didn't speak to me for 4 days which really hurt me (she kept saying she would speak later but didn't). It turns out that she wasn't mad (had moved on the next day) - just really busy. Had a really nice conversation eventually Friday night - she had called because she wanted help with paying her accommodation. The problem is that when we disagree at home, she sits next to me to watch tele and puts her feet up so I know everything is fine - We can't do that when she is away.

She had really bad news during the week when she wasn't speak to me which made me feel helpless. She didn't make the hockey team - all 8 of them! Problem is she doesn't know if she really isn't good enough or if it was because she wasn't registered properly. She tried to message someone to check her name had been put on the registration list but they didn't answer. She missed about 4 opportunities to have made contact running up to the trials though, turned up at the wrong pitch and went to the afternoon session when she had been invited to the morning session (we think stronger players in the morning). She is finding out what happens if you decide to leave everything to the last minute. She is getting everything done, but it's a bit rushed. I am very proud of her as she has decided she doesn't want my help which is fine, there will be hiccups along the way - but she did ask for help when she felt she needed it. She has been everywhere she needed to be, picked her 2 extra modules on time to get them etc. It's a steep learning curve for me, I do need to back off, ripped up my list of things to check and just chat to her now (although as she says, she has told 10 friends that information when I ask about clubbing or whatever).

She is having a great time socially, going out clubbing, staying in the common room and having pres then not going out clubbing when she is feeling tired etc. She went charity shopping with @crazycrofter DD and friends yesterday. This did make me smirk as wondered if they started at charity shops but ended up at Zara etc :-) Looks like they had a nice lunch though (no idea why DD uses my email address rather than hers when she has to provide one for drinks/lunch etc).

Worried to hear about the friend who got spiked @crazycrofter I haven't heard from DD (I checked find my iphone in the morning) but she is home, not sure what time she got in but airpods turned off at 6.00am so pretty late. Hope the friend was ok. Not sure if my DD was out with yours or not as she went clubbing. Was the drink spiked whilst in a club? really hope it wasn't at uni! Well done for your DD going to A&E with her etc, hope the girl is ok.

She is cross that the admin side of Nottingham isn't good. Only got ID card a few days ago - and still has no personal timetable despite being promised it would arrive Friday. She is getting a bit stressed about that as it's really hard to work out yourself where you need to be. Also having selected her 2 modules they are based in the medical centre building - which she hasn't been to during a whole week of induction. Not one class/meeting was held there so she is a bit anxxious about that. I suggested she walked there today just to look around so she knows where to go. (I was allowed to suggest that) ;-

Re my suggested 1st Oct reboot. To be honest I wasn't in the best place, but will start on Monday. I HAVE to sort out our bedroom as have Sky coming to fix new broadband and they will need to go in there. I have to admit I actually cancelled my previous appt when I realised and there was no way I could sort it in time. I have a few days so fingers crossed... No I have to do it.

DH and I went out last night - I watched him play hockey and we went to the hockey club quiz. Had a really nice evening.

Today is all about washing and tidying.. He is working so I want to crack on with it. Will do a roast lamb dinner tonight (DD only wanted white meat so we've been eating beef, pork and lots of fish).

Will read through your posts properly later as now feeling ok. Hope everyone is ok, and well done to the dropoff yesterday.

@crazycrofter just realised it was Friday night the girl was spiked and not last night. Hope she has fully recovered.

Morning all,
I have a y12 DD, I did try posting on the thread for her year a year or so ago but prefer this one, haven't looked at it again (can't find it now - which section is it in?). She has not started looking at unis or going to open days yet, DS started looking from around Easter of y12. She wants to study biological sciences of some form, will definitely need to start researching the options especially as she is less likely than DS to have a narrow geographical radius of home requirement.

@PhotoDad a friend's DS is just starting an engineering degree apprenticeship with a major airline, he has been set on this career since a young age and had to put a lot of effort into his applications, they are super competitive.

@icanbewhatiwant DS didn't have the option of biology due to not having any science A levels, this also ruled out a lot of environmental type courses, so the one he is on was a lucky find.

DS is getting a bit bored at weekends, the evenings are ok but he says there's no one around much during the day, either they are having mega lie-ins or going home. I can see him coming home fairly regularly. I have encouraged him to pop into the SU and see if there are any clubs that run at weekends. Failing that I might nudge him to the local hockey club - his timetable means he can't make most of the uni club training sessions unfortunately.

@heifer it happened at a club but I don’t know which one and I don’t think your dd was there - she seems to pace herself and not go out every night (unlike my dd!). Sorry you’ve had a rubbish week, it must be hard to let go of control/supporting but it’s great she’s trying to do things herself. And I’m sure she’ll ring you if she needs you!

@crazycrofter hope your DDs friend is okay. I bet they will be on high alert for spiking now.

My DDs first day was yesterday, she has made a few friends already and seems to be settling okay. She said it's a bit weird but I am sure she will settle down eventually.

The room was pretty basic but functional.

It is strange not having her about to be honest.

Thanks, @EerilyDevilled, we'll need to do some research!

@Heifer I know the feeling; you just want to help your child stay on top of things but it's seen as nagging, and tone of voice gets lost by text. Argh! Hope things improve.

I have enjoyed being on this thread. I think I've been on it a few years. Also the university one has been just as great (the year group who graduated this year) I think there are quite a few on here that are on both. Though most dc's have finished university so that thread has just about ended. I'd love a similar thread when ds3 gets to year 10 or 11. He is year 9. I know @Oblomov22 has a year 9 Ds and one other on here has a dd, I can't remember who it was. Maybe we could start a thread sometime. But I'd be disappointed if it wasn't friendly and non judgmental like this one. I can't believe some of the suff people say on mumsnet on some threads. I guess being anonymous people think they can say what they want.

@heifer I'm trying to back off from micro managing DS but it's so difficult. He's missed half of his induction stuff through being ill but hasn't been on Moodle to see what he needs to do. He let me log in to it and there is so much he needs to do by tomorrow morning. He hasn't seen a book list, never mind bought one and done the reading he needs to do before tomorrow. He hasn't paid his accomodation fees, only checked if his loan had arrived last night. He hasn't a clue when football trials are/were. He hasn't used the £35 on his meal card which will be wiped off today. He's not being very social due to not feeling well but I'm worried he isolating himself a bit. He's so disorganised it stresses me out but there's nothing I can do about it.

As for year 12's visiting uni's. DD had a firm list of uni's and degree course in year 11. The course had changed by year 12 and the uni choices are up in the air now in year 13. She's only done one proper open day (Kent and loved it) but we had a weekend in Aberystwyth ( loved the town, not the uni in reflection) and we had a walk round UEA (hated it, said it was depressing and she couldn't live there) And one of her predicted grades is below what she wants which is another spanner in the works. I'm not panicking yet 🤣

Just going back to tha heated airers - I didn't buy the cover with mine but have been putting a king sized fitted sheet over it and it makes a big difference, as does the way I load it up (drape items over two rails not one, only put smalls on the bottom shelf as it is cooler underneath it). I might buy the cover next time I get some Lakeland codes in the post as it would fit better

We had the opposite with Aberystwyth, oddly! The uni seemed very welcoming ( DS hated everything about it so this is me) and organised, but we both hated the town.

I liked UEA but it needs a bit of TLC.

Spiking is everywhere. DS1 was spiked in SU bar in St Andrews last year, thought it was because he was out with 6 girls and they were the targets, one of them appeared to have been spiked too. He managed to get home but cut himself badly, he was not sure how as had no memory of the event, thinks he must have been cutting wrist band off. He dripped so much blood around the shared bathroom (wrote sorry in blood on the mirror!) and hallway to his room that one of his neighbours called an ambulance and he was taken to A&E and given stitches. I knew nothing about it until he called and said "I'm OK now but....."

thanks @PhotoDad @mummyinbeds & @crazycrofter . I've decided not to help at all unless asked. DD got so much achieved without my help so although I would have done everything much sooner, she does get there. I can't leave her completely to herself yet though as she has a habit of asking for help right at the very last minute in a rush so it's useful if I know where to tell her to look/how to do it so basically doing some background work but not using it if she doesn't ask.

Interesting reading about electric airers as I was planning on getting one as I don't plan to have the heating on as much now it's just DH and I. But doesn't sound like such a good idea unless invest in ££ ones. Problem is that I was going to put the electric airer in DDs room with the door closed. I can't leave washing drying anywhere in the house as 1 of our dogs will get it down and chew it... I have used our tumble drier a lot previously but obviously don't want to do that now.

The other thing I was thinking about was airfryers. Is it really that expensive to cook the dinner in the oven or stove? anyone have a breakdown of costs? We will use the slow cooker more still wondering if it's worth buying an airfryer for just us 2? DD will be around in holidays for time being.

How else is anyone planning on cutting costs this winter? thought would be much welcome.

Sorry to hear about the hockey Heifer, I hope it turns out to be an admin thing.

It's only when I spend time on other threads that I realise how rare this one is for being so inclusive, supportive, un-braggy and non-judgemental. In short, lovely.

@Heifer im sorry to hear you had such a rough week, I hope things improve moving forward. 💐

@mummyinbeds I think sometimes it takes them a few weeks to realise they have to be more organised than they are —thinks back to my own start at university and not knowing where I was supposed to be or what I was supposed to be doing for weeks— once the course starts and he gets to know people they will have a tendency to remind each other, I hope so anyway as otherwise my DS will be in trouble!
I think the law footie trials were today, DS is going (even though he has no boots with him!) I don’t know when the ‘proper’ ones are but DS was put off because they sounded very intense and also cost a lot. He would be happy to have a more social football team.

@Monkey2001 😮😮 god it’s so worrying hearing about these incidents, thank god he was OK after all that.

Re cost cutting I have bought us a heated throw each, so planning on using those when working at home instead of heating the whole house. I might be overruled on that if they're not very good, haven't used them yet.

I honestly think I would be ok without much heating except these throws, a fire in the front room in the evening and a hot water bottle at night, but DD is already muttering.

We have kept the house fairly cold for global warming for some time now. DS2 is very eco-aware and would rather wear 3 jumpers than turn the heating on.

@Heifer Aldi are brilliant at returns, if you get one when they are in the shops and it does not work for you, you can return for no reason in first 30 days if you keep packaging.

We have electric fleeces and a sleeved robe with a heat pad on the front which are great when you are sitting still. I keep my coat on a lot in the winter!

We've turned down the heating, and we're putting stuff out to dry on the line in conditions where we would probably have used the dryer previously. Hope it all helps!

We have another lovely sunny day here so I have all the jeans out on the line. I’m praying for a mild winter!

singingstones, DH got a heated throw for his birthday last week and he loves it so much he's annoyed today because the weather isn't cold enough for it .

So that's one recommendation.

@JustHereWithMyPopcorn law footie - I don't think he knew about that. He's missed the main trials. This is the boy who used to be in a pre-academy squad, lived and breathed football, became a referee and then lost all his confidence when the other boys grew before he did.

@Heifer I need to follow your lead. I'll be on standby at 8.59 tomorrow when he realises he has two concurrent lectures and doesn't know where or what either of them are. It will take all my willpower not to phone him at 8 to check if he's awake